If You Hear Me, Let Me Know

by SolidFire

Sinking In

Sinking In

Steel lay in his bed and looked at the ceiling. He didn't cry. He hadn't cried since he hit Autumn the day before. He hadn't done anything since then. He hadn't eaten, he hadn't slept. He hadn't been awake. The last eighteen hours had passed by him in a blur. All he felt was... nothing. He didn't even feel empty. He didn't feel the dull ache of hunger in his stomach, he didn't feel his parched lips. He didn't feel the weight of his eyelids, begging to him to allow them to rest.

He didn't hear the gentle knocks at his door created by a concerned sister. He didn't notice her open the door and move to sit next to his bed. "Steel?"

Steel was surprised by her voice, but he didn't react.

"Steel, you have to get up. You've been laying in bed for the last eighteen hours. Here, drink something." Scootaloo lifted a cup of water to him. Steel turned his head, noticed how thirsty he was, and rolled back over.

"Steel, you have to drink. I'm not leaving if you don't."

Steel attempted to respond, but his dry throat wouldn't let him. He rolled over and took the water from Scootaloo. It didn't take long for him to chug it down. The dry muscles in his throat screamed in response, and he spewed about half the glass onto the floor. He then rolled back over and gave a muffled response to Scootaloo's presence.

"Go away." His voice was incredibly raspy. He would need more water to get his voice back to normal.

Scootaloo took another step towards Steel's bedside. She placed a hoof on his shoulder. "Steel, wallowing isn't going to fix your mistake. Neither will starving and dehydrating yourself. You need to get out of bed. You need to eat something."

"No, I don't. There's no place for me here."

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "Steel, you made a mistake. Yeah, it was a big mistake, but we still love you. There will always—"

"What if I hurt somepony else? What if I become what I was back there on the beach?"

Scootaloo gave a soft smile and gave him a gentle nuzzle. "The fact that you're so worried about it now tells me you'll never hit another pony again."

Steel rolled to face Scootaloo. "Are you sure?"

Scootaloo offered a warm smile. "I'm sure. Now get out of bed and get yourself something to eat and drink."

"I... okay." Steel slowly got out of bed. He winced as he stretched his cramped legs and wings. Scootaloo walked just behind him all the way to the kitchen.

"Where's Spitfire and Rainbow Dash?"

"Work. I told them I'd watch you while they're gone."

"Oh."

Scootaloo raised an eyebrow at Steel. "What's on your mind Steel?"

Steel stopped walking and faced Scootaloo. "I want to know more about my dad."

Scootaloo sighed. "Steel, we've told you everything there is to know."

"I just... I want to see something written. On paper. I don't care how bad it is anymore, I just want to know."

Scootaloo gave Steel a questioning look. "Are you sure?"

Steel lowered his head. "Yeah. I can't run from it anymore. I might as well just know everything."

"If you're absolutely sure after some food we can go to the guard station later today. But I don't want to bombard you with any more than you need right now."

"Alright." Steel made his way to the kitchen table and noticed there was already food ready for him.

"Scootaloo, did you make me dinner?"

"I'd never leave you hanging," Scootaloo said with a smile.

"Why?"

"We're family. We need to look out for each other."

Steel was astonished that his sister still cared enough about him enough to do that for him, Especially after the way he had treated her and his adoptive parents the last few days. His father would have punished him quite severely if he had been so short with him.

"But... I've been so horrible to you guys lately... to everypony... to Autumn..." Steel fought back tears as he vividly remembered his hoof finding purchase over her eye. It was strange...he couldn't even think of the action as something he did. It was as if somepony else had hit her with his hoof and he simply watched the event. He couldn't hold it in any longer. He fell to the floor and began to sob.

"Autumn... I'm so sorry... what did I do?"

Scootaloo knelt next to Steel. Her heart broke when she saw him. He wore that same defeated look he had seven years ago when Scootaloo had first wrapped her wing around him. She felt it would fit the moment to repeat that gesture.

"Steel, only you can decide how you let that affect you. You can let it weigh you down and leave you in this depressed state, or you can go talk to her and tell her everything you want her to hear from you."

Steel looked up at Scootaloo. His ears were still flopped down on the side of his head. He opened his mouth to speak and looked away again. "You make it sound so easy."

Scootaloo pulled him closer to her with her wing. "It's not going to be easy Steel. But that's the only way you'll get through this."

"What if I don't want to get through it?"

Scootaloo gave her brother a concerned look. "What do you mean?"

Steel managed to lower his head even more. "I hurt her. She did nothing wrong and I hit her in the face. I don't deserve to get through this."

Scootaloo pulled Steel even closer and rested her chin on his head as he started to cry again. "Steel, you're a good pony. You made a mistake, but you're no worse than anypony else on the planet. I know that, and so does Autumn."

"I hurt my own fillyfriend. How can I possibly be a good pony?"

"Steel, we bombarded you with information that changed almost everything you know about your own life over the course of a few days. That wasn't a good move on our part as your family, and for what it's worth I can't tell you how sorry I am. It's enough to cause anypony problems like you had. Honestly, I'm surprised you managed to keep it together as long as you did. We should have been better about spacing that out."

"You guys only told me two new things. Everything else is the same old story you've been telling me as long as I've lived with you guys."

Scootaloo gave Steel a gentle nuzzle. "I think somepony needs to hear my story."

Steel raised an eyebrow. "What story?"

Scootaloo stood and walked to the table. "The one I'll tell you over lunch."

---

"You still feel bad about what you did to Dad?"

"Yeah. I get this voice inside my head all the time. She makes sure I know how awful I am for what I did..." Scootaloo took a breath before continuing. She hated talking about her past, but right now her brother needed it. "Usually, I let her get to me. Inside, I know she's just me making myself feel bad, but I tend to forget that. Until the ponies that care about me help me see that even though I could have done things differently, I'm not as horrible as I make myself feel."

Steel looked away. "But if everything you're telling me is true, then Dad deserved what he got. Autumn didn't deserve what I did to her." Steel sighed. "I deserve what Dad got."

"Steel, don't ever say that." Scootaloo wasn't harsh with her words, but she was definitely firm. "Nopony deserves to be killed for anything, no matter what they did. Not even Jade. I made a mistake doing what I did to him. You made a mistake hitting Autumn. Don't make a bigger mistake by letting it get to your head."

"But I—"

"No buts Steel." Scootaloo softened her expression. "Tell you what. Today we're going to have a little brother-sister bonding time. Just you and me. What do you say?"

Steel looked up. "Can we talk more about Dad?"

"We can do that if we have time. But first there's a place I want to show you."

---

Scootaloo pulled ahead of Steel. Steel sped up to keep pace with her. Scootaloo grinned and pulled ahead of Steel again. Steel quickly figured out what was going on. He matched speed with his sister again. If there was one thing he loved, it was a good race.

"Oh, you want to try this with me, do you?" Steel yelled against the wind.

"Only if you're not scared to try me!" Scootaloo called back and sped up again.

"I'll leave you in my wake!" Steel folded his wings against his sides and angled down for a dive. Always a good way to increase his speed. Scootaloo followed suit. She knew she wasn't going to win the race, but if she was going to take his mind off the events of the last few days she had to at least give him a run for his bits. She began to worry when she noticed Steel dove below the recommended safe distance from the ground that all pegasus ponies were taught to abide by at the speeds they were currently flying.

Steel laughed as he spread his wings and leveled himself out so he was flying on a line that was parallel to the ground; the ground that was less than six feet below him. If he made even the smallest mistake at that elevation at the speed he was flying, he could find himself grounded for months at best.

"Steel, you really should pull up!" Scootaloo called out.

Steel laughed. "Why? So you can keep up with me?"

"So you don't hurt yourself!"

"Oh quit worrying. I'll be fine." Steel gracefully sped just above ground level. A pony came into view in front of him and he narrowly avoided impact by pulling up at the last moment. Steel laughed as he matched speed with Scootaloo again.

"Don't you EVER try that again! It's too dangerous!" Scootaloo yelled above the rushing wind.

"You say that as if I don't know what I'm doing," Steel called back with a laugh. "Now where's that place you want to show me?"

"Follow me. And stay a safe distance above ground this time."

---

"It's just a big empty clearing," Steel said. He was incredibly confused.

"That's what it is right now. What matters is what it was fifteen years ago."

"What was it fifteen years ago?"

Scootaloo looked up at the sky. "This is where our father put our house when we first moved to Ponyville. This is where my life started."

Steel looked in the sky with a faraway look on his face. "Dad said you ran away the day they left here. Is that true?"

Scootaloo sighed. "That's not entirely inaccurate, I guess," she started. "I would have run away if he hadn't kicked me out first."

"Why did he kick you out?"

"I refused to move with him again. I found a home here in Ponyville. I wasn't going to let him take it away."

"Ahh..." Steel looked at the ground.

"Are you starting to believe us now?" Scootaloo asked as she lowered her head to look at Steel.

"I don't know what to believe anymore... I guess I don't really care."

Steel turned and began to walk away. He felt a hoof on his shoulder. "Steel, of course you care. You need to know who you are. Right now I know you're confused, and—"

"Scootaloo, as much as I appreciate you trying to help me, I know what I am. I'm nothing but a monster." Before Scootaloo could react, Steel flew off into the afternoon sky.

---

Steel landed on the porch of his home. He sighed as he pushed the door open and headed inside. He trudged through the kitchen and made his way to his room. He didn't bother to close his door like he usually did. Instead, he opted to simply flop down on his bed. Again, numbness washed over him. He didn't feel, he didn't think.

Instead he opted to close his eyes and allow his tired body to be carried off into the world of dreams. Dreams where he wasn't a monster. Where he could live his life to the fullest and be as happy as everypony around him. Before he allowed sleep to take him over, he made sure to say four short words to himself.

"I hate you, Steel."

Comments

[Dragon Eye]

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF

[Astral Empyrean]

Moar? Good Fic, need moar. :D

[FUNNYCHICAGOFAN]

I never read the original so I was just wondering if anyone could help me about weather this is the furthest extent of the original story or if there is still more to come?

[SolidFire]

7763997
There is still a fair portion of this story left. I've just kinda fallen behind on editing and reformatting it.

~SolidFire

[FUNNYCHICAGOFAN]

7764739 Thank you, can't wait, this is by far my favorite series!

[dragenfire68]

7764739

2 years, i take its dead?