One day fluttershy gets mad about nothing and and try to make her friends feel bad too, so she gets depressed for no reason "and starts to go in for the kill" . But little did Fluttershy know that some pony was onto her and that some pony who notices it is Pinkie Pie !, will pinkie pie try to stop her before it's too late ? Or will it already be too late and will all of her friends start to get there feelings hurt , will pinkie try to figure it out .... or will she get her feelings hurt too? (Read at your own risk ! Im warning u) dont judge me its my first story and its hard to write long chaps. And im way smaller than u guys. Plus im realy sensitive... REVISING IN PROGRESS !!!! Some of the other charachters will come on later in the story :)
- Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 7th, 2012
fluttershyorpinkiepie
Hate math love mlp fim can talk three languages english , spanish, and british i love tv and music and alsolove to have fun
fluttershyorpinkiepie
Joined 19th Mar, 2012 ·
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Chapters (5)
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Ok first, these chapters are way to short.
...Feedback. Well, you asked for it.
I`m not going to mince words. This... is inexcusable. Atrocious, blundering foray into induced aneurysm.
I`d like to say something positive, but there`s nothing I could find about the story that would redeem it in any way. Mechanical execution - awful. Plot - stupor-inducing. Characterization - downright butchered.
In short... This sucks.
Failed trollfic. When you're going to pretend to write like an 8 year-old, keep your shit consistent, or at least find out how actual kids write.
encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ-gR5UTapgHMqlRqT_ZIwpNBQI_rFb8YdPjGApllM0qVp4tLSkPw
I can tell just from the description that this Fic is awful.
Go away.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
I love how you said at the end of each chapter (well almost) to give ideas and you won't be able to post more until later when you posted four on the same day so obviously they were written at once. I think either you're a troll or you are really a five year old. Well actually you can't be five because even a five year old wouldn't post four chapters all at once with all of the tags on it.
I'm done here.
Anypony got brain bleach?
I wish the gore scene had been better.... or good at all...
I will use this story as a vacuum because of how much it sucks and a leaf blower since it blows. Thanks for the new cleaing supplies!
Have a down vote.
Hmmmm. ... Needs to be a little improved.
342662 Thats a funny way to say wiped off the face of the earth
That was friggin' awful
. Learn to write before you press that "New Story" button.
Good day
how can there be a sapphire ruby? they are two different gems for crying out loud!
keep practicing, you'll get it eventually (maybe). just don't post until you are sure that your story is in good format. that is all.
img407.imageshack.us/img407/8884/sadbabyaj.jpg
My...my innocence....
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssss.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!1!
I would say something.... anything... but I plead the fifth, if I say anything, it will be bad. So... just.... improve... please...
I need to go and bleach my brain....
just... terrible.
You have a good story here but where are the caracters what are they doing. Add some more discription to what is going on if you want i would love to help.
I want to like this but before i do that it will have to get a bit better your almost there!
Thanks i realy appreciate ur help ! And i write horrible b/c im new at writing ... And i suck at writing alot of words i need to improve...;( but thanks i will revise and edit my story to make it more professional / better ! Your a great help
u give me hope and faith to go on
ill tell u when i make my story at least a bit better
don't worry dude you'll get better, the story wasn't that bad
The father of Time gasps seeing a lot of thumbs down. He looks in the comments and gasps again shock to see a lot of people post mean comments.
What the hell.
Come on at least point out errors then just straight say awful things. He/She is trying and doesn't deserve those kind of rude comments. 
Seriously respect the person who made a story. If you find something that you don't like about and wish to comment at least say it in a non offensive way that the author can hnadle and probably fix on.
Hey author its good that you are proof reading this. The father of time is proud that you have enough courage to keep on going with the story.
422506 Yay father!!! FLUTTERPIEROXS was getting sad by all the negativity here there is so much potential i see in this story. (well in most stories) Its sad when one isnt meeting it
. All this one needs is a few tweeks. Before you hit dislike say why and at least try to see the good in it.
I know I'm a girl and I'm 13 but thanks for
making me feel better
428944No problem.
A writer like you doesn't deserve that much hate. No one does. 
Ur too kind
aNd nice
There are alot more high school girls here then i thought we should make a club!!! (yes i am one of them)
Yay club !!!
im in middle school 
but ima go to high school in 2 months :D
This wasn't as bad as the thumbs down suggests, but there is something that strikes me as strange. Rarity, while being self absorbed and needy, isn't somepony that I can see telling somepony that something they love is not as important as her own passion, but it's your story. Gonna see where the next part leads.
Is it strange that I'm worried more about the drowning fly than Fluttershy's impending rampage?
Um, I have to agree with, Charavath, and say that the gore scene was too short. There wasn't enough detail. Rarity should have made some attempt to defend herself. Even if she's terrified, self-preservation forces those in life and death situations to fight back, or claw their way out.
On a side note, it's spelled, 'mane' not 'main'.
Knowing Pinkie, she wouldn't just leave, especially after seeing all the blood loss. The line, I hope you get better soon ...!, made me laugh for some reason. It's almost as though I thought she could have added, "I hope you brutal mauling keeps you from my next party!"
The end confused me too. Did it switch to Fluttershy, or is Pinkie out for revenge as well?
From here, though I could be wrong, I can see two possible endings, both being letters to Celestia. The first being a somber learned lesson that an eye for an eye will make the world blind, and the other being Twilight writing a blood letter to the princess saying that all her friends are bucking insane!
Hehe. Srry.I forgot my password but im back. I promise ill fix my story as soon as possible !
thank you