The Best Idea We've Ever Had

by Embershade

Welcome to Canterlot!

Synthesizer hadn't been this happy in her entire life- She'd spent twenty-one years as a human (a human male, to be precise) and she'd never been as happy as she was now, sitting in a comfortable carriage as a mare. She looked away from the window and took in the far-more-beautiful vista that she shared the carriage with. Well, cute fit them better. Octavia sitting straight and proper, as usual, with her eyes closed and her breath coming steadily. Vinyl slumped chaotically against her, one leg thrown around the gray pony's shoulders and her snoring face buried in her marefriend's mane. Synthesizer had been thrilled when the two had agreed to take her with them to Canterlot- not only would she not lose her new friends, but she might get an extra chance to woo one or (preferably) both of them. For the moment, though, she was content to watch the adorable couple's personalities clash even in their sleep and relax. She thought back to when she'd gone by SugarCube corner to tell Herb her plans to go to Canterlot. She'd shown up to find Pinkie and Herb squished into a booth together with a large bag filled with suspicious merchandise and plotting grins on their faces. Herb had smiled knowingly when Synth explained her plans, while Pinkie had given her a hug and wished her the best of luck in big ol' Canterlot.

Synth's heart ached a little bit at having left her lifelong friend behind in an unfamiliar place, but she knew she wouldn't have been happy if she'd stayed. No, her place at the moment was here. She would go to Canterlot, pursuing romance and her fortune. She took a moment to consider what she'd be doing right now if she'd never come up with her plan to enter Equestria- probably sitting in her old apartment, watching the ponies on her screen and wishing she were here. She brightened visibly as Vinyl stirred, snorting and taking a moment to untangle her mane from Octavia's before stretching her forelegs out wide and grabbing a bottle of Sweet Tea from the cooler with her magic and taking a long drink. She turned to flash her mischievous grin at Synth before reaching over and, ever so gently, tying the end of Octavia's tail to the end of her mane. She made shushing motions with her hoof and gestured for Synth to lay down before settling down herself and pretending to be asleep against the wall of the carriage. They laid that way for what seemed an eternity, pretending to be asleep and waiting for the seemingly-comatose Cellist to wake up. Eventually, she woke up and yawned, stretching out almost as much as Vinyl had.

She leaned down, going to grasp a bottle of tea in her mouth, and felt a sharp pain as her tail was pulled. She spun around, terrified that some awful pony had snuck into their carriage and was now harassing her- Sure, the thought was ridiculous, seeing as the Carriage was hundreds of feet in the air, but she had just woken up. When she saw noone and heard nothing but a snort from Vinyl- a barely concealed laugh- she turned and, again went for the tea only to feel a sharp twinge from her behind. Vinyl couldn't conceal the laugh that bubbled up this time as Octavia spun so fast that she toppled to the floor in a dizzy mess. Before long, both Synth and Vinyl were doubled over, laughing so hard it felt as if their guts were going to burst. Octavia growled, pouncing on Vinyl and pinning her to the ground.

"Vinyl Scratch!" She said, her tone sharp and reprimanding and a look of severe annoyance in her eyes. "Fix whatever you did immediately!" The fiery musician demanded, and for once the DJ pony obeyed the first time. She reached around and yanked the weak spot in the knot, allowing Octavia's now ruffled mane and tail to fall free. The Cellist huffed angrily and went back to her seat, having finally gotten her tea, and glared at the other two ponies in the carriage, alternating between the two of them regularly, as if she thought that they'd do something if she looked away too long. Well, Synth mused, Vinyl might, regardless of whether or not I'm here. She blushed at the thought, a few rather sordid ideas rolling through her head- she shook her head and stopped herself before she could get too far, because she knew her imagination could get quite intense. Suddenly, all three were jostled as the carriage came to a rough landing, announcing their arrival in Canterlot. Growing giddy with eagerness, Synthesizer stuck her head out the window for her first view of the grand capitol of Equestria.

The streets were quiet and empty, doors were barred and shutters were closed, despite the warm weather. An eerie wind groaned down the streets of Canterlot, making the hairs on the back of Synth's neck bristle uncomfortably. She tossed a questioning glance at her two companions, who seemed just as confused and uncomfortable. As they hopped down and out of the carriage, they were approached by a short and rather fussy young stallion in an ugly tweed jacket. He smiled at them apologetically, as if he knew what an eyesore he was, before handing Octavia (the obvious leader of the group) a small pamphlet.

"I'm so sorry to bother you, ladies, but on authority of Celestia I am required to give you this and inform you that a murderer is stalking the streets of our fair city." He said quickly, as if to get the unpleasant words out of his mouth as quickly as he could. He eyed Synthesizer, his eyes kind and concerned. "You especially, Madame Pegasus. Whoever this murderer is, they have a taste for Pegasi." He added, and Synth's companions shared a worried look. He bade them a good afternoon and hurried back to his office, doing his best to keep a dignified manner as he went.

Vinyl and Octavia shared a worried look before moving up to stand on either side of Synth, boxing her in protectively as they left the landing field and set off for their apartment. Octavia half-heartedly pointed out Canterlot landmarks, about which Vinyl cracked poor jokes, in hope of lightening the mood. She failed miserably, but that didn’t stop Synth from feeling better anyway- though things were grim, it was the way of Equestria for everything to be all right in the end. Though, She thought to herself, Merely the existence of any murderer here has already broken that rule. Before long, the three arrived at Octavia’s apartment- a tall, posh-looking building with a rustic facade. Inside, the building was ultra-modern with a wide open lobby and grand windows that went from the floor to the ceiling, letting in many delicious rays of sunlight. A green-and-white pegasus mare sat behind the desk, nervousness plain on her face. She did her best to smile politely at them as they walked past her to the elevator, but her nerves made it seem more akin to a pained grimace than a smile. They smiled back and Synth even gave her a little wave just before the elevator door shut. As they rode, Octavia read the pamphlet that the nervous stallion had handed her aloud.

Attention, Citizens of Canterlot!

In the past two weeks, a string of murders and assaults have plagued the streets of our glorious city. Little is known about the circumstances of the murders, but the Canterlot Guard have revealed that all of the victims have been Pegasi. According to this reporter’s sources, the only real wounds beyond superficial bruises were the total removal of the victim’s wings. Due to this, many have started referring to this foul fiend as “The Clipper”. Most of the Pegasi accosted by the murderer died of shock rather than their wounds. The handful of survivors are, as of this report, mentally incapable of providing details of their ordeal. On behalf of Princess Celestia and the Royal Guard, it is requested that all citizens remain in their homes during the HOURS OF DARKNESS.

Sincerely,
Scoop Snoop
Investigative Reporter

The three looked at each other with horror- everypony knew that the wings were the most sensitive part of a Pegasus’s body, so the removal of one’s wings would be irrevocably traumatizing, if not fatal. They walked to the apartment in a grim silence- that is, until Synth saw the inside of it and gasped. The apartment, while small, looked extremely expensive and classy. Soft white carpet on the floor, walls painted a softer ivory color, and expensive-looking polished wooden furniture. The only thing that marred the image were the sings of Vinyl’s presence in the apartment- dirty clothes tossed carelessly over couches, a pile of musical equipment against one of the walls, and a few crumpled chocolate wrappers scattered around the living room. Though she could hear Octavia reprimanding Vinyl about the mess, Synth found that it made it seem more alive. Homey. She turned around and gave the two an appreciative grin.

“Nice place.’ She said, trying to convey all her feelings about the place into those two words. She must have succeeded, because Vinyl gave a cheesy grin and Octavia flashed a rare smile before trotting off to the kitchen to make tea. Vinyl clambered over the back of the couch and sprawled out on it, flipping on a radio with her magic as she did so. Grinning slightly to herself, she hopped up next to the unicorn and settled down, nodding her head to the beat of the song that started streaming out of the many speakers Vinyl had arrayed around the room.

After a moment or two of the head-nodding duet, Vinyl leaned over and hollered over the thudding base of the song. “So, I’ve got a gig tonight at a bar downtown. You wanna come? I could always use someone to help me out on stage.” The Unicorn said, and Synth smiled and nodded enthusiastically enough to make her almost lose her balance.

“Yes, I’d love to!”

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Dodging from shadow to shadow, The Clipper followed the nervous pegasus silently, reveling in the thrill of the hunt. She watched the lonely mare carefully, taking note of her every movement and every little twitch her extremities made, watching for the signs of a guard trap. She cheered silently to herself as the silly green-and-white pegasus made a turn down a darkened alley and followed, picking up her speed so that she’d be able to catch up before her prey exited the other side. The Clipper jumped and delivered a sound kick to the spine of her quarry, causing her to give a stunned yelp as she crumpled to the ground, momentarily stunned. Pressing her advantage, the hunter grabbed a damp cloth from her saddlebag and held it over the defenseless mare’s face, subduing her struggles and putting her to sleep.

After a few extra moments to ensure that the pegasus wasn’t faking, she tossed the cloth aside and reached again into her saddlebag, this time pulling out a few select tools- A small and delicate scalpel, a pair of tongs specially fitted to be operated by a pony’s mouth, and a large plastic bag with a tight seal. She hummed a little tune to herself as she set to work, making small incisions at all the toughest tendons holding the mare’s wings to her body. She tossed the blade aside, grabbed the tongs, and grabbed the wing just above where it connected to her back. The Clipper pulled gently but firmly, slowly breaking the remaining bits of skin and muscle holding the wing to her side. She repeated the process on the other side, then folded the wings and slid them gently into the bag. She took a disinfectant and sprayed it liberally over where the mare’s wings had been, then gently bandaged her up, covering the wounds with both care and professionalism. She caught sight of a pamphlet plastered against the wall while she was throwing a small blanket over the mare’s back and scoffed at the words.

Murderer? That’s totally uncalled for. They were perfectly alive when I left them. She complained internally, nuzzling the mare affectionately before trotting down the alley and back onto the street, humming a cheerful tune all the while. What’s on my agenda for tonight? Oh, yes. Gotta meet with the guys in an hour, then there’s Scratch’s show at Fillyfools. She mused, making her way home to get cleaned up and store her latest acquisitions.

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Herb was having a very good day, indeed. She’d spent the majority of the afternoon playing pranks with Dash and Pinkie, and then gone on to secure lodging for her stay in Ponyville- by rooming with Pinkie at Sugarcube Corner. From there, she’d spent most of the evening chatting idly with the party pony and indulging on innumerable sweets- all fed to her by Pinkie Pie, of course. Where before Herb had simply enjoyed Pinkie’s madness and love for partying, she now was enamored with it- with everything about the pink earth pony, to be honest. From her ever-cheerful demeanor to her hot flank, Herb was drawn to the exuberant pink mare in every way she could think of. The chronic pony was snapped out of her thoughts by the feeling of a hoof prodding her shoulder.

“Hellooo~?” A familiar bubbly voice called, and Herb blinked and turned to focus on the source. She blinked again when she realized that the sun was now well below the horizon- she hadn’t realized that she was sleeping. “Equestria to Herb!” The cheerful voice continued, prompting the hoof to prod again.

“Sorry, Pinkie. I’m up.” She said, punctuating the sentence with a wide yawn. “I miss anything interesting?” The chronic unicorn asked, rubbing the side of her head gently with a hoof.

The pink pony shook her head, giggling. “Nopey dopey, I just thought that you’d be really uncomfortable if you slept the whole night on this bench.” She said, gesturing to the piece of hard metal furniture that Herb was sprawled out on- and indeed, the green mare was already starting to feel a little sore.

She stood and stretched, loosening up her muscles just enough to be able to move, but not enough to wake herself up entirely. “Okay, Pinkie... Where’m I gonna sleep tonight?” She asked, dragging her hooves as she followed the ever-bouncing pony.

Pinkie said nothing til they reached her rooms. She pointed a hoof to a ridiculously-comfortable looking couch and smiled brightly. “Right over there on my comfy-couch six-thousand!” She said, tossing a pillow and blanket onto the cushions and bouncing off toward her room. “Good night, Herbie! I’ll see you in the morning- so be ready for fun!”

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Celestia slammed a hoof against the table, knocking over the chess pieces and staggering the angry imp that was violently assaulting said chess pieces. “For the last time, Discord, you cannot win the game by having an Imp throw my pieces off the board!” She growled, glaring at the chaos lord that was now doubled over in laughter.

“But, by Celestia, this game is so boring.” Discord complained, again holding up a bottle of Apple Cider. “What was the reason we can’t play a drinking game, again?” He asked, waving the bottle tantalizingly in her face

The sun princess brushed it aside, nearly knocking it onto the floor. “Because I don’t trust you, Discord.” She said simply, setting all the chess pieces straight and banishing the imp with a single flash of her horn. “Now, shall we start again?” She asked, causing the Draconequus to slump over in defeat.

He shook his head and took a long draught of his cider. “No, Celestia. Are you trying to punish me for my actions? Because this is cruel and unusual.” He complained once more, getting up out of his chair and banging his head against the wall.

The Sun Princess grinned, raising an eyebrow in a taunting manner.

“You mad, Discord?”

Comments

[Gigabyte]

Umad?

[Literature]

I like this ship!

[Embershade]

366160 Which ship? I haven't really cemented any ships yet.

[Literature]

366263 That was a quote from scottie in StarTrek... I meant that this is awesome and i love it -_-

[Embershade]

366373 *palm meets face* I should've remembered that one- I remember laughing my ass off at that part. My bad, bro, and thanks for the support, hehe.

[Literature]

367690 No problem. I am easily the most tolerant person in my school. Except when I see people bullying others. Then I freak out.

[Hemi-PoweredDrone]

When's the next update coming out?

[Embershade]

409650 Not gonna lie, the next update's being a bit of a bitch. Until I either; A: Overcome my Writer's Block or B: Get a sudden burst of inspiration, there's no telling when I'll have it ready. Not to mention that I'm being forced to help out with a friend's project, because she, too, is in a perpetual state of writer's block.

So, chances are, any updates will be after Easter, at the earliest.