The story takes place when Skyrider was just a young colt. It is about how he feels when he lifts himself with his own wings for the very first time in the sky and the challenges that he has to face about being a pegasus. This is a simple (part 1) story of his early life, and there will be unforeseen events in the future (part 2 and so on) that would change the way he sees the sky forever.
Author's name : Aaron
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Be careful not to repeat words too many times and substitute them whenever possible. Like instead of crazy imaginings, you can say crazy fantasies.
The second paragraph as well, you are elaborating something that does not need to be elaborated so many times. The first and second sentences of the second paragraph could be combined into one as they mean the same thing but with the second one with a bit more elaboration. Small mistakes here and there too where I'm quite sure you'll be able to spot it if you read it through your story a couple more times.
Keep it up
Asdfasddggh man errors galore, but I'm afraid it will kill me to point them all out to you.
Pointers: You could do well with less narration of the story and more... Showing the story. Also, to write efficiently is best; not too long, and yet not too short. Concise, yet detailed at the same time.
E.g.
Can be re written as:
Comparing the two sentences you and I have, my one does the same thing, but shorter (and neater too. I personally discourage the x to y to z thing). In the second sentence, instead of telling us he almost wants to give up, because frankly, no one does when plunging to your death, you could talk about why he feels that way. When writing characters, you should feel or imagine that character, write how (and not what) he feels, and try to achieve that. If you can't convince the feeling to yourself and have to type it out (aka he's sad instead of "He frowned."), it dis-interests and disengages the re readers. Just imagine every part of your character, from his face to his hooves, wings, etc
Edit: The reason why I further edited that was just to show you what I meant. If fear was the goal of those few sentences, I would try to make him helpless. Screams helps too :3 (UNLESS it's not what your character does. If he swears and fall, that's his character then lol) Just think "Oh shit he's falling."
O.o.. I personally don't like the ending. His dad tried to get him killed instead of waiting for the storm to settle. A pep talk kills his fear, and in the end, his dad still saves him. Then he goes home, happily ever after, about how dedicated he is at flying. If this oc isn't a future wonderbolt or aerialist (because at this stage, we don't know), then he really doesn't deserve to live lol (Dude, thunderstorms are scary, ESPECIALLY when you're flying through it. Also, lightning just doesn't take its time to strike you so you can dodge them, and it doesn't go straight down.) Was kinda hoping he crashed, but refuses to let the crash hurt his dreams, but hey, this is your oc, your story xD