The New Bearer

by Infinty Blade Brony

Info on Sabre

A lot of pony's have been asking so I'll answer the questions on my abilities and such.
1. Backstory
I was born in Canterlot into a family of earth pony's. At 17 I joined the guard, and I got my cutiemark there.
2. Strengths and weaknesses
I am very adept at spells that turn magic into a solid form condensed around my horn. I cannot use ranged weapons else I risk draining myself completely in one shot. If a spell that targets my mind is used I'm not effected by it, but my magic becomes in active for a while. I can't handle loosing friends/family if I do I either.
A. Go berserk or.
B. Black out.
3. Fears
I HATE spiders with all of my being.

Look
Dark black mane
Tanish/brown fur
Unicorn
My cutiemark is crossed purple swords
My magic, and eyes are purple.

Hope this helped.

Author's Note:

Hope that answered some of your questions.

Comments

[Aaronmaster2007]

Ummmm....remind me not to let him see the friendly yet deadly giant spiders in my Equestrias Everfree Forest any time soon. They don't take kindly to being hated.

[Infinty Blade Brony]

3874655 no one for now twilight is keeping it in her library. Sabre wouldn't take it he doesn't loot his friends.

[Infinty Blade Brony]

3874659 note taken.

[Infinty Blade Brony]

3874370 she was blinded by revenge. Give her some time to think and she'd be upset.

[Aaronmaster2007]

3874774 I'm kinda hoping you do another story to show the new Element Of Honesty. Still it was sad to see AJ get killed off yet expected kinda.

[apple shock]

Comment posted by apple shock deleted at 6:28am on the 1st of February, 2014

Congrats, you can delete my comments. How about actually listening to me next time.

[Professor Donger]

Can this bitch cook and clean? Is he good with technology? Is he a woman?

[Infinty Blade Brony]

3908766 yes,no,no

[AceCombat101fan]

3872080 I like your story.  Why does it have down votes?

[AceCombat101fan]

3872080 I like your story.  Why does it have down votes?

[AceCombat101fan]

3872080 I like your story.  Why does it have down votes?

[AceCombat101fan]

3872080 I like your story.  Why does it have down votes?

[KaBar42]

3861631

Your universe, your rules can't ignore certain things established in canon.

[Polyblankis]

Oh boy.

This is a proper review, and by deleting it you decrease your chances of improving on future works. Oh, and it'd be really rude, so please don't.

Now, I'm going to begin by giving this simple advice. Read a writing guide. While in most reviews I wouldn't suggest this, I suggest it to you because your writing lacks a few core rules. It's not the worst I've seen, But you will find your work is massively increased in popularity/Quality after that. Now, let's dive right in shall we? Let's start with your synopsis.

After Rainbow Dashes death at the "Rainbow Factory" incedent I was given her element, and a task to protect Ponyville at all costs. As the Changeling army threatens the town I must confront it. I will either win the fight or die trying! But three ponies aren't going to let me die on there watch!
(Sequel to The Shining Sabre)
Slendermare is making a fic that is a continuation to mine soon check it out

Rainbow Dash's
Incident
Rainbow factory should have no quotations.

A few grammar problems already. Making sure your synopsis is coherent and that it makes sense is incredibly important for attracting readers and increasing your upvotes.
Now for the actual story.

And we would all like to thank the towns new Protector for saving the town, and saving the fillies and colts from the factory!

Grammar: The town's, because the protect belongs to the town.

you do not put , with and because they are considered to have the same role. for instance, I had butter and milk and bread for breakfast, or I had butter, milk and bread for breakfast. don't put them together, and use them when appropriate.

It would be my honor to bestow the Element of Loyalty to Celestial Sabre for the time being until we find a more permanent holder."

there should be a comma between being and until, otherwise pretty good on the comma front. On a different note, Celestial Sabre is a rather cliche name, But we'll see how it works.

said the mayor in the ceremony after the incident at "The Rainbow Factory" Princess Celestia said it would be a good idea to put guards in Ponyville in case something like that were to happen again.

Capital lettering please.
Celestia had said, because this is past tense.

Note that your paragraphs need working, they should only be paragraphed if a chunk of information has been completed, and they should have a complete space between them.

Well anyway I was appointed Protector or head guard of Ponyville, and temporary holder of the Element of Loyalty while they looked for a replacement. Because of this I was given armor with a small lightning imprint in the chest to hold the element.

Well should have a comma before anyway.
This is a plot problem. The elements of harmony can only be harbored by those who are specifically loyal, kind, etc. Considering you have applied the AU tag, I can pass this off, but it's a rather strange choice that even in an AU, should have explanation behind it.

But I must say it was a beautiful day today the grass was green, the sky was blue and calm, and most importantly the happy crowds that now didn't have to fear that their foals would be taken again! Well about a week later I was staying in a grey pegasus mares home her name was Ditzy Doo she said. "So how's your stay been mister Sabre?" she asked I've been here a week she let me live here while barracks were being built and I helped around the house a bit cleaned weeded the garden you know those kinds of things.

Comas seem to be your main problem. I could go on further about this, but I think I'd like to see that my efforts are actually used.