• Member Since 20th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen Wednesday

BusterBuizel


Amateur Brony Analyst, Pokemaniac, Military Expert, Gamer, Writer, and Fanboy. Specialized in Sci Fi and Action fan fictions.

Sequels1

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Ever since pony kind looked up into the stars we always wondered, are we truly alone in the universe? What wonders, what exciting new discoveries remain untouched by our hooves? Whenever I was lonely, I'd look up at the stars as a flew on. I'd fly higher and higher, reaching for the stars, only to have my breath cut short by the thin oxygen in the higher atmosphere. I've dreamed of someday venturing to the stars...

Then, one day, the stars came to us...

Chapters (18)
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Comments ( 48 )

I reveiw chapter by chapter, so each post may not reflect the whole story.

[Launch Day]

“Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Drop the bass!” the three stage booster rockets ignite and we are met with the full G force as the rocket accelerated to launch velocity. Seven stripes of rainbow smoke graced the sky as the world watched in baited breath. Our rockets sailed into the sky flawlessly and our ships rendezvoused in orbit.

Do your ships use Bass canons as rocket boosters, or is this just Vinyl Scratch being herself?:rainbowhuh:

“Good bye Equestria! We will return one day, I promise!” I radioed out to Derpy. Our ships formed up and our navigation systems linked to the lead ship of A n Twi.

I didn't notice on DeviantART, but you used my ship name!:yay:

There are a few grammar mistakes, but I will leave that to someone else. I focus on story structure.:raritywink:

There's not much to nitpick here. You are very good!:raritystarry:

[Day 7]:rainbowdetermined2:

“Digi, what in Celestia's name is it now? I swear if you and Pinkie sing another bucking Singing Telegram I am gonna lose it,” I cupped my hooves to my face and slid them down the length of my snout.

On long space flights, keep Pinkie AWAY from the radio.:rainbowlaugh:

As pegasi we simply just flew over the saws and claimed our prize...

So... the aliens didn't think single person flight was possible?:ajbemused:

Other than that, No real problems so far...

3828129 Our ships use bass rockets
Yes I I love the sound of A n Twi
I usually have a proof-reader but he doesn't like pony
HERPY GOOD

3829901 would be funny if he got one of the cords wrong and they ended up on the level 5 planet above the normal one:pinkiecrazy:

3874891 The unupgraded ship navigation won't allow them to land on it (Like how you can't land on some planets). They'd need a Starmap Mk. 2 Upgrade.

By the way: if you haven't noticed already I am one of the sprite artists for the actual Pony Modpack for Starbound. Here's the thread and download if you guys want it!: http://community.playstarbound.com/index.php?resources/the-pony-modpack.1775/

What is with all the XCOM references? I LOVE IT! :pinkiehappy:

4401688 SHHHHH! I had to do something for squad play you know!

4401734 I have this game and you must do this, you make a very scary looking monster, have it approach them and when they are about faint in fear it is friendly and says very badly the word 'Friends'. Their reaction would be so hilarious.

4401834 Problem, they'd shoot first ask questions later after the last chapter :raritywink:

4401902 Unless it very quietly snuck up on them like so many times it happened to me while I am mining in the bowls of the planet

4401982 The truth for basically the wild animals in the game right? :rainbowlaugh:

GAH so many com refrences

4413329 Don't worry, they'll taper off once the colony gets bigger.

Now mods?

4428847 But of course! The fan fic IS based off the Pony Mod Pack and the Avali race mod is 100% compatible with the newest version.

What about the avian and glitch?

4446068 Chapter 7/Day 12 for the Avians. Glitch are coming later in the story so hold on tight!

4446287 yeah i read those chapters, but the avali didn't said anything about the avians in the last chapter, so i guess the ponies don't really know anything about them

Sorry, but this is too messed up for me...

4559754 How so? Please elaborate so I may correct it

4559862 [WARNING!!! WALL OF TEXT AHEAD]
Well... i find many gaps that trouble me, like:

Starbound Crossover?:
Ok, i don't find a problem in something like adding Avali, Peglaci, Chocobo or any mod for starbound, but you can't just throw Star Citizen in like nothing, what's next? Necromorphs?.
You see, i have my own fanfiction (but i don't write it... I draw it! and with necromorphs! :yay:) and i know sometimes you find something you would like to "borrow" but you can't do it something like this that easily when you're writing a story that other people will read (but there is no proble with references of course...), For example: You're Kkat and you're making Fallout Equestria, and suddently you think it would be great to add aliens because it is canon in all Fallout games (not mentioning the alien blaster and alien energy cell are canon in FoE) and you want something different, so you add the Covenant from Halo because you thought it would be great!, well then you're wrong... because it isn't Fallout Equestria anymore, now it is a Fallout/Halo/MLP crossover and that changes everything in the damn story.
If you want to make a fanfiction with more than 1 crossover you have to write it in the story description or at least make an author note in the chapter before you add it, Example:

Hey guys, i got a Alpha access to Flagship (yes it is a game), and i was eating when i thought, what if Dr. Bright Light got kidnapped and the next chapter takes place in the capital ship? the story already has Galaxy on Fire, Sins of a Solar Empire, why not add some more Laser guns and Space ships?

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!, I was thinking what if we add some Harry potter? Do you think it could fit good in the future? Let me know in the comments below!

Development and Continuity:
I must say that i dislike how first they're going to space and in little more than a year they are so advanced, the ponies use magic and adapt it to basic technology, infact their magic their "technology", and since the start of everything the development and perfection of science and technology takes years, decades, and centuries, according to the avali lore it took them nearly a millenia to be starbound even with the initial help from a superior race... and suddently the ponies are one of the most advanced begins in space?, if i recall correctly when they find octavia and vinyl scratch octavia says: "A lot has changed in Equestria after you've been gone.”... just after 76 days?, it doesn't make anysense that they have new weapons, transports, or anything in that lenght of time, and socially? i don't think they have a whole new civilization so fast (also that they don't act like ponies, i will put that on characters), and even with the "applelosa ponies that built a town in a week" they can't built a superpopulated-metropolis so fast like in the latest chapter, and also they act like the chapter 226 was just yesterday from 348, and it feels so weird, like nothing happened from one day to another in some cases. For Example: [FoE Spoilers] Littlepip blames herself for the death of Steelhoves for a lot of time and Blackjack [FoE:PH] blames herself for every damn bad thing that happens and never forgets it to the point to being selfdestructive.
The continuity just feels weird in the story (not counting that is day 89 and the next chapter is day 923)
Also you drop the things so fast... *Finds Avians, 300 days... the avians just disappeared out of nowhere, Finds Avali Military, Ally them, They desmaterialized from existence by a unknow force to never be seen again*, i know they will appear in the future but because you make a chapter about one day and the next is the next month it feels like they're forgotten forever when is supposed they just contacted them.
And of course the "Dark", since you only killed a character and killed two babys only to revive them later (even though one didn't died), and killed a lot of non-important ponies, i feel like you should add more "Dark", or write in the description that it is only slightly "Dark" (for example there are dark stories that are 100% dark like "Death Note: Equestria" that keep the style, and dark stories that should be tagged as "F*cking Sickly Insane" like "A Fun Day!" [i regret reading that story])

Chapters:
This is something minor, you see... i don't know how to explain it (english is not my native language),look: they're in a battle in a planet and then 100 words later they're in a diplomatical mission on earth and that's confusing, like in Day 350 you just wrote "-Day 351:" and that helps to make sense of time, but when there is an important change of time, scenario, or situation i think you should use something like this like the other authors:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Characters:
The canon characters feel a bit off, but even more, the whole pony species feel off, what i'm trying to say is that they don't feel like ponies anymore, i know you have your other story "Skies of Harmony" that is like the WW2 but even if their recent wars were awful, they feel more human than pony.
-Pony: Maybe more than a thousand years of peace and harmony, friendly by nature, according to many succesful human-pony crossovers they dislike war and violence, hence they are out of shape when it comes to war.
-Human: Human definition of peace is lack of war and hostilities for a determinated time. cautious and curious by nature, hence the humans are caracterized for a cycle: ...--> Scientific breakthrough, --> War (increased budget for weapons and research) --> Weaponized Discovery --> New Scientific breakthrough --> ... , Uses Science to occasionally make new and better weapons, Military research never ends, Wars since start of human story, Not a century without at least 1 war.
Wow, that's a lot of differences right... so it doesn't makes sense that ponies are so aggresively and have so many weapons so fast, i can't explain it right but they just feel off.For Example: FoE (yes!, i love Fallout Equestria) is so succesful because they live in an post-apocalyptic world after the worst war in story and the characters still feeling like ponies, it's not just a "let's add some ponies to an apocalyptic scenario and forget all the background story behind it".
And when coming to the OCs, a few times they feel like the same, and is hard to difference them, (anyways, i know is hard to make many OCs and keep them with unique personalities, and i know is even more hard make a character from someone else be always in-character)
heck, i have 13 OCs all of them already ilustrated (one great think about drawing both in pc and in real world is that you don't have to tell someone to do a commision) buuut not all of them have a very deep story, even with my more developed OC i'm at least half way of this "character template".

Pre-Reader:

All great stories have always pre-readers, i don't know if you have one, because as an traditional artist i know there is always something that you forget, is missing or could be improved.
And of course writing is an art, and like every art, there is always something that could be best, and that's why there are the pre-readers, reviewers and critiques, to tell us what errors we're doing and what we can do about it to make it even better!:pinkiehappy:.



I hope my point of view helped you :twilightsheepish:

(Damn 2 hours writing this...:pinkiegasp:, ok i will never write fanfiction:rainbowderp:)
(Also sorry for my grammar, typos, etc. my native language is spanish)

4562154

WARNING: EQUALLY LARGE WALL OF TEXT:

Starbound 15 Notes:

-Answer to Starbound Crossover Section:
Chill with the the Star Citizen reference. It's only for A FEW chapters and I wanted to give each race a unique military flavor by just using things that make sense for their race. I know it's out of context for Starbound for this story to expand into wide open space warfare but I don't really have much choice with an ever expanding list of characters and Equestria being the space empire it has become. Plus I already had a few XCOM references in the past and nopony bitched about that. Remember that references are just that: references. Besides this is Starbound we are talking about, a game filled with so many memes, subliminal messages, hidden items, and even breaks the forth wall with one of its items (being a Starbound Arcade Machine). I laugh to myself how many inside jokes they put into the vanilla game that really NOTHING is out of bounds for well... STARBOUND! :pinkiehappy:

-Answer to Development and Continuity:
In regards to the Avali: please note that the Avali themselves WERE AT ODDS with their benefactors and that so called “Superior Race” was trying to wipe them out from the get go. Not only that the nomadic nature of the species kinda halts technological advancement when ideas can't be shared instantly. So of course it would take them a millennium to advance into a space faring race. Equestria did expanded into space BECAUSE they were in desperate need for resources after three bloody wars. Not to mention that it's a good morale booster for the world over, the USA did the same thing in real life by sending Neil Armstrong to the moon during the Cold War to get the people off their minds on the ever looming threat of Soviet nuclear arms. Which is why I had the ponies tech level a mix of a retro-futuristic Cold War era technology. And really who can really judge want magic is capable of? Sometimes I just have to turn off my brain and say “screw it, magic” to pump out chapters I deem good enough to publish. I want to keep a semi-rigid schedule so fans like you can keep coming back. I have had past experiences where I had a good story but never followed up on its success by posting new chapters frequently.

The continuity is more of a victim of circumstance. If I were to write EVERY SINGLE DAY we wouldn't be going anywhere. It'd bog down into “Kim cooked a pie on Day 200” and “AntonyC washed his space ship on Day 203” type things so trivial it really adds nothing productive. Also in regards to the threat level one planet Avian pirates: How many times do YOU visit them after expanding past iron tier? It doesn't make sense game wise to revisit a merchant that sells inferior weapons by this point. Oh and the Avali will come back again, which is why I am having Equestria join up with the Coalition fighting against the Apex. You will see my Avali OCs come back again for sure!

Dark tag: yeah, I knew some people would be put off by that. As a writer I cannot stand cliches where NO ONE DIES. Okay, so I guess it might just be me being spoiled because most of the stories I've read have blood, gore, death, destruction, and tons of plot twists it would make a knotted rope jealous. Skies of Harmony: Starbound is MY LEAST GRAPHIC story. But that doesn't mean the plot twists won't stop. I want to keep my readers on their toes guessing who lives and who dies next. Also don't feel bad if they do die, they just respawn in another universe of mine! It is a video game after all. :twilightsheepish:

Chapters: Okay, that one thing I can agree with you on. I've been experimenting with breaks in the story but I really don't want to stop the flow. I don't know the best way to do it so I just put in the day then switch characters if I need to. For example on Day 350 Pinkie Pie is no use in a war zone and I wrote her with completely unknown knowledge to all things military going on around her. Unlike in Day 351 with Rolo where he is a trained soldier who was lead and drilled by Sky Buster himself.

Characters: The characters do feel more human because they have been more or less corrupted by the recent wars and events that plagued their world (That and they are not my OCs but more on that below). In a way they are still shaken by all the previous wars. Also you have to take note that almost all of the pony OCs are NOT MINE. With the exception of Sky Buster (who is my personal pony-sona) the OCs I used in the story are actually all of my friends. And the reason why some are so aggressive and so well versed in warfare is because they had their OCs fit that situation. My crowning achievement for this story is the fact that they constantly congratulate me in implementing their OCs IN CHARACTER. (Kim is a spy, Rolo is an Israeli Commando, Dawn Shy is an ODST, etc. etc.) That is not easy to do! And I've had to pluck their brains and research my ass off to get them right. It's easy to dismiss a story by just reading one chapter that leaves a bad taste in your mouth but even so you shouldn't give up on it. Numerous times Fallout Equestria put me off but I still kept coming back knowing that the end will be so rewarding. Sorry if things don't come out the way you thought but things aren't all magic ponies and rainbows... Oh wait... Darn it! You get the idea...

Pre-Readers: I have several who are actually in this Fan Fiction (Puzzle Piece, Rolo, Dawn Shy just to name a few) and it is hard to keep every pony happy with how they expect the story and characters to develop. The main idea of this story was so I could “spend time” with my friends in the Brony Analysis community since we are all separated worldwide.

At the end of the day when things rub you off the wrong way, just stick with the story and see how it pans out. I've taken you on quite a thrill ride so far and I don't intend to stop. Give it a chance and keep reading.

How does this have 8 dislikes?!
:twilightangry2:
I needs more likes. Here, have mine. :twilightsmile:

4580119 Maybe it's because I might or might not have killed one character... MAYBE

I do like my plot twists though, so keep on your toes. This story might bend a few heart strings

“Where there's risk there is reward Princess Twilight. And up there, in the stars are monsters, psychopaths, pirates, and evil monkeys in closets.

Evil monkeys in closests?

Family guy reference. :rainbowlaugh:

She emptied all of her drum into the reactor of the walker and the vehicle slowly started to explode. We all saw the pilot eject and Octavia followed with a pulse from her horseshoes. At the crest of their height she gave him a firm buck to the face with one back hoof as she landed softly with another pulse jump


I see what you did there

4808572 PREPARE FOR TITANFALL!

cant wait for the next chapter:derpytongue2:

5599187 I AM SORRY SIR THE NEXT CHAPTER HAS BEEN DELETED THANKS TO CHUCKLEFISH DELETING MY SAVE PROFILES!

5600146 noooooooooooohoho:raritydespair:
that with the new update? i lost a character that i had been playing with for almost a year still finding new stuff and then the update hit

Tommy Oliver.

Tommy is another scientist and is a colleague Digi. From what I've heard he'll round out our research team quite well.

Is he also a great fighter?:trollestia:

5681314 Nope, he's a total wuss that can't defend himself. Also pardon the huge hiatus Chucklefish deleted all my saves so inspiration to write this has gone out the window.

Why did you have to kill sky!?!?

Why is this on hiatus, and when will it end?

6554251 It's on hiatus because Chucklefish deleted my save files I was using as reference. So now I have nothing to go by in terms of settings because I can't remember them

7554173 That is a big MAYBE. But I do have a sequel to it

You got the cloning vats from the first chapter... why aren't you using them?

7752899 Because the Pulsar Miltia in the sequel are XD

That and death kinda seems pointless if everyone can just respawn

3829358

So... the aliens didn't think single person flight was possible?:ajbemused:

3877267
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