What is it like to fly? To defy gravity in all its' power. To say no to the very laws of physics that keep the world in order.
To be able to see the world in a way only 1 out of 3 ponies can view.
I live that life everyday. Some could even say it is not longer nostalgic. I think I've seen it all. From the lush forests of the Everfree to the splendor of Canterlot and the big city, Manehatten; to the small town of ponyville where I reside to the city of Cloudsdale where I was born. But only now do I realize what true ability I have. Now I understand why I was gifted with such an ability.
They make make fun of my eyes, but I see the world in a different way.
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This is my first "artistic" style fanfic, so please criticize as much as possible! This is meant to be sent in to EqD as part of the "Writer Training Grounds". Please enjoy!
Art by alexmakovsy. All rights and appreciation goes to him
hm... yes... hmm...
3820182 Best review 2014
Take your time....
Ah yes!
If there were such things in this website as achievements, to of them called 'Write a Successful Pegasus Story' and 'Write a Successful Derpy Story' you would've certainty unlocked them! If not, you would've, in my heart.
It is not clear to me if your pacing and onomatopoeias were meticulously planned, but they, without a doubt, reflect a certain level of writing mastery.
If I can still dare to give you criticism, which I do
- but not true criticism, since it is more of a suggestion - it would be to separate your narrative from the protagonist's thoughts. Like in a different paragraph or to italics it. But as I said, it is only a suggestion. Like here:
A rouge cloud smashed me in the face. Lost for a moment, I quickly recovered my sight...only to realize I was in freefall. The wind around me rushed upwards. My mind went into panic mode. Was this how I was going to die? Was this how I WANTED to die?
A rouge cloud smashed me in the face. Lost for a moment, I quickly recovered my sight...only to realize I was in freefall. The wind around me rushed upwards. My mind went into panic mode.
Is this how im going to die? Is this how I WANT to die?
You have earned a like. And that is a gross understatement of my liking. Not just because this is my kind of Derpy, clumsy but a flier at heart,
or because she made her reappearance this past weekend, but because this... was not half bad.
Oh, also you got a follow.
3820295
Still we can just buy an Oppressor MK 2 and fly.