Sky Hooves
Joined 4th Feb, 2013 ·
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I think you meant blinding.
3833037 Thanks. It's now corrected.
There is a large amounts of errors, otherwise it's great! However, have you added it to the YHaY group?
3833214 Yes, I have. And there will be more errors in the future. I already get a Editor for the biggest errors. I just hope they are not so big that they destroy the story.
3833214
yeah I had a lot of stuff to do and didn´t want to leave Sky Hooves waiting for too long so it was to be expected that there are errors left.
I´ll try to do better work on the next chapter though.
Please forgive me?
3833403 I forgive you.
...but I dont know about the other.
Ok so...I already didn't like griffins to begin with.
but now your telling me they eat humans...
I am an advocate of "If you try to kill me, I will try to kill you back." which has turned into "If you try to eat me, I will try to eat you back."
I want blood....griffin blood....you hear me Sky Hooves?...griffin blood....give it to me.
Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
3834049 Umm... ok? (You look scary...)
3834280 Alright. I will try. But a warning, It will not go fast with uploads, while I just have some problems with the english grammar. (THE HORROR! THE HORROR!)
Immediate hatred and downvote for stupidly large image in description.
Not even going to read.
3834357 This is no sarcasm I write now:
I thank you for your downvote. Because you write at least WHY you downvote my story.
Quick question: If the emblem were smaller, would you read the Story?
3833214 are a large amount of errors*, lol.
Is English a second language for you? Most of the grammatical errors I saw were mistakes common to non native speakers.
3834749 Yes, it is. Thats way you will find some more mistakes in the future.
I'M SO SORRY!!!
3834873
Just means I'll cut you some slack on the grammar.
3834049
Yes
I like it.
3834049
That, is a terrible policy.
Why would you subject yourself to nasty food just because it tried to eat you? Why are punishing yourself for something else trying to eat you?!! Just leave those foul tasting bastards in the gutter.
This has potential, I would like to see where this goescdn.alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/determined-questioning-pondering-l.png
3836134
NO! It's the principle of the matter!
I want his friends and family to find his desecrated corpse all eaten and torn apart, with his ribs arranged next to him spelling out "YOUR NEXT"...
also...I would bet money they taste like chicken.
3834588 Haha. Thanks.
I'm not being sarcastic when I say well done for a non-English speaker, but there are too many errors and nothing that caught my interest.
Still the best way to improve is by writing, keep at it but I think you should give a few other starter chapters a go.
3839555 I thank you for your honest answer.
And maybe I can change your mind with a few other chapters?
3839563 I'll give you the three chapter challenge.
In that ill give most fic's the benefit of the doubt for that much .
3839581 *bows head* I thank you for this chance.
3836661
i45.tinypic.com/245ncb8.png
I like it.
The pacing was a bit off though and the word flow a little disjointed.
I bet you could add an extra 30% to your word count with proper filler.
Its a great concept though. I don't know if anyones done the YHaY in the griffin societies.
Can't wait to see more chapters!
3841695
A fool am I?
Only to the untrained eye!
I just spoke in rhyme.
I do it all the time.
......moving on......
A zombie rat? ha! I've eaten worse.
Vacationing in Baton Rouge will do that to you.
A timberwolf?
Just torch it and stick a marshmallow on there....It counts.
*ahem*
There isn't much I wouldn't eat.
you'll find that griffins taste very sweet.
So take a seat and grab a knife.
As we eat his son and wife.
These griffins, they will learn you see.
Why we hunt them down with so much glee.
......:eeyup
it feels like you're trying to pound the fact that griffons enjoy eating human flesh into our skulls.
3844726
well isn't it kind of canon that griffins hold humans like cattle? and i'm pretty sure i had some conversations with my friends about various methods of eating cows and pigs that would deeply disturb any listening and sentient cows and pigs!
3844726 I want you all to imagine what is waiting for him when the Griffins can catch him. He doesnt come in a peacful land with happy coloured Ponys. He will not selled as a pet when they catch him. His death is fact when the Griffins can get their claws on him.
3846443 i know that, but it just feels a bit redundant is all, it's your story, you can write it however you want.
also.
sold*
3847359 Well... I needed a thousand words before I could submit it.
I'm not sure if somepony already pointed this out, but here is a writing tip for the future: nouns that aren't titles or names aren't capitalized, meaning, Barbecue, Creatures, Griffons would be lower case as they are not an individual's name or a title to a place.
Makes me wonder what they'd do to someone of MY physique. I eat like a, well...a horse, and I'm barely a healthy weight.(i.e. 114 pounds, 5'5" tall.) In short, There's not much to eat.
3866609 Good question! Maybe we will find out?
Oh god I just hope I didn´t overlook any mistakes ^^
i smell many kills to come and much blood to be spilled ...
good look holding you're stomachs kids cause this ones a dussy
3930594 Dont worry. I'm sure some readers will tell us when they find anything^^
3930607 I'm not sure... was that a compliment? I mean, the story has "Mature" and "Gore" as tags for a reason.
3930663 complement, there need be more action and i can smell more coming so this pleases me
Looking foward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Good to know I will be treated like a normal human in the YHaY'verse
4249528 Oh... did I say that loud?
Good. GOOOOOOOD! I loving this story. Keep up the good work.
MOAR!!
...please
Let's just say that it's never a good sign for a new editor when the second word in a chapter is wrong
- wolves...
- Both should be spelled out (if under one-hundred, the number should be spelled out).
- Okay,
- Spell out.
- two-story
- made (remember, once you chose a tense, you must always keep it in that tense.)
- house
- opened
- The punctuation should be a comma.
- "said" and the same as above.
- See the above two.
- "said" and the same as above.
- "Heard his claws" what?
- got
- Random "a" there.
- call
- with a spear, a metal helmet and a breastplate (EDIT: there are two other ways to correct it, depending if you want the "metal" description to apply to the breastplate as well.)
- Missing a comma.
- Awkward sentence is awkward.
4249994 <-- this guy found more than I did...
Wolves.
These.
It would be better phrased "I was in luck and found 2 of the 5 caught rabbits."
Those.
Knew.
These. To protect. The correct term is forest floor.
Get rid of this not it's unnecessary.
After.
Carefully.
The up is unnecessary.
Made.
This part would be better phrased "made it to."
Were. Snuck.
Lit.
I'm opening.
Feeling and taste are two different senses. Did the breath feel beautiful or did it taste beautiful? A better question, How does something feel beautiful or taste beautiful? Perhaps you should write that that first breath tasted exquisite?
For the. Between house and get should be a to.
After guessed should be were.
This sentence should start with a when.
Nearly caught.
Many.
The spelling errors and tensing issues aside, good job. I'm enjoying your story very much. Also, It's better to have multiple editors.
Edit: Wow I was a bit slow at spotting problems and missed quite a few myself.
Yes! Update!
4250082 These guy found more as my new editor...
4249994 Are you interested in the job?
4250280 Thanks for the tip with the multiple editors. Are you maybe interested?