Bandy
Joined 24th Dec, 2011 ·
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Well that was morbid.
This was quite powerful.
I didn't feel like they were quite in character but otherwise the story was quite entertaining.
Nice job!
How maudlin.
That's striking. And y'know, I found it relatable, though perhaps I'm thinking about it in a strange way. I mean, not a lot of people routinely perform dangerous, life-threatening physical feats, but when I read this, I got to musing that most everybody has been in a high-stress, high-stakes place, even if it's just, I don't know, a test or an interview. I mean, something that could make or break your future, something that you desperately cannot afford to mess up on, or you're screwed. Maybe I'm stretching it.
That sentence was a hell of a way to illustrate where Rainbow Dash is coming from.
I don't know about this. It's not out-of-character per se, I mean, it's pretty to easy to imagine Dash thinking these sort of things with a more serious perspective. I guess it's just that it doesn't feel like she would ever share those thoughts. Well, whatever, that's not really the point of the story anyways. I like the morbid take on the question, it's very different. Pretty poetic.
"You could hide the entire world behind a grain of rice if you wanted to. It’s all about perspective."
Yep. Pretty poetic.
Very poetic and well done. It was conflicting to me as they physically moved around but it was never described so they would suddenly be together or apart. At the same time though, I wonder if including that would've broken the flow somewhat, as if the way it is is the better option.
Somewhat disturbingly morbid but appropriate too. Dash being very matter of fact due to growing up with such facts and AJ shying away but still wanting to know almost finding it irresistible.
I like the discussion here. It's an interesting look into the relationship between a daredevil/stunt performer and death. It's always closer than the audience likes to think. But these character never sound much like Rainbow Dash or Applejack. They sound similar to them, and they're discussing something I could believe Rainbow Dash and Applejack could discuss, but it feels off. It's not just the voice, either. This loses some of its effect because they never speak about it in terms personal to either of them.
Wow. I like most of your stuff, but sometimes you just come up with perfect little gems like this and I remember why I followed you. While other commenters have made the valid point of some of the content sounding a little off in terms of voice, the content itself is very powerful. Have a like and a favourite, and this:
A little morbid, yes, but also quite thoughtful and captivating. I guess now we understand a little better why Fluttershy prefers to live on the ground, too.
There are a few missing quotation marks, usually at the beginning of a line, but nothing major. A good read!