Why dating a Griffoness is great
“Alright… What to do… What to do…” Venom said, pacing back and forth. “Maybe we could start messing stuff up and blame her…. no no no. That’s too obvious. Perhaps cause another dam leak…. no We won’t live with ourselves if innocent ponies die…. damn it this is harder than We thought.” Venom said as her mask slid back. “Ah dammit. I think I’m gonna hit the hay. Maybe We can think of better ideas that way okay Venom?” Rainbow asked her partner who purred in her mind a yes. With that said she took off into the night sky towards her home. “Hm… I hope no one is using my bedroom. I would PAY to see if Gilda beat anypony up who did that.”
“Hello fillies and colts… It’s your ol’ pal Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie Pie said, strumming on a banjo, sitting in front of a crowd of children, among them being Gilda’s son Alex.
“This is a song about a whale… NO! This is a song about being happy that’s right!” Pinkie Pie said as she began to strum at a steady pace.
“It’s the Happy Happy Joy Joy Song! Sing along! Happy, happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy joy joy joy!” Pinkie Pie then stopped strumming and singing, abruptly.
“I don’t think you’re happy enough! I’ll teach you to be happy! I’LL TEACH YOUR GRANDMOTHER TO SUCK EGGS!” Pinkie Pie glared at Apple Bloom who was sitting in the audience. She instantly started strumming again and smiled.
“Come on fillies and colts! Let’s try it again! Happy, happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy joy joy joy!” Pinkie Pie sang, but before she could continue Rainbow Dash burst through the door, looking panicked.
“Pinkie Pie, Gilda’s kid is missing!” She screamed in terror, her eyes wide. Pinkie Pie got a stern look on her face and glared at Rainbow Dash.
“If’n you ain’t the Granddaddy of all LIARS!”
“No I’m serious I was at my home and he wasn’t there and…. and he’s here…. okay that’s…. okay. Wait WHY is Alex here?”
“Oh silly filly! Gilda stopped by while you were gone to try and make friends with all the ponies she insulted! I was first DUH!” Pinkie said in an obvious tone.
“In the middle of the night?”
“She wanted to get it over with.” Pinkie said. “Oh and speaking of her I think Gilda’s over there!” Pinkie said pointing with her hoof over to Gilda arguing with something but Rainbow couldn’t see as it was covered by shadows.
“Uh.. Thanks Pinks… See ya later.” Rainbow said as Pinkie Pie turned back to her audience.
“Where was I? Oh yeah! The little critters of nature… They don’t know that they’re ugly! That’s very funny, a fly marrying a bumblebee! I TOLD YOU I’D SHOOT BUT YOU DIDN’T BELIEVE ME! WHY DIDN’T YOU BELIEVE ME?!”
“He’s my kid too Gilda, I just want…” The shadowed figure said as Gilda glared, causing him to stop mid sentence.
“No, he’s not. He’s not YOUR kid, he’s mine. I gave birth to him, I raised him, I was there for him, you weren’t. End of discussion.” Gilda said as she walked away. The figure sighed as he spread his wings and flew off. Rainbow walked in just as the shadow figure disappeared.
“So who was that G?” Rainbow asked bluntly. Not wanting to wait longer than necessary.
“A relic from my past that I tried to bury. What’s up Dash?”
“Oh…. nothing just…. wandered why you weren’t home.”
“I tried coming out to make up with the ponies here after what I did. I didn’t know that they were none awake but Pinkie Pie… who SERIOUSLY is starting to scare me Dash.” Gilda said with a shudder.
“Trust me G. She’s a good mare… just a little crazy.”
“Yeah… I guess, but…” Gilda said, as she noticed said pink pony brandishing her banjo at the collection of kids and smashing it to pieces on the ground.
“... I’m not so sure.” Gilda said, before rushing into Sugarcube Corner and snatching Alex out quickly before anything escalated.
“THANK YOU PONYVILLE! GOOD NIGHT!”
“Kirby, Kirby, Kirby, that’s a name you should know! Kirby, Kirby, Kirby, he’s the star of the show! He’s comes’a riiiiiiiiiiight! Back at ya….”
The theme song of a cartoon played as Alex watch TV. Gilda groaned though, having dealt with enough hyper balls of… pinkness for one lifetime.
“Please watch something else Alex…” Gilda said, dragging both paws across her face tiredly. Alex shrugged and did so, turning the channel.
“GOTTA GO FAST! GOTTA GO FAST! GOTTA GO FASTER! FASTER! NOTHING BUT THE FASTER!”
“OH NO!” Rainbow Dash butted in, turning the TV off.
“Lousey Hedgehog getting a TV deal… THAT SHOULD BE ME!” Rainbow Dash ranted, as Gilda rolled her eyes.
“Well Dash, YOU save the planet from some insane, not to mention fat, hairless ape with an army of robots. That’ll get you a TV deal for sure. Oh wait, already been done.” Gilda said, smirking.
“Whatever…. hey guys it’s getting late. Why don’t we all hit the hay? Gilda you can sleep in my room tonight.” Rainbow said with a yawn. Gilda nodded and was about to pick up Alex when she saw that the little hippogriff was already asleep.
“Must’ve fallen asleep when you turned off the TV Dash.” Gilda said as she yawned and picked him up. She walked upstairs and placed Alex in the guest room. She gently placed him in a bed before tucking him in. “Sweet dreams kiddo.” Gilda said as she gently kissed him on the forehead.
“Heh. You really are a good mom G.” Rainbow said outside the room.
“Thanks for the compliment Dash.” Gilda said with a small smile on her face. With that the two friends headed up to Rainbow’s bed room. However before they made it to the other side Gilda accidently knocked over a vase that was inside the house. More out of reflex than anything Rainbow launched out a tendril and caught it… right in Gilda’s line of sight.
“Okay… Explain now or I take Alex and leave.” Gilda glared, as Rainbow froze.
“W-What do you…” Rainbow stammered, but Gilda’s slight growl stopped her.
“Look, I don’t know if you’re a Changeling right now or something else, so you better start explaining and it better a be a DAMNED good one or else you’re getting the beating of a lifetime!”
“Alright…. I am Rainbow Dash though okay Gilda just to get that out of the way. Okay… i can do this… a few days ago I was enjoying being the only hero in Ponyville and I started to let the whole ego stuff get to my head. I REALLY should’ve been more attentive but then… then SHE came into the picture.” Rainbow growled herself. “Mare-Do-Well. I don’t know WHO she is or WHY she wants to be this town’s personal little guardian but I can assure you the only thing she’s done? Is STEAL MY THUDNER!” Rainbow roared at Gilda who actually flinched. “Sorry… I just… talking about her REALLY riles me up. Anyways after she saved some construction workers from a failing structure, something I could’ve been fast enough to do mind you, I… I fell into a bit of a depression. Seriously G. It was a dark time in my life.” Rainbow sighed. Gilda’s beak just dropped to the ground. Who… the BUCK did this… Mare-Do-Loser think she was doing hurting Rainbow like this. If she got her claws on her.
“Okay that’s sad and all but that’s NOT explaining what just happened.” Gilda said sternly.
“Right… anyways I went to an old abandoned church, I really need to go back there soon anyways, and started praying…. yeah Gilda. I PRAYED. Name the last time you heard me pray.” Rainbow asked.
“I… honestly I don’t know.”
“Exactly. I rarely do that Gilda. I was low… really low… so low I…. I really considered…. kicking the bucket early.” Rainbow said somberly. “But then…. fate lead me to this thing. This…. symbiote.”
“What is it?”
“I think I should let it show you the rest of the story.”
“What?” Gilda deadpanned, before the symbiote latched onto her forehead… Images and memories flooding into her mind. Images of her friend turning into a black fanged monster, calling herself Venom, bashing two different Mare-Do-Wells who turned out to be…. her friends? But the way she was talking about her made her seem that Mare-Do-Well was somepony else. A single pony and then she suddenly felt Rainbow’s emotion. Maybe they were forced into wearing those outfits. It made the most sense. By then the symbiote had detached itself from her mind. Gilda then collapsed in exhaustion and got to her knees.
“All of that…. in the four months I’ve been gone?” Gilda asked, eyes wide in shock.
“Yeah… Been busy.” Rainbow said, scratching the back of her head nervously.
“I’ll say…” Gilda sighs as she gets up. She glances over at Rainbow Dash, as if looking for words.
“Look, all I can say is… You got one fucked up life ya know that?”
‘War Journal: Entry 281
I’ve been tracking this thing called Venom for a couple weeks now. Shows up sporadically in this place called Ponyville. Openly attacked resident superhero known as Mare-Do-Well… Hostile intentions? Criminal? Can’t say for sure now. Will need further surveillance to verify.’
“Well…. how can I help Dash?” Gilda asked. The question just happened so suddenly it took Rainbow by complete surprise.
“Um… can you repeat that?”
‘Indeed. We also wish to hear that repeated.’ The symbiote said in Rainbow’s mind.
“You heard me. How can I help? It’s clear that whoever this Mare-Do-Well nag is? She needs to be shown who’s the real hero around here.” Gilda said with a fire in her eyes.
“Well… no. Gilda I’m not asking nor am I wanting you to help me on this. This is between me and Mare-Do-Well. I don’t want to drag you into this…. plus I don’t know how Alex would stand it if you were tossed into jail if this thing goes sideways and I end up being a criminal.” Rainbow said as her suit sprouted tentacles from behind her.
“As long as you don’t rat me out… What could happen?”
“Well we could get booted out of town, be on the run from the law for the rest of our lives, never settling down in one town ever again…. yeah nothing too bad. Now then…. what would you like to look like?”
“Come again.”
“Come on G! This is the thinking part. I don’t want them recognizing you so you need a new face… a new identity. I didn’t stick with MINE when I became Venom did I?”
“Dash… This is stupid.” Gilda said, her face obscured by a child’s Nightmare Night mask, a jack-o-lantern mask to be precise. She was also covered in cheap plastic chains, and had plastic knight armor, with a rubber sword in her paw.
“What’re you talking about? Ya look great!” Rainbow said, as she patted her on the back reassuringly. Gilda slapped her in the face with the rubber sword and ripped off the cheaply made costume.
“I am NOT wearing something you’d get a hatchling for Nightmare Night!” Gilda said as she stormed off.
“Wait! You didn’t see the skull shield it came with!” Rainbow said, chasing after the griffon frantically.
“Is it rubber too?” Gilda asked, glaring out of the corner of her eyes, as Dash shook her head.
“No, no, no, no… Tin?” Rainbow said sheepishly as Gilda huffed away.
“Okay… MAYBE I should try an actual costume shop next time and not the discount section at Barnyard Bargains.”
“Ya think?”
“Well what do you think would be a better outfit then? It’s not like I can just go out and get a REAL pumpkin to just…. wait one second.” Rainbow said as she flew out a nearby window.
“I don’t know if I should be worried or not.” Gilda said to herself. A few seconds later Rainbow came back with a carved and hollowed out pumpkin. A few minutes later said pumpkin was slapped onto Gilda’s head. “Dash… explain…. now.”
“It’s scary!” Dash said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SCARY?! IT DOESN’T EVEN LOOK REMOTELY SCARY! PLUS IT LOOKS MOLDY IN HERE! DID YOU EVEN CUT OUT ANY EYEHOLES FOR THIS THING?!” Gilda yelled and heard Alex moving upstairs. A moment later he was hovering down next to them.
“Something wrong mom?”
“No Alex! Go back to sleep!” Gilda yelled. “Now Dash. Explain WHY this is scary. You have ten seconds…. nine…. eight…. seven…. six-”
“IT’S A JACK-O-LANTERN! THOSE ARE SCARY!” Rainbow snapped, as Alex just looked confused.
“Alex, sweetie… Go to your room.” Gilda said, giving her son a look that told him not to argue.
“Uh… Sorry?” Rainbow tried, but Gilda just plucked the pumpkin from her head… And proceeded to slam it over the pegasus’ own head, smashing it in the process.
“Yeah… It looks better on you.”
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Damn, Pinkie, you scary!
the references are OVER 9000 sorry it had to be done
9260268
whats wrong with sonic?
All we need now is:
Gilda: Rainbow, the Shadow king had destroyed our motor! We're going down! What do we do!?
Rainbow: *Little orange eye piece covers eye* we die.