• Member Since 16th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 30th, 2012

thebubblemaster


Derpy Portal 2 and Other things knowing me ill probley wright a my little portal fanfiction ^ ^

E

Casting a new spell Twilight cases a portal to suck a unicorn,known by the name Chell,into Twilight's world.Chell say's she's from a place called Aperture.The two soon become good friends but Twilight understands Chell must get back to her realm.As Pinkie pie Fluttershy RD Twilight and Chell are thrown into Aperture Chell explains that she never wanted to go back.

The Chell GLaDOS and Wheatley designs are Delthero on DA.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 71 )

First. The story has no build-up and stuff starts happening too soon.
Second. Grammar and punctuation need work.
Third. Chell can't talk at all. Everybody who's played portal knows that.

This is a triumph. I'm making a note here, HUGE SUCCESS.:pinkiehappy:

Holy mother of compressed time and text. That was slighty hard to read and went alittle fast. sorry.

337048 Aww thanks....Strangley enough my friend was just singing that =3 :twilightsmile:

337040 Yeaah i know Chell cant speak and im sorry about the grammar and punctuation im new to writing story's.But i wanted Chell to speak so i just thought id add a part where her voice would come back after drinking a glass of water or something.

Ah man i really really REALLY like this story...although i must admit everything did go a little to fast i like the story line...although Chell cant speak in the game..i dont mind if she speak's i kinda like the idea ^ ^

337090 Yay ^ ^ Im soooo GLaD its not cake :

337093
-murders muffin with magnum-
THE MUUFFIN IS A LIE!
-aims at you-
and now, YOU ARE THE LIE!

337120 :pinkiegasp: WHAT!...Meh at least i still have my WCC to save me!*Holds infrount of me!*

337121
-grabs mini-nuke launcher and steps out of range of the blast-
-shoots-

Holy bleep, I'll track this but PLEASE fix the first chapter, the wall of text is ruining it all for me

337359 Sorry =(...I hate my story writing im mean im completley new to it and I HATE IT!...im sorry the text is ruining it for you =( :fluttercry:

337366
Its cool, you just need a pre-reader.

Try asking around, loads of people will help.

337372 Ok ^ ^ Thanks for the idea =3 :scootangel:

337379
No problem, and your avatar picture, is that your persona?

This is bad. You have no spaces after the punctuation, there are loads of sentences with either too short or too long lengths, the dialog feels like it is too quick and nothing saying, you have unmarked scene cuts and you have too few paragraph breaks.

Seek help, you need an editor.

337401 Sorry....I know im terrible with writing stuff....Sorry..

337382 Oh..No its not my pony..My pony looks nothin' like that..I just like the OC im planing to change it soon.

Cave Johnson here, and honestly were not sure what the heck we're doing here. Basically were throwing science at a wall, and seeing what sticks. Hey, it looks like a pony, strange. Hear that, science means ponies. Good luck.

337418 Ponies ...To much ponie and portal. :3

it is a good idea.. but the other comments have a point.
you lack a buildup.
start from before.. start with human!chell waking up in the room and Twilight finding the spell.. have the story then progress to that point where chell arrives.. i personally would have it after she wakes up GLaDOS so that you dont have to go too far out of your way to get her involved.
also for chell talking you could have it happen with Magic? that way you have canon chell and talkychell at the same time.

......
After reading the description..
WHY THE HELL WOULD CHELL WANT TO GO BACK? fuck, BOTH games are basically her trying to escape!

338237 I know..But i really want some of the mane 6 to go into Aperture =3

338000 i was actully gunna have Chell to start as a human then transform into a pony and the portal Twilight created would sorta shake the aperture world turning everything living into a pony...

338315

Then write a story about a teleportation spell gone wrong.
Seriously, don't drag up a half-assed idea just to write about Aperture ponies...

338352 But i LIKE aperture ponies! i wanted them to be in the story anyways

337771 Pinkie isnt doomed she beco- i mean look at the time...i nearly say a spoiler..:twilightsheepish:

338362
THEN AT LEAST WRITE A DECEN PLOT FR THEM! You disgrace literature if you think like that!

338432 Sorry...im new to writing atleast i dont have that habit of putting capital letters in random scentences anymore...

I mean if i get so many hate comments..and...Dislikes ill just delete it i mean...I think it will be better for everyone =3

338441
Oh my, I'm terribly hurt.
Emphasis. Learn to recognise it.
Also, grammar. Learn that too.

337060
she should've been injured so twi would have to use healing magic, thus fixing her brain damage.

338463
Grammar Patrol! Woot!

338441
Some people aren't meant to write, and seeing as you already have a problem with writing and comming up with a half decent story... Let's just say it may be better for you to be a reader.

You really need new paragraphs when a new character starts speaking.

340926
Dude, one thing to remember about me: I'm not a brony. So I don't do all the mushy squishy things associated with bronies.

341057
Huh. Well, you aren't flaming, so respect.
Also, mushy squishy? ...
Okay xD

339689 im gunna say this to everypony...im sorry my writing is terrible...i was just bored one day..im terribly sorry..

342346

Well that's a little defeatist, apologizing for the work as a whole. What you need to do is motivate yourself to fix your stories.

341075
Yes mushy squishy. Just have a look at some of the bronies in the IRC chat. When one of them logs on sometimes others may get excited and 'glomp' their friend.

345026
Heh, well we aren't exactly known for being 'manly'.
Although..
How can I be manly in any way? Im a friggen girl!

342444 Ill try my best...i have a proof-reader now soo...we will see how chapter three turns out *shrug*

Not pinkie... :pinkiesad2: why'd it have to be her?

394903 Cause she reminds me of GLaDOS when she went crazy..she will turn back dont worry *Hugs* :pinkiehappy:

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