• Member Since 10th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 23rd, 2019

Silent Earth

Evil is evil. Greater, lesser, middling, it's all the same. I haven't done only good in my life. But if I’m to choose between one evil and another, then I prefer not to choose at all.


Twilight's pride was wounded deeply when her friends laughingly discredited her ability to operate a simple waffle iron, much less lead a covert task force in exterminating a troublesome dragon. Now, she has sworn to prove them all wrong, not simply by slaying a dragon, or by making incredible waffles, but by doing both -- at the same time. Alas, as it is far easier to procure ingredients for waffles than it is to find a dragon for slaying, her quest may be hopeless. Unless...

Preread by the efficacious and eminent TheSheepMaster.
Inspired by FiW

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 26 )

That frickin' ending. :trollestia:

I'm sure he'll be fine.

............she killed spike and put him in the waffles........ wouldn't they all rest at the taste or texture of the meat? i mean, they re equine.......... stomachs not meant to digest meat.

They probably also wouldn't know what a waffle iron was.

3803831 .............. you are confusing me. not to mention if she killed spike the entire house would reek of blood............. nothing would probably make a pony suspicios than your house stinking of blood.
ponies have sharper senses. they could smell blood easily

Hmm... High society food. could I get a side of ketchup with that?:rainbowwild::raritystarry::ajsmug::yay::pinkiehappy:

For you? Anything you'd like :pinkiehappy:

3803863 alright then make it extra crimson. I like it as tasty as possible.:twilightsmile:

Twilight goes straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect 200 bits.

Really, though, even if she doesn't go to jail for this for whatever contrived reason, I doubt she'll have any friends after this when she shows she's willing to kill her oldest friend and make him into waffles to settle a petty point.

On another note, Spike is sounding surprisingly intelligent on the taxonomy of reptiles in the animal kingdom

Haha, she has no chance. :rainbowlaugh:

And yeah, I think she'd have a difficult time talking her way out of this one if anyone found out. Just imagine how upset the Princess would be! :trollestia:

Yeah, he might be a bit brighter than we tend to give him credit for.


I don't think there's an 'if' on anyone finding out, she's gonna run out of excuses on where Spike is pretty dang quick, especially when Celestia can't send her letters.

Very true. Twilight's a bit lacking in foresight regarding this situation, it would seem.

Those are some spiked waffles! :moustache:

Never trust food made by Twilight Sparkle.

It's well-written, and thus not deserving of a thumbs-down, but I don't like the kind of humor used at the end. At all.

Way too much twilight fanfics, why are people making so much? The obvious answer is that their foggots. David Throne would agree.
Next time make a fic of a non-shit-tier pony, or best pony (Cadence.)

Yeah, the ending was a little bit "meh". Thanks for reading whatever this was, though.

Fanfics that feature Twilight abusing her closest friend are grim enough to warrant the [dark] tag. Killing him and baking him into food? Definitely needs the tag. It's a shame, you were really doing a fine job writing him at first. But as soon as Twi mentioned her secret ingredient, it all went downhill, fast, into a place I don't like.

Also, Pinkie seems to have an ugly view of their relationship.

"I thought you usually made Spike do all of your cooking for you."

She should've said,

"I thought Spike did all the cooking for you two."

I actually had it tagged as such, from the onset. Truthfully, this story was originally going to be much worse, as in, describing-Spike-being-cooked-alive-in-detail worse. That obviously would have warranted a [Dark] tag, as well as [Mature] and [Gore].

I decided to refrain from that, as I'm not a fan of explicit violence or gore for the sake of shock value, and instead cut the story a bit shorter and leaned heavily on implication. I just didn't want to risk people being turned off by it being that grotesque; apparently, there are still some who are, but I think it's at least a bit preferable this way.

And yes, Twilight's (and Pinkie's, I suppose) rather disdainful attitude toward Spike was 100% intended, as the story was inspired by the FiW characters, who are condescending, cynical caricatures to begin with.

Anyway, thanks for the advice, I will change the tag to make sure anyone who might be reading it isn't mislead.

3803821 Actually equines can digest meat well enough. Hell in the upper reaches of Mongolia, they supplement their horse's diet with meat due to a lack of vegetation due to the cold.

3811836 there is a difference to a supplement to actually feeding meat like in this....... not to mention you can't mix meat and batter so easily
and they really cannot diegest it that well. their stomach cannot properly break down animal protein like that so easily. their teeth are also poorly designed consuming flesh. which is laso part of why they cannont digest it that well.

3812461 When I said supplement, I meant they give the horses the meat and let them eat it pretty much as is. Most herbivores can handle meat without much trouble. Otherwise they'd be in pretty big trouble from the amount of insects and other such creatures as they eat grass and such.

Not too mention they've seen herbivores eat meat without any human urging whatsoever. Cases of this include horses, cows, and even cervids like deer. Also the teeth thing is pretty much moot since that really only comes into play when you are trying to eat an animal that's larger than a single mouth full. Most of these events are cases where the horse/cow whatever managed to get a hold of a bird or something and simply wolf the thing down whole.

So they were solynt green waffles. (Solynt green-and-purple waffles?) I know some people grumbled about the humor in this, but a little black, Addams-family-style humor is good for the soul every once in a while. This gets an upvote.

Damn. That's certainly an approach to cooking waffles. Not necessarily the most moral or efficient or contenancable to any sane being, but you can't argue with the results. One could say the finished waffles had a certain body to them.

I'll be here all week, folks.

Hear, hear!
:ajsmug: Never stop.

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