• Member Since 11th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Apr 24th, 2016



Spike the dragon. Years ago he was little more than a runty drake. Now, all grown up, he's an anatomical forensics expert working for the government. When he comes back to visit Ponyville and discovers Rarity is in need of help with a troublesome client, the gentle dragon-shaped pony is only too pleased to assist, in the only way he knows how.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 40 )

I like this story because it is based on my favourite tv show 'Denver the Last Dinosaur'

Q: Does this story have anything more to it than the pun in its title?

A: Why the fuck would it need to?

Does this smell like chlorophorm to you?

Gah, bleh, ohgod.

Oh. Pun. Dexterity. Right. I'll be resetting my brain now.

froggy bottom bog

that wander into the everfree.

Bro, do you even capitalize?

Still, this was a lot of fun, duder. Always great to see Spike being a dragon.

Oh lovely little spike, never change, never change. There will always be a lovely little place for you in the shadows cast by those whom you hold up to the light.

Woah. I missed that Dark tag. The porcelain room was... quite a surprise :rainbowderp:

...okay, so I missed the Dark tag, and the pun, and the hint in the forensics studies :facehoof:

Also, wow, another story? You're on a roll, Middy :pinkiehappy:

Cheerilee blanched at that. "Quite," she said.

Wait. She knows? Or is it just the concept of him actually having fun with something as morbid as "bleaching bones" that's puttin her on edge?

Yeah, guess that's it. That one word, "just", in "I wouldn't do it just for fun", changes the meaning completely :rainbowlaugh:

"Oh Spikey Wikey!" She kissed me on the snout. "You're such a gentlepony. You'd never do anything to hurt anypony!"
I smiled, showing my teeth.

Hah, you bastard.

Looks like this one wasn't edited... in fact, the whole story has a problem with tense. The encounter with Pinkie is completely present tense, while the later encounter with Rarity is past tense. You might want to fix that :duck:

For the rest, my usual remarks and corrections:
> The same cake shops.The same overjoyed, overblown reception
Missing space between these sentences.
> I've gotta go get you your cake ready!
Seems like that "you" should be removed...
> she kicks her little legs about, itching to be free.
Needs a capital letter at the start.
> "How can it be a surprise if you've told me about it!"
That's a question. Interrobang at the end?!
> And funny how a poison joak-laden letter
I think that should be "joke".

Instead of sleeping, I put in those corrections (about to upload them). Actually "joak" is a play on words with the spelling of "poison oak" and "joke". It looks really wrong, until you get it.

...Also the tense change was deliberate. I did actually try to edit this several times, so I'm kinda pissed that I missed what I did.

And the pun. I couldn't ignore the pun. I'm sorry. (I'm not sorry).

This was quite the good use of Spike being both a scientist and a dragon.


Actually "joak" is a play on words with the spelling of "poison oak" and "joke". It looks really wrong, until you get it.

Actually, now I get it, it kinda still looks really wrong :trixieshiftright:

Also the tense change was deliberate.

Eh? How so, deliberate? It's told as one visit to Ponyville, so having a present tense recounting of the first events and a past tense recounting of, uh, everything that follows that, makes no sense at all, and in fact even comes across as somewhat anachronistic... :rainbowhuh:

Weeellll I might just be suffering sleep deprivation :pinkiecrazy:

3798479 Yeah, but this one also has a pun! :yay:

3798514 As we say on the #FOE irc channel... go to sleep :facehoof:

Pun? What pun? I do not see any... oh! OH!

So now we have Carpenter, Flim, and Flam all gracing middle schools around Equestria. I wonder if Spike has "donated" anyone else? Like say a certain shouty, abusive griffon?

I wrote this mostly for the pun...

You're a bad person and you should feel bad.

Go back to writing Out and About.

Huh, neat. New story from Middy.
Oooh, Dark-tagged Spike story without a gloom and doom blurb. Potential.
Okay, that was fun. A bit familiar, though.
Wait, what pun?
*scrolls to title*
Thank you, sir.

I wrote this mostly for the pun...

That's the entire reason I read it.


I need to get back into Dexter, I haven't seen any episodes since I left college. That was what, season four? Five? Doesn't matter, that's what Netflix and internet is for.

And let that be a lesson to you people.
Don't creep out a female unicorn or a large talking purple dragon will murder you underneath a library.

I didn't realize the title name until about the beginning of the dissection.

And now I kinda want to see the outcome of Flim and Flam

So, Spike murders ponies that threaten the innocent nature of Ponyville and the citizens living inside of it. Huh. Welp, you learn something new every day.

Spike is Dexter...it is canon

I love you

Wait.. I don't... Oh wait... OOOOOOHHH, I get the crossover tag now, nice one! :pinkiehappy:

I like this concept. I like this concept a lot more than I probably should. I'm alright with this.

Love it! Except for the gentlepony line. He's a GENTLEDRAKE!

Other then that, the rest of the story has awesome. Embrace your inner dragon in a positive way:pinkiehappy:!

Upon re-reading, there's an early line that really caught my eye.

Pinkie catches everything.

Does everything include...?


Well, from reading the comments it's comforting to know that despite noticing the dark tag at the title, I managed to miss the pun and the hints up until Spike guts the schmuck open. I'm that observant :P

Great little piece and frankly, the first I've seen where Spike gets to BE a dragon (in a somewhat classical fire breathing-meat eating sort of way) and still be one of the good guys. Does anybody have any good recommendations on such a theme? I hadn't thought of reading anything of the sort, but I'm curious about it after this little nudge.

Lastly, despite the joak explanation, it... just doesn't click for me. It did get an appropriately loud groan, though.

I did that deliberately, but I'm not sure how well it worked...

You know I kind of intended that it did?

Eight or nine, I think...

You know the joke/joak thing is something I'm not I like either, but it's kind of stuck with me.

3815576 ... Pinkie is best pony.:pinkiecrazy:

3815576 Not so much:ajbemused:. I get what you tried to do, but calling him a pony is kind of insulting. He wants to be respected by the ponies around him for who he is, but it's still best not to ignore what he is.

Your story alone is proof of that:ajsmug:. Raised and taught how to behave around ponies, but still needs to let his dragon side out every now and again:pinkiecrazy:. Ignoring it would just lead to problems:twilightsmile:.


I did that deliberately, but I'm not sure how well it worked...

It worked. After the Dragon's Quest episode... that works perfectly fine. In fact, you literally said it later in the story; "Spike's a different sort of pony."


Oh, by the way...
> I'd had plenty of practice, he wasn't going to get out of them.
Comma splice :ajbemused:

It was only once I'd finished that I caught the pun. Excellent story friend!

Alright you, steal my profile picture, I teach you to... Ah buck it never mined I should have chose a better picture I guess I'll read the story anyway.:rainbowlaugh:sorry:pinkiehappy:

At least he's not the Sandford Neighborhood Watch Association.

:raritywink:" Spikey have you seen your little mare?"
:moustache: "You?"
:raritywink: "NO, Her":heart:

That was Crystal Clairity

Dark yes
but very dragon-ish of him

Letters are funny things, I thought to myself as I winged my way back towards Canterlot. They always find a way of getting to where they belong. Like the instructions to a certain earth pony to leave. They'd said to head through Whitetail Wood. I'd known he'd take any other route than the one I gave him.

Wait...wasn't Carpenter already dead? Who did Spike send that letter to?

5728234 I think and this is just my theory on it, but i think Carptenter was given a letter telling him to go through Whitetail, but it was laced with Poison joke and made Carpenter's sense of direction wacky so he went through Everfree which is a natural maze in and of itself. There and in deep enough, Spike killed him and took the body back to the basement where he skinned and 'bleached' the body's skeleton before donating it to the school.


He killed him, then later was the reminiscing over how he did it.

He dragonfired carptenter the letter leaves with poison joke. He told him the safe route through whitetail, knowing carpenter would be afraid and go any other direction to avoid him.

So he runs into a path that leads to the ever free, giving ponies no reason to search or him.

Then finally the poison joke kicks in and teleports the letter and carpenter back to spike who sent it, putting carpenter in the lab/basement where spike was able to kill him and bleach his bones.

Carpenter is seen leaving to the woods, and spike is in the basement the whole. Perfect alibi, perfect setup, no questions asked. No one would know or think to guess of poison joke and dragon fire as a means of teleportation, let alone even suspect spike of being able to harm anypony.

Dexter Morgan eat your heart out

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