On a dare by Luna, Celestia cast a love spell on Equestria, causing some crazy yet interesting pairings...of course, the princesses became affected themselves, falling in love with a certain student of hers and a speeding pony.
Pairings: Applejack x Rarity, Rainbow Dash x Princess Luna, Twilight x Celestia, Pinkie Pie x Fluttershy, Sweetie Belle x Scootaloo, Apple Bloom x Diamond Tiara
The fanart is made by this author: http://bri-sta.deviantart.com/art/My-Beloved-Student-coloured-212783958
Chapters (5)
I love this so much! You have no idea how much I love this c:
in the end, it was because of a love spell. kinda forced there.
not real love.
3797832
Not always so. Just keep on reading. The last chapter may make things interesting, I Pinkie Promise.
You way overdid Applejack's accent. She perfectly capable of making a "th" sound, and there's no reason to spell you like yew. Personally, I've always felt trying to write in Applejack's accent was unnecessary, because people will instinctively apply the accent just by knowing who's talking, but if you're gonna do it, you have to be careful you don't make her sound stupid. The story's not terrible, but I end up hating any part with AJ in it because she sounds like in idiot.
Actually, there are a ton of errors throughout the entire story. You really need to proofread this more. The plot isn't bad, but it's not written all that well. Sorry if I sound mean, but I think this story could be pretty good if you went through it and fixed the mistakes.
3801325
I will be honest, I was doing my best to have Applejack speaks in her Southern accent as best as I could. I wasn't trying to make her sound stupid. I agree with your opinion though.
Maybe the CMC will end up with lover's cutie marks.
Hey, I think I'm going to start working on a story similar to this with more pairs. I'll give credit to you for giving me the idea and I'll probably change a lot of the pairs.
Onto the (hopefully) helpful advice:
I notice a lot of spelling errors, like in the first chapter when you called Celly a he.
Some of this seems a bit forced and slightly rushed (my opinion) maybe if you do something like this again have a chapter for each of the pairs and have them take it slow
I feel you mention the In-law thing a bit too much, and since its such a problem in the story you could've said Celestia and Cadence aren't really related.
I am among the bronies who don't care for Alicorns other than the ones we know and love. Its not really a problem but since this is my opinion on your story, I added it.
Since Pinkamena is technacally Pinkie wouldn't Golden Heart be Pinkie's broter?
That accent. I'm sorry but I end up skipping any AB or AJ parts because of how overdone their accents are. Maybe try a bit less, everypony will understand it better and its better to have it underdone than overdone.
Rainbow is a bit too un-Rainbow (in my opinion). When asking Twilight if its night I would think she would know without needing to ask. I think Rainbow would've been a bit more composed instead of how she is in this story, but that may be just me.
Positives:
LunaDash.
I really like the story (its why I wanna write one like it).
The plot isn't half bad.
Your story doesn't have too many mistakes.
LunaDash.
I like how Spike has barbara and he goes to see how everything will go.
LunaDash.
You gave Silver Spoon Snails. :)
LunaDash.
ScootaBelle. (Basically RariDash v2)
You gave that lonely gate gaurd a special somepony.
LUNADASH!
If you haven't guessed by now, i really like LunaDash and you should join the group called LunaDash. Show some support and add some LunaDash stories to the LunaDash-goodness.
3806831
Thanks for the comments. Here are some replies...
1. When I made this, I didn't know or it wasn't know that Cadance wasn't really Celestia's niece at the time. I didn't get the Twilight Sparkle book yet back then.
2. Actually, I think Golden Heart adopted Pinkamena.
3. Join a LunaDash club. Interesting. I will think on it but if you wanna submit this story there, you can.
wow awesome. i a making a marriage fic between the mane 5. when i post it you have to guess which one gets change out with luna. oh and its between my oc and the mane 5.
Is Celestia's spell supposed to remove inhibitions and reservations on a pony or does it make feelings much stronger and harder to ignore?
3817078
I think maybe the latter if you read the whole story.
Who is Golden Heart?
3817823
An OC Alicorn belonging to a pal of mine.
Okay. What story (or stories) are you taking all this from? First, Pinkamena separate from Pinkie, then Pinkamena having a brother, said brother being an alicorn, now Spike having a brother that was once an enemy to Equestria. What is going on?
3819255
For Lorcan, read Lorcan's Wrath to find out more about him. As for Golden Heart, I will get back to you on that.
it seemed like a good story but the bad grammar, spelling and butchering of Applejack's accent made me unable to enjoy it so i fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/357/3/d/hoof_down_by_comeha-d6z0jqf.png
I have to ask Silverspoon Spike? seems to make sense since I haven't read it yet and thats the onl reall pairing that seems left from the group.
you put this two times
"You set my soul on fire," A little bit of an unintentional (or intentional, I'm not sure) Tom & Jerry reference there.