Dream Quill
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I may not like the futa and rape-part so much...but the story is so well-told and the setting interesting, that I will leave a like and fav behind. It is short and maybe doesn't contain so much background story, but has a lot of potential and I would like too see it grow to something good. To something with heart and something with thought and sense...instead of all these bullshit clopfics that are part of this website and grow like cancer.
So people, don't look at just the warning, but also at the text under it and actually read the goddamn story, before just planting a dislike for the lols. It's just...
okay, so I have to wonder. will twilight even realie she just raped somebody? cause that would only make sense that she does........... tries to help this mare somehow.
3796728
Thanks for the kind words but I have to inform you that there will be more clop in this story as it is inevitable.
3796737
Why Twilight acted like she did will be explained later on. But I can say this much:
Twi would never rape anypony on purpose.
But your concern may be unimportant, because if the dislikes keep coming up so fast I don't think that I will put much effort in a story nopony reads due to some jerks who disliked it without even reading it.
3796749
I don't mind. It is part of the story and so I can accept it. I just don't want, that it succumbs to just clop and no story at all...so I mean, it shouldn't turn into a sauce-fest with next to no story at all.
But with you as the author, I'm very certain you won't do that drastic and also stupid step.
So I will hope, that actual readers come and leave likes behind, to show their support towards you and the story...exactly the thing I do.
3796772
Thank you very much.
And I will try my very best to not overdo it with the clop-scenes.
But for what I have planed there will be more.
You see Amber- oh wait. I almost said too much
3796749 think the problem is no build up to it all. twilight appears and rapes somepony silly. not any sign of twilight realizing she even hurt anyone. made it seem she just outright raped and thoroughly enjoyed it like some sociopath.
3796810
Well I tried and slowly build up a story in A Curse in Disguise. It gained me a huge amount of dislikes and additionaly it failed the moderation because it had nothing to do with MlP allegedly.
You see I wanted to try something new and catch the attention of some readers by throwing them right into the story and explaining later on. Because I wanted to make the reader question themselves "Why would Twilight do such a thing?" And especially "What would make Twilight do something like that?"
3796850 best I could say is that if it was changed from, well that was fun, and to twilight suddenly realizing she just raped another mare, then it might have a better effect.
least that is what I think.
3796728
OMG RAPE HOW COULD YOU YOU'RE SICK DISLIKED DISLIKED DISLIKED YOU SICK FUCKING BASTERDDD
yeah I'm glad I'm not like that
3796867
I can only repeat what I said earlier.
It will be explained later on.
And those who know me will always confirm that I think my thoughts through and that I explain litteraly everything that it makes sense and fits together.
3796882
I'm as well...I'm as well.
3796884
And for a matter of fact, yes, she tells the truth. She will not let you wander in the dark. I vouch for that. Even though it doesn't need to mean anything to you guys.
3796884
Hey its a writeing style go for it. Im curious as to the mechanism of her attracting mares. Also while this does not bode well for a happy ending I hope she can find eqlibrium
3796923
Well we'll see about that. But for the mechanism, well... I think I shouldn't reveal it now cause it would ruin the surprise once we get to this point in the story.
But this I can say. Amber is not aware of it herself, even if she already thinks it is her fault.
I read it. And downvoted.
You shifted tenses a few times. The story has no context or buildup. The character actions, both the mare and twilight, make no sense. Your formatting is a bit odd. There are a bunch of run-on sentences and punctuation errors.
So, you see, just because people downvote and don't comment doesn't mean they didn't read. Height of hubris to assume so.
3796974
I assumed so because the story was up for less than 2 minutes and I got my first downvote.
Noone can read this fast.
If you read the story and it didn't appeal to you or disgusts you or anything then you certainly have the right to downvote it.
I never doubted that.
As for your statements:
This is not a One-Shot.
Why should I reveal everything just at the beginning? Wouldn't it be senseless to read on?
And as I said, several times now I might add, it will be explained later on.
Characters that are fully developed at the beginning of a story are just plain BORING
And never heard of the stylistic devise of throwing the reader straight ahead into a story and then reveal the reasons why later on?
For my grammar and punctuation mistakes I can only appologize.
I am not a native english speaker. And I don't think that my english is particulary good or could fool a native.
But ever thought about, oh I don't know, pointing out the mistakes so I can correct and learn from them?
I'm not really in to rape but I can't wait to see were you go with this
I'm gonna read the story now. 'Fear of Dark' by Iron Maiden came to me when I read that description xD
Great start. I can tell that this is the making of something good.
As for everyone else. It would appear that they dont all know how to hook readers, yes i know that they are the readers but a degree of patience is needed by them. Such patience has not been shown by all of them. Starting in the middle of action is a risky choice but it almost always gets the best results. These other people obviously have not thought of that and just expect everyhing to be laid out in front of them when that basically makes a story useless because everything is already known at the start.
Anyway, I enjoyed it and you now have a new favourite and like.
You need to go back and spacee your paragraphs properly.
Enjoying this story so far
3802237
Thank you very much.
You've got an interesting premise here, but you need to sort out your spelling and your layout if you want to attract readers. Little things like "Celesita" rather than the correct spelling "Celestia" are quite jarring. Especially for pedantic folk like me! ;)
Also gotta watch your tenses, they wander in a few places. For example, "the dream lingers a bit" should be "the dream lingered a bit". Keep an eye out for those.
You also need to sort out your paragraph indents. Fimfiction is a bit of a pain for those, I know. It doesn't like ones that are automatically put in by things like Google Docs or MS Word and it tends to remove them, I spend ages going through my chapters to make sure I haven't missed any of them after I upload. You need to make sure and add them manually if they're missing. It doesn't take long and it makes your story that much easier to read.
3811031
thank you very much for your advice.
My keyboard is getting old and although I press some buttons before others it seems to randomly mix them up sometimes.
I try my best to prevent such embarrasing mistakes but they happen.
Believe me or not, but I actually wanted to write "lingered" but in the heat of the moment my finger must have slipped.
I write my Chapters in the editor on FimFiction cause I thought it would make it easier to properly format my texts but it doesn't.
But I digress.
Thanks for pointing out some of my mistakes. I will try to correct them but, as I stated earlier, I'm not a native, so it is quite difficult for me to find such errors by scanning my text.
I read and re-read it several times and corrected many mistakes but as it seems there are always some that I am not able to find.
Sometimes I wish I had a proof-reader like others here on FimFiction...
All I want is to tell a story, to capture the reader and to make him feel, to make him want to read on.
To ask him-/herself what will happen, to be entranced by it.
All I want with my story, is to make my readers to actually enjoy it.
I failed before... due to my lack of skill with the language.
And maybe I will fail again.
But I have to try at least.
Interesting, I would like to see more of this.
A typo is the worst way to end a story.
5680345
Oh. That's embarrasing.
Hope that didn't ruin your whole reading experience.
I stated here, several times in fact, that english isn't my native language.
On top of that I'm a dyslexic so I have to depend on obviously failable spelling software.
Tried to get an editor but had no luck in that regard
Awe man, cliffhanger! ;)
It's an interesting concept, what would happen if your mere presence caused others of the same sex to become irrationally powerfully sexually attracted to you. Fortunately (unfortunately?) She never had it in her mind to take advantage of the situation...
Keep going! ;)
I can't wait to see what you write next keep up the good work update more soon. Question will there be a sequel please because this story is vary interesting to read.
7372874
A sequel was actually planned. But I'm afraid I have to tell you the old "My life fucks me over so much I can't write at the moment" shtik that seems to be the main reason for authors not to update anymore. But yeah... got a job for which I have to move over 200 miles. Is a bit stressfull time and I honestly can't tell when the sequel will be ready. But I didn't forget about this, don't worry.