• Member Since 6th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

CrypticMetaphor


*SPOILERS* ;)

Sequels1

T

FEATURED ON 02/05/2014 THANK YOU ALL!!!
During a personal excursion into the Everfree forest, Twilight goes further beyond it's borders. Soon she discovers a ruined temple and what she finds inside of it surprises her beyond belief. A stallion around her age named Baen is freed into the world from the structure. Though the stallion is brash, reckless, and having trouble adjusting to the new norms that he is not accustomed to, he has a good heart. Upon Celestia's request and Twilight's eagerness, the Elements of Harmony and many other ponies that Baen will meet shall teach the young barbarian their ways and how to find his place in this new time. They had best hurry though, for enemies of old are preparing to move against them and they're playing for keeps.

For Clop of everpony's favorite Barbarian, The Conquests of Baen By Lucky424

(Based on a character I shall use in a pony D&D. Art done by 2ll2l )

Chapters (47)
Comments ( 607 )

Houston we have a problem. Looks like Twilight will have her hoofs full for right now.

Did you do that cover art!?! :derpyderp2: It's amazing!

Awesome! Really loved it! If you're interested, I'd like to help you with whatever you need in this story. Maybe I could assist you in some way. Something as promising as this deserves a leg up! Good work!

3864912
I'm listening. What's you proposition?

3865179 I'd be interested in helping you proofread among a great many other things. For example, I see lots of potential in this piece of work, and I was thinking about a story similar to this one. Perhaps I could message you privately some of my own ideas. Maybe some chapters even, and you could tell me what you think. It's a win-win situation, in case you're interested. Of course, if not, I'll understand completely. Thanks!

3865661
Tell me in PM then good sir, you have peaked my interest

This is going to be an awesome story. It seems as if you already have one volunteer but if you want a second person to bounce ideas off of I'd love to help out. Either way, can't wait fort the next chapter.

3866994
Sure, more the merrier

Baen... Should have given him a hammer, of which he calls 'the Baen hammer' (horrible pun, here I come!).
...
Dude. I want you to incorporate a scene I just thought up this this story.

Well this seems really freaking familiar...

fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/32020.png?1389476953

:ajbemused: . . .

Extraordinary number of parallels in the first chapter alone aside, this needs some editing. Or at least a once over. It reads far too clinically/academically for an adventure story, almost like a nervous narrator is speaking in a high syntax to keep things college-oriented instead of interesting. Calm down and tell the story, don't just flutter about with fancy words just because you know them.

Baen seems awefully coherent in his speaking for a 'barbarian'...

...Now I'm reminded of the Glorious 2 year Crusader for Germany lead by Konan the Berserker Pope I ended up part of while playing Crusader Kings 2.

3869224
1. I've never seen, read, or heard of this story.
2. Your opinion is noted.
3. Whatever similarities you see I apologize for having.
4. Everyone has a way of telling a narrative, mine tend to change....a lot :3

Comment posted by CrypticMetaphor deleted Jan 30th, 2014
Comment posted by Commander202 deleted Jan 30th, 2014

3870728
-_-

You had best be joking.

Comment posted by Commander202 deleted Jan 30th, 2014
Comment posted by Commander202 deleted Jan 30th, 2014

3870828
No, the image was a commission I got from somepony. What exactly do u plan to do with it if I say yes?

3870882 What do you mean? I just offered to proofread. That doesn't mean I'm after his cover art. Are... are you a troll? :unsuresweetie:

Comment posted by Commander202 deleted Jan 30th, 2014

Why did you delete all my comments!? :fluttercry:

3871474
Apology's, i thought you were a troll

This feels rushed.

And come on, Twilight is smart. She would have realised that a stallion who asked for his weapon shortly after being released from stone could be dangerous. Giving the most logical character the Idiot Ball is not a good thing.
And why the hell was his axe so close to him in a goddamn hospital!?

3878960
Do you honestly think anypony that's not a unicorn could heft that thing? Also, at the time, Baen was kind of unconscious and Twilight sort of gave him the benefit of the doubt. Plus she didn't count on him waking up before they got there.

Also i apologize if you feel it's rushed. In all honesty, it's not, I actually took my time with this. Just like i do with all my stories.

3878991
Benefit of the doubt or no, leaving the pony's weapon within reach of him reeks of stupidity. And never mind the fact that a hospital would never let anything like that on site, let alone in a patient's room. Even if there was no rule, I'm pretty sure that the staff would have had the sense to, y'know, confiscate it. Maybe Twilight's not holding the Idiot Ball, but an entire building full of medical staff seem to be.

And as for feeling rushed, the lack of description is what gives off that vibe. I understand what it's like, having everything playing out in your head, but you need to remember that we can't see that (This is not meant to be condescending).

I say this guy should get off the hook (at least somewhat) with the whole 'attacking' Rainbow Dash fiasco. I mean, she was literally asking for it. Anyways, this is shaping up quite nicely, and I can't wait to read more.:pinkiehappy:

I'm guessing that Baen is based on RPG characters from games like Golden Axe, Altered Beast and co.

A nice addition, although it certainly does feel rushed. A little too rushed, I dare say. Nonetheless, still a nice addition. :ajsmug:

Wow, so this guy is OLDER than Celestia and Luna?

This is refreshing, about time someone wrote a story like this. Reminds me of my current D&D Next campaign me and my friends are playing. Keep it up, I like it.

im gonna need an update soon or im gonna go crazy

... He had a senior moment. That's why he is so angry! If eel so smart...

Such a rage-inducing cliffhanger...I like it! Another! ...I think I will wait for the next chapter while reflecting on the old chapter now. bioshale.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/another-anime-meme-h1n-net.jpg
That's me holding the pie!

what a twist vinyl scratch outta nowhere nice to see other ponies getting the spotlight with the mane 6 its always about them or someone else never them together

Oh my... Fluttershy, are you developing feelings for this stallion?
derpicdn.net/img/2012/9/14/98204/large.png
If Baen did that to Shy later on... Rainbow Dash would do a Double Rainboom on him

I think I know what's going on. While Baen represents Equestria's stone age, Vinyl represents the digital age. Or I'm just overthinking things.

3943688
Well one of the running gags is the fact that many mares compliment and ogle his toned flank
:ajsmug:

Can you guess what the other running gag is?

I hope I can look forward to seeing a funny interaction with Octavia in the future.
3945115
Baen beating up Rainbow Dash?

3950663
No, dropping his axe. Also, I was at 70 likes where did it goes? :(

3950910
Hmm, don't know why I didn't pick up on that. And don't worry about the likes, it happens. This is just my theory, but I find that on a decent amount of stories on this site, the ratio of unique views to likes is in the area of 1:10. So you're above the curve there.

Wait a second... we've got a BARBARIAN staying with a DUBSTEP DJ.

THIS IS GOING TO BE LEGEN- wait for it- DARY!

Lol, I can see how he will wake up to the two in the morning to come :rainbowlaugh:

Lol, this was pretty funny. Personally, I thought Baen was going to mistake Vinyl's and Octavia's relationship for something sexual and try to get in on the action. So it would be like a double whammy to Octavia.

If I had to complain about anything, it would be that Baen's relentless tendency to try to get laid with every mare he meets. It seems kind of creeper-ish to my, depite the humor in it. Maybe you could play it off as a coping mechanism of sorts? Like back in his day, the only way to really survive in a new city, or his country in particular, was to talk a big game and all that? Forgive me my historical stereotypes, but kind of like the Vikings with honor through conquest and all that.

3953537 While normally I would agree with you good sir I have to disagree right here. He may seem creeper-ish but it wouldn't be a coping mechanism. He comes from a time where pleasure was something that was probably just done on the fly. It sounds like his time period was brutal and short so you had to have some fun when you could. And I know its not his time anymore and that's not how the ponies do things anymore but you can't expect someone to lose a lifetime of habits immediately.

Humans. Baen was fighting humans, and that's why he's never heard of the princesses. They didn't even exist. This is pre-tribal Equestria.:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

3953537 Gonna add on to what tobbydark said. There WERE no countries. He is from a time similar to our own hunter-gatherer periods. His time period is before even the tribes mentioned in Hearth's Warming Eve stories. His actions are perfectly normal to him, as they likely had harems and things of that nature.

His thought process is 'make kids, kill ponies I don't like' because that's how it always was.

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