Magic Kindergarten

by Ponysopher

Reappraisals (ii)

The filly suddenly had a load of free time on her hooves with nothing to do. Half of her wanted to pick up a novel to pass the time, but the maltreatment she had received had conditioned her at this point to find no pleasure in reading. So she spent her days in her bedroom looking for something to do other than think; anything to take her mind away from the agony. The first few days after she had stopped introspecting, she was sunk deep in depression and felt that the pain would never end. Her parents tried to cheer her up, taking her to get ice cream, going on walks, and many other fun things to no avail.

Yet despite her belief that she who be a forever mourning pony like in the storybooks, she found a way to be happy. One day, she walked outside her house and decided to run around the circuit of the city. After returning home, she realized that she had passed most of the day without thinking and the physical exhaustion she felt was preferable to anything she could be moping about. In addition, she developed quite a physical appetite and started eating a lot more. Running then was how she spent her days.

It was not long before she began in internalized schedule. She woke up, ate a big breakfast, went for a morning run, returned home, and ate lunch. Then she spent a few hours walking until she felt that she could run again. Along the way she admired the beautiful architecture of the city. Though most of it was built into the mountain in its early days, in this age it had grown into a sea of color and design. One could spend eons gazing at the wonderful buildings throughout the city, and for Twilight, this provided the perfect way to occupy her time. She returned home and ate dinner, and then conversed with her parents for about an hour. Then she went to bed early. This habit continued throughout the summer.

The school year arrived and Twilight found herself in the first grade. Unlike kindergarten, the first grade did not have as many breaks between learning periods, to her dismay. Only a year ago, she would have jumped for joy at this, but now such business was a minor inconvenience. School consumed of a large portion of her day and she had time only to go on a short run on each one. She went to school and did the homework that she had to do, and then went back to her preferred business.

As Prince Blueblood had promised, her classmates maintained a degree of hostility towards her, though in several ways that was significantly less stressful than it had been the previous year. Now that she was doing only the same amount of work that they did and no more, only her previous studies were giving her the ability to pass through the course. On a normal basis, she would have been taking out grades of around seventy five percent, but instead she was scoring around ten points higher than that which each test; however, this was of course only passing by her previous standards.

It was this reduced effort and performance that gave her classmates little reason to spite her. Now few held much against her, and the ones that did had close ties with the prince, who was gradually gaining popularity through his money and status. Twilight was no longer a pariah, but just one that nopony bothered to approach. The filly still felt the lingering and festering thirst that nagged at her daily, but she repressed it well enough. As a result she was content but not happy or joyful, which was good enough for her.

The school year flew by her with great speed. Before she knew it, it was April and its end was right around the corner. As before, she studied what she could and passed through the last two tests with relative ease. Thus another summer came and once more Twilight began running through the city; admiring the beautiful view and seeing more detail every day. She had no plans to become an athlete. Although she was becoming very good, becoming faster and able to run greater distances without tiring as easily, she thought that she was too small and did not have the right build to be able to compete with the lightning-fast and enduring stallions of Canterlot. Running was a nonproductive task that passed the time and repressed any undesirable thoughts. If she rested from this routine, she may have stopped because her nature did not approve of spending time on nonproductive chores, but she did not ever allow for such thinking.

Repetitively and as before, the second grade presented itself as a hindrance. It was not an obstacle as before, but rather an annoying duty. Once more she had to deal with the occasional crony of Blueblood causing trouble for her. To make matters more troublesome, she could see that the course work was becoming steadily more rigorous and contained fewer chances to break. Nap time and snack time had been sacrificed to make way for more subjects and the tests were no longer based on memorization, but on understanding of principles, to Twilight’s dismay. All of this meant more work for her inside and outside the classroom, though admittedly it did produce the same affect as running. She didn’t like running because it was arduous and tired her out. She liked it because it redirected her thoughts. When she understood this, she treated schoolwork the same way. She didn’t enjoy it, but it became a diversionary tactic. She passed through it all.

Finally, following the summer of second grade, the prince was true to his word and what remained of her classmates –some of them were dropping out and going to regular school with earth and pegasus ponies- treated her with relative kindness; no longer avoiding her like the plague. She involuntarily made a few acquaintances, but her prolonged two and a half years of isolation made her into a creature that had forgotten how to make friends. She played with a few ponies outside of the inner circle of the colt prince, but made no attempt to truly befriend them. Her thirst for friendship had been quelled. Once being a burning pain, it was now a negligible twitch.

This continued on for three years. For three years Twilight passed down a road of apathy. Gradually, she assimilated into the crowd until she was hardly distinguishable from the rest of the crowd. Her grades were no better than anypony else’s. She generally struggled to keep her average at around an eighty. Her mannerisms were not her own, but were directed by the mob. She learned the jargon, spoke as they spoke, and liked what they liked. Eventually, she spent a good deal of time with other ponies. The filly was introduced to many ponies around the city and associated with them. Few of them could be called her friends and most of the time she wondered what their names were. It was amusing that as they moved into the sixth grade, the crowd that she was with promoted individuality and freedom of choice with their mouths, but if anypony among them acted differently, they were outcast. Freedom of speech was the slogan, but enforced homogeneity was the unspoken law.

One day, she was walking down the road to the market to buy some groceries. To get there, she had to pass by the library. The sun was completing its circuit in the west and the shops were beginning to close down, so the unicorn was in a hurry. However as she was passing the library, it happened that Miss Sandy in the flesh was exiting. Walking out of the great edifice, she saw the filly for the first time in ages. Recognizing her immediately, she called to her and cantered across the distance to her. “How are you, dear?” She kindly asked. “It’s been ages since I’ve last saw you and you’ve certainly grown.”

Stopping, the filly took a moment to identify this person. Soon, she recognized her as the mare who had helped her in the library those years ago and had been teaching her through her books since. “I’m okay, Miss Sandy.” She answered.

“Have you been reading any lately?” The elderly mare asked.

“Um, no really.” The young mare answered nervously. “I don’t really read too much anymore.”

“Really, why ever not?”

“I don’t see any reason to, and my friends don’t do it.”

The mare smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Are your friends the main reason?”

“I guess.”

“Will you do me a favor then?”

The filly hesitated, but realized that she should get moving and answered, “What is it?”

The mare reached into her saddlebag and pulled out an old, leatherbound tome. “Could you read just one more book for me? I think you’ll like this one.”

“I don’t know if I’ll have the time to…”

“This one isn’t a revised version, dear. This is the original manuscript written by the author himself. To my knowledge, you haven’t read anything that hasn’t been revised by me and I think that you’re more than ready for it.”

These words piqued her interest. She had indeed never read a book outside of what she was required to read for school that wasn’t dumbed down. The idea of viewing an original text brushed over a part of her that she instinctively couldn’t resist. Additionally, she was in a hurry and didn’t have time to argue, so she accepted the book and promised that she would read it when she had the chance. Then she rushed off to do some shopping.

It was a few days before the filly came to fulfill her promise. She went about her business as usual: socializing with the crowd, studying what she had to for an upcoming test, and doing nothing of particular use. Though one night after dinner, she had no plans and retired early to her bedroom. When she was about to turn in for the night, she looked at her nightstand and saw the book which Miss Sandy had given to her. Because the night was young and she had nothing better to do other than sleep, she raised the book and went over to read it at her desk.

As she set down the heavily leather book and climbed up to her seat, she felt a sense of petty pride that she was reading a book on her own for the first time in ages. While her acquaintances did not practice the deed and looked down on it, part of her old nature still lingered in her. She had an inkling that there was a great store of knowledge in this book. Though this would most likely be her last time, she reminded herself that it was her first time reading a book that was not edited for a younger audience. Thus she felt both more mature and smarter for deciding to honor her promise.

However, another part of her presented itself to her before she could so much as gaze at the title. She was reminded that this sort of thing was want gained her a hell of a life in her younger years. There was a good reason why she did not read often coupled with the fact that the idea had become dull and pointless. With these thoughts in mind she was about to have a change of heart, but decided that wasting good waking hours wasn’t the way to go.

She looked at the cover that had gold letters engraved into the leather. They read, Collected works from Emerstallion. She opened the over and flipped to the first chapter which was called “Self Reliance.” Involuntarily, her mind brought her once more to the cave of ignorance as she began to read. The view that she saw with the mind’s eye was not a pleasant memory, but she ignored it and pressed on. As the words poured into her soul, she began to visualize the author much easier than she had with any other book.

There was a handsome, white stallion in his late thirties standing in the cave with her. He was dressed in fine and fancy clothing like those among the elite of Canterlot. When he had taken a full form, he addressed her. His voice was melodious and stern. His words though kind, carried a tone of great authority. “It has been an eon since anyone has invoked me, Twilight Sparkle. For the longest time my words have been forgotten and collected dust, but here you are now reading them. You must have a good reason, especially since you are young.”

She answered, “A friend of mine gave me your book and said that I would like to read it. Do you have anything to teach me that I would want to know?”

“If I were to teach you anything, it would not come from me, but from you. I am no teacher. I am a mere pony who shows people a better way to live.”

The filly was already growing impatient. “All right, do you have anything to tell me that I would want to hear?”

“Trust thyself, Twilight.”

The stallion’s response was terse. When he said no more, the unicorn assumed that she was supposed to think about it. When the implications of his command presented themselves, she argued, “I trusted myself for a year and only bad things happened.”

The stallion smirked. His eyes grew haughty and shone even in the darkness of the cave. “What sort of bad things?”

“I wasted a lot of time pursuing a goal that was only a dream. Ponies hated me for it, and I ignored them until I couldn’t ignore them anymore. Then I stopped trusting in myself and turned to other ponies. They haven’t steered me wrong yet.”

The stallion chuckled. “Hah, so it’s true then. For nonconformity, the world whips you with its displeasure. Its rage is decorous and prudent; for its inhabitants are timid as well as being as vulnerable as you. But when the ignorant and the poor are aroused, when the unintelligent brute force that lies at the bottom of society is made to growl and mewl, it requires the will of Celestia or Luna to treat it as an inconsequential trifle.”

The filly rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it. I thought I had that will, but I didn’t. I took the smart way out and stopped going against the flow before it killed me.”

Emerstallion continued. “Ponies hate you, Twilight, for your nonconformity, but do you believe Star-Swirl the Bearded or Platony were loved in their time? You claim that your choice to assimilate was smart, and the world believes the same. It sees nonconformity as foalish and foolish, while the mob’s ways are mature and ingenious. Its desires you to forsake yourself and believe as it believes. Take for example, your love of wisdom. While you once loved pursuing wisdom, the world hates wisdom and compelled you to give up that love. Now you find little pleasure in the practice because you have become part of the world. I am not here to tell you that such a thing is right or wrong –such things you must determine for yourself- though I will say that it was once your will to search for wisdom as it was once your will to pursue that dream. That dream was once a reality for you, but the world belittled until it was only a fairy tale.”

The growing filly was annoyed by this retrogressive thought. “Platony and Star-Swirl were geniuses who ponies loved. They didn’t dream up some wild goal and then try to do it when everypony else was trying to stop them. What you’re saying sounds good, but it’s just not realistic enough. I thought I was smart, but I wasn’t. I only was able to get perfect scores on my tests in kindergarten because I studied too hard. But all that wasn’t worth it. I’m doing fine now and I’m not studying at all.”

Emerstallion continued to smirk. “The geniuses before you were not loved until the twilight of their lives. Nor were they successful because they were ‘realistic’ about their goals. The geniuses and the successful ponies were great dreamers. They dreamed mad and even audacious dreams and chased after the impossible goals that only mad ponies chased after. They may not have received all that they wished for, but they tried. And as a result, they accomplished many times more than the average pony in the mob.

“Great ponies have always trusted in themselves and pursued dreams that the world called insane. They were called foalish among the so called 'geniuses' of their ages, but they believed that absolute trustworthiness was enthroned in their self and not in the world; working through their hands and predominating in all their being. You are a filly who will soon become a mare. To be recognized as a mare and not just as a big, older filly, you must accept in the highest mind the same destiny as those geniuses before you. Accept not the destiny of the minors or the invalids in a protected corner, or the cowards fleeing before a revolution. Doing this, you will be not hated, but revered as a guide, a redeemer, and a benefactor; obeying the Almighty effort, and advancing on the Darkness and the Chaos.”

The unicorn sighed. He was giving her the same promises that her teachers had given her many times before. “Look, I’ve already heard this stuff and I tried it, but it didn’t work out. I had no friends and nopony wanted anything to do with me.”

“Such failure to pursue your innermost desires is not the mob’s fault entirely. The power that the mob possesses to spite you and deal you pain was bequeathed to them by your none other than yourself, Twilight. Nothing that ponies do to you can hurt you unless you allow it. Your desire for friends is what has been hindering you from the actualization of your purpose all this time. Therefore, your flesh constantly tempts you to fulfill its desires above all else. The only way to rid yourself of this pain is to make war against those desires. Say to the whole mob, ‘I no longer desire to live in your favor if I must first sacrifice the sanctity of myself. My flesh says that I must live among you, but my spirit tells me that I need not your sickly company. I am no longer yours, nor will I be tossed about here and there as your fickle minds are; for I am the mistress of my fate, the captain of my soul!’”

These words cut to the heart of the filly. She had told herself this time and time again. It was a question of thirst or hunger, but that was where the analogy broke down. Did she really need to have friends? Did she require socialization with peers for the continuation of her life? The thought came to her that she had been framed and failed a test, but in the end, that was insignificant. First, it was one test, and she still passed, with an above average grade. Second, she knew she wouldn’t fall for it again and she was sure she could defend herself should something happen like it again.

The stallion warned her when the thought came to her mind. “Yet do not entertain yourself with the idea that warring with your desires will be an easy task. Do not be fooled into assuming that the mere motivation I am now imparting to you will be sufficient to contend with it; for the flesh is strong, and the soul is weak. For now your soul is the servant to your body, but you must beat your body and make it your spirit's slave if you wish to have any hope to attain the prize.”

Twilight looked up with curiosity; her heart sinking. “Then how can I win? I tried fighting it before too, but I failed.”

“Before you ignored the problem, but running away from the battle is even worse than losing. In war, unless one faces their opponent head on and relentlessly and assiduously continues to fight against them, it is impossible to achieve victory. Should you desire to pursue the prize, you must rush for it without halting as you did before, but you must also do so bravely and shamelessly. When those who persecute you raise their hooves against you, stand firm and raise your hooves against them. For your will in the height of its brilliance has potential to be a thousand times stronger than theirs. And when your flesh cries out because of its loneliness, say to it, ‘Be silent, flesh! Torment me not; for you will gain nothing from whining.’ Hold fast and fight then.”

The old desire for the prize was welling up in Twilight once more at the epic words of Emerstallion, but she still had her doubts. There was once more a good deal at stake. Pain was pain, and telling herself that something didn’t hurt wouldn’t make it any better. Giving up the wide, brick road and walking down the wooded and thorny path would not be an easy task. In truth, she was not even sure at this point she could make it through. Not only was there the potential for her annihilation as before, but now, it being later, she could have wasted too much time. So she asked him, “But what if I fail?”

Twilight expected him to renew the promises of her older teachers about leaving the cave and all the wonders and pleasures she would enjoy if she didn’t fail, but he did not. Rather he answered. “As surely as the sun will rise tomorrow, you will not fail. But if by some unforeseen enemy or malicious foe you are unexpectedly stricken down, it will matter little; for though you will have not achieved your goal, neither did those great ones before you. It is a fine thing for a good pony to die while fighting for the greatest of treasures. Though she did not gain the unattainable prize, she came so close to it and paved the way for the next after her to do so.

"Such a pony will have her name carved into the stone of the walls of Canterlot and it will not be blotted out from the princess’ chronicles, but the pony who gives in to fear and adversity will be hated with dishonor when she lives and forgotten after she dies.” After this, Twilight came to the end of the chapter, which she realized was an unorthodox essay, but Emerstallion, as one last act, walked to where she was and struck at the chains binding her in the cave of ignorance with his hoof. From the blow, there was a noticeable crack on one of the chain’s links.

Twilight was no longer the filly that she had been six years previously, but now at the age of eleven, that great passion that she had before she even knew about magic kindergarten was rekindled. Just as on the day when she battled her way through the crowd at the Summer-Sun Celebration, so now she was pushing her way through the realms of knowledge. Right after school the following day, she returned for the first time in ages to the library and checked out five thick books at the intermediate level. She spent all of her time studying these books as well as heavily focusing on her school work. All the while, she affixed her thoughts on the court of Celestia.

Covertly, her grades started to rise again, and towards the end of the year, just as before, her classmates began to grow aggravated as her repeated perfect scores evinced themselves. After a while when she was breezing through the tests, Prince Blueblood thought it was necessary to take action again. He invited Twilight to have dinner with him, but received no response. Twilight was now taking the war as seriously as he, and as for as she knew, he wasn’t going to negotiate, and she wasn’t going to submit.

Thus Blueblood called together the sixth grade class which consisted of several of those who had lasted since magic kindergarten, and incited them to treat her just as they had before. So Twilight received plenty of dirty looks and nasty words and names. She was also in danger of being framed on more than one occasion, but she was much more prudent this time and fraternized with no one. On one such occasion, the teacher suspected her of cheating but she pleaded a well formed apology and showed beyond a reasonable doubt that she was innocent. Needless to say, Tricky Framer was expelled this time.

With great intensity and without stopping, she returned to the counsel of her old teachers as well as many new ones formed by the opinions of several other authors. As time passed, she began to form her own opinions about what she read and began to argue and debate with her teachers; even winning several engagements. It was at this time that she was not happy (because happiness is caused by good circumstances); however she was very joyful. She found the greatest joy and thrills from diving into a good book and draining and filtering its contents by her disgression. Knowledge was more precious than diamonds, more costly than gold, and sweeter than honey.

The present sufferings that she endured from her fleshly desires were negligible when in the presence of her great joys and discoveries. No longer did the opinions or company of others concern her. She found the greatest joy in studying. Every morning she awoke to the radiant sun with all the energy that her body could muster. Each day was an adventure and an awesome journey. Just as an army of soldiers, hopelessly outnumbered but armed with experience and training that equip it with the most invincible ability advance step by step, little by little take ground against the untrained enemy, even so was her life was so full of meaning that advanced ever deliberately upon a sole purpose. Nor could she stop her steady progression if she tried. Although her body was weak and unwilling, her spirit had now dominated Twilight and urged her onward; giving her the most passionate desire to break the chains in the cave as well as certain happiness in completing that objective.

It was not long before she was beginning to learn practical magic. Not too long ago she had prided herself in mastering the turning of a page but now she was studying much more intricate spells such as levitating many objects at once and learning to wield those objects to perform tasks such as writing, which required a great deal of concentration.

Keeping the words of Emerstallion in mind, nothing could stop her as she pressed on. She destroyed any test that was thrown her way, stood firmly and unafraid of those who opposed her, and gained knowledge greater than all of her classmates’ combined many times over. After a great struggle with herself that lasted for a year and a half, she finally beat her flesh into submission and the need for friends did not cross her mind for ages to come. All of her being was now only focused on pursuing the prize.

After this feat had been accomplished, Twilight saw that the end was in sight. For almost eight years she had trudged through the trials of the secondary magical education, but when she passed the seventh grade, she would be ready to apply for one of the academies where she would begin her advanced studies as well as look for a high ranking mage to appoint her to a position. Yet though she was keeping the end in mind, at the time, she had to focus everything she had on finishing out the grades strong. She rested little and ate only enough for three weeks; studying as hard as she could and anticipating the questions she would encounter on her final exams. Her efforts proved effective. She made it through the home stretch, and just as she did when she leapt into the hole in the crowd with all her strength to reach its front, she utterly annihilated each of her exams; passing through the grades with an overall score of ninety five percent.

As for her peers, most of them didn’t make the cut and Prince Blueblood passed only because his father had hired a private tutor for him (and maybe he cheated as well), but Twilight paid no attention to how her peers had done. She had fought the good fight. She had finished the race. She had remained true to herself. The prize then was just around the corner.