Epilogue: And That's What Happened
“…And that’s mostly it,” Derpy said. “We told the Royal Guards that Cheating Bastard was part of the ninja clan to justify your…” She coughed. “Let’s call that ‘beating’, okay?”
“So he’s probably being interrogated at this very moment,” Turner said. “I’m still amazed by the fact that he was still conscious when you left him.”
“I taught her a couple of tricks before she got up the statue,” Lyra explained. “It’s all about balance, you see? You don’t want them to pass out when you’re having fun.”
“Huh.” Carrot Top frowned. “Well, that was quite the story. We’re lucky we didn’t end up going to jail. Or to the hospital.”
“Yeah, it was.” Vinyl took off her glasses. “Although, Tavi?” She looked at her with emotionless eyes. “I didn’t know you had been flirting with Fleur de Lis.”
“Well, a little bit of fun never hurt anypony,” Octavia said. “I actually saw her one last time before getting out of that place.”
“You did?” asked Turner.
“Yeah.” Octavia winked at him. “We’re going out next Wednesday. I believe it’s gonna be quite the afternoon. Fancy Pants is coming too. Their place.”
Derpy caught the image of Vinyl making a very weird face after hearing this with the corner of her eye, but when she turned to her, the DJ had the glasses on again and she was smiling as brightly as ever. “Well then,” Vinyl said, a little louder than needed, “in the end everything turned pretty much okay, right? Turner’s gonna get a medal, Cheating Bastard is in the hospital, and Octavia has a date.”
“And I stabbed a guy,” added Lyra.
“And Lyra stabbed a guy,” repeated Vinyl. “All in all, it’s been good.”
A couple minutes of silence.
“Turner?” Octavia looked at him. “What did you tell Derpy when Vinyl yelled at you? You never told us.”
“I’ll tell you if you tell me how you got the drug out of Derpy’s body.”
Derpy and Vinyl shook her head. “Never.”
“Well then, you might never know.” Turner winked back. “I was just making a safe bet. Which reminds me…” He looked at Derpy. “Don’t we have an agreement, ladies?”
“The day after tomorrow you two come to my place,” said Octavia with a smile. “At eight or something. Cool?”
“Cool.”
“If we have no other option…”
“We could go out the same night,” said Carrot, looking at Bon Bon, Lyra, and Vinyl. “I don’t have any coltfriend now, so I’m free to do whatever I want after all.”
“Sounds exciting,” said Bon Bon with a disgusted face. “I can’t fucking wait.”
“We’ll talk about this tomorrow,” said Vinyl. Then she frowned. “Carrot? Did you actually talk with Bastard or did you just punch him in the nuts again and again?”
“We talked,” Carrot said. “He said he was sorry. Then I got started.”
“So he apologized?” asked Derpy. “Well, at least he tried to be kind.”
“He said that he just wanted to change positions in bed,” continued Carrot. “He said I was too much of a brute and that I was always the one controlling our sex life. What an asshole.”
Derpy frowned at her friend, confused. Around her, she could see the entire gang doing the same.
Then Bon Bon and Turner snickered. “Yeah. That’s Carrot Top for you,” Turner said.
“We should have seen this coming,” Bon Bon agreed.
The bar’s walls shook with everypony’s laughs shortly after.
Then Carrot Top remembered that Turner had put tracking devices in their food, and once Vinyl explained what that meant, she tried to break his legs. Derpy tried to protect him, but accidentally hit Octavia in the face while doing so. Vinyl started yelling at her, Bon Bon insulted everypony, and then Lyra decided to join the party.
They all ended up at the hospital that night, after all.
But at least they made sure to ask the nurses for their rooms to be as close as possible.
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I have to say, I enjoyed this fic much more than I probably should have. The ninjas, the smoke, Derpy tripping out, it was PERFECT.
Still, how did Turner's ass cure Derpy? Could you, I don't know, send me a PM about just what the heck that was about?
Wait, what pun?
3838620
Vinyl said the only thing that could cure her was Time.
We have a Time Turner, or the hourglass on his but in any case.
They stuck Derpy's face on his butt.
3838662
Yes.
I really enjoyed reading this, it was fun. I was happy to help where I could. If you ever want my help again, I would gladly lend it.
This was like seeing a DND party solve daily life problems. They even used Plan B.
And alls well that ends well.
Except for all the ponies who were mained, but eh, who cares about them? They were Canterlot Nobility after all.
As for Blueblood's location? I think I've figured it out. Oh, you were clever, and hid it well, but it's plain to see. Blueblood never showed up, because Lyra is Blueblood. A simple disgues spell, and no pony would ever know. Why have a shit ton of drugs, including a very flamable one at your house? Because you plan on using them to fuck with your guests. A gaudy dolphin fucking pony statue? That noble bashing was premeditated months in advance. Why is Lyra so unconcerned with the possible consequences of her actions? Because Lyra is a fake identity, and even if the somepony figures it out, who would believe them? Why burn down your own house? It's not like he's hurting for money, and all that suffering is worth it. Lyra is a dick. Blueblood is a dick. If L=D and B=D then L=B. Flawless logic.
A wonderful read, if I do say so myself. Can't wait for that sequel thats going to come sooner or later.
This was thoroughly enjoyable from start to finish. Congrats, sir. Long may these inept and dysfunctional sociopaths continue to entertain.
3838667
I think it's supposed to be Carrot Top, which (to me) implies that she was always on top.
Yes, where IS Blueblood through all this clusterfuck?
Please let their be a sequel to this
I wish i had that kind of friends.
Deep inside, in the very core of their souls , they love each other.
Except Bon , she hates everypony equally
Well I finally caught up to all the chapters today.
I gotta say that I do like the story.
Pun was horrible.
And this Lyra should go jump into the void.
I read a lot of fanfiction. This is easily in my top 5 of best stories ever.
I enjoyed this from start to finish, even though I laughed most of the time, I had a wonderful time reading it. This last chapter had me laughing in tears
You sure made my night! lol. Great job, I love this fanfic to bits, I might even read a few more times, just to laugh if I'm down 
3839268 Technically it was not important. It was a statue, so it was more ornamental.
This Fic was brilliant. I give it a 69/69
I hated all of your characters with a passion.
...
I'll be waiting for the sequel.
My favorite fanfiction on this site.
Take comfort in the fact that no matter what anyone says, that might hurt your feelings.
You a bad human being.
See you next time, space cowboy.
1.bp.blogspot.com/-pK8sQolmA1Y/UsyhgvWIWdI/AAAAAAAAAs8/e_ysIACTHbA/s1600/BRILLIANT.gif
An excellent read from start to finish, and never boring.
One of the few fics I've read that I think desperately needs a sequel. These 7 need more adventures!
I'd hate to see this group do special ops...Ok, I'm lying. I'd love to see this group do special ops!
3845659
I love when people get my references. Especially when they come completely out of the blue and don't look like references at all.
This fic has little nods to Doctor Who, Malcolm in the Middle, Korgoth of Barbaria, Yu Gi Oh Abridged and... I think that's all, unless you count Pholotodolphin as a reference to the Greek and Roman Mythology (it's clearly a spoof). Not every reference has been found, though.
I know where Blueblood was....probably hiding somewhere in his drug garden
This was high quality Aragon stuff again! Never expected anything less than this! If you see a new Aragon story, you know it will be hilarious
3839217
No, no, Bon hates them MORE than everypony else, hence why she sticks with them more often. After all, familiarity breeds contempt, and she's expecting a litter.
That was freaking hilarious! And now I shall wait for the arrival of the sequel.
~ Super-Brony12
3852253
Actually, that's what I designed Bon for: to be annoying, skipped by the readers. Her rants are more like a reread bonus than anything.
As for the story? Well, keep reading and you tell me. I disagree, though. This story is more centered around characters interactions IMO
The amount of pain and destruction these ponies brought and how they end up being heroes seem like a "Dan vs" formula to me.
It's as funny as hell! Can't wait for the sequel.
Oh god. This had me in stitches all the time. Don't mind if I take for myself some of Bon Bons stuff. She was by far the funniest of the bunch
3852808
Eeeeyup. You do not fuck with Carrot Top.
What a glorious pun indeed, my hat's off to you
3839169
In the wine cellar, getting drunk.
This was amazing. I feel touched and injured by how hard I laughed.
I applaud you.
For a while, I thought Blueblood was the cheating bastard. Until you referred to him as a separate character.
so much crazy shit...
1st off, this is SO going in my favourites!
2nd, YES, AT LEAST one sequel / spin-off with socio-psychopath Secondary-Six. this needs to become an entire franchise of stories!
Maybe a PREquel too, in which we get the story of HOW and WHY Cheating starts cheating, and how/when Carrot finds him and so on, with the story leading up to and ending just moments before this one started... The end of the prequel would be just as they all start running towards Cheatings mansion, and IN it we get all the details on how Vinyl is the one with the computer, how they got the com. devices, how Doc tells them what Carrot is doing and why they must stop her, and so on ad so on..
3874681
A sequel is in the works, yeah. A prequel would also be interesting, but I think that writing how did the protagonist become "friends" in the first place would be more interesting. Also, they're seven ponies, not six : P
3875738
What?
3872902
Some people seem to be confused at the beginning regarding that issue, yeah. I don't know, I thought I had made it very clear -- after all, Bastard's attending Blueblood's party, so he has to be a different pony. Oh, well.
3877608
1 - sorry, my bad, miscalculated, must've missed one.. ^^
2 - Can't wait for sequel.. Same gang again I hope.. Looking forward to see what they're going to do next..
Hopefully it will contain the same kind of humor, references and random shit,
(...so far
)
banter amongst them, unnecessary violence, Tavi being hot, Lyra doing some random violence and so on.. I simply LOVED how it was written, so much randomness and fun descriptions, 120% sarcasm (almost) all the time and so on..
I read it 1-2 chapters daily over the course of a week as my before-sleep-reading.. Best week this year
Carrot Top. Carrot Top.
I hope to see more from you in the future.
I can't believe you went there.
Brilliant read though!
3878902
Hey, I get that reference!
3878669
When I explained that pun to a friend of mine, he tried to punch me over the Internet. I love it.
I was ok i guess. It was funny but it still felt like it had a weak story.
The banter got a little excessive and the whole thing just felt like a way to drop as many jokes as possible.
It just didn't have much "soul" to it i guess you could say.
If it was a movie it would be in the same line as Scary movie 1-4. Just a way to push jokes.
But i got a few lols out of it so that's something.
Where was Blueblood you ask?
He was sipping 200 hundred year old scotch on his private yacht on his lake sized pool! 
completely batshyt insane...... it was great.
I was a bit skeptical at first, but as I read on I couldn't help but enjoy the hell out of this story.
Damn fine job, good sir!
....this was just too perfect. I laughed the whole way through.
I also need to find a way to work the phrase 'giant pony-fucking-dolphin statue' into my lexicon. Greatest phrase EVER.
3935688
You really liked the ribs joke, didn't you.
Carrot Top.
I have this mental image of Blueblood stumbling out of the wreckage, looking around... "Ehh, decent party for once."
3935699 What gave me away?
DID I HEAR SEQUEL???!!!!??!?!?!?!?!
3936095
Two, actually. One is already written, the other is at 66%. Three chapters, I finished the second one today.
I'm telling you because you've been commenting in here all day. Damn, son.
3936109 Well the last few weeks have been extremely busy and consequently I've been lacking in ponies. So since my classes ended at two and I don't work today, I just dove right in
3934979
Wouldn't it be giant pony-fucking dolphin statue? Either way, I agree.
3972895
Actually, Turner got it wrong... or at least he didn't explain the original punchline.
The chicken joke's punchline is the lack of it. It's a play on common set-ups, and then subverts the usual "funny wordplay" line that ended every joke that was made during that time. It's more of a subversion of a joke than a real joke.
The afterlife explanation is an alternative meaning to the punchline that I've always prefered. It's also a subtle way to show that Turner, smart as he might be, is also an idiot. And how he likes puns (although what he says isn't exactly a pun in the real sense of the word...)