Chapters with - as a prefix need editing. Multiple means possible rewrite.
This Story is NOT preplanned like other stories I have stored away either on my computer or this site, Be Aware.
There's a new Colt in town, and he's already the talk of the town! A Pegasus with magic but no horn?!?! When Diamond Tiara has had enough of the ruckus he's making, she meets him to see what's the big deal! But when she meets him, she finds herself stumbling all over herself! (Oh My~ Someone's Crushin!) And to make her issues worse, as she gets to know him better, her feelings are only being confirmed! (She's in Love!~) HOWEVER, He don't care for Diamond Tiara, better yet, He dislikes her! He can't stand her attitude! Will Diamond Tiara force herself to change for her love? or will she be cursed to her terrible ways and go ignored by him.
This story will be used to get better for my bigger, more epic stories.
You really gotta get a handle on randomly capitalizing things. Really makes everything look terrible.
Grammer in general is pretty bad, and that's coming from me of all people. You need to get a better grasp at engineering the english language.
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Bad habit. If, and when i get a Editor that will be fixed.
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Bad habit. If, and when i get a Editor that will be fixed.
It's a bad habit. If, and when, I get an editor; it will be fixed.
If you upload this to google docs I'll do a quick edit, and you can use that to move forward.
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That would be greatly Appreciated. PM me alternate contact information. Skype will do.
You will be Credited. (Obviously)
I DO NOT like deleting comments, but if you come up with ridiculous arguments, they will ALL be removed.
I know the writing is terrible. It will be fixed.
Do not Jump to conclusions that anyone is over powered. Everything is to effect the story one way or another.
Yes My Color Choices are funky I know, but honestly that really doesn't matter. I picked colors that made me think raw magic.
My Biggest Issue is Don't judge from JUST the Prologue, it's very rushed so far, and is there mostly to set the story in place. I will get around to refining it.
If you delete any more comments I'm pulling my support, and I'm going to stop helping you edit.
Embrace the criticism, it's how you improve as an artist.
It works like this. You start with a thing.
Somebody sees the thing, they smash it into pieces.
You bear the pain of seeing your work destroyed, and then rebuild it into a more beautiful whole.
Repeat process until it's strong enough that they can't smash it.
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I understand the concept of embracing the criticism, that's what the first comment was, the rest was trash talk and putting words into my mouth. So I had reason.
A rush of words on paper, no doubt, but I do like the concept of it. I will be keeping an eye on this, much of the time we see very little redemption or even another side of a story of our little princess.
Still, I think it has potential, and I know writing can only improve with time, although your style does have it's allure. Find what works for you I say, good luck.
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I want to thank you for seeing the potential of my idea, and not the mess my story is.
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i thought the same thing so i decided to make this and hopefully get people to make better versions of this story.
I won't go into nit-picky details like grammar, spelling, and punctuation for now. Since you haven't finished the story yet, such editing would only slow down the process of revision.
What particular need does this story have to require an narrator? A narrator is necessary in dramatic plays to deliver exposition and foreshadowing, they may provide a voice over in film and TV for the same purpose, and in sequential art (comic books) a narrator can behave as a character in his/her/zher own right; otherwise his/her/zher role is superfluous when exposition may be delivered more subtly and cleanly. In strict third person prose like this, however, there is minimal distance between the audience and author. This story isn't told in first person, so the narrator isn't the protagonist or some other observer; in third person, the author almost always the narrator, and the audience knows this. Therefore, there's little justification for the guise, unless you plan for the narrator to be his/her/zher own character like in sequential art, and in that case you must describe the narrator's world as independent of the plot and give him/her/zher greater characterization. If you simply want to introduce the OC, there are better ways in prose writing than with a narrator.
More simply stated, please add justification for the narrator's existence, or change your approach with exposition.
Its good to see that you're giving the story worldbuilding elements such as the Runic Dragons, but there is already so many worldbuilding elements in the series that creating a separate species of dragons distinct from the dragons we've seen isn't required. Simply build on the magical abilities of existing dragons, and perhaps explain how a pony can have dragon magic (Can ponies and dragons interbreed? Can a dragon's magic be inherited by a pony, like the Dragonborn from Elder Scrolls? Et cetera.)
If this OC served as pupil under Celestia, but wasn't on par with the likes of Twilight Sparkle, then we are forced to assume his magical abilities are lesser than Twilight's abilities. That, or Celestia picks her proteges for more than just their magical abilities. So he wouldn't be forced to contain his magic, as Twilight can freely control her own powers without them overwhelming her. What's more, Celestia isn't the sort of character who would encourage someone to suppress their abilities. On another note, this roughly puts him around Twilight's age, and by the end of Season 3 she's old enough to become a princess. That would make him considerably older than Diamond Tiara, a confirmed child, so you'll have to work around the issue of age difference unless an explanation is given that renders it a non-issue entirely.
Why does the Mane 6 (plus Spike) come to meet Rune Wing at the train station? If Twilight is only here to greet him to Ponyville and research his magic, then the only other characters what would probably set time aside for that day would be Spike and maybe Pinkie Pie. Given how the characters are introduced, their presence largely serves to introduce them to the audience than the Rune Wing, but if the audience is reading a MLP fanfiction they won't need this; they already know the characters. Introduce them as the plot requires, which is how people usually meet others: by either happenstance, desire to meet someone, or necessity.
What is Rune Wing like? This first chapter builds on his background, but not much on his personality. His thoughts suggest he finds Canterlot society stifling and snobbish, but his dialogue suggests he is sensitive, intelligent, yet formal. This is the first time the audience meets the OC, where he either connects with them or doesn't; given how most people refrain from OCs in fanfiction, there has to be a connection built in this introduction.