In Equestria lies a secret society of super elite who find sport in kidnapping, imprisoning and taming unsuspecting ponies into submissive sex slaves.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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i have been reading this story since it first was published, and i must say how much i love it. there is few stories that i actully bother to check up on regurarly. and i just love the idea for a hidden community (makes everything a bit more exciting). and if you want more background characters you could always use mine. (always for the giggles)
she have a dark blue fur with lighter blue mane/tail and have white stripes in it. have three stars as a cutie mark. (pegasus is better than unicorns, HAH!)
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Thank you for the comment. I am glad you have enjoyed the story thus far. And thank you for the use of your OC. If I find a spot I where I can use it I will inform you ahead of time.
I thought the whole series was great, as a reader from the very beginning it was actually very cool to see how it progressed. That being said, I have just one question thats bugging me, what ever happened to Coco and Caruso, there seemed to be a lot of tension pointing between the two of them then nothing after chapter four.
Either way, this was and is a great story, and I love it. I look forward to seeing where you take this, and as the same with the other comment, if you need any background characters, feel free to use mine.
It was very good, you're an awesome writer. That said, Coco's ultimate submission felt a wee bit rushed... Also I'd like to see Octavia broken.... As well as spitfire, you seem to have some awesome ideas she I can't wait to see them come to fruition.
Also I wouldn't mind my OC showing up as a master...
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Actually Crusoe was suppose to be with strung up Octavia in this last part of the Coco arc to help aid with decision to willingly perform the crystal heart ritual, the reason being that he kept disobeying the male members that were trying to use him, but I felt that since the reason Octavia was there was so extreme that simple disobedience would be a silly reason to ad him and that this chapter was running a bit long anyways (My editor says I should try to keep them about the same length and I went over by quite a bit).
Crusoe will appear in later parts of the story along with Coco as sort of a slave couple and I might even be willing to do a whole arc in his point of view if people want. Might be fun to see the society through the eyes of one of the male slaves, especially one who is owned by another male pony.
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The reason that Coco's submission happened so quickly is kinda of two fold. First, I always felt that Coco was a natural submissive seeing the fact that she stuck around with Suri for so long even though she was being a bitch all the time and the only reason she left Suri's employ was because another strong female figure entered her life. Because of that she is more subjectable to the influence of the heart ritual as it needs someone to be submissive and for them to be willing to so an act of submission. Each pony that goes through it has a different task that reflects their owner (A.K.A. why Suri made Coco pierce herself)
Secondly I kinda want to keep the story arcs to 4 chapters each and with the amount of ponies involved it will be some time before this story is finished. I even broke this rule a bit for Coco cause I felt that it would of felt even more rushed if I had done the heart ritual last chapter. Also before anyone asks potential future character arcs will feature ponies such as the following: Octavia, Fleetfoot, Toffee Truffle (A comic character), at least one society member, Schorl Tourmaline, as well as chapters for the main six. That is 40 more chapters and only if I don't add anyone else to the list.
While each arc can be it's considered its own story I am not sure how long people can be invested if the arcs go on for a 5 chapters each. I am even considering merging some arcs to save time. Also I am slightly worried that there is a limit to the amount of chapters any one story can hold on this site.
That being said I am going to try to update once a week and will do so as long as life or work doesn't get in the way.
nice arc can't wait to see what you do next.
maybe we will see vinyl scratch in the story
also could i get my oc in the story as a master please ( http://hunter117x.deviantart.com/art/Afterburner-383377680 )
Wait... Rarity?!
Hey, why not paint a giant target on my back and say, "I DA smartest Eva!" In front of Bill Nye.
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I am not exactly sure what you are getting at.
I love everything in this story
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Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed it.
3921462 the next target is rarity, is it not?
The Element of Harmony Rarity.
The one that Princess herself has talked to and relied on to face off against danger that not even Celestia and Luna take on.
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still not quite sure what the point is.
Ok to be serious I have been through this conversation a few times already and basically it comes down to "yes the main six do stuff all the time that is awesome, but that is in a kid friendly cartoon and not in a rape base fiction story" and then the person usually replies with "you still can't have them attack the main six without the whole of the equestrian army coming down on your head". If you really want to see all my explanations then go read the earlier comments please.
3921579 send me a link of this convo, but I'm still saying my piece.
Its not like kidnappings a famous person, it like taking the nuclear launch codes from the President of the United States when there on the coup of an alien invasion.
In the end, taking Rarity is that. Taking a key piece of Equestria's defenses against the be all country destroyers/slavers.
The elements may not work at the moment, but she still holds a key piece, namely the Keys needed for the Box.
I'm not saying Celestia would send an army...
She is going to sic Discord on them or do it herself.
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all you really need to do is put it to oldest first and the first page has pretty much all of them. honestly it really isn't that important. I am going to write the story as I see fit and if people disagree with it then they can bring it up once I get to that point, you know where I might come up with a legitimate reason for how they can get away with this.
3921650 I'm not trying to be mean, but a lot of people will spam the crude out of this story if Rarity gets captured and broken in with little consequences...
You essentially made Equestria open for attack by taking a piece away.
All because some perv just NEEDED to have a broken Rarity.... You see where I'm going with this?
Well, enough is enough. You go on and do your thing. I'll sit back and watch.
fucking hate stories like these cuz I know that in our world is much worse
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Well I am sorry you feel that way. I don't mean to hurt anyone with this story, just to make a interesting/sexually appealing story. I do stand by the idea that while rape in fantasy is fine real life rape is awful and anyone who commits such an act should be persecuted to the full extent of the law. Thank you for at least leaving a comment, even if you don't like the story.
3923490 No your story is only meant to entertain those who get aroused by walking on that fine blurry line of fantasy and reality.
What pisses me off is the fact that they're so many out there who do not have that choice. They are force to cross that line. And the only recognition is Apathy.
Now to prove my own point. As for the story itself. Grammar wise I didn't notice anything. As for the characters you handle them well.
Overall you are a talented storyteller.
Looks very promising indeed. Any chance an older Silver Spoon and or Diamond Tiara might fall victim to these high society ponies?
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Unfortunately I am trying to keep with a certain timeline which starts slightly after the events of "Rarity Takes Manehattan". The amount of time this story takes will not reach a point where Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon will reach proper age so because of rules of the site I cannot add them even if I wanted to.
That said if they where to reach an appropriate age they would most likely not be victims of the society, they would be members. Diamond Tiara's personality basically reflects everything that the society believes in as she feels she is better than most ponies and doesn't care about the misfortunes of others. Silver Spoon could possibly join as a willing pet to Diamond, but would most likely just be an underling to her instead, assisting DT to capture her own slaves.
As for their targets it would be obvious that they would go after those who they have tormented for so long and have been thwarted by again and again, as the society doesn't take kindly to what they see as "disrespect". Their chapter (If I wrote it) would be about them trying to capture and tame Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. After that Applebloom would realize that they were missing and would try to find them, most likely to get caught up in the society herself.
Sorry that I cannot make your request happen. Perhaps when I am done with this story I will make a side story about if that happened, but that would be so far down the road you might not be interested anymore. Thank you for the comment though and I hope you continue to enjoy what I do write in the future.
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Oh hay thanks. and I would be interested no matter how far down the road.
I think your right about Silver. she def has the potential to be a dome but would still be a bonded slave to Tiara alone. She could assist in the kidnapping and training but she would primarily be Diamond's slave. At least I like to think so.
You could add my OC Moon Beam as a master. He is a white crystal unicorn with a black and teal mane and tail. His cutie mark is a crescent moon with moon beams coming out of it
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Well I am afraid I can't please everyone. But from what was shown from her one appearance it is not a far stretch to believe that Suri would be the kind of pony who would take pleasure at the suffering of others. Combined with the temptations of better social status I think she would totally go for the ideas of the society. Anyways thanks for the comment.
over all , not to my liking.....
also this doesn't make any sense , if the society is supposed to be all praise ponies who are 'better' than others and the mane6 have had multiple celebrations for them making it unlikely that any ponies living in any society wouldn't know about them then how could they possibly think to go after them for trapping?.....
Loved it I love master/slave stories and Coco so this was perfect. I have two OC's. One is a big, bulky blue pegasus stallion with brown mane with purple streaks. He is a potionbrewer and verry dominant.
The other is a vanilla unicorn mare with green/mintish mane and bluemane. She is a real sub and ex-nurse.
If you want pics of them. Pm me
I feel that a interesting thing to intruduce is that as time goes on the slaves that had the ritual done slowly gains control over their body again as the slave of golden showed signs of in the first few chapters as a suspense buildup. Other then that great story and props to future chapters im just personaly against no rebellion and would love to see a great plan of events occur :)
It seems a little cruel. The chanting chorus of the BDSM community is, "Safe, Sane, and Consensual," and this very clearly violates the third.
Then again, 'tis a harmless fantasy, and while it may not be written exactly as I would like, I have still read up to this point. Continue if you wish, but be warned some will harbor exotic revenge fantasies of their own for the society.
I thought it was a great story, very dark, and a very good ending. Plus it happened to someone who on the show we don't really like. so yeah....hmm Teenage Diamond Tiara....wouldn't mind that. Question would ya accept OC's as either background ponies just to fill in names and place holders?
So, i have had extreme reactions to this first arc, both positive and negative... The positive reactions ranged from arousal at the clop scenes to a desire to be in their hooves (i'm coming to terms with being submissive myself, so, there's that)
The negative reactions were varied to the point that I can't describe everything i felt,, similar to the positive, but there were two things i identified right off the bat, due to my dips into the fall of equestria universe, which has similar situations, but on a near global scale and only the females are slaves... The first thing i noticed was rage. How dare some uppity crystal unicorn CUNT think that she's fit to be in her position! What if one of those submissives escapes and alerts the authorities? What if, by attempting to recruit Rarity, who is the embodyment of generosity and has the attentions of all 4 of the equestrian princesses, she brings about her own downfall either by Rarity telling the princesses herself after seeing the Society or by going missing because she refused Tourmaline's inclusion?
The second negative feeling I got was indignation... Taking someone's freedom from them like that is the most abhorrent thing i could imagine happening to anyone, and I couldn't imagine wishing that fate upon anyone, even if i hated them... Optimus Prime once said that freedom is the right of all sentient beings, and in most cases, i'd agree with him... In other cases, like Tourmaline... Not only would I disagree with that statement, I'd but i'd torch her myself if given half a chance... (most oc's i make end up being dragons, so that'd be the case with most things that rile me up like this)
Now, something else that happens when i read stories like this is my hero complex kicks in. Granted it usually involves a massive amount of yelling, blade work(swords are kind of my thing), and all around ass kicking for the offending party and relocation and rehab for the victims. You've obviously got other plans for the story, so a deus ex machina like that would totally derail everything and fuck up the story, meaning that's not likely to happen. This is just my own desires kicking in on this part...
One more thing i should mention is that i had to step away for a bit, in an attempt to calm down... And this was over an hour ago. I'm still trembling with desire and rage as I type this out.
On to my critique! The story initially caught my eye because of the bdsm group here on fimfiction. And damn did it not dissapoint. There were few errors that i noticed, not nearly enough to even be mentioned, so that's brilliant. All in all, i'd have to give this a 8/10. Story is pretty good and elicits a strong emotional and physical response from me. Bravo, my good pony, bravo!!!
Also, sorry for the wall of text... It's rather rare that i find something like this and i savor every moment of it.
I'm thinking this ends when rarity is brought in.