After a full day in Canterlot, Twilight and Rarity decide to explore the palace garden's legendary hedge maze. Their attempts to unravel the mysteries of the labyrinth yield some interesting and unexpected results.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 17th Oct, 2011
- offline last seen Jul 26th, 2016
Mazzyrazzy
Don't be a stranger now. I won't bite.
Mazzyrazzy
Joined 17th Oct, 2011 ·
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This is very well written. It flows very smoothly.
Glad to have read it! ;D
Very well made! It did not feel rushed at all. I hope to see more from you soon! I guess I'll go check out your other story now.
Well played good sir, well played.
Wow, I never thought I would have competition between which my favorite pairing was, but this story has given me a lot to think about, very well written, I take my hat off to you
That was very well made. Will eagerly await more from you.
Haha. This fic is wonderfully well written. I can't say I care for the pairing normally and I've never been very fond of Rarity. It's still a lovely story though, brave choice in representing Twilight in a first person story as well. (My "narrators voice" doesn't do her justice though!)
This is one of the more well written and pretty much rare Twilight Rarity shipping fics. You honor all that is awesome in writing this one!
Just got to say though, got any more?
14860
Anymore RariTwi? Afraid not, I've only written a total of two stories and they're both up on here.
Okay, normally I abhor stories from a first-person perspective. It just rubs me the wrong way. But this was good enough that I didn't even care. Great job!
15199
I agree with this soooo much!
I wasn't going to read it after getting part way in, but it was done really well and that kept me going.
Great work with this! Loved it.
So first you do TwiLuna and now you do RariTwi. Are you gonna ship Twilight with every pony?
14907
Aww, well any ship fic with Twilight is alright. Unless....you got any Applejack Rarity swimming around perhaps?
15319
You've made me realize that basically all my ideas contain Twilight! It isn't really my fault though. TwiLuna was my first idea that I could come up with, and this RariTwi was a request from one of my watchers on DeviantArt. My next two fics I have planned also contain Twilight... gah I have to think of something that isn't related to Twilight!
15332
RariJack? Swimming? It's a thought. lol.
THAT is how you ship Rarity and Twilight!
Big comment incoming, sorry.
I like to get the negative out of the way first so I can finish on a high note (don't worry, there isn't a lot). There were a number of small grammatical errors, nothing big, but enough for me to suggest running a fine toothed comb through it, or have somepony else do a quick read through. It is difficult to see your own mistakes when writing as you tend to see exactly what you already have in your head. Besides that, the only thing else I noticed that could be changed was when Rarity saw the ducks and spoke in the cute wittle baby voice. It was adorable, but it just seemed a tad out of character for her. I actually thought Twilight was speaking at first.
On to what I liked! In a word: everything. I loved the story, no loose ends, plotholes etc. Everything fit nicely, the story moved smoothly keeping a steady pace and not feeling rushed. The hint of comedy kept things light and fluffy while not taking over the story or character development. I really liked how this was more of a "realization" than a "reveal" ship, the cliche of "I love her but how can I tell her" usually puts me off a lot of the shorter ships (unless they are done right), but this felt original and managed not to presume to much about the characters. First person! Or I guess first pony... I wasn't expecting a first person story, they are rare and when they do come along they are seldom done as well as this. I'll admit I was apprehensive at first, but you pulled it off splendidly! I'd be interested in reading Rarity's perspective of this night, easy way to double your word count XD
A few things I loved specifically were the scene where they both just started laughing because they were that happy and this:
"friendship and love are not so different. Instead, love is an extension of friendship, much like rivers are extensions of oceans. You might not know where it will lead you, but chances are if you follow the river, it'll lead to someplace new and beautiful"
All in all, a wonderful short ship filled to the brim with fuzz! ^^
15359
It always puts a smile on my face when someone goes into such depth! I will take your advice and have a proof reader go through it. I faced a problem with this originally; you see, this story was a request from my usual editor, and I couldn't rightly send it to him for proof reading because it was meant to be a surprise for him! So I did it myself. I'm sure now that he's read it, he won't mind editing it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story. It was a lot of fun writing it. (:
15369
I am sorry for the wall of text XD The errors weren't glaringly bad or anything, and it makes sense now that you've explained it. I'm definitely going to keep my eye out for your stuff in future!
Officially Reviewed by the Brony Foundation of the Arts
Aww first Moonlit Sparkles, now this. You sir write very fine shipping indeed. If I had a hat, I would remove it for you.
39759 Thank you. :) I like to think I'm getting a little better with each story.
Wish I could write as naturally as you do.
This is really good
Both Twilight and Rarity were in character throughout, good job :D
Oh, sweet! I loved this story! Glad to see it here on the site. Best TwiRarity ship I've read. :)
Oh i remeber this story.
It was one of the first i ever read.
I am glad to read it agian
Much thanks <3
44658 this was the very first one i read
44615
All it takes is a bit of practice. You should see the first story I decided to sit down and write; it is atrocious (its not MLP-related so its not on this site, nor would I want it to be).
44617
Thank you, I'm glad you think so!
44635
Too kind, Scy. I especially enjoyed your story "Twilight Performs a Spell that Goes Just Fine".
44658
It's my pleasure.
44661
I'm honored.
I hope that means you liked it!
Diabeetus, I have it now. Medicare can't help.
If shipfics were always this level of quality I'd be a happy panda.
Brilliant story, very nicely done. Found 2 errors though:
"Every -synapsis- in my brain flooded with joy and pleasure as I let my body take full control." - should be -synapse-
"I noticed I was doing -I- too, but I didn't have the energy to pull my tongue back into my mouth." -it-
Only things I noticed, god I'm turning into a spelling/diction nazi
But seriously, well done and I look forward to whatever it is you write next!
*Girlish squeal*
So adorable!
*Another girlish squeal*
44714
Much appreciated! Yes, I didn't have a proof reader for this story so there are bound to be some errors, though people like you are helping them become less known. Two more mistakes bite the dust!
this was a very enjoyable story. My only qualm is that after the flash back you switch to present tense, which is fine, but a little afterwards you switched back to past tense. It was just a little annoying is all not a big deal, especially to someone like me who travels through time a lot.
y u no write more?
Very good story. Keep up the good work.
Another thing, you have definitely changed how I feel about a Rarity/Twilight relationship, in a good way of course.
Brace yourself.... lengthy comment incoming.
Admittedly, I couldn't enjoy this story. Really, for that reason I typically avoid any of the Mane Six shipping fics in the first place, but I noticed this in the featured section, and decided to give it a run for the money, hoping it would possibly say that it could change my mindset. It did not (unsurprisingly), for a few reasons:
1: Twilight and Rarity are quite possibly my two favorite characters. Now, before you go calling me biased and saying I'm just spamming hatemail, I have an EXTREMELY open mind, and am possibly one of the least-biased people you will ever meet. That said, I am open to any fic that can put the two together in a proper way.
Which brings me to point 2: You didn't do it properly at all. I mean, sure, at first glance it seems like any other fic (it kind of is), with the addition of superb writing skills. However, the idea is about as far-off as can be; "I learned that friendship and love are not so different. Instead, love is an extension of friendship, much like rivers are extensions of oceans. You might not know where it will lead you, but chances are if you follow the river, it'll lead to someplace new and beautiful, and that's how I feel right now..."
Allow me to be the first to present this: that is NOT even close to how love works. Yes, people can be lovers, and yes, people can be friends (which is why oftentimes people will call their lover their "best friend"), however, they are NEVER supposed to be lovers AND friends at the same time. To quote Dr. Egon, "Don't cross the beams!"
This quote, however comical, suits the gravity of the notion better than any other. Indeed, love is the 'highest for of friendship', if you will, but it's much, much more than that..... and much more than merely an "extension of friendship". I understand that you wanted to make this Twilight and Rarity thing work in a manner most original, but sadly (while original), it far from worked. If you take that quote of yours, the one of Twilight's outspeaking, and place it into context of the story, the main idea basically becomes this: "You can make out and have extremely intimate moments together, no strings attached, and still be great friends." Now, I do in fact realize the reality of this, as it is essentially the way relationships work in this modern age, but that isn't how it's SUPPOSED to work. Aforementioned, friends should be friends, lovers should be lovers, "Don't cross the beams".
Now that I got out of the way, I must say that you are a talented writer by most stretches of the imagination. The story flowed flawlessly, there were no spelling and/or grammatical errors that I myself noticed, and pleasingly, you have a highly extensive array of vocabulary (which is one thing I do most enjoy in a good read). I think you have great potential, as quite plainly demonstrated here, but your topic of choice seemed to lack in both true-to-life accuracy and, for lack of a better word, 'expertise' (I would have said experience, but that seems like a dick move).
All that said, I will still rate this accordingly: 4.0. If a 4.25 were allowed, I would most certainly say that would be a more appropriate and accurate rating, but I am restricted. As I said, you evidently have potential, and you obviously can write extremely well, I just believe that the topic was misrepresented and misused a bit. So, that's pretty much all I have to say. I also wanted to point out that I'm not just one of those haters who will purposely downrate a (decent) story just because I don't like it; I judge accordingly, based on all fields.
(End rant)
44820
Allow me to respectively disagree with you; that is exactly how love works. Allow me to bring up my own quote that you quoted me on:
"I learned that friendship and love are not so different. Instead, love is an extension of friendship, much like rivers are extensions of oceans. You might not know where it will lead you, but chances are if you follow the river, it'll lead to someplace new and beautiful, and that's how I feel right now..."
There is a reason why people call their lovers their best friends: in most cases they are. Love doesn't replace friendship entirely, but it builds upon it. Another way I could've worded the quote is "Friendship is the foundation of love", which is hard to argue against. When you're someone who believes love is a logical process, and not something like love at first sight, you need something to be there before love takes over. Rarity and Twilight have been friends for lets say a little over a year now, so that foundation is already there and strong, so I didn't need to go into detail about that.
I'm sorry that the main idea you took out of my work was You can make out and have extremely intimate moments together, no strings attached, and still be great friends." That wasn't the point at all; instead, it was supposed to be a symbolic piece of the complexities of love, and the different ways it can sprout and grow. No, not all friends will become lovers, and no, not all lovers consider themselves friends. But you said yourself that it's how it works in the modern age, and that's what it was supposed to show.
I'm sorry you didn't like it, and I thank you for taking the time to give it a shot at least. I'm glad you think I have potential and that, even though my story didn't entertain, you enjoyed my writing style.
Hope you find that one shipping story that changes your mind about the genre.
I respect your opinion, and, well that's about all I can do. I shan't criticize another for having a viewpoint of difference from my own.
Indeed, friendship is the foundation of love. That statement, my good pony, is irrevocable and immutable fact. After all, if there's nothing there to begin with, then what is there to love? You do most certainly need a good base already present before love can 'work its magic' (quite literally, in this case).
And fret not, there's nary a thing to be apologetic over; again, it's all a matter of opinion and perspective. I took the main idea of this story in a way most others appear to have not, and that's just my differentiating way of thought. If anything, I should probably be the one apologizing at the fact that I was so fleet to leap upon the conclusion that that's what you intended this story to mean. Again, it depends on how you look at it.
And I indeed do hope to find a good fic that can sway my thoughts in this particular field..... it's not promising you see, as I pretty much dislike anything that has to do with a shipping of two of the mane six (I prefer some of the more canon ideals - FlutterMac, RarSpike, things such as that - but who knows? If such a fic exists that can change my mind, I hope to discover it soon.
i read this like 3 weeks ago, and i loved it then, and i love it now.
44820
I... hnnngh... I'm trying.... *deep breaths*
Okay, your post was incredibly well written and well thought out. I admire that, and the fact that replies to it have remained friendly and communicative in general after that. I really do. But there's one part of your reply that hammers one of my hot buttons hard. I'm going to keep my own reply as civil and polite as I can, while addressing it, because I know you weren't trying to do this.
My problem with your statement is the specific line "isn't how it's SUPPOSED to work." I have a knee-jerk reaction about people saying that love is 'supposed' to work one way or another. If nothing else, I'm unsure as to what exactly you're trying to say in your comment. Just saying that it's not how it's supposed to work doesn't answer one critical question; it doesn't answer why it's not supposed to work that way/how it's supposed to work.
This becomes even more confusing when looking at your discussion, where you talk about how it does often come out of friendship. Are you trying to say that casual love relationships aren't supposed to happen? That love should be put on a pedestal higher than friendship? That a love relationship should always be considered independently of any friendship you have with your lover?
Any of those statements are ones that I can refute, particularly your statement about "supposed to be that way." Throughout human history, all of those have been refuted by one culture or another; from casual lovers being perfectly legitimate to close friends being expected to be lovers to friendship being considered a key element of a good relationship, and even friends being discussed using the same terminology normally reserved for lovers.
But to say that there's one true way that love should play out... oooog...
Planning on making a longer story any time soon? Not specifically this though.
45091
Currently writing a story. It's called Trails and Trials, and chapter one can be found on my page. Chapter two will be put up tomorrow.
i think i read this on dA before or wherever else u had it posted but re read it and i still love it very great work me gusta 5 stars
Now THAT'S a great story. Butter-smooth scenes and dialogue. You even slop a heaping helping of scenic description, which many authors (including myself) just skip over at times. You even got me drawn into the scene at the center of the maze so much, it was actually a surprise when the centerpiece flower had no scent.
This is a piece of fiction that should be considered as a model for how to write character interaction as well as scenic description. Makes my stories look like crap.
*double brofhoof*
Very nice. A few typos here and there, but as rarity would have put it "who cares?". excelent fic
I first read this on EQD and thought it was insufferably cute. Wonderful job, and I've always kinda liked this pairing, so the fact that they were well-written really helps to bring a solid appeal.
I read the first line of this story...and second line...and immediately I thought, "Ugh, first person, and in a story that involves a rarely-shipped-but-one-of-my-favorite pairings. Should I read or should I forget about it?" You see, like a few others have stated on here, I detest first person. In my eyes, it feels so incredibly awkward reading a story where, if you were to read it out loud, you'd be saying "I" all the time, and it sounds...well, awkward! I tried writing a first person story once, and it reached 100 pages, but...I never honestly enjoyed it. Naturally, third-person is my favorite. But, why am I bringing this all up? Well, for one simple reason: I LOVED this story!
I'll start with anything negative and get it out of the way, like most others do. First off, Rarity seemed slightly out of character at times. She just seemed so...girlish and immature. Yes, I realize that she possibly would've acted that way when visiting one of her favorite places in Equestria, but...the part with the ducks (while very adorable) seemed very out of character. Plus, the parts where she squealed excitedly seemed a bit out of character. Twilight was perfect...even if it WAS first person and it's hard to screw up first person, unless you're intentionally trying to make the character wrong. In my eyes, Rarity indeed would be excited and thrilled, but would do it in a more...mature way. It's hard to explain, and it's not a big deal. Normally, I don't mind stories where characters seem slightly off (to me)...except for "Cupcakes", since that one pissed me off to no end...and this one is just fine. Just something I wanted to point out.
There were still some minor mistakes here and there; usually an incomplete word or two now and then. But, that wasn't a big deal from the story itself. Getting to the positives, I have to say that this story was stupendously amazing. You wrote with quite good details, but not in the "I'm gonna write a ton of details just to show how awesome I am" type of way, since when I see that, I get very bored and usually just skim the story. You made me reading word-for-word, always excited to see what was coming next. The details were not too much, not too little, but just right; I loved that. You see too many stories nowadays that, while well-written, tend to bog the story down with constant detailing of what's going on, and while nice, it drives me crazy and makes me very bored and want to skip it. Your way of telling the story was so simplistic, yet written beautifully in a way even a five-year-old could understand. I loved it.
I must also disagree with what Big Mac said above. I wasn't even THINKING along those lines of what he said. I really don't see his point, either. Why CAN'T you "cross the beams"? Who are we to judge or say what's love, what's friendship, and what's both? In this life, or in Equestrian life, love is love and friendship is friendship, and they can mix or fuse or coexist in whatever way they want. Who cares if it's not "natural" or "how it's supposed to work"? If there's a "specific" way that love and friendship is "supposed" to work, I'm glad I don't know it, because I do things MY way and ain't nobody telling me otherwise. Honestly, this story was perfect in the love/friendship sense. It wasn't rushed at all (I hear the word "rushed" on a lot of comments), you built up to the cute romance with good explanations and reasoning, and it happened in a hot-yet-PG way that was beautiful. Who says friends can't be lovers and vice versa? Hell, if Trixie became a dominatrix and made Twilight her slave, and Twilight turned into a masochist because of it and grew to love it, THAT'S still a form of love and friendship, too. It's not natural, but who gives a damn?
This story was beautiful. A perfect 15 pages (for me at least, after I copied and saved it on my Microsoft Word), almost perfect grammar and spelling, a great storyline, a great pairing, good details, and overall a joy to read. I am glad that I read this. To be honest, I saved it weeks ago, but just never read it...well, now I did! All five stars from me, and then some! Very well done! Keep writing!
this shit is coo
45328
I never had much of an opinion on first-person stories. Before writing this, I had read one the week before, Any Port in a Storm, which I absolutely loved. I was originally going to ship this in a 3rd person perspective, but after reading how well a first-person ship could be done, I wanted to see if I was up to the challenge. I'm glad to hear I succeeded! Prior to this, I didn't know about people's reservations on the subject; I just assumed that since I liked it, others did too (silly me).
Yah I've been getting a few complaints about Rarity being slightly out of character, and by now I'm willing to cave in and say ya, I probably shouldn't have made her act so childishly and some parts. It's just for me, Rarity acts the way she does because she always has somepony she needs to impress. The act of loosening up around Twilight was something I was trying to do to show how comfortable Rarity was around Twilight, though I guess it kind of backfired.
I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed my fic; I enjoyed reading your comment! So we're even.
45469 That's fair enough. I've read a few first-person stories in my lifetime as well. While they ARE well-written and good, just like yours, I just personally find them awkward, that's all. Nothing wrong with you liking them and wanting to write one.
Well, in all fairness, who's to say Rarity WOULDN'T act like that, given those situations? The show has made her look how they WANT her to look, but she obviously has never been put in a situation like in your story. So...for all we know, she COULD act like that. So, don't worry about it too much; I was just pointing out that see seemed to be acting more like Sweetie Belle than Rarity...and even Sweetie Belle doesn't really act all that childish!
Still, lovely job, and I'm glad you liked my comment. I always put my heart into making them, so I'm glad you appreciated it. It's nice to hear that you read it, too.
Awww! I loved this so much! So very, very sweet. Take my five stars, you have earned them well!
Yay, it's here!
This is one of the first MLP fanfics I ever read and it's still one of my favorites.
Woo, Twirity.
That was cute.
