- Member Since 4th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Oct 25th, 2023
Bootsy Slickmane
Retired writer and graphic artist.
Bootsy Slickmane
Joined 4th Jun, 2013 ·
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Hey dere
Huh. This is weird. I don't get why on Equestria this story is using a future tense because- oh. Dam you feels.
D'aaww, this is a cute little story
I enjoyed it! 
That was lovely: gently bittersweet and one of the (very) few really nice future-tense stories I've read recently. Have a favourite.
I kind of saw the end, coming, but... still, precision strike right to the heart...!
mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Glee1.gif
Simple, but very effective and well-written idea. Have a thumb up and a fave from me; you earned it!
Knowing where this is going did nothing to inure me to the effects. Sweet and hopeful and oh-so-sad... It cruelly pounces on my love for the cross-eyed mare.
It's all going on its merry little way. Everything is perfectly fine, and fun, and adorable, and absolutely nothing could go wrong.
And then the last word comes and you're smashed upside the head with the feels equivalent of a speeding semi truck.
In other words, I liked this. It's beautifully simple and bittersweet, and you got my poor little heart in a way which I probably should have expected but didn't. Good job.
I got disconnected from potential future feels at that point. Cute story. Yes, I'm aware its made to be obvious future tense all in her head, way of thinking, but the dialogue here just felt so unnatural. Though it could just be the high levels of apathy I've been feeling this past week due to depression, or that I can't really relate to this type of bully story.
I still liked it, it just had no emotional connection with it. Which, I should, bullying is bad, but maybe it's just hard for me to picture Derpy as a sad abused pony. Or probably since the future tense thing has been done a few times. I'm rambling now, but there is one sad Derpy story I can recall I'd like to share, when I find it. It's told in small small chapters. But its the last Sad Derpy story I recall being connected to.
Apologies for the babbling. It really is a nice story, seriously. I'm just more dead on the inside then most so immersion is important for me and I was simply unable to connect with this story on an emotional level.
whelp, I thought the fic was an unknown since I couldn't for the life of me recall who wrote it, but this is certainly worth your time if you like sad Derpy stories. I think I've only really enjoyed 3 or 4, counting this one http://www.fimfiction.net/story/86538/pieces-of-a-grey-cloud
3767027
Well, hello there.
3767107
Why, thank you kindly.
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Thank you very much. I'll admit that this was a little painful to write at times, and I'm glad to see the effort wasn't wasted.
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I was wondering if anyone would bring that up. You're absolutely right, the dialog is totally unnatural. Sorry if it took you out of the reading experience, but I did that on purpose because the whole thing is just the wishful fantasy of a less-than-brilliant character. The only dialog I tried to make feel natural was that of the bullies, since Derpy wouldn't have to make that up. In fact, every aspect of this story was deliberate (unless I missed some typos). But this is why I didn't put a sad tag on it, as not everyone will find it to be that sad. Plus, future tense is kinda weird.
The first fanfic I ever read was a sad Derpy story (Bubbles). After reading that, I never looked at the walleyed pegasus in the same way again.
As a side note, I had a look at Pieces of a Grey Cloud, and, well, uh... I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's well done, but... I just don't know. Kinda made me feel hollow and unsatisfied. Anyway, thanks for giving this little story a read, as well as for the input and the recommendation.
3770053 Bubbles was nice. That was my first Sad fic after Out in The Cold I ever read that got me reading fanfics along with stuff like Luna's Goodwill Tour which forever shall remain incomplete. /sadface
The one I linked you just goes out of its way to stir sympathy. Didn't do it for me till the cat got sick, I had a kitten of my own. How it doesn't fall through clouds was eh. But it tried to tell it as if it was Derpy, sorta like yours so I thought you'd appreciate it more. Last one I read that I connected to. But aside from a like it never earned a fav. You read the story to its end so I'm sure you know why.
For me, I have to say the one where Derpy has to deal with not being able to be Dinky's Mom anymore due to growing concerns was possibly one of the nicest stories with Dinky I can recall that had actual feels. But if one wants a nice story with a moral that one Derpy and Rarity story to which I wish was on fimfic is one of my favs.
Nopony wants to take her in and others just don't have the space. Till Rarity breaks after seeing how literally nopony was gonna take her in. Derpy had burned her home down, and so Mayor Mare (who needs more fics) got everypony into the Townhall to discuss the events.
Anywho, I totally acknowledge your story as fine as is. It was just that singular line that sounded like stuff you used to say after dialogues is all.
God, I wish EQD had a way to sort out fics by year. Still some oldies I yet to catch up on. Though a few good ones are now dead somehow as they were deleted or as many have before, discontinued.
And apologies for the gallons of spoilers. I just didn't want that comment spoiling the story for passer-bys.
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Yeah, I always thought that it was a nice touch when a Derpy story was written in a simple or even broken fashion, as though crafted by the character herself. I'd never attempting anything like this story before, so I still consider it a bit experimental. Pieces of a Grey Cloud didn't really stir anything in me until she picked up a knife. I sorta saw that thing coming when she had thoughts about breaking her own wings and what it would be like to crash and fall, but I had forgotten all about the gore tag by that point. The ending just left me feeling empty, and I didn't really connect with it much. I felt really sorry for her, though.
I'll have to look up more such stories, as those that you mentioned sound interesting. And, now that you put it like that, perhaps that particular line could use some tweaking. I see what you mean, now. I'll just make a quick adjustment so it's less weird.
No need to apologize for the massive spoiler blocks. I actually appreciate it. I mean, this story is built in such a way that I couldn't even write a good description without spoiling things about it.
I suppose I should leave a review here. I read this story about 30 minutes after it went up, and I simply find myself unable to gather my thoughts on it. It's a good story with a good concept and well-executed, but I dunno, maybe it's the implication that Derpy is in some sort of "Depression" that throws me off. If there's one word a person can use to describe Derpy (her only canon name so far), "Depressed" is not it. She actually looks pretty happy at pretty much all times.
Now that I think about it I think that's what's bugging me most. It's simply anti-canon, assuming something that there's no evidence of and doesn't seem to be the case anywhere in the series itself, like if you out of the blue had Rainbow Dash reveal hidden feelings for one of the other mane six. Even if you think RD is a lesbian, there's no evidence of hidden feelings for any of them anywhere (Daring Do would be another story), so it has no real ground to stand on and ends up just being a convenient excuse for personal wish-fulfillment.
It was a good story. Great, even. But I feel like there could have been some sort of "trigger" in it somewhere to cause Derpy's depression instead of forcing the reader to simply assume that it's a preexisting condition because she's hounded and harassed by everyone else in Ponyville (which in itself is a difficult situation to imagine).
3782939
All valid points. I'm not even going to get started on the issue of her name, partly because I could write an essay on the subject and because it's really only an issue within some people's heads. Though, considering the fact that the character portrayed here isn't representative of the canon, perhaps it was best that I went with "Ditzy."
Indeed, this whole story is based almost entirely on fan interpretations and ideas. Honestly, there's not much to work with regarding this character in canon. She's accident prone, seems obliviously happy most of the time, and apparently sounds like a dude (at least at first release), but that's pretty much all we get. Maybe we'll get an episode about her one day so we can actually find out who she is in canon.
As for the bullying, I don't really know about how likely it is. We've seen Fluttershy get pushed around, and she seems to have more going for her than Derpy. I think this would have to qualify as an alternative interpretation of her character, possibly bordering on alternate universe territory. I really can't make any sort of defense of that aspect of this work because you're totally right about it not fitting with the canon. Just the kind of story it is, I suppose.
As for a trigger for her sorry state, I, uh, don't really know what such might be. It wouldn't be hard to work in a reference to some sort of broken home history or something bad that happened to her, but I would worry about it coming off as just a bid for extra sympathy. I'll give it some thought, though, and perhaps I'll make some adjustments in the future. This whole story is new territory for me as a writer, and I'm just glad it turned out as well as it did. Thanks for the feedback.
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By "trigger" I don't mean a tragic history, I mean a more immediate trigger. Like something happens in the immediate past to make her feel this way, like perhaps getting fired for being clumsy or losing one of the friends she has, something that would shake up her life and make her feel exceptionally down on herself.
I'm not saying you have to, of course. Just clarifying what I meant when I said that.
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Ah, yes, I see what you mean. I'm even less sure about it in that case, though. This is because, in fact, the idea was that she's generally depressed because she's gotten harrassed regularly and has had no real friends, likely for most of her life. The assumption you mentioned earlier is dead on. Hence the unrealistic fantasy she has about something as simple as getting some friends, which is something most people with friends probably take for granted. Of course, many things about Derpy in this story are only implied, which was intentional.
I still might make some adjustments, though. I'll keep it in mind and review this work a few more times.
This is somewhere between Type 2 and Type 3 on the Derpy scale. Maybe a pinch of Type 4. But it's told from a positive point of view, and it's that "can-do" attitude that Ditzy has that make her such a joy to read here. The type that when Twilight Sparkle realizes that she might have just insulted her and says "no offense," she shrugs, and her face beams a silent "none taken" as a reply (to use an example from the latest episode).
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/363/d/4/clapping_derpy_hooves_icon_by_shroomehtehponeh-d5pm8c9.gif
So, I was thinking about this song for about the latter half of the story.
I enjoyed it. Well done.
3820859
Wow, that's, like, pretty fitting (from a certain perspective). A good-sounding song, too. Thanks.
3815233
Seems about right, yeah. And thanks.
3825576 *nods*
^_^
I.........You......you bastards..........
*puts on bane mask while crying*
"Make derpy cry...you have my permission to die"
Damn good job....I want to kill those bullies......
3868908
Thank you. So far, this is one of my few attempts at provoking negative emotions from the reader rather than positive (anger or sadness rather than laughter or sugary d'awwness). With this story being rather experimental for me in many ways, I'm quite pleased to see anyone who got the intended effects. Glad you liked it.
I was deceived. I saw no Sad tag here.
Wonderful story, though. Sadfic usually doesn't do it for me, but this one did, even if I did see it coming.
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Sorry about that. I didn't have a sad tag because I knew that not everyone would find it sad. Some have apparently found it upbeat and happy. You're right, though. Sad was the point of me writing this. I'll add a sad tag. Thanks. I probably found it the saddest when I was writing, because I knew exactly what was going on from the start.
I have never read a story where nothing sad actually happens that made me this sad.
That's the sadfic done right...
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Thanks. This one was painful to write. That might've been a sign that I was on the right track
I love the way this is written. Mostly in that, for most of it, the reader is wondering, "Why is this written in future tense, of all things?" And then, in one final word, the weight of "will"s comes crashing down in the realization.
I want to hug her now. But then, if I were to make a list of ponies I'd want to hug...
Strangely enough, this was really uplifting. It had some sad moments but the ending was really positive like all this really would happen some day. Another great example of why FIMFiction needs a "hope" tag
5554786
I initially left the "sad" tag out, but it became clear that enough people found it sad for me to warrant adding it. All depends on your perspective, I suppose. I personally found it soul-crushingly depressing to write. But I'm still recovering from my days as a black-hearted cynic.
I liked this story it was sad yet uplifting.
I reviewed this story as part of Read It Later Reviews #60.
My review can be found here.
Geez, I never thought a single word could feel like a punch to the gut.
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i get it so she is imagining having friends or the friends she mentioned are just figments of her imagination
Okay, wow. Until now I didn't even know that the future tense was an option to write a story in, but now I'm inspired to write something like this. I never thought one word could hit so hard. One question, though- is the 'someday' at the end just saying that it will happen someday and Ditzy will be happy someday, or is it meant to be implying that this won't actually happen and it's all in Ditzy's head?
8863061
It's all in Ditzy's head, but that doesn't necessarily mean it won't still happen. It might happen. Someday.