The Incredibly Loyal Heart Of A Winning Pony

by Hallowed

Alternate Ending - Honor- Part Two

...

A voice, maternal and authoritative, very loud, and very pissed off: "Neigh, sister!"

The magic around my throat released, and I fell to the ground, gasping for air and coughing with my eyes closed. After a moment, I felt a pair of limbs wrap around me, and I heard Fluttershy whisper over and over, "It's okay, it's okay, just breathe, Cloud."

After a moment, I felt bright light on my eyelids, and opened an eye to see what was happening. The girls had been released at the same time I had, and they all were circling me, but looking towards the far end of the room. There, Princess Celestia was there, shining like the Sun she commanded.

Nightmare Moon faced her down, black energy swirling around her ominously. "So, my precious sister, you finally come out to face me."

Princess Celestia shook her head, "I did not want to do this, sister. But I cannot allow you to harm even one more of my little ponies."

Nightmare Moon laughed darkly, "Oh, and can you really stop me? Do you have it in you to fight me?"

The princess, in answer, just loudly called out, "Twilight."

Twilight started, "Princess?"

The Princess fixed Nightmare Moon with a steely gaze. "Use your brother’s favorite spell."

Twilight blinked in confusion, but then her eyes widened in recognition and a purple dome shimmered into existence around the six of us. Rarity caught on quickly, and a blue glow appeared on the edge of the dome, adding what she could to the shield. After a moment, a golden hexagonal grid appeared overlapping the shield, as Princess Celestia ignited her horn and added a surge of power to the barrier.

Nightmare Moon laughed again, "So many precautions, my sister! Last time we fought, you were powerless before my might! What makes you think that shield will ever stop me?"

Princess Celestia sighed, but as she spoke, she began to glow brighter. "Nightmare Moon, did you ever stop to think that I never wanted to hurt my sister?" She scoffed, and began to speak, but Princess Celestia just spoke over her, "The shield isn't to protect them from you. It's to protect them from me."

Nightmare Moon's eyes widened in realization, "But you still won't hurt your sister, will you? This battle is won already!"

Almost impossible to see behind the shining white light, Princess Celestia closed her eyes for a moment, then opened her eyelids to show a pure white glow obscuring her eyes, quietly saying, "I didn't want to. But my hoof is forced this time."

Nightmare Moon screamed a wordless cry of defiance, and pointed her horn at the Princess, a surge of dark power roaring towards Princess Celestia. But the blinding white form pointed her horn in response, and simply said:

"I'm sorry."

A blinding light filled the room, extinguishing the shadows that surrounded Nightmare Moon, and a deafening roar filled the room an instant before a massive wave of fire slammed into the barrier. Twilight and Rarity recoiled as if they were physically struck, but the barrier held, even as the temperature skyrocketed past the hottest summer day. All the rest of us could do was huddle under the shield and wait for it to be over.

It went on for what seemed like forever, though it must have only been seconds. Finally, the raging fire stopped, and the barrier disappeared. Twilight and Rarity looked utterly exhausted, but our circle was the only part of the room not utterly destroyed. Anything that had been in the room that wasn't stone was just gone, burned to ash and the ash burned to dust and the dust burned out of existence. The Elements were intact, but even the stone floor looked like it had been melted and was uncomfortably hot to the touch. Through a hole in the wall, the sun rose over the sky.

Princess Celestia looked completely pristine, like the fire hadn't even touched her. However, at her feet, on stone still glowing orange, lay the unmoving form of Nightmare Moon, but there... well, there wasn't much left. Even her silver armor was melted, blackened and warped into near-unrecognizability. But that wasn't even the most shocking part.

Princess Celestia was openly weeping.

As Fluttershy and Applejack helped me to my hooves, Twilight was the first to approach the Princess, tentatively asking, "Princess?"

Princess Celestia looked at us and smiled gently, though tears still flowed as she asked, "Are you all okay, my little ponies?"

We all nodded, though we were all a bit shaken, as Applejack slowly asked, "Princess, what in Equestria happened?"

The Princess looked down, tears sizzling on the stones beneath her hooves as she said, "I control the sun, and for a moment, the sun was here, in this room."

The six of us were stricken silent by the implications for a long few moments. Then Rarity, stunned, said, "But... Princess Celestia. You said she-"

"-was my sister, yes. Princess Luna."

Princess Celestia finished, a sad look on her face. "The Nightmare had seized her one thousand years ago, and I had hoped that the Elements of Harmony would cleanse her of it completely this time. But when you weren't able to harness their power, and I realized that Nightmare Moon was about to start killing you all... I could not wait to act any longer, and I could not stop her without resorting to this amount of force."

For a while, we shared in the Princess’s tears, as all of us wept for her loss. After a moment, I coughed, my voice still raw from the near-death experience, and said "Princess... I'm- we're sorry. Having to choose us over your sister... I wish that we'd been able to save her."

Princess Celestia nodded, and quietly said, "So do I, my little ponies."

"Your Highness!"

A new voice rang out from the hole in the wall. Turning to look, we saw a squadron of pegasi in Guard armor, some carrying a chariot with unicorn soldiers aboard, fly through the hole and land, headed by my parents. My mother took one look at me, bloody and beat to Tartarus, and snapped over her shoulder, "Medic!" A pair of unicorns snapped to attention and came over to treat me and check the others for injuries.

My dad snapped to a salute before the Princess. "Lieutenant Commander Kicker reporting, Your Highness. When the sun didn't come up, we heard reports that Nightmare Moon had returned, and the Captain decided to scramble to investigate and assist."

Princess Celestia nodded at Dad and said, "The situation is resolved, Tornado, though not without casualties." She took a long sad look at the remains at her hooves, then said, "Please secure my sister's remains for transport back to the palace. Once we are returned to Canterlot, we will begin preparations for a royal funeral service. Princess Luna died a hero to Equestria, a victim of dark magic, and she will be remembered that way."

My dad nodded, and said as gently as I've ever heard him speak as a soldier, "As you say, Your Highness. We'll take care of her. Meanwhile, we will prepare chariots to return the civilians to Ponyville, and for when you would like to return to Canterlot with your student." The Princess nodded, and Dad turned to begin issuing orders to the ponies under his command.

The Princess turned to Twilight. "When you are ready, my student, we should depart."

Twilight looked up at the Princess, tears rolling down her own cheeks, and in a tiny voice said, “Princess? I’m sorry that we- that I failed when you needed me.” as fresh sobs tore themselves from her throat.

The Princess shook her head and placed a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “No, my faithful student. You learned the lesson of friendship that I wanted you to learn. You met ponies, and formed bonds with them, which is what I wanted you to learn. That even though you are strong by yourself, we are always stronger together. You have learned an important lesson today, but there are ever more, equally important, lessons yet still ahead of you. However, you can always keep in touch with your new friends by mail, and Ponyville isn’t too far to visit.”

Twilight hesitated a moment, but nodded, and turned to the rest of us, smiling softly, though all of us could tell by her red eyes that she was just putting on a brave face. "Thank you all for coming with me. We tried, and at least we can walk away with that. I won't forget any of you, though. I promise."

Applejack, looking strange without her hat, nodded and said "Yer always welcome at Sweet Apple Acres, friend." We all hugged her and said our goodbyes, and the Princess walked out of the room, Twilight in tow.

Applejack then took a look outside at the sun, and gasped. "Lands sakes alive, is that how late it is? The day's gotten away from me! Girls, ah'll see ya 'round town!" and she curtseyed awkwardly to the Princess and galloped over to the waiting chariot.

Rarity sighed dramatically and said, "All that work, and nothing but tragedy to show for it. Not a tale to tell to my grandfoals someday." as she made her farewells and trotted away too.

Pinkie didn't say anything to me, she just walked out, head down. What was concerning though was that her mane was still hanging straight down, not poofy at all. I resolved that I needed to talk to her later.

Eepy didn't say anything to any of us, she just walked away with her head down, which hurt much more than I thought it would.

Meanwhile, I undoubtedly had weather to get back to... but I didn't feel like going. For once in my life, I knew what my duty was, and I wasn't scared of doing it... I just didn't feel like it.

My parents finished giving orders, and trotted over as one of the medics was finishing up with me. "Take it easy for a couple weeks, and you should be fine, okay?" I nodded dully, and the medic followed after the rest of the soldiers, leaving me alone with my parents.

My dad was the first to break the silence. "Cloud, you look like a soldier fresh from a three day march getting sent on a ten day march."

I nodded tiredly. "Yeah, let's just go home. I'll tell you all about it there."

---

So that's how we ended up back at my place, me and my parents. Along the way, I heard that rumors had begun to spread throughout town about what had happened, which explains that when I got to my house, there were two other ponies already waiting for me: Blossomforth and Rainbow Dash, who may or may not have broken out of the hospital despite the bum wing.

So after everyone had settled in my living room, I recounted the entire tale, from start to finish. My parents seated in front of me, Rainbow and Blossom sitting on either side of me, the latter hugging me tightly.

"...so because the Elements wouldn't work for us, Princess Celestia had to intervene to save my life, and kill her sister in the process to stop Nightmare Moon." I finished with a sour expression.

Blossom frowned and said "Well, I'm glad she acted before you died and not after." All the ponies in the room nodded their agreement, except me. "Oh come on Cloud, I’m sorry that the Princess’ sister didn’t make it too, but don't act like you're not happy to be alive!"

When I didn't immediately say anything, my head hanging low, my mother laid a hoof on my shoulder and quietly said, "Cloud?"

I looked up at her miserably, and said what had been on my mind ever since we tried to use the Elements: "It's my fault the Elements didn't work."

Needless to say, that bombshell went over great. I felt a pair of wings hit me upside the head from both Blossom and Rainbow.

My mother coughed discreetly and said, "Maybe you should explain what you mean, Cloud."

I sighed and said "Look, Rainbow, Blossom, you know Applejack. She's honest, almost to a fault, right?" When they nodded, I continued, "Rarity's generous, Pinkie laughs, and Fluttershy's kind, right?" They nodded hesitantly, seeing where I was going with this and not liking it. "Well, I can definitely tell you after experiencing it up close, Twilight has magic, and lots of it. That leaves one of the six, and you're talking to her."

Blossom fumbled for words for a moment, before saying, "You don't know that for sure, Cloud-"

I interrupted her bitterly, "No, I know it for sure. I've been known for my issues with loyalty, haven't I."

Rainbow flared her working wing, obviously angry that I was beating myself up over this. "Oh come on. When it counts, you've always been there for us when we needed it. Yeah, you're not perfect, but nopony is!"

I sighed again, and said "I don't think it's all about being perfect, but it still matters. Personally and professionally, I've never been loyal to just one pony or thing. Heck Rainbow, when it comes to loyalty, you're far better than I am.”

Rainbow paused for a moment, thinking obviously about how "awesome" it would be to be one of the big heroes, before shaking her head and saying, "Yeah, but if we start comparing to me, a lot of ponies are gonna come up short!" with a grin.

I smiled a little before retorting, "Says the pony with a busted wing." The smile left my face as I continued, "Honestly, it almost felt like the Element knew about me running away from graduation and the Guard. Maybe the others know that the Element of Loyalty rejected me, maybe they don't. But I know, and that's enough."

Dad, silent through the story and now, finally spoke up. "If that's true, and nopony knows if it is, the question is, what can you do about it?"

Blossom, hugging me tightly, replied, "Right, it's not like you can change the past and magically make yourself more loyal. But you can take on some more responsibilities with the weather team maybe, and try to do better going forward?"

The word responsibilities resonated in my head for a moment, before I nodded, a decision made. "You're right, Blossom. Hey Rainbow?"

Rainbow blinked. "What's up, Cloud?"

I simply said, "I quit."

Four pairs of eyes in the room blinked once. And then, pandemonium.

After a few long moments of Blossom yelling about that’s not what she meant and how could I leave the team in the lurch when they’re already down too many ponies, and Rainbow ranting at me using a colorful variety of rude conversations, Mom stamped a single hoof on my table, the solid thwack of the metal on wood silencing both of them. She then asked, "Cloud, your overloud friends do have a point, what are you thinking?"

I answered, "I'm thinking it's time I finally accepted my responsibilities."

Dad quietly asked, "You want to join the Guard, after all this time?"

I nodded, to the shock of the ponies I was sharing a couch with.

Mom frowned. "Cloud, it's been a long time since you were supposed to graduate and join the Guard. I don't think you should be making a decision like this on a whim, especially when you're as tired and as under stress as you are."

I retorted, "This isn't a whim, Mom. This is me making a decision to accept my responsibilities to Equestria. I ignored that once, and my cowardice and arrogance got Princess Luna killed."

Dad sighed. "If your Aunt Wind was here, I know what she would say: 'Survivor’s guilt'. You're feeling guilty because you think that because of your choices, you got Princess Luna killed."

I shook my head and said, "It's not that, Dad. It's recognizing that I've ignored my obligations too long. And it's about making things right. It took the Element, and this tragedy, to show me how I've been wrong all this time, and maybe I wasn't ready before, but I am ready now. I'm ready to do my part for Equestria."

Dad pondered for a moment, and Mom looked at him aghast. "You're not seriously considering it, Tor?"

Dad was silent another moment, then shrugged and looked back at Mom. "She says she's ready. Is there anything else that matters?" He then fixed me with a steely gaze. "But you're still going to sit down with Wind and make sure your head is screwed on right before this conversation becomes anything official." I nodded hastily, since I'd have to get a psych eval, among many other tests, not to mention the sizable gap of years between graduating and reporting for anything besides the reserves, before serving.

Mom was silent another long moment, before sighing and throwing her hooves up. "Fine, fine. I can tell when I'm outnumbered. But I'm going to put you through your paces on your wingblades before I let you out of the house. No daughter of mine is going to embarrass me with sloppy wingwork."

Blossom looked hurt. "But what about your friends in Ponyville? Your responsibilities to the weather team?"

I hugged her tightly. "I'll always have my friends in my heart, Blossom. And I'll be able to visit on leave, unless I get assigned to Ponyville, unlikely though that is. And the weather team will be able to survive without me. Heck, without me around, you're a shoe-in for assistant manager, right Rainbow?"

Rainbow looked positively grumpy. "Yeah yeah, obviously. Losing one of my best people, and best friends, is always a positive thing."

I reached over and gave Rainbow a noogie. "You're not losing me, you goof. We'll always be friends. It'll be just like when I was in West Hoof, sending letters back and forth." Rainbow looked unconvinced, but she eventually nodded.

Dad looked at me again, before saying, "You know that you don't have anything to prove to us, right? We've always been proud of you, despite you following a different path than we expected."

I nodded, and said "It's not about proving anything to you. It's about proving something to myself." When both of my parents nodded approvingly, I smiled.

It wasn't just that, either. While I had no way of knowing if this was true or not, I thought that I did have some affinity for the Element of Loyalty, I just wasn't worthy yet. But just because the immediate threat had passed, didn't mean that there wouldn't be another threat later on. So I would do better, and hopefully the next time I was needed, I would be able to help save some ponies.

The days, weeks, and months ahead were going to be tough, but I looked forward to the challenge, and the opportunity to help make things right.

I had the feeling that everything was going to be just fine.

THE END...?

Author's Note:

So this is the alternate ending. When I started writing this, this obviously wasn't the ending I originally thought of, but this outcome came to me in the process of writing the first chapter, and I formed the outline for this on the spot. It made me smile watching the back-and-forth argument between people in the comments about whether or not Cloud Kicker would be able to successfully use the Element of Loyalty.

Which ending is my favorite? Impossible to say. I think the Honor ending is more interesting and takes far more of a hammer to canon, which I kinda like. But the Faithful ending writes funnier stories as Cloud takes Rainbow's place in things like the poison joke and cutie mark swapping incidents.

But yeah, we're done for now! Two and a half years to finish a story started for a one-month event. That is timely delivery at its finest. I am good at this!

This was obviously my first story, but won't be my last. I just hope it doesn't take me as much in delays in the future!

Thank you to my editors who spun my written straw into gold. And thank you to everyone who read this, who liked this story, who favorited this story, who commented and sent me messages which I didn't respond to nearly as quickly as you all deserved to get.

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

Definitely prefer the original ending. The Faithfulness one.

[Leaviathan]

I can't help but think of Cloud Kicker and poison joke, since you mentioned it. I could totally see her "joke" removing her "fun" bits. Though I suppose it could change her gender and then Cloud Kicker just rolls with it.

[wolfstorm56]

I enjoyed both endings, though I have to say I would be more interested in seeing you continue this alternate if you were to write more on the topic.

[Chengar Qordath]

Both endings were pretty fun, as far as I'm concerned.

[kooarbiter]

7263800 I thought it was supposed to work by taking someone's best/favorite things about them (rainbow's flying, rarity's appearance, etc.) and using it against them. So by that logic being neutered (hopefully temporarily) would be her "joke". Now I'm just imagining the conversation between her and RD after it and rainbow being the most smug, horseapple eater having face ever

[D48]

This was excellent, and I like both endings. The first is definitely best for continuity because it leaves the characters set up to move forwards together like the show did, although I feel like it really suffered from skimming over the conversation between Cloud and Twilight at the end rather than writing it out because that conversation should have been a cornerstone of their relationship moving forwards. I felt like that significantly weakened the first ending overall and left me favoring the second, especially because it is so much stronger from a literary perspective. It just has more of an emotional kick and isn't afraid to let the heroes fail which is always refreshing, especially because it avoids the total grimdark collapse most stories that buck that particular trend go with. That makes the result feel much more authentic because things in the real world usually end in some middle state like this ending did rather than the binary win at everything or total doom that is far too common in fiction, something you captured beautifully here along with the desire to improve these situations usually leave people with. The alternative ending also leaves a lot of room for open-ended speculation in a way that invites the readers to imagine what happened while leaving the core plot threads of the story wrapped up nicely which makes for an excellent conclusion. The one drawback is that you can't really extend it any further because a sequel would almost certainly collapse that possibility space without opening up enough new options to make up for it and would be forced to largely abandon a big chunk of the cast due to their separation.

Anyways, this was a great story and I am curious to see where you go from here. I just hope past performance is not an indicator of future writing speed.

[Hallowed]

7284234
I completely understand what you mean about skimming over the conversation. To be transparent, it's the one part of the story I'm not 100% happy with myself, and it's actually a lot more fleshed out now than it was in the first "final" draft. It's in the form it is for two reasons: One, if this is a story that's being told from the perspective of Cloud, then it's Cloud's story, and maybe she's glossing over a long conversation in the telling of it. The conversation IS information we've all heard before, after all.

The second reason, and the one that is probably much more accurate: I just couldn't find the words to fill that conversation. I tried more than a little to write that conversation, and every time I tried, it felt forced. So I did the best I could with what I had.

That all said, I'm super glad you, and everyone else, seems to have liked the story and the endings! As for my writing speed, I'd say "shots fired", but let's be honest, it's so accurate that it's more like "shots fired at broad side of barn".

[D48]

7286098 Fair enough. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet on that kind of thing, although in this case it might have made more sense to leave big parts of their relationship unresolved to deal with it piece by piece later to avoid having to do a giant two-party conversation about it.

As for the last bit, I feel the need to point out the fact that you fired the first shot there in the author's note.

That said, I am curious to hear what your plans are moving forwards with this AU and what your schedule is looking like because I definitely want to see Cloud get up to more shenanigans with the others.

[Aotrs Commander]

Nicely done. I think I prefer the Faithfulness ending out of the two, but I also think that the explorartion of the Honor ending was not only entirely worthwhile, but perhaps even necessary. What would have happened in the fail state is almost too big a question not to have examined.

(And in that last incidence, yhey might be proper fracked if the Elements decide she still isn't worthy by the time Discord rolls around...!)

[Hallowed]

7543840
I'm glad you liked it! As for plans to continue, sorry I don't have anything more yet in the universe, but yes, I am planning on continuing. My eternal lack of money meant I needed to take the summer to finish my schooling and try and get a job (still working on that last part, mind), but there'll be an update to the story at some point in the near future.