• Published 9th Jan 2014
  • 4,830 Views, 697 Comments

I just don't know what went right... - DerpyDitzyDerpyDo



Celestia, Godlike ruler of all Equestria, is falling desperately in love... with a derpy eyed mailmare who just can't seem to do anything right.

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Part Three, Chapter Two: What could possibly go wrong?

"You're taking advice from whom, exactly?"

"Blueblood."

Luna turned up her nose and snorted loudly, "I have no recollection of such a pony."

"Blond-maned snob, high society type?" I tried.

"You'll have to be more specific," Luna was lying sprawled on her couch, picking idly through a bowl of chocolates as I nervously paced in front of her.

"He passed a rude comment about your flank at the Gala last year," I ventured.

"More specific," Luna waved her hoof vaguely in my direction.

"You threw him into the castle moat and he cried like a filly," Luna glanced at me with a look of momentary recollection which faded fairly rapidly.

"More specific," she said, popping a chocolate into her mouth.

"Exactly how many ponies have you thrown in the moat?" I was still a little on edge. The day had been spent planning the budget for the Equestria Games opening ceremony and pining for Ditzy. This place had never felt so suffocating until I had tasted a true breath of fresh air.

"I jest, dear sister. Yes, I recall the blackguard. Pompous fellow. I cannot help but wish you had come to me for advice!" Luna rolled onto her side and idly stretched her wings. This was her pre-night watch routine. Dark chocolate and plenty of lolling around.

"Well?"

"Take her by force. Sweep in, fire blazing, and carry her off into the sunset. If she objects then slip her some tongue to keep her quiet," Luna laughed haughtily but I knew, this time, she wasn't joking.

"Luna... things don't really work like that anymore... as I said before..."

"Ah, that would explain why that young mare was so alarmed the other night..." sometimes I wondered what sorts of adventures my sister go up to when I wasn't there to keep her in check, "Be more aggressive 'Tia! You and I have crushed armies beneath our hooves! A few weeks ago we were battling an elder dragon and now you're dilly-dallying over some mare! Ludicrous!"

"I still like Blueblood's plan better. I can't imagine what my subjects would think of me if I barged into ponies homes and carried of young mothers slung over my shoulder," I giggled.

Luna pouted, "No worse than they would think of you if you reduced some newspaper peddler to ash for publishing an embarrassing photo of you."

Ah. So that's the rumour that's been going around. Well, if even Luna has heard of it then everypony in court must know. It would explain why my subjects have been even more cautious of me than usual.

"Now you of all ponies should know that I would never do something like that!"

Luna giggled and then hopped off the couch. It was high time she gathered the guards and set off for the night patrol.

"Sometimes I wish you would. One cannot help but think that part of the reason our subordinates are so timid around you is that they are never entirely sure what you are capable off. Perhaps knowing that their fears were founded in reality might bring them some small comfort. Mortals are always more frightened of the unknown," Luna casually stretched her legs and trotted over to her bedroom window, "So how will you earn your beloved's filly's favour? Stun her with your regal charms? Perhaps she will awaken to find a mountain of toys outside her bedroom window?"

"Dinky Doo is a... difficult case. She's proven rather resistant to my 'regal charms' as you put it and I have a strong suspicion that bribery would backfire on me," I frowned, a plan had begun to form in the darker recesses of my mind, "They key to our more powerful adversaries has always been gathering intelligence before attempting direct confrontation. I need to run a scouting operation first. Test the waters..."

"So cast an invisibility spell and follow her around," Luna sounded like she was growing bored of the conversation. She probably still didn't fully understand why I didn't just storm in and take Ditzy by force.

"There's only so much I can learn as an outside observer... No... I need to go deeper. Luna, I'm going to cast an anti-aging spell!"

"On the filly?" said Luna, sounding alarmed, "You'd turn her back into a babe? Why?"

"No, I'll cast an anti-aging spell on myself. And a spell to change my mane colour and hide my wings. I'll disguise myself as a normal everyday filly and infiltrate Dinky's circle of friends. Find out her likes, dislikes and penchants and then use them to win her over to my side," I grinned wickedly. An ingenious plan, if I do say so myself. The same strategy Chrysalis uses against me, time and time again.

Luna laughed loudly enough to shake the floorboards, "You would disguise yourself as a normal filly? How fun! You must show me the end result! Kibitz gave me a marvellous new invention with which to capture images permanently for later viewing. A photographical device! I wish to take some pictures of your adorable fillyness! I will frame them and hang them on my wall. Perhaps Twilight would appreciate some pictures as well" she teased, tail wagging like a puppy at dinner time.

"Yes, well... maybe" I harrumphed, "But this mission will mean I need to spend the entire day neglecting my Princess duty. I have been doing that a rather worrying number of times in recent days and the paperwork has started to pile up. I will need you to take over in my absence."

Luna's face fell, "But sister," she whined, "Paperwork is booooooring."

"Do you want the pictures or not?" I snapped. Luna moaned and groaned for a minute but ultimately relented. I wasn't sure which she was more excited about. Me as a filly or having something legitimately interesting to photograph. Modern technology was a source of constant amusement for my somewhat anachronistic sister.

"Age reversal spells can only work on you and I for a short while though, sister. You will have to move quickly," Luna was unable to mask her excitement as she talked while rummaging around in her chest, hunting for the camera that Kibitz gave her.

"Yes, yes, I know," I said, hurriedly, "It will not take nearly that long. It's a simple mission. What could possibly go wrong?"

Author's Note:

If you don't know who Kibitz is... maybe you should read the comics more. He's in the Luna one. He's an old guy who handles the Princess' schedule.
Also hooray! I broke through my writing block and came up with an interesting idea for a plot... albeit not the most original one but still... yay!