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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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AJ and pinkis are on the seen
You switch to centered text alignment a few paragraphs in. It was a bit weird to read like that.
Other than that, this is a pretty good chapter. There were a few misused words, especially later in the chapter, but nothing too off-putting.
The cultural differences are always fun to explore like this huh? It's always a bit of fun to see those little culture shocks from things that we take for granted on a daily basis.
4582669
Yeah, that was a bit strange.
Loving the world building too, solid lore makes for solid stories.
4582669
Ack! I have no idea how that happened. Thank you. Fixed.
I always appreciate my errors being pointed out. Don't improve otherwise.
4582637
This gig worked out better than the pie cart at the gala.
The odd spelling mistake near the end, but still good. Also I can't help but wonder how the Princesses would react to reading about themselves in a romance novel.
Spelled vial as vile once. Fun chapter.
So? How was the curry!?
Okay, so I've finally gotten around to reading this, and just finished reading what you've got, but I have to say the only real problem I have with this is that you continuously use Key Peg's full name for every instance you refer to him. I'd suggest just shortening it to 'Key' to let the story flow a bit better.
But all in all, it's a good fic, can't wait to read more!
4583467
It had a very Thai feel to it. More of a soup that he had expected, but good.
I was talking to one of the editors about my recurring food theme in this story earlier in the week. I think I keep coming back to it for a few reasons. It's not something a lot of authors explore, and I can easily image myself having to figure out what I could and could not eat from their daily diet.
Side note: I blame Pinkie for this, but I have it in my head the ponies eat a lot of spicy food.
Interesting fic so far, i shall keep an Eye on it, that aside, i am suprised Celestia and Luna and Twillight approve of ponies Writing smut fiction about them.
4584178
I'd die with that much spicy food. I love Thai food but I'm such a wimp .
I have no clue why that line bothered me but I spent the entire rest of the chapter wondering, "Well...how was it?!?"
I imagine at some point we'll have to get some animal protein in our intrepid protagonist but I imagine that's not much of an issue in Canterlot.
4585072
Don't forget the griffon roadhouse that serves seafood. I have a bit more planned for that place, so we'll see him back there again.
Loving it so far and want to read more. Also, really enjoying how are you handling Celestia and making her a bit of a troll.
that supposed to be "walking and eating" I think.
Obligatory Music Video! German Style!
Oh look, whorefic. And guess where did this whoreman come from? America.
separate pleasure from business?
Why? Because she'll go from this
derpicdn.net/img/2012/12/13/181429/large.png
to this
derpicdn.net/img/2014/5/16/628114/large.jpeg
in
Shane, you'd best get running!
An electric pink pony? That sounds like... Wait a second...
*googles palomino*
Aahhhhh, I see what you did there.
I'm guessing that the preening oil's for pegasi.
I searched for a fanfic of the name "the twilight between us" and I was disappointed.
4593597
Surprise? Cheese?
I wonder if Winter is just being nice or has a deeper motive?
He's 32? I was expecting someone somewhat closer to 17, the sexual prime age for the human male.
Unless he's planning on doing nothing but saving money or finding a way home, he'd better hope for reproduction specialists among ponykind being miracle workers with human anatomy. He's got at best 10 years before problems start cropping up and he has to start working up a "Most Interesting Man in the World" persona to work the romance angle real hard to pump the mares up before it gets to the sex session...
6498370
I kinda expected mid/late 20's myself.
Around 25-28, given his general attitude and inner dialogues.
Seventeen is practically unheard of for owning and regularly operating any kind of aircraft in the US (I assume he's from the US, given how he describes everything from his home).
Probably Arkansas or Iowa if I had to take an -admittedly random- stab in the dark based on what little we've gotten so far.
Additionally, he mentioned that he took Kempo about 15 years ago.
Assuming he wasn't a 2 year old child prodigy, early teens or older would make sense.
Missing a period at the end of the sentence.
Jesus! This guys 32, by the way he acts I would have thought 20 at most.
10105599
Shane is not exactly the picture of maturity.