Ch 5 got finished this morning, So ch3 gets posted. 4 will be out once 6 is done. I'm spooling ahead, so I can intertwine the chapters more.

You forgot Character Tags

Enjoy a favorite

No character tags?

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Didn't really think I needed them; HiE automatically implies OC. But if it really bothers people, I'll add the OC tag.

3882928 tags other than oc's are nice

3882928 Yes, but it helps to tell others if you are going to include any main or Side characters.

I find the story interesting so far! I'll keep an eye on it.

Liking this. It's AMAZING!

There is a house in New Orleans.
They call the Risin' Sun.
And it's been the ruin of many 'a poor boy.
And God, I know I'm one.

My mother was a tailor.
She used to sew my new blue jeans.
My father was a gamblin' man.
Down in New Orleans.

quickmeme.com/img/7f/7f33d093b8f483242613e15e456fe37de9269948b09e8ceefa03d240187977c7.jpg

That was a cute little story in the bazaar with the foal gaining her cutie mark. I saw it coming a mile away, but it was still endearing.

The scene in bed with Sky was pretty lackluster though, with almost no feeling, tactile response, or emotion to set it apart. It was what I like to call "sex by numbers"; it had all the necessary actions to call it sex, but no real details, flourishes, or personal touches to truly paint the picture and fix it in a reader's mind. In the future, try to focus on the various senses and use plenty of detail to really bring the reader into the act.

“Okay, I’ll bite,” I said

“Please don’t,” Ruby said, pulling away from me a bit.

I'm sure SOME mare will want him to.

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I'm sure SOME mare will want him to.

If I had come across this story 10 weeks ago, I'd have made the same joke.

Have a George Takei as your reward for beating me to the punch:

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I agree that the bit with the foal in the marketplace was cute.

It was what I like to call "sex by numbers"; it had all the necessary actions to call it sex, but no real details, flourishes, or personal touches to truly paint the picture and fix it in a reader's mind.

In other words, IKEA Erotica, right?

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I hadn't actually heard that particular term before, but yes that is exactly what I mean. I always used "sex-by-numbers" because it reminded me of paint-by-numbers; where everyone will come out with pretty much the same generic picture after going through the motions.

“Okay, I’ll bite,” I said
“Please don’t,” Ruby said, pulling away from me a bit.
Key Peg laughed. “He means that he’ll give it a try.”
“Oh,” Ruby said, a smile spreading across her face. “Excellent!”

My god that was funny!

“Okay, I’ll bite,” I said
“Please don’t,” Ruby said, pulling away from me a bit.

Really? You run a whore house, and you don't like a little nibble? Silly mare.

You left out too many details during the cutie mark scene, said the character was a virgin in the first chapter and then completely contradict this, and I'm too lazy to point out the rest. You should get some editing done on this and it'll become much nicer.

Wait so was he a virgin or not? This chapter confused me a little

4651750 Didn't he say "pony virgin?"

i.imgur.com/U0V2Q7T.jpg

5405700 He's a virgin to ponies, but not to humans. At least from what I understand

Standing up, I opened the closet door for a towel. “Want one?”

...

“No actually,” she said standing up.

...before she sat on the floor in a slump.

"You're cleaning that up, y'know," Key said, motioning toward the floor under Sky.

"What?" Sky blinked, then looked under herself. "Oh! Oh... Sorry!"

“Please don’t,” Ruby said, pulling away from me a bit.

Lol. I snorted in amusement