The four beings responsible for Nightmare Moon's release and corruption have now invested their power in The Great and Powerful Trixie to dispose of Twilight and the other five bearers of the Elements of Harmony.
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 11th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen 22 minutes ago
Matthais Unidostres
I am Matthais Unidostres, I'm a Christian and I love FanFiction!
Matthais Unidostres
Joined 11th Dec, 2011 ·
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THANK YOU for using the correct four horsemen!
... I just wanted to say that. A little pet peeve of mine.
Wow what an excellent start to a gripping story.
Rather short, but an excellent teaser for the mind workings of the Braggart Trixie.
Let's see where this goes, shall we?
KimonoPony aka Kimonoskunk
ps. FIRST btw....
'Please insert the classic 'Oh SH-T' expression here....
Very well written...
KimonoPony aka Kimonoskunk
Time for a review
Storyline... Gripping
Loathe Towards... Trixie
Characters... Nicely depicted
Length... Perfect
Ending... Perfect
Sequal... Required
Max Strongly Approves
333244 Wow, I don't know what to say. You must have really liked it. It really hurts to tell you that "Book Two: Conquest" won't even be STARTED for quite a while now. Here's a hint, it involves Philomeena, and a whole lot of other animals. Normally I wouldn't give out hints, but the Four Ponies of the Apacolypse series is SOOOOOOOOOO in Hiatus, that I should at least give out something. So although "Sequel... Required", you'll have to wait a while. Why not check out my other stories? Three Evil Queens is sure to keep you psyched up for ponies!
338752 Sounds great, i'll review your next chapter as well, just take your time.
338752 Oops, i meant your next story
While referencing the Shadow Games is pretty cool, you say the medallions are tied to magical capacity, or some such. But the way they show the damage you've taken rather than mana used. And then you confuse the two. Isn't mana the magickal energy a person has available, not their stamina?
That being said, I enjoyed the Team Rocket cameo in the previous chapter.
The dialog of the Four Horsemen is rather stilted. And while it sounds dramatic, you're assuming that the whole crowd, Elements and Luna included, is sitting and watching them while they spout Exposition. Even though it's just their introduction. I mean, even Ash and Misty got tired of having to sit through Team Rocket's endless rhyming. And this situation is much more emotionally charged. At the very least, Luna should have recognized them at first glance, tortured as she is about her poor decisions in the past.
Also, they take turns talking. As if they rehearsed their message. Either that, or they're telepathic. But if you were to rework that ending scene in such a way that you can see it play out realistically in your head, I think it would improve the tone of your entire conclusion. And for everypony to have a great time at a party when they just saw Trixie just get fossilized and asploded? Seems a touch unreasonable.
The whole fic seemed really rushed, in the conflict setup and conclusion. To introduce the Four Horsemen (though they refer to themselves as the "Three") is so utterly and unexpectedly Biblical that it deserves a far grander treatment than you're giving it here. Though if you prefer, you could take this in its entirety and use it as a prologue to whatever comes next, assuming the sequel (or series of sequels, as seems to be implied above) is slower, with an inexorable progression to a grander and more dramatic final conflict. This may require some planning, worldbuilding, and rewriting of history.
All in all, not a bad story.
339968
Like Portal was for Portal 2, this was basically a test bed for the actual Four Books (Which are on hiatus for a long time).
Yes, they are pretty much telepathic, ya know "we are Borg" kind of thing.
Also, the "three" was a typo, I changed it back to "four".
The reason the Four Ponies seem kind of flat and expositiony is because they are less actual ponies and more personified forces, just how the Four Horseman probably aren't actual horsemen. In my future books, all they are going to do is show up in their first chapter, fly over Equestria, make their announcement, and then vanish. The rest of the story will focus on the curse they've cast and how the Mane Six will defeat it. After they all ahev their ride and their curses are defeated, THEN and ONLY THEN will there be a face to face showdown. But until then, they are just personified forces that will be pulling the strings from the sidelines.
Anyway, thanks for the great review. I appreciate your criticism.
Nice. Not the best I've seen, but I respect first tries. I guess I'm five years late for this, but... Do consider to end your so called hiatus. I'm eager to see what you can do with this concept. Until then!