Discord has returned with a new trick.He turned everypony into fillys its up to the cmc and luna!.http://viraljp.deviantart.com/ - gave me the idea i love the idea <3 =D.Im giving full credit to-http://viraljp.deviantart.com/
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 16th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 30th, 2012
thebubblemaster
Derpy Portal 2 and Other things knowing me ill probley wright a my little portal fanfiction ^ ^
thebubblemaster
Joined 16th Mar, 2012 ·
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I would have enjoyed this more, i you formatted it better.
Interesting...
I actually had a conversation with ViralJP himself a while ago and we've been working on a Fan-Fic together which uses his images that include the MLP:FiM characters being regressed.
Here is that story:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/3755/The-Sands-of-Time
I started on it some time ago and I'm currently writing another chapter for it, I'd like to see your version of the the Discords Revenge images and I'll be doing my version later on as bonus chapters for my story so far. Anyways... best of luck with your story and I can't wait to see what else you have got in store for us readers.
I must say that the writing was rather poor, to say the least. Ignoring all the formatting mistakes, it felt like I was reading a script, rather then a story. It needs a lot more colourful prose to properly convey your story.
This could be really interesting. I like the concept, but not the execution. You just need to do a little reformatting. A spellcheck for a few mistakes like surgest should be suggest, but you could have applebloom say that as it would fit in very well with her accent. But not part of the regular description/narrative.
Anyways I will track this and see if you can improve, don't give up on the story just yet. It just needs a little polish, ok a lot of polish but fix the grmmatical and formatting errors and this story could be golden.
had potencial but sadely the chapter needs more work on it. Try to add more discripsen and use more room in the texst. Try to avoid to not have spacing between sentences and words. That and try to get more feeling into the story.
333964 I know its more of a script but then of course it was 12:00 at night and like it says in my description the person who drew the pictures had written there own sorta story about it and thats where i got it from..soo...The next chapter will be done from my imagination!!
DAMN FINE WRITIN'! all the spelling, puctuation and other errors aside it reminds me of my first book! Just remember to space your work propperly, make a new paragraph for every time a new person speaks, end the sentance with something like ." So and so said before looking around. "Maybe we can ask....." You get the point but if you do that it will turn out GREATER than it is now! good luck and i hope i helped because my first book SUUUUUUUUCKED because of all my mistakes, thankfully i went through and fixed them all.... but again good luck and may Celestia watch over you!