- Member Since 24th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen Nov 7th, 2023
Duke of Canterlot
A CPA making his way in the corporate world.
Duke of Canterlot
Joined 24th Nov, 2013 ·
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Poor Lyra! She's treating her marefriend so well and she's about to be betrayed for it.
Wouldn't the better solution be to send Lyra to the seminar to learn domination? Maybe?
Hummm. Bon Bon might be in over her head a bit.
This should be interesting to watch...
Heh, now I kinda want to see Bon-Bon and Lyra both go to Iron Will to give him a piece of their mind, only to end up getting dominated by him together instead.^^
3773827 Hey I need something new from this couple! That seems perfectly logical, but Iron Will needs love too!
3804187 (Creepy pewdiepie slurpy sound engage)
Story was good in essence but I feel as though Lyra forgave Bon Bon to easy considering what she did to Lyra.
Reviewed by the Pleasant Commentator and Review Group
Oohhh boy, that was a trip alright.I am not a writer or anything, but I'll try my best to criticize your story.First, the things I liked:one of the few Lyra/Bon Bon fics I've read.Also the addition of Iron Will is nice.Also, I liked their dynamic and the story is really funny at some parts.
As for what I didn't like:
-you use a lot of name repetition in your story.Try making the sentences longer to avoid repetition
-I didn't like that Bob Bon cheated on Lyra and the fact that she forgave her so easily.I went through that and it hurts like hell, I could barely move on after being cheated on...
-also, I felt like some things where kinda rushed, like why couldn't they discuss about their problem or other things?Bon Bon just...went on and cheated!Anddd..what the hell was this last chapter?I felt like I was reading a bad porn novel hahaha(sorry no offense).And some of Lyra's dialogue here at the end didn't make any sense, I didn't understood what was her plan with Iron Will