Chapter 17: Confessions, Conundrums, and Carrots
The SweetieMash Chronicles
Chapter 17: Confessions, Conundrums, and Carrots
Surrounded by beige walls and standing on a hardwood floor that extended a few feet from the kitchen counter, Love Tap stood and stared. In front of her was a pair of carrots on a rectangular wooden board. Carrots, she reckoned, she should be slicing right now, or maybe chopping. She couldn’t remember. The more she stared at them, the less she knew what to do with them. Then for a second, she remembered.
That’s it! That’s what I was going to do with them I was going to—Scootaloo confessed to Button.
…And then it disappeared. Wherever that flash of insight had come from, it was gone now, and she wasn’t sure where… She was stuck. Stuck standing and staring at a pair of carrots as she tried to remember why she had brought them out in the first place and what she was going to do with them.
She wondered if she could serve them up as they were. If maybe two whole carrots could serve a course… or a meal even.
No wait…that’s ridiculous! Of course Button needs more than carrots, he needs a full meal! The carrots aren’t a meal by themselves! I was going to use them in—Scootaloo confessed to Button.
…
Gone again.
Like a shooting star that came and left too early for her to make a wish on, Love Tap once again went back to staring at the carrots and wondering what she was to do with them. She wondered if this was to be her fate from this point on. Just a pony slowly working towards an idea only to have it flee from her at the last moment from now until the end of time. A living Sissyhooves doomed to roll her stone up the hill, just to have it slip from her hooves at the at last moment and slip down to the bottom again.
No wait… this is stupid. They’re just carrots. It’s not that big of deal. I was just going to—Scootaloo confessed to Button.
…
Dang it.
Love Tap went back to staring at the carrots until a frantic tapping freed her from her stupor.
‘Tap, tap, tap, tap!’
Across the room and through a large arched window crossed with thin wooden beams, a familiar orange pegasus waved her forehoof about as she tried to get Love Tap’s attention.
“Scootaloo!” Love Tap exclaimed as she walked up to the window and pushed on it, each side parting in the middle and opening on hinges. “Thank Celestia you’re here!” Love Tap reached out and picked up Scootaloo, a giant smile spread across her face as she placed the orange pegasus down on the blue carpeted floor. “Please tell me what I should do with these carrots!” Love Tap said as she motioned towards the kitchen counter.
“Uh… Can we worry about that later?” Scootaloo asked. “We sort of have an… uh… issue with Button…” She looked around the kitchen. “He’s not here, is he?”
“He’s upstairs… Is this about me julienning the carro—I mean, you confessing to him?” Love Tap asked.
Scootaloo let out a long heavy sigh. “He told you, huh?”
Love Tap nodded. “Yes… and he seemed pretty confused by it.” Love Tap motioned to herself. “I was pretty confused by it! I mean… I wasn’t surprised at first to hear somepony confessed to him, but I never thought it’d be you, Scootaloo!”
“I wouldn’t!” Scootaloo cried. “I mean, I didn’t! I mean…” Scootaloo clenched her teeth together and made a loud, frustrated sound. “EEEEEERRRRRGGGGGGHHHHU!”
“I mean, I just thought that Sweetie Belle kind of liked Button… ”
“Oh, it goes far, far beyond ‘kind of like’,” Scootaloo assured. “It’s actually like, like—”
“STOP SAYING THAT WORD!” Sweetie Belle shrieked out angrily.
“Uh… But that’s not important right now!” Scootaloo said.
Love Tap paused and trotted up to the window sticking her head out of it. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom stood right below it, sticking her head up at her.
“Uh… Hi,” Apple Bloom said.
“Erm… Hey, uh… mom…” Sweetie Belle said. Her eyes suddenly went wide as she waved her forearms back and forth in front of her. “ERM… I mean… Button’s mom! Not my mom… I have one of those!”
Apple Bloom turned and glared at Sweetie Belle. “Well rub it in, why don’tcha!”
“Whoops…” Sweetie Belle turned to Apple Bloom and looked at her sheepishly. “Sorry Apple Bloom, I didn’t mean—”
“Girls,” Love Tap interrupted, “what are you two doing outside my kitchen window?”
“Well,” Sweetie Belle said, “we’re too short to get up to the window on our own, so we lifted up Scootaloo and…”
Love Tap shook her head. “No, I mean… why didn’t you all just knock on the front door?”
“Oh, right…” Sweetie Belle said, a slightly pinkish hue entering her cheeks. “We’re kind of trying to avoid Button Mash until we sort something out…”
Love Tap turned behind her and looked at Scootaloo. “Is this about your confession?”
Scootaloo simply uttered an annoyed “Uuuuuhhhhhgggg!”
“Well… about that…” Sweetie Belle said in a slightly embarrassed tone.
“Hey,” Apple Bloom called out, “can we all talk about this inside? It’s kinda weird us talking up to you from outside…”
Love Tap nodded and leaned down, scooping up both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle into her forelegs, before she leaned back up and sat them gently down on their hooves inside. She turned and quietly closed the window.
Love Tap looked at Sweetie Belle and then at Scootaloo. “So… I mean… Is this about both of you liking Button Mash?”
“What!” Scootaloo said. “No! I don’t like Button Mash!”
“Ah thought you really, kinda liked Button Mash!” Apple Bloom said.
“What? I… okay… like… I guess that’s what I mean, but like that’s not… like… UHG! Now I’m sick of that word too!”
Love Tap looked at Scootaloo with a confused look. “So… erm… are you now feeling conflicted on your feelings for Button?”
“What?! No!” Scootaloo cried. “I’m not conflicted at all!”
“Soooo… you do like him?” Love Tap asked.
“UUUUHHHHHHGGGGG!” Scootaloo cried. “Look! Button and I are just friends, and that’s it!”
“But Button said that you told him that you adored him,” Love Tap said.
“I didn’t mean for Button to hear all that!” Scootaloo insisted. “I was just showing Sweetie Belle how a proper confession is done so she’ll stop dragging her hooves and just tell Button how she feels! I didn’t know Button would be right there to receive my fake, and not-real-at-all, confession.”
“Oooooh!” Love Tap said, her eyes widening and her lips even raising slightly as if a giant weight had somehow been lifted from her. “That makes an alarmingly large amount of sense.”
“So anyways,” Scootaloo continued, “I think Sweetie Belle just needs to go up to Button’s room and tell her how she feels!”
Sweetie Belle turned narrowed her eyes slightly at Scootaloo. “And I already said that will just confuse Button because he’ll have to deal with two fillies telling him that they like him!”
Love Tap frowned. “Yeah, don’t go up and tell him right now. He’s still processing Scootaloo’s confession. Who knows what kind of mental breakdown he’ll have if he has to deal with two fillies confessing to him on the same day.”
“Fine!” Scootaloo said. “This is stupid and I’m sick of it! I’ll just tell Button this a big misunderstanding and that I was just showing Sweetie Belle a proper confession!”
“No don’t do that!” Sweetie Belle pleaded.
Scootaloo sighed heavily. “What is it this time?”
“If you tell Button you were showing me how to confess then he’ll know I like him!”
“Oh, wow!” Scootaloo said sarcastically. “We wouldn’t want that, now would we?”
Love Tap raised an eyebrow and looked at Sweetie Belle. “Would Button knowing how you feel really be so horrible?”
Sweetie Belle frowned. “I don’t… I don’t know… I mean… what if Button doesn’t feel the same way about me?!”
“What?!” Love Tap exclaimed. Her mouth opening into a smile as she seemed to chuckle silently to herself. “Honey, are you really concerned about that?!”
Sweetie Belle nodded her head up and down.
Love Tap suddenly frowned. “Wait… You mean… you honestly think if you confess to Button he might reject you?”
Sweetie Belle once again nodded her head up and down. “I’m not ready to have my heart broken!”
Love Tap looked over towards Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. “This… she’s not joking is she… this is honestly a thing with her, isn’t it?”
The two fillies nodded their heads up and down and uttered sad and defeated “Uh-huh”s.
“I…” Love Tap trailed off as she tried to process this information. Her mind struggled with it as if she was considering something completely contrary to everything she thought she knew. “Ok well… that’s… I guess that’s something.”
“UUUHHHHHHHGGGG!” Scootaloo cried. “This is so stupid!”
“Mom?”
The group suddenly froze as Button called from upstairs.
“I keep hearing groaning,” Button said. “What’s going on?”
“Uh… Nothing, sweetie!” Love Tap said. “The kitchen is just uh… erm… infested with zombies!”
“What?” Apple Bloom said. “There’s no way he’s going to believe—”
Love Tap brought a forehoof up to her mouth and quietly shushed Applebloom. “Shhhh… Just groan! Groan!”
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle looked at each other shrugged, and began groaning and moaning.
“Uhhhhhhh…” Scootaloo said.
“Mooooooooaaaaaaaan!” Sweetie Belle cried.
Scootaloo stopped and scowled at Sweetie Belle. “Sweetie Belle, you dingus… You don’t actually say the word ‘moan’. You just moan like this… ‘Whuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh!’”
“Oh! I see!” Sweetie Belle said cheerfully. “Whoooooooaaaaaa!”
Scootaloo sighed and raised a forehoof against her forehead. “No, that’s not moaning or groaning…” She lowered her forehoof and pointed it at Sweetie Belle. “You’re putting too much effort into it. Just… just pretend Rarity said she can’t spend time with you because she has a big order to fill and then drag that sound out for as long as possible.”
“Oh! You mean like ‘uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggguuuuuuuuhhhhgggg…?’”
Scootaloo nodded. “Much better!”
“Guys,” Apple Bloom said, “Ah’m tellin’ y’all… This ain’t gonna wo—”
“Oh no!” Button cried. “What should I do?!”
Apple Bloom smacked a forehoof against her face.
“Just stay up there and keep playing video games!” Love Tap shouted up.
“Uhhh… You don’t want me to jump out my window or at least call for help or something?”
“It’s alright, dear!” Love Tap cried. “Mommy can handle it!”
Apple Bloom shook her head in disbelief. “Seriously? He’s just going to accept all this?”
“… Mom?” Button called out.
“Yes, sweetie?”
“You’re the coolest mom, ever!”
Love Tap smiled to herself. “I know, sweetie.”
Scootaloo pursed her lips into a tight frown and wrinkled her brow slightly as she stared at Sweetie Belle. “Alright, now what exactly do you see in that dork?”
“Hey!” Sweetie Belle protested.
“Scootaloo, dear?” Love Tap said. “I should remind you that I’m literally right here, and though I like you, I have a rather short fuse when it comes to ponies picking on my sons.”
Scootaloo looked up at Love Tap with wide eyes and an expression that was just shy of terrified. “Right… sorry… I’ll rephrase…”
Love Tap nodded. “See that you do.”
Scootaloo looked back at Sweetie Belle and raised a forehoof over her own mouth as she cleared her throat. “What exactly do you see in someone who so readily accepts that zombies have infested his kitchen?”
Sweetie Belle raised an eyebrow. “If Rainbow Dash showed up and told you she spent the day beating up vamponies in Ponyville town square, would you even question it?”
“I…” Scootaloo trailed off slightly. “Okay, no, but she deals with weird, magical stuff all the time! And weird, magical stuff also attacks the town all the time! What’s so hard to believe about her fighting vamponies in town square?”
Sweetie Belle smirked with a knowing expression. “It’s daytime, doi!”
Apple Bloom spoke up. “What the heck does that have to do with anythin’?”
“GAH!” Scootaloo cried. “You got me! Fine!” she said begrudgingly. “Statement retracted.”
“Did Ah just miss something?” Apple Bloom asked as she looked back and forth between Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.
Love Tap looked at Apple Bloom and smiled. “Vamponies turn to dust in the sunlight… so there’s no reason a fight would happen outside in broad daylight.”
“Oh…” Apple Bloom uttered. “Uh… that makes… sense?”
“Moooooom?” Button called out. “Are the zombies dead yet…? … Again?”
“Almost done decapitating that last one, sweetie!” Love Tap called back sweetly. “Then I just need to clean up.”
“Okay, mom!”
Scootaloo sighed. “Can we focus on figuring out what to say to Button? I really don’t need things to be any weirder and more awkward between him and me than they already are.”
“Wait…” Love Tap said as she began to frown slightly, her eyebrows similarly lowering as she looked at Scootaloo. “What’s so ‘weird’ and ‘awkward’ about you being friends with Button?”
Scootaloo’s eyes went wide. “I mean…erm… Button is awesome and I’d hate for a simple misunderstanding to mess up our friendship!”
Love Tap smiled and nodded in approval.
“Well, what do we do then?” Apple Bloom asked.
The group went quiet as the four ponies thought about the situation.
Sweetie Belle cracked the silence. “I got it…” she said in a somewhat hushed tone as her eyes grew unfocused.
The other three present looked at her in concern, all used to Sweetie Belle delivering her ideas with much more enthusiasm. This seemed true no matter how remarkably bad the idea was. However, this time Sweetie Belle’s voice and expression were almost the polar opposite.
“… Yeaaaah…? Apple Bloom said cautiously.
Sweetie Belle continued, “Scootaloo needs to take Button out on a date.”
There was another beat of silence as everypony simply stared at Sweetie Belle with blank expressions.
Love Tap’s expression suddenly shifted to a look of concern. “Sweetie Belle, dear? Maybe you should lie down for a bit… you’re not making sense.”
“No,” Sweetie Belle said. “I know exactly what I’m talking about! Scootaloo has to take Button on a date, and Apple Bloom and I will keep close watch on the two of them.”
“Oh!” Scootaloo said. “Like I go on a date and the three of us purposely make it bad? That way Button realizes that a relationship with me will never work and he won’t be conflicted when Sweetie Belle finally confesses to him?”
“Hey, yeah!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. “That’s a great idea!”
Love Tap paused and tapped a forehoof against her chin as she seriously considered this. “Well, that seems a tad effort some solution, but I’m sure it will work… Just don’t make it too bad for poor Button, I don’t want you three traumatizing him any more than you already have…”
Scootaloo and Apple Bloom gave Love Tap a nervous grin.
“No, no, no, no!” Sweetie Belle cried. “The date has to be perfect!” Sweetie Belle declared. “Apple Bloom and I will be there to make sure nothing goes wrong!”
Love Tap quickly raised her forehoof and placed it against Sweetie Belle’s forehead. “Well… I don’t think you have a temperature, but you certainly sound delirious… I still think you should—”
“This is important!” Sweetie Belle insisted. “We can’t sabotage Scootaloo and Button’s Mash date!”
Love Tap nodded. “Yes, I understand.”
“You do?!” Scootaloo and Apple Bloom said in disbelief.
“We need to take Sweetie Belle to the hospital now.”
“Makes sense to me,” Scootaloo said.
“I’m not sick!” Sweetie Belle insisted. “I just… It’s just really, really important that Scootaloo goes out with Button Mash on a real, not sabotaged date!”
Scootaloo shot Sweetie Belle a befuddled look, almost as if befuddles were something one could actually drown in and Scootaloo’s expression was now treading befuddlement. “Do you actually want Button to fall in like, like…erm lots of likes with me?!”
“Of course not!” Sweetie Belle squeaked out.
“Then why have me go on a real date with him?!”
“Because we have to be sure!” Sweetie Belle said. “What if you and Button are perfect for each other, but we never know because you waste this opportunity?! I mean… if Button and I go on a date now, all of us will be wondering what might have been if he had gone out with you!”
“Uh… I wouldn’t,” Scootaloo said.
Apple Bloom shook her head. “Yeah, me neither.”
“Girls,” Love Tap said, “do any of you remember me saying something about carrots? I’m sure I was going to do something with them, but now I can’t—”
Sweetie Belle interrupted, “If Button and I become colt and fillyfriends now, our relationship could very well be a lie! A lie that we were meant for each other when really it’s Scootaloo and Button Mash who should be together! How can I—no… any of us go on just turning a blind eye to what might be?”
Scootaloo’s lip twitched slightly as a tidal wave of befuddles suddenly struck and washed her out into a sea of bafflement. “Okay… I just… wait… what?”
“Oh! I get it!” Apple Bloom said.
Scootaloo sighed. “At least one of us does…”
“Sweetie Belle needs to be sure you and Button Mash aren’t, li—er… perfect colt and fillyfriend material now! Ah mean, if we don’t find out, she’s gonna spend the rest of her days wondering if he’d be better off with you instead!”
Sweetie Belle nodded her head up and down. “Exactly! If I like Button Mash, I mean really… like a bunch of times him, then it’s his happiness I need to consider! Not my own! Otherwise our relationship would just be built on my selfishness!”
Love Tap’s pupils suddenly opened as the blackness of them swallowed her turquoise irises. Her face monetarily had a serene look about it as if she suddenly understood everything… A moment that quickly passed as she lowered an eyebrow and a corner of her mouth twitched slightly as if trying to meet it. “Girls… I just… I’m sorry but I think I need to lie down for a bit… I think… I think I’m just going to give you all a bunch of money for… whatever it is you’re thinking of doing and hope no one is injured or scarred for life by the end of it.”
Sweetie Belle nodded. “That’s exactly what Rarity does when we try to explain our crusading ideas to her!”
Apple Bloom smiled. “An’ we always turn out jus’ fine!” She turned towards Scootaloo. "Right, Scoots?"
Scootaloo’s eyes focused slightly as if she was staring at a point far, far outside the house. “Sometimes I lie awake at night and think about what we do every day…” Scootaloo’s eyes teared up slightly. “Then I wonder if I’ll even live to get my cutie mark…”
Love Tap suddenly snapped back into focus, almost as if somepony had just slapped her across the face. “Scootaloo, sweetie? Do you need to talk about something?” she said in a concerned tone.
“There’s no time for that!” Sweetie Belle insisted. “We have to help her plan for her date with Button Mash!”
Love Tap looked at Sweetie Belle. “Right, just going to power right past that sentence… I think Scootaloo might need to sit down and—”
Scootaloo’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Hey, if this is my date, does that mean I get to decide whatever it is Button and I do together?”
Sweetie Belle smiled. “Of course! You want to show Button the real you!”
Scootaloo smiled. “Sweeeeet…”
Love Tap sighed and shook her head. “… I’ll just go get my bit purse…” she uttered before trotting out of the room. She sighed to herself. “At least I won’t have to make dinner…”
Sweetie Belle smiled. “Great! So it’s decided! Scootaloo will take Button on the best date she can think of and then we’ll know if they’re meant to be together or not!”
“And we can help!” Apple Bloom cried. “Maybe even get our cutie marks in date planning while we’re at it!”
“Hey, yeah!” Scootaloo said with a smile. “And what’s best is I get to avoid any weird or completely awkward situations!” she added.
The three fillies suddenly each thrust a forearm into the air and touched hooves.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS DATE PLANNERS, YAY!”
* The part of a horse or pony's leg that’s right above their hoof.
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SO MUCH BEFUDDLEMENT!!!!!!!!!
Oh jeez, why do I have a feeling a perfect date betwween Scoots and Button would only make Button even more conflicted between loving Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle?
Where's chapter 17? o.o
Error 404: Chapter 17 not found.
4930141
4930148
Whoops!
Fixed.
The seventeenth chapter is labeled Chapter 18. Makes sense.
I have a feeling this won't end well.
It's weird that Scootaloo is afraid of living to see her Cutie Mark, when she is the one who comes up with the crusades that will most likely KILL THEM ALL?
Trying to eat while reading this chapter (and pretty much the whole book honestly) was such a mistake, from how much laughter was caused by this. Nonetheless, I utterly loved this chapter.
I... I think I need a lie down now.
And a firmer understanding of what Love Tap was going to do with those carrots.
4930080 That's how you know a story's gonna be good
Damn, Sweetie's so mature in this one... a lil too mature o.o
Also, some punctuations are missing.
Also,
This. Suddenly, feels abound. D: Was not ready for this.
Dangit bro. Why does even innocent love hurt?
This is the Sweetie-Mash chronicles and I won't stand for that ship to be broken! It's just too adorable!
... I want less confusion and I want to know what will happen once the two are together, and their adventures through the revenues pains of love.
Now lets just hope that Sweetie doesn't take this idea to it's logical* conclusion and decide that she and Button both need to date every available pony they can find, just to make sure that neither of them is actually perfect with somepony else.
* For some definition of the word, I'm sure.
Er... what? Twi, you get any of that?
I... everything I know is a lie!
Uh... ok... Blackquill?
"I believe I will take Godot up on his offer of a drink right about now, Cyclone-dono."
Wow... uh...
Woah... so... that happened.
Wha? Amy? How'd you get here?
Uh, I live nearby, and we're childhood friends. Duh!
Oh... right...
Scootaloo.... and Button Mash?
Here's to hoping Applebloom keeps her mouth shut.
Love Tap.exe and CMC.exe have stopped working.
Please wait while we attempt to fix the problem...
th03.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2012/063/e/e/technical_derpyculties_vector_by_inkwell_pony-d4rpq7d.png
This story NEEDS to be made into film!
^a
shefrom her
knows
Missing period.
Period.
As usual, this either needs to be all one sentence, or you need to fix the verb tenses in the second one.
simply
That...is gibberish.
were
anddoherApple Bloom
Welp. That chapter was a mass of befuddlement, confusion, and just plain bad ideas all around.
Poor Button...he's about to get dragged into a world of crazy unlike anything he's seen so far...
Also, those poor carrots. Now they'll never know their fate.
I'm really confused by Sweetie Belle right now. Still Love Tap's reaction to the conversation and her failed attempts to cook carrots were funny.
Yep Sweetiebell has definitely lost it
Let's take a head count .
Broken Scootaloo.
Broken LoveTap.
Beyond repair Sweetie belle.
And we lost Apple Bloom.
At lest we got Button Mash! He will save us all after all those Zomponies leave....
Oh god...
Scootaloo... Who died and made you the fucking queen of the zombies?
I can't help but think this might be a Shaun of the dead reference!
4930207 Fancy seeing you here
4930496 I'm everywhere, just look past the corner of your eye
4930403
Got these, thanks!
4930517
REALLY?! Cooool!!!!!!!!!! 
4930674
So many cheese, not enough Charlie Kelly.
Only fans of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia will understand that.
They will be many laughs in the next chapter
And I am interested of what will happen
Well this... this is going to be interesting.
I sense vast amounts of imminent confusion and awkwardness in the near future...
TAH!!! THIS IS SWEETIE BELLE AND BUTTON MASH'S RELATIONSHIP!!!
Are they gonna find out their the ones who are the perfect couple?!
Sweeties logic is a pretzel
Haha, that was funny, it was like this time tha... - Scootaloo confessed to Button!
Seriously though, the fact that Sweetie is thinking so much about Button's future happiness I think proves she's the one for him.
I didn't know this was on fimfiction...I've been reading this on fanfiction.net...
It would be really funny if Scootaloo would like like like Button after their date
Don't come down! The kitchen is full of zombies!
4931386 no. They will probobly run away screeming lol
You know, I have to stop and think for a moment to ask myself: Was I like this when I was young? Then I realize no, I wasn't because I thought all girls had cooties and wanted nothing to do with them.
Well Sweetie needs her head examined.
That's all I will say.
There is not enough facepalms in this entire universe to convey the utter stupidity of this chapter.....do continue.
So… we're going to ignore Scootaloo possibly having Post-Traumatic Stress Dissorder?
4931614 I'm guessing so.
This chapter is just full of...What?!!! I mean, I know Sweetie Belle isn't the smartest, but her plan does nothing but bring both heartache and confusion to everyone involved. I mean, if they just explained it all to Button, like the others wanted, then this whole incident would be swiped under the rug.
I mean, Scootaloo doesn't even like Button in that way Sweetie. You really need your head examined.
you sir
are a dammed genius
Button has the processing power of a 1990's Pentium.
4930198 I think we all know what she was going to do with those carrots...