• Published 6th Jan 2014
  • 20,334 Views, 948 Comments

Rise of Sunbutt the Awesome - BobAlcove



Princess Celestia is the paragon of everything good and pure. And currently not available. Hi my name is Frank, the new guy in charge of this body and I'm here to fulfill all your princess needs. At least until I find something better to do.

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Just dropped in...

"I, Twilight Sparkle, current librarian of Ponyville and recently coronated princess, being sound of mind, declare this to be my last will and testament"

Ponyville library was in a state of pure chaos. Shelves were toppled over, books strewn around all over the floor, the walls filled with notes, flow charts and decision trees, half written apology letters with ink and tear stains and in the middle a very distraught purple princess sitting on a table.

Twilight put down the quill and turned to Spike, who was currently busy carrying boxes down the basement.

"How does that sound Spike?"

"Sounds good to me Twilight, but somepony who could see you right now might argue the sound of mind part," said Spike walking past Twilight with another huge box with ‘inheritance for my friends’ written on it.

Twilight narrowed her eyes and crumpled up the piece of paper. "Hillarious, Spike really. Have you read the letter from the princess? Can't you see how dire the situation is right now?"

"As a matter of fact Twilight I haven't,” said Spike with a expressionless face, “I remember almost choking on it, because it wedged itself in my throat. And instead of helping me getting it out, you hogged it for yourself once I got it out on my own.

Blushing slightly, Twilight picked up the scroll with her magic and gave it to Spike by hitting him in the face with it. Irritated from her behaviour, he opened the letter and skimmed through it. Not that there was much to skim through:



Hey Twilight,

I am coming.

Be prepared.

-Celestia

He stared for a moment and turned the letter around, looking if something is written on the back. He found nothing and shrugged.

"Kinda short and less flowery than usual, but what's the problem?" said Spike scratching his head.

Twilight took the letter from Spike and carefully put it on the table, as if she feared it would explode. "The problem is that not even two days have past, since I made her angry and now all of a sudden she is coming to Ponyville?"

Spke sighed, he new what was coming. One of the usually mental breakdowns, about something ridiculous and easily fixable. And he would, like always, make the fruitless effort to bring her down again.

"Oh seriously Twilight you exaggerate! How bad could it have been?"

Twilight swirled around and faced him with a manic stare. "On that morning she needed three tries to lift the sun! Three tries Spike! I must have made her so angry, that she wasn't able to think straight!"

Spike was about to retort, when they both heard knocking and the door to the library swung open. In came Rarity and Fluttershy with her bunny Angel sitting on her back.

“Hello Twilight my dear, we wondered if you want to accompany us to... oh good gracious!” said Rarity happily before stopping and looking around the messy library.

“Oh my,“ said Fluttershy peeking out behind Rarity, “should we come another time? You seem to be very busy!“

“Rarity! Fluttershy!” said Spike and his mood improved instantly, “exactly the mares I was looking for! Can you convince Twilight that she's overreacting as usual?“

Rarity rubbed the head of the little dragon affectionately and little hearts appeared in his eyes. “What is it this time she is crazy about my little Spikey wikey? A valuable lost book? A test? Or in general something about Princess Celestia?“

All three looked at Twilight with a knowing expression.

“I'm right here you know! Am I really that predictable?“

Rarity put her hoof on Twilight's shoulder. “Darling, you wouldn't be you if you weren't. But why don't you tell us what happened over a cup of tea? Spikey would you mind making some?“

“Of course not! Everthing for you!“ said Spike dropping the box loudly on the floor, which made Twilight cringe and glare at him disapprovingly. He ignored it and waddled away, leaving the mares alone.

To kill time until then, Rarity walked up to a wall and looked at a poster with a crude drawing of Twilight on a rocket, called “Plan Moon Escape”.

Twilight's face brightened, but she still had that manic look in her eyes. “Ah, I see you noticed my contingency plan forty-three. Sounded better, before I crunched the numbers for the budget needed to get a rocket fit for space travel”

“Yeah…,” said Rarity, not sure what else to say, “it's always something isn't it?… Spike! Hurry with the tea please!”

He came back soon with a tray, filled with teacups and a large pot of tea. They decided to sit on the table in the kitchen. “Here you go ladies, I got you sweet apple with cinnamon your favourite flavour Rarity. I'm sorry that we have no pastries, but Twilight already conserved them airtight as rations in the case of a siege“

Rarity and Fluttershy silently took their teacups taking a sip, but Twilight just held her cup grumbling to herself. “You will be thankful soon enough. When we follow my plan and ration properly, we can hold out for months and long enough for the escape tunnel to be dug out!“

Deciding not to interrupt, Rarity and Fluttershy still said nothing and observed the situation, but Spike decided to go in full on attack mode.

“Do you listen to yourself you crazy pony?“ groaned Spike rubbing his forehead, “you had a unflattering dream about her and she saw it! Big Deal! Get a hold of yourself!“

Fluttershy put her cup down and turned to Spike with a conufsed look on her face. “Uhm... I am afraid I still don't quite understand. What is the problem here?“

Twilight opened her mouth to answer, but Spike shoved a scroll in her mouth as a improvised gag.

“Exactly what I said, Twilight had a dream and Princess Celestia visited her in it. She won't tell me what the dream was about, but I can guess of what I heard from her sleeptalking. After that a letter from Princess Celestia came and now Twilight thinks she is coming to make an example of her“

By then Twilight had spat out the scroll and took a quick swig of tea to get the taste of ink and paper out of her mouth.

“Spike you can't do that! I'm the adult here and I demand respect!“

He was unimpressed. “Then act like one, I mean think about it for a second. Would the princess resort to petty revenge over something so trivial as a dream?“

“But she said...“

“But nothing darling,” said Rarity, “Spike is right. You will see, once you talked to her that everything will be alright“

Twilight relaxed. They were right, why would Celestia do something like that? It was a silly notion and they would clear any potential dispute like grown, responsible adults. She took another gulp of her tea and finally calmed down.

And then Applejack bursted through the door with Pinkie hopping behind her.

“Twilight where are you?! Is Equestria in danger? Is there a conflict we are not aware about yet?“

Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy and Spike stood up from the kitchen table and walked into the lbrary, teacups in their hooves and claw.

They saw Applejack nervously looking around and Pinkie had opened the window.

“Look how big it is!“ said Pinkie leaning out the window and looking in the distance.

“Oh Pinkie be quiet, this is serious!” said Applejack glaring at Pinkie, “Twilight I need to know if something is wrong. I have to get Applebloom from school!“

Pinkie took a pair of binoculars out of her mane and watched through. “I mean it is so far away and it's still visible to the unaided eye. That is humongous big!“

“What are you two talking about?“ said Rarity.

Applejack stepped closer, looking Rarity dead in the eye. “I am talking about the giant flying battleship coming from Canterlot!“

“Battleship?“ said Twilight in a high pitched voice and her teacup got cracks all over.

“And look at all the cannons!” Pinkie said adjusting her binoculars to see better, “the front one is bigger than my house! I wonder how many confetti I could put in there?“

Twilight started to shake violently, grabbing her teacup tighter and even more cracks appeared. Trying to calm her down, Spike rubbed her back. “Aww come on Twilight, that can mean anything. Pinkie can you see something special?“

“I can see the princess! There she is on the front! Oh, shining armor!”

“My brother?” asked Twilight hopefully.

“No silly! She is wearing shining armor! Looks pretty cool, can we get armor too?”

Twilight turned to Spike with a pleading look on her face, but all he could do is shrug his shoulders. “Yeah, I got nothing. This looks pretty bad. What did you say to her?"

She put her head in her hooves, groaning in frustration.

“Where is Rainbow Dash?“ asked Fluttershy looking outside and then closing the door, “isn't she with you Applejack?”

“She trained this morning on my farm and said she wanted to take a nap at her house“

“Her house was the one with the rainbow fountain just outside the town right?“ Pinkie asked, making adjustments again on her binoculars.

“Yes, why?“

At this moment a loud crashing sound could be heard all over Ponyville.

Pinkie put down the binoculars for a moment. “I think Dashie needs a new house, her old one just got run over… oh there she is flying to the ship!“

And a few moments later you could hear a familiar scratchy voice all over Ponyville.

“YOU CHUMPS TOOK DOWN MY HOUSE! WHO THE HAY DO YOU THINK... PRINCESS?“

Everyone held their breath, not capable of saying anything at the moment and just waited silently inside the library. They all looked up, when a huge shadow was cast over the treehouse blocking the sunlight. Looking over to Pinkie hanging out the window, they noticed that she pointed her pair binoculars now straight up.

Seconds later you could hear a loud smash of something heavy hitting the front yard, followed by a soft knock on the door.

“Twilight? The princess is here to see you. Twilight are you home?“

Slow and mechanically Twilight walked to the door, her worried friends in tow. Inch by inch she opened the door and could see a slightly shaken Rainbow Dash and behind her a smiling Princess Celestia.

Full body armoured in golden platemail.

Contemplating the situation with her superior mind she came to one solution. Twilight slammed the door shut, barred it with a table and ran like hell to the kitchen to lock up the back entrance.

But upon entering the kitchen, Frank was already sitting at the table with a slightly charred Rainbow Dash.

"That wasn't very nice Twilight. Very rude to slam the door in Rainbow Dash's face. Luckily I can teleport and Rainbow Dash doesn't seem to be the type to hold a grudge"

Rainbow coughed and black smoke came out of her mouth and nose.

"Sorry my dear, It seems I'm not used to teleport other ponies with me," said Frank nonchalantly, "and I hate to tell you that your tail is on fire. I suggest you remedy that"

Rainbow's eyes widened in shock and she ran past her friends in the doorway and upstairs to the bathroom, leaving a trail of smoke coming from her tail.

"You know there is a sink with water here in the kitchen right?” yelled Frank after her, “but whatever suits you best, I mean it's your tail"

Frank turned to the table, where some unused teacups and a teapot were and then to the doorway where Twilight stood with Spike, Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy. But not Pinkie. Pinkie was still hanging out the window, ogling at the cannons from the airship.

His eyes met with Twilight's and she involuntary flinched, when he suddenly grabbed the teapot with his magic and shook it.

"Having a teaparty, hmm?"

"Do you want a cup princess?” said Twilight sweating like crazy, “maybe some pastries? Spike! Get the princess a cup and something proper to eat!"

"But you packaged everything in the basement for you know what"

Twilight glared at Spike. "Just do it Spike, please!"

"That won't be necessary Spike, I am planning to make this short," said Frank and stood up from the chair, rising to his full height and towering over all of them.

Twilight gulped and slowly backed away.

"You know Twilight, you might have already figured out why I'm here. You're a smart mare after all and as of late I know that you think so about yourself too"

Remembering the dream from last night, Twilight gulped harder and tried to keep calm.

"I can't help myself, but I feel pretty tense lately. It's like something is weighing me down, a unwanted attachement like a abscess or tumor"

Twilight was now heavily sweating and her heartbeat skyrocketed.

"And what is the best way to relieve yourself from all that baggage? It is quite simple acutally!"

Frank stood now right before Twilight and she got a mad flashback to the end of their dream conversation.

"You get rid of it! And I'm here in Ponyville to do just that"

“This is it. That's how it's gonna end, smashed to pieces by my mentor for failing her!” thought Twilight closing her eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

"Twilight, I'm going to take a vacation here in Ponyville and a leave from all the princess business!"

Frank's sentence echoed through the now silent library. After a moment of silence, Twilight opened her eyes and all tension and anxiety dropped from her in heavenly bliss.

Too bad for her, that in her relief she dropped also something else lifting her tail slightly.

All gazes were now fixated on the object between Twilight's hindlegs. Even Pinkie redirected her attention to it, away from the airship with a look of disbelief.

"Did you just... shit yourself?"

Twilight bolted upstairs with her mess levitating behind, wailing like a madpony and nearly smacking a screeching Rarity in the face with it.

What followed was more silence.

Then you could hear a quiet snort, followed by a chuckle.

And finally a full-blown fit of laughter.

"Hahahhaha, oh my god this is hilliarious!," said Frank, tumbling over with tears in his eyes and holding his sides, "she dropped that dookie! Oh please stop I can't breathe! I am dying here!"

The rest, Rarity in particular were appalled by this unladylike behaviour from the princess, who now reduced the articulation to random neighing and hooting.

Soon noises from upstairs in form of loud blows on wood and screaming added themselves to the overall commotion.

"Rainbow open the goddamn door!"

"Twilight, I'm on fire here give me a second!"

"RAINBOW! I need to drop something!"

"Hold it in! I'm almost finished!"

"Oh I'm holding it alright! And I gonna rub it in your face, if you don't get the buck out of my bathroom before I count to three!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"One!"

"Ok, ok calm down I open the door, but... oh my god don't get near me with that! What is wrong with you?"

"Shut up! Just get out and shut up!"

"Stop it!” hollered Frank, gasping for air, “really you guys are killing me! I would buy tickets for that!"


Some time later...


Frank had finally calmed down, still snorting from time to time and the rest sat there in uncomfortable silence.

Applejack looked around. "She is not coming out again, is she?"

"Would you?” said Rarity turning her attention to Applejack, “that was the most embarassing thing I've ever seen! I wouldn't be suprised, if she drowned herself in the sink. I know I would!"

Frank blinked with his eyes. “You ponies are really much darker than I thought you would be”

Deciding to steer the conversation in a more suitable direction, Applejack asked, "so princess, you said you are staying in Ponyville for a vacation?"

"That is correct Applejack,” said Frank, “Luna is going to pitch in for me, while I take some time off. I will be staying at the ship though. It has all the necessities"

Applejack frowned. "About the ship. Why is it so huge and why does it have so many cannons?"

Frank shrugged with his shoulders. "It's one from my nephew and you all know how pompous he can be"

Rarity grimaced, being reminded of the uncouth stallion. "And the armor?"

"Isn't it cool?” said Frank and struck a pose sticking his butt out, "I found it in the armory of the ship. Blueblood really had a armor custom made for me. I don't know how he got my measurements and when I think about it's a little bit creepy, especially because there was a matching one in his size”

The to this point silent Rainbow Dash coughed slightly. "Princess about my house..."

Frank turned to Rainbow his butt still in the air. "What house?"

Rainbow couldn't believe it. "The one you crashed through with your ship!"

Frank squinted his eyes deep in thought, but then his eyes flew open. "Oh my! That's what that was? I knew I hit something"

"I will be honest here princess,” said Rainbow Dash awkwardly, “working minimal wage in the weather patrol, I can't afford a new one"

"So I can savely assume you are still no Wonderbolt?" asked Frank in a monotone voice. He knew the answer already, but decided to ask anyway to make sure.

"No, princess I am not," said Rainbow Dash sadly, looking down to the floor.

He sighed heavily. “Who's in charge of the Wonderbolts?”

“That would be Spitfire, princess”

Without a word Frank walked to the table, on which Twilight was writing earlier and sat down. He took a empty piece of paper and started to scribble away with a quill. The others curiously came closer and heard word fragments from Frank, mumbling to himself while writing.

“Dear Spitfire…It came to my notice that...still not considered for… extraordinary achievements… severe consequences for your career... bla bla bla...hereby decree...with best regards...and done!"

Frank put down the quill and admired his work. He rolled the paper up and gave it to Rainbow Dash, who looked at it confused.

“Give that to Spitfire when you feel like it. Congratulations you are now a Wonderbolt!”

Rainbow Dash looked at the scroll and back to Frank. “Huh?”

“I left your rank and monthly salary blank. Feel free to put there what you want before sending it”

Frank waited for a response from the rainbow-maned mare, but all he got was her opening and closing her mouth like a fish. He got close and started mimicking her. Rainbow Dash stopped when Pinkie Pie joined the fray, turning it into an threeway improptu simulation of a fish tank.

“It's that easy? All this time I was almost killing myself training and all I had to do was ask you? Are you kidding me!?”

Frank deadpanned. “You don't want it? Then give it back”

“No!” said Rainbow Dash, hugging the scroll and caressing it like a puppy.

“Thought so,” said Frank smugly.

He turned his attention to the rest. “Anyone else want something, while I'm at it?”

They all looked flabbergasted. Except Rainbow Dash who still was occupied by hugging the scroll and Pinkie, who happily bounced and raised her hoof.

“Oh me, please pick me! I want that big canon on your ship. Oh pretty please, imagine what I could do with that. Pretty please with cherries on the top!”

“Yeah whatever, you can take it for all I care!” said Frank rolling his eyes and turning to Rarity, “what about you? How about a title? How does Duchess Rarity sound to you?”

“Princess, I don't know…”

“You are right. Duchess sounds like douchebag, but no worry we figure something out! Maybe we can even squeeze another princess in there. One more wouldn't hurt”

Now it was Rarity who gaped like a fish, but Frank was bored of the schtick and turned to Applejack. “Oh Applejack let me think what you would want. I bet something with apples, down to earth and somewhat boring. Just like you!"

Applejack's face fell and Frank poked her shoulder. “Relax I'm just kidding! Being absolutely predictable is a good thing, so smile! We will get you something nice”

Applejack cringed but forced herself to keep smiling.

“That leaves us with you,” said Frank pointing at Fluttershy, who tried to make herself as small as possible, ”what do you want?”

Fluttershy hid her face behind her hair. “Oh princess, I couldn't possible ask you of something, I mean there isn't really anything I want right now”

At this point, Angel the bunny hopped out of the kitchen and stopped right before his owner.

Angel gave Fluttershy a kick to the shin, signalling to come with her for a minute. They both walked in a corner of the library and then Angel started to squeak angrily with her. She listened intently and Frank sat there, drumming impatiently with his hoof on the table while waiting.

She finally turned around. “Uhm actually there is something your Highness. You know since Discord has moved in with me now, living space became kinda limited. So maybe, if it isn't to much work, could I get a bigger house?”

Frank raised an eyebrow and Fluttershy started sweating.

“I mean not living with me like as a couple,” she stuttered getting red in the face from blushing, “...not that he is not sweet enough to be a good coltfriend and if he would ask me… mabye...eeep!”

Everyone including Frank, watched her in various states of bafflement.

“Fandom be damned. Fluttershy got game!” thought Frank imagining, how a make out session with her and Discord would look like. And it seemed to him he wasn't alone with that, looking at the various green and red faces from her friends.

“You get one right tomorrow,” he said standing up, walking to the cowering Fluttershy, “I make you two a comfy little love nest, don't you worry. You go girl, keep this lucky bastard occupied!”

“No… it isn't… but… “

“That takes care of everything, I guess,” said Frank, “oh except Twilight, wait a second I ask her”

He took a deep breath and they looked at him confused, before holding their ears from the noise.

“TWILIGHT CAN YOU HEAR ME? ARE YOU STILL ON THE POTTY? DO YOU WANT ANYTHING? SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR YOU?”

He stopped and listened intently.

But all they heard was a damped whimper from upstairs.

“I guess that's a no. So if you excuse me, I'm gonna take a sunbath on the ship with tons of ice cream”

They all silently waved goodbye, except Pinkie who got a distant look in her eyes.

“What flavour?” asked Pinkie starting to drool.

Frank grinned. “Every flavour there is, believe me I checked!”

“Even double chocolate banana muffin with strawberry gumdrops?”

“Yes Pinkie, even double chocolate banana muffin with strawberry gumdrops!”

Pinkie got on her knees, clamping down on his legs. “Please take me with you! I'm really good at licking ice cream, or gumdrops for that matter. You could say I'm very skilled at licking in general.

Frank's eye twitched. “Yeah..., why not… sounds like fun”

Pinkie let go and cheered. “Awesome! What about you Dashie you should have nothing better to do, or do you?”

Rainbow Dash was sitting on the table with a quill in her teeth and the rolled out paper. “Let's see… how about admiral? Or better general…? I think adding a few zeroes to that number would do no harm, I mean who am I hurting?”

Pinkie scratched her head. “Guess she does, well more for me!”

Frank turned to the door to leave, but noticed that it was blocked with a table. Without stopping to walk he blasted both, the table and the door to splinters.

“Send me the bill Spike, oh and buy yourself something too,” said Frank, while he and Pinkie walked outside. Originally he just wanted to have some alone time, but hanging out with Pinkie sounded like fun.

“I get my gyrocopter, I'll be back in a minute!”

She bounced away, but Frank stopped her with his magic. “No need, just hop on. I fly us up there. Why are you smiling like that?”

“Oh no special reason princess. Riding stuff is just another thing I am good at!” said Pinkie, watching Frank choke up and then continued, “I got a rocking horse from my parents when I was three”

Frank deadpanned. “Are you doing that on purpose?”

“Doing what?”

“Nevermind just get on already!”