• Published 6th Jan 2014
  • 20,332 Views, 948 Comments

Rise of Sunbutt the Awesome - BobAlcove

Princess Celestia is the paragon of everything good and pure. And currently not available. Hi my name is Frank, the new guy in charge of this body and I'm here to fulfill all your princess needs. At least until I find something better to do.

  • ...

A royal pain in the...

Canterlot throne room one hour after sunrise...

Luna always dreamed to be in charge. To use her skills and knowledge for the good of all ponykind.

Now she had the chance, sitting as a temporary substitute for her sister in the morning council. Deciding the fate of a nation with ponies listening to every word she said. Everthing she yearned for, something she gone to war against her sister and dived into the abyss of madness a thousand years ago.

“...now I would like all of you to look on page four hundred sixty-six, paragraph seven-B...”

And all she felt right now is boredom.

“ … the new constitutional decree dictates that, henceforth and retroactively, with great advertence and diligence...“

Pure solidified boredom.

“…actions must be taken, to minimize the possibility of a potential reocurrence...“

Excruciating, mindnumbing, soulcrushing boredom and the urge to poke her own eyes out with her horn.

Everything was so unbelievingly dull and dry and despite the huge amounts of smart sounding words everypony used, they managed to say nothing at all.

At some points she swore, they just made words up.

After ten minutes of listening to the ludicrous word constructions and sentence acrobatics, she droned out the noise and started thinking of other things.

“Maybe I should cut the huge chandelier and just end it,“ Luna thought looking up, “yeah let it smash me to pieces, that would shake things up“

She directed her gaze back to the council members.

“I bet Mr. Posh here would have an heartattack and fall all over Mrs. Posh. Too bad I wouldn't be able to see it, being dead and all that“

Mr. Posh and Mrs. Posh were not the names of this two unicorns, but Luna decided to give certain ponies mental nicknames to keep herself occupied.

There were Tubby and Chubby, the two overweight unicorns sitting left from her who almost looked like twins, except their colors were swapped.

Then there was the pink pegasus she lovingly named Slutty. Mostly because of the sultry looks she was giving Luna when nopony would notice.

With the same thought process she named Pervy, the green earth pony stallion barely able to hide something under his desk everytime Luna turned his attention to him.

Not that she blamed him. She was aware of her charms and elevated status as royalty.

And a lttle bit proud of it.

She would stay away from his dreams though.

Then there were several other ponies, colored in different cream and brown shades. They were pretty boring, like background characters only there to fill the empty seats. Hence she gave them the names 'Meh' and a number from one to ten, for that was the exact sound in her head when she thought about them.

So there were Mr. and Mrs. Posh, Tubby, Chubby, Slutty, Pervy, The Meh's and finally Blueblood.

Goddamn Blueblood.

The spoiled prince in name only, who only does what he wants and nopony gave him a hard time for it. Attending the meetings as he pleased, harassing the castle staff and other ponies who he deemed beneath him and most of all herself for coming back.

He made it abundantly clear since her return, that he didn't deemed her worthy of the princess title.

He represented every pony who still thought she was a monster, waiting for a good opportunity to usurp the power from her sister. She was not a hateful pony and believed out of personal experience, that everypony had goodness inside.

But by Tartarus she hated every single overstyled hair on this stallion's body!

“I mean seriously, who does he try to impress? He wears more beauty products on his face than me and all the mares in here combined. Just look at that hair. Look at it!“

“Princess Luna?“ said Trusty, trying to bring Luna out of her thoughts.

“La-di-da, look at me and my big fancy suit, tailored and made in Prance from the finest zebracanian silks, ain't I special?“

“Your Highness?“ said Trusty again this time louder. Luna's left eye twitched when hers and Blueblood's eyes met.

“Do you think you're better than me? Well screw you with your big fancy suit and girly hair you big piece of...“


“WHAT?!“ screamed Luna turning her head to Trusty, whose mane now stood in an odd angle from her head. All thanks to the accidental Royal Canterlot Voice.

Luna blushed and noticed grudgingly out her eyes, the smug face of Blueblood. “Ahem my apologies, I mean what is it dear Trusty?“

Trusty shook her head and tried to get the ringing out of her ears again, before she gave Luna a new stack of papers. “Last round of documents your Highness“

“For the day?“ said Luna hopefully and took the huge tower of papers.

Trusty shook her head, but this time to say no. “Before the lunch break your Highness. After that we will start the second part“

“Of how many?“

“Well usually two,” said Trusty thoughtful, “but because of your sisters little episode, we probably have to double that to get up to date and to clear up what she caused yesterday“

“How long, Trusty?“

“No worries princess, we will be done just in time for you to lower the sun“

Luna's chambers close to noon...

Life is good.

No scratch that, life is great.

Frank woke up this morning for the second time and felt like dirt punched by a hobo.

That was until he found out he could use magic against his headaches and to cure his motion sickness, disorientation, diarrhea, stomach ache, shaky hooves, parched throat, bad breath, cotton mouth and light sensitivity. Even a slight tooth ache, he had from ripping a barrel open with his bare teeth.

Followed by a thorough and long bubble bath in Luna's bathroom, using all the expensive looking oils and shampoos.

After drying himself of with a spell, he looked in the large mirror and found himself presentable again.

And to his own amazement hungry for breakfast.

“How it is that not every unicorn is smashed twentyfourseven, is a mystery to me. Magic is better than any hangover cure,“ thought Frank leaving the chamber of Luna, now strutting down the hallway with a vague idea of how to get to the kitchen.

Yesterday was fun, but Frank knew that he would eventually have to partake in the less fun parts of being a princess. It wasn't like there was someone who he could push his responsibilities onto and just be on his way.

Cutting a corner he felt something bump into him. "Look where you going commoner, I swear nothing but incompetent fools too stupid to.... aunty!“

Or maybe there is.

To Frank's hooves sat the snooty stallion called Blueblood, rubbing his nose.

“I'm so happy to see you aunty! Where have you been? Luna is a dreadful substitute!“

So Luna pitched in for him. That was interesting to Frank. “Good morning nephew, nice to see you too. Tell me what seems to be the problem?“

“Aunty the problem is, that Luna doesn't know what she's doing and is sabotaging all my efforts in the council. I swear the nerve of that mare!“

This was new to Frank. He couldn't remember seeing Blueblood during the meeting yesterday.

“Care to elaborate, dear Nephew? You know how much I value your inside into things“

Blueblood paused for a second. “You do? I mean..., yeah of course you do! That's why I'm your favourite, don't I aunty?“

Frank decided to grin and bear it, knowing full well what type of character Blueblood was. He met them thousands of times on earth. The self-absorbed douchebags with the constant need to validate themselves by putting others beneath them.

Frank liked handling those kind of people, because they were nothing but predictable. He knew that there was one thing they liked better than letting others feel inferior. Being told that they were superior by others.

“Of course you are my favourite, that goes without saying. That is why you are still by my side and Cadence is freezing her flank off in the ice tundra I sent her to,“ said Frank in a sugary tone.

Blueblood was now blinking furiously, needing time to process what he just heard. Then he started blushing, having the decency to get embarrassed from getting his ego stroked.

"And what about your precious student Twilight Sparkle?"

"You mean the precious student I sent to a backwater town to learn the 'Magic of Friendship'? Which brought such revolutionary reports from her like 'Opposites attract' or 'Let your friends help you'?" said Frank doing air quotes with his hooves.

Frank deadpanned. "Yeah groundbreaking scientific findings indeed, wouldn't you agree nephew?”

Blueblood now smiled like a little boy sitting on Santa's lap. “I love you aunty!“

“Yeah, Blueblood I know,“ said Frank, screaming internally.

“But to come back to the subject of my sister I fear you have to bear her nephew, for she is going to be my substitute until further notice“

“Oh why would you do that aunty? Have you lost your mind? No offense!“

Frank's left eye twitched.

“None taken nephew. And to be perfectly honest, maybe I am losing my mind. I'm sure you heard what happened yesterday during the morning council. I think I'm in desperate need of a vacation, after dealing with the rabble for such a long time and the constant whining of the common folk from day to day basis. Present company excluded of course“

Frank had the sudden urge to punch himself in the face.

“I can perfectly understand getting fed up aunty, most of them don't know their place anymore. But you always said it is important to listen to your subjects regardless of how unimportant they are“

And now the target went from himself to Blueblood.

“Sounds like it is quoted a bit out of context, but of course I say that nephew. What would happen if I would openly tell ponies on the street how little they matter? Give them enough honey and they don't mind the stick anymore nephew“

Frank felt really dirty saying that, but it had the wanted effect of making Blueblood happy.

“Exactly my point! Oh aunty you know me so well, but don't you fear that Luna is going to screw up in your absence?“

And that was the point the trap sprung shut. “Why would I my dear nephew? You are still here keeping an watchful eye for me, don't you?”

Blueblood's chest swelled in pride and he even gave a little salute. “Of course aunty! You can count on me, upholding the values of the royal family!“

“Very good nephew. And naturally, I don't have to tell you to keep this a secret between me and you?“

“Of course aunty that goes without saying. This will be our little secret!“ squealed Blueblood like a little girl making Frank's ears hurt.

“I'm off then, telling my sister that she is in 'charge' now, so to speak,“ said Frank winking with his left eye. Blueblood giggled and winked back, making Frank shudder. He felt like taking a bath again.

Frank was halfway through the hallway, when he stopped and remembered a certain episode Blueblood was part of. “Say nephew, if I'm not mistaken you own a quite remarkable airship, don't you?“

Blueblood's face brightened again, like a kid's in front of a toy store. “Several aunty, I collect them and have one for every occasion”

Frank deadpanned again. “Of course you do, but if you had to choose what would be your favourite one?”

“That is easy aunty! It would be my newest and biggest ship the 'Superiority'. With a state of the art magical engine, making it also the fastest airship in Equestria. A perfect blend of functionality and luxury, steerable by only one unicorn. I planned to make it my flagship and flying summer mansion"

Blueblood's eyes sparkled in wonder and Frank couldn't help but grin. “Mind if I take it for my little vacation? The best of the best is just good enough for ponies of our calibre, don't you agree nephew?“

Blueblood was silent for a moment, not sure if he wanted to give someone his new toy.

“Of course not aunty,” said Blueblood hesistantly, “but please be careful I just had it recently painted and refurnished!“

“My thanks and to show my gratitude, why don't you treat yourself to a little something?“ said Frank aware that a little incentive wouldn't hurt to make sure Blueblood was compliant.


“Soon, this castle will have some redecorations to emphasize more our higher standing. Speak to the forepony and let him build you a new royal suite or two. In fact before I go, I shall give you full clearance to the treasury!“

In an instant Frank found himself tackled to the ground and the air hugged out of him from an euphoric squealing prince.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Aunty you are the best!“

“Anytime nephew, now would you get off me?“

“Thank you! Thank you!“

“Get off me, Blueblood!“

“I love you! I love you!“


Some time later in the royal dinning room…

“My apologies for the meager meal princess, after yesterday's feast for your sister the kitchen is still not fully stocked on everything!“

Luna sat there on the table grumpily chewing on her stale bread muffins, smearing them angrily with butter between bites. “No worries, you are not the target of my ire right now. You are excused!“

The maid hastily left the room and Luna was alone in the dining hall.

At least she thought so.

“Are you gonna eat that?“

Before Luna could react, one of the muffins levitated past her to where the voice was coming from. She turned her head and looked directly in the face of her sister, happily munching down on the muffin.

Her Muffin!

"YOU!“ roared Luna, pointing one hoof in Frank's face.

Frank stopped eating and pointed at himself. "ME!“

Luna couldn't believe it. After all the stuff she pulled yesterday, the ordeals she put her through and Tia had the audacity to steal her well earned dinner. “Give that back!“

“You want this muffin?“ said Frank, stopping his chewing.

Luna stood up from her chair facing Frank directly. “I want it!“

“You couldn't possibly be talking about the muffin, who is currently in my hoof,” said Frank, observing the muffin with fake interest, ”do you Luna?“

Luna climbed on the table, getting closer to Frank. “I am not in the mood to play games. Sister, I want it!“

“You want this muffin?“

“Tia! I want it!“

“You want, you want?“ sang Frank shaking his butt.

“I WANT THAT MUFFIN!“ Luna yelled standing on the table, wings flared and panting heavily.

Frank stood there mystified and Luna hoped, she finally would get some peace and quiet. But then he snickered. “You are so cute, when you're angry Lulu“

“What by Tartarus is wrong with you since yesterday?“

“Yesterday is kind of a blur to me, so I'm afraid you have to be way more specific,“ said Frank jokingly, trying to lighten the mood, being full aware of what happened yesterday.

And it failed miserably, because the instant Luna spoke he felt a cold shiver going down his spine. “Then let me refresh your memory sister. You ditched your royal duties to have a one pony orgy. Then you came into my chambers piss drunk and filthy, only to harass me!“

"Luna, I...“

Luna raised her hoof to silence him. ”Let me finish! You wanted to know and now you gonna hear it sister. Then you threw a hissy fit and tried to kill yourself, because I wouldn't give you a pillow. A freaking pillow Tia!“

Luna jumped off the table, giving Frank the stink eye.

“And after saving your drunk flank, you had the nerve to puke all over me and to lay down in my bed, leaving me to handle the nutjobs you call a council!“

Luna poked Frank in the chest and the continued.

“So if you want to know what happened yesterday I tell you. In short you were an pathetic excuse of a princess, an even more pathetic excuse for a sister and you can go to Tartarus for all I care!”

Luna huffed and puffed, cheeks red and out of breath from her little rant. She felt refreshed and satisfied after letting that out.That would teach her sister.

Her big and only sister. The only real family she had.

Who stood now before her like a statue, staring blankly at her.

Moments stretched to minutes and Luna was holding her breath waiting for a reaction. Any reaction from her sister.


“You are right,“ said Frank and slowly put the muffin on the table. He sat down on one of the chairs his back turned to her with a serious expression. “I have been a horrible sister to you and not just recently!“

Frank knew that this was a huge gamble right now. He had no idea, if what he said was true or not. He simply used the scarce information he had about the relationship between Celestia and Luna from the show and played the rest by ear.

“Always pushing you away into my shadow and treating you like a foal, never considering how you must feel. I'm a monster don't I?“

Luna's eyes went wide. “What? No! Tia listen, maybe I overreacted a little!“

“No you didn't!” said Frank and slammed his hooves on the table, “you have the same rights as me and yet what do I let you do?“

“That is not your fault! I had to settle in, getting familiar with society again“

Frank was happy. It seemed his prediction of Luna being socially awkward was right on the money. Time to move this in the right direction.

“I could have helped you! But I decided to work myself into the ground to the brink of insanity, instead of asking for your help. But this ends right now! From now on Luna I will give you, your well earned spot in the limelight without me breathing down your neck!“

Luna was about to ask what by Tartarus her sister was talking about, when a sudden knock at the door and a familiar voice came to both of their ears.

"Princess Luna? Council is continuing soon, please hurry with your meal"

Luna groaned as she heard this, but Frank got a big grin on his face.

"Trusty!" said Frank, ripping the door open with his magic and levitating Trusty inside, "exactly the mare I was looking for!"

"Princess Celestia?!" said Trusty dangling head over in mid air.

Frank levitated her to him, a few inches apart from his face. "You came just to the right time to be witness of my proclamation!"

"Wonderful princess... but maybe you could let me down or at least turn me around. I am getting dizzy," said Trusty turning green in the face.

"Of course Trusty! Everything for my favourite secretary,” said Frank dropping Trusty on the ground face first, “and I'm sure that soon you will be my sisters favourite too, for as of today you are working for her"

"What?" said Luna and Trusty in perfect unison.

Frank climbed on the table and cleared his throat loudly. "I, Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria, hereby declare my sister Luna as new and sole ruling entity of this nation for indefinite time!"

"What?" said Luna and Trusty again, but this time several decibel louder.

"And to not undermine my sisters new authority with my presence, I will resign from office immediately for the same time period!"

Frank satisfied with his proclamation, turned to Luna to see her no doubt happy face. Only to notice that Luna wasn't happy at all. Not even angry or suprised, that would have been understandable for Frank.

The expression he saw was like a punch to the gut to him.

What he saw in the face of Luna was fear and downright despair!

"Sister you can't do that! How am I supposed to live up to your legacy! You've done it for the last thousand years without me! They all forgot about me! They don't want me! Most of them still hate me!”

Luna looked down, the next sentence barely a whisper. But Frank heard it.

“The ponies never gonna accept your worthless little sister as a substitute for you!"

Before he knew what he was doing, Frank had walked up to the quivering and sniveling Luna. Who was now nervously babbling to herself and faced the floor. He forcefully put both his front hooves on her shoulders.

She looked up to see the face of a very pissed of princess.


The force of his voice, threw Luna out of her stupor and she nodded slowly. The face of Frank softened, not the angry grimace anymore and he let go of her. The next words out of his mouth were much more calm.

“Luna when I am totally honest, in direct comparison between you and her… erm I mean me, I always thought you were the much better pony”

“What are your talking about Tia?” Luna croaked hoarsely, “I succumbed to darkness out of petty jealousy and feeling inferior to you. I'm full of weakness and doubt, not unfailing like you”

“Yes you are and that is what in my opinion, makes you better than her… I mean me goddamnit! You faced adversity and sunk to the lowest point, but you came back from it. Not unscathed, but stronger from it. What a hero origin story is concerned, yours is a seriously cool one”

And then Frank raised an eyebrow, as if challenging her. “And who says I'm without fail? As I remember, my flank gets rescued repeatedly by a purple and socially awkward book nerd”

Luna baffled and not sure what to say, took a while before answering. “But what about our subjects? Even if I would do it, they wouldn't believe in me”

Frank grinned. “Don't you read any fiction? Ponies love underdogs. Even more so if said underdog proves everypony wrong for not believing in him or her. Those are the best stories told”

Frank gave Luna a hug and noticed she wasn't shaking anymore.

"So tell me dear sister, are you ready to prove them wrong and to show them how great you are?" said Frank releasing her.

Luna brightened up and wiped her tears away. "Yeah I am!"

"Tell me are you a winner or are you a loser?"

"I am a winner!" said Luna bursting with confidence.

"Louder I can't hear you!"

This time Luna flared her wings, shouting in the Royal Canterlot Voice. "I AM A WINNER!"

"Are you gonna show them what you're made of?” asked Frank and put his hooves on her shoulders again to shake her.


"Awesome! Now give me a kiss get your flank out there!"

And without thinking Luna put a big wet one right on Frank's lips and then stormed out of the room with Trusty right behind her.

That left Frank alone in the room, who turned his attention to the basket of muffins. He took one and stared out of the window, a satisfied smirk on his lips.

Nobody messes with best pony, not even best pony herself.

"She tastes like blueberry..."

Down the hall Luna was in full victory mode, storming energeticly with epic fanfare music playing inside her head and a running Trusty right in tow.

But then the music suddenly stopped with a scratch, like a record on a gramophone and she slowed down to a standstill right before the throne room.

"Trusty, did I just kiss my sister passionately on the mouth after she asked me to do it?"

"Technically she ordered your Highness to do it," said Trusty in a monotone voice looking at her clipboard.

"Not the point Trusty!"

"I figured your Highness, but yes it seems you shared a passionate kiss with your sister Princess Celestia"

Luna raised an eyebrow. "Why are you so calm all of a sudden?"

Trusty shrugged with her shoulders. "That is a good question your Highness of which I don't have an answer. Taking a guess, I would say this last display shocked me into mental numbness"

"What's that like?" asked Luna curiously.

"Kinda refreshing, the constant eye twitching excluded of course,” said Trusty rubbing her eyes, “I really could do without that. I am sure this will pass, once the full implications settle in for me. But I'm afraid your Highness has other worries than me right now."

"And what would that be?"

Trusty opened the door to the throne room. "Explaining to Prince Blueblood, why your Highness is late for the meeting."