• Published 16th Mar 2012
  • 17,430 Views, 288 Comments

The Pony in my Pocket - BaroqueNexus



A dream. A dad. A date with death. And from it all, comes Dash...

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Dawn's Light

Dawn's Light

...

...fire...

...

...pain...oh, God...

...

...dying? Am I dying? Am I...

...Julia...

...

...I'm sorry, Julia...I'm so sorry, honey...

...Daddy will miss...you...


Whiteness all around. Bright. Too bright. Painful.

No pain. No more.

I can't think straight. I can't see where I am, what I'm doing. I try to look around but all I see is an endless void of white, stretching for miles, endlessly, into the horizon.

Where the hell am I?

I get up with surprising ease. Shouldn't I be dead? I'm supposed to be dead! But nowhere is the caved-in hotel. I am naked, yet clothed in a robe of light. My wounds are gone. I can still walk.

And there is no pain. I conclude at first that the pain of my many injuries is so great that my brain can no longer comprehend it, but this is not...can not...be the case.

I am waiting for something.

I am?

I should be confused, but something is caressing my brain, telling me to be patient. I want to move, to speak, to do anything, but I can't.

Then she appears, coalescing in the whiteness, a spectral form that is also somehow corporeal. At this point, I'm not even surprised she's here.

Rainbow Dash. Of course she's here. I must be dead.

"No, you're not dead, Ben Wolfe."

She speaks in her own voice, not my daughter's, and without emotion. Though her brow is furrowed and her eyes are hard, she does not look sad.

My voice begins to work again, and I say, "How am I not dead?"

"I can't answer that, Ben."

"But you saved me before!"

"No, I didn't. Rainbow Dash is not real, Ben."

"But...you..."

"I'm surprised," she says, remaining emotionless, though I can detect minute frustration in her voice. "I'm surprised how long you have maintained this fallacy. There is no Rainbow Dash, Ben Wolfe. The ponies of Equestria are fictional. They always have been. They always will be."

I feel like I should be more shocked than I currently am, but continue to speak. "What about Kawari? Bagram? Kabul?"

"Do you believe in God, Ben?"

I look at her incredulously. Her face remains expressionless. "I...well, yeah..."

"Would you say God saved you all those times?"

"No," I answer firmly. "They told me the figurine, your figurine, was the last thing that the shrapnel hit before stopping, back at Kawari. At Bagram...I looked at you, and if I hadn't I'd have been killed in the truck wreck, or I'd have shot myself. Then at Kabul...the helicopter...Adam Collins..."

"You don't honestly believe the loyalest pegasus in Equestria would risk her wings to save your skin not once, but four times?"

"I thought you said ponies were fictional."

"They are," she replies. "Rainbow Dash is a fallacy, Ben. She is a cartoon character whose plastic figurine happened to be with you all those times you were in danger."

"Then why are you here? And what are you?!"

She smiled, but it was not a kind smile. "You will not like my answer. I've never known you to be partial to crypticism."

"Tell me!"

"I am whatever you want me to be, Ben."

I say nothing else. My mind is roiling. She continues.

"Some call me God. Some call me Satan. Some call me an angel, a savior, while others call me a demon, a monster, the devil himself. You call me Rainbow Dash, or Julia Wolfe. You call me Loren Wolfe. You call me Lionel Kassel, Derek Frost, Adam Collins, and everyone you have ever known. I am everyone and everywhere, Ben Wolfe, and I live and die for everything."

She is speaking cryptic bullshit. And she is right; I'm not partial to it.

"What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"I am that which watches the world. I am that which maintains the cycle of life for all things. They who call me death, I appear as life. They who call me life, I come to them as death."

She isn't making sense, and my head is starting to hurt.

"You only see me as Rainbow Dash because you want to see me as Rainbow Dash. I have witnessed your brutal trials, Ben Wolfe. You question your sanity, wonder whether or not the world is as it seems. The world is not as it seems. This place, your home, is rife with all things good and evil, and to provide balance, neither must ever outweigh the other."

"What are you saying?" I ask as she steps closer.

"Kawari. Bagram. Mazar-i-Sharif. Kabul. You were supposed to die."

My heart stops. My breath catches in my throat. Her eyes are cold and penetrating. "W-what?"

"At Mazar-i-Sharif, when your men dodged every bullet and every bomb, I was the one doing the shooting and bombing. At Kawari, when a ricocheting sniper's bullet pierced your chest, I was that sniper. At Bagram, when the rocket flipped your truck, I was that explosion. And at Kabul, when you were lying on your back, dying, I was the fire that brought you down to my level, to finish you off for good.

"But I couldn't. She was too powerful. She would not let me, even when you gave her to Collins. She would not let me take your life."

"R-Rainbow Dash? But...you said she..."

"No. Not Rainbow Dash. Your daughter."

Ice fills my body, only to be melted by a surging flame in my heart. "Julia?"

"Her love for you, Ben. That's what saved you. Not some plastic pony. Her love for you. I never knew until I saw you give the doll head to Collins, and even then, she was too powerful. You cannot imagine the power a young girl's love for her father wields. The power of love, especially in the face of death, is more powerful than any force in existence. Even death cannot break love. Nothing can break love."

I am crying now. I know what she is saying is true, and she has tears in her eyes as well. "Julia...my little girl..."

"She never knew," Rainbow Dash says, gasping. "She never knew that she'd given you...that she'd made you...invincible..."

Invincible.

"Death does not stop for anything, Ben Wolfe. But...I cannot take you. Her...her love is...is..."

The pegasus breaks down in tears. I am a waterfall of emotion, and I cannot control myself. Before I know what I am doing, my arms are locked around her body, my tears mixing with hers, and we are crying, embraced.

I embrace Death. She welcomes me with open arms.

"I cannot...I will not...take you from your daughter, Ben Wolfe. But...you will give her a good life. A meaningful life. You are her father. You..."

The light is fading. She is fading with it. I hear a low rumble, like thunder. Something pounds in my chest, and my fingers tingle. I am going. Leaving.

"I will."

She blinks. The world shatters and reforms, and suddenly, my life is over.


"...Contact! South, up two floors in the green apartment building!"

"Reloading!"

"Someone get more rounds for the SAW!"

"Zenith, this is Retriever, come in..."

"Hold him steady! Is the turniquet in place!"

"Affirmative, sir!"

"Hold the fucking thing steady, Jaydog! Hold the thing steady!"

"I'm tryin', Dex!"

"You Yanks ready t'lift out?"

"Bet your limey ass, man. EVERYONE! PULL OUT! Jaydog, Hazmat, get Wolfie onto the Puma pronto! The limeys'll cover your asses! Now MOVE!"

Hello, darkness, my old friend. The dawn has come to see your end.

I don't know why I am freestyling Simon & Garfunkel. Perhaps I am delirious, or perhaps my brain has been damaged.

But, impossibly, unbelievably, incredibly...

I am alive.

My eyes are open just a sliver, and I see the red fingers of dawn in the horizon, ready to tear away the night. Red also zips past me, billows in flowerlike pulses. Flashes of yellow and white blind me, and everything else is black. I can see only colors and hear only voices.

"Zenith, this is Retriever, Oscar is hurt bad, bu still kicking. Ready for droprun, over."

A crackle of static. "Copy, Retriever, Thunderbolts are inbound. ETA 10 minutes. Get your boys outta there."

"Solid copy, Zenith. See you back at base."

I feel myself leave the ground and push forward. Shadowy figures are standing over me. I hear a rhythmic whuping sound, the sound of helicopter rotors.

I am alive.

"Collins! You need any 5.56?"

"Negative! I've got enough!"

"Bloody fuck, he looks bad!"

"Talk about it later, Churchill, just get him secured!"

"FUCK! The G36 jammed!"

"Take mine! Just keep shooting!"

Because I could not stop for death...

I read that somewhere. It was a poem. Who wrote it? Whitman? Thoreau?

I feel a sharp pain in my arm, and a few seconds later my mind is free and careless. Probably morphine, or something, but hey, I don't care, I feelgood.

"We're off!"

"About goddamn time!"

"The others?"

"Chinook got 'em all out, Adam. We'll be back at Bagram in a jiffy. In the meantime, just sit back and watch the fucking fireworks..."

I can't hear anything else. The voice echoes in my head. Then blackness usurps my vision, and I am bathing in a darkened void.

Dickinson. It was Emily Dickinson who said that...


I am awake. Again.

Bright light, brighter than any light I've ever seen, fills my eyes, then fades away as the room around me begins to fall together. Painfully bright.

What is it with bright lights? They hurt me, burn me...

Burning...

I am alive.

I cannot speak. My eyes are the thinnest of slits out of which barely anything can be seen. I can't feel my legs. The only sound I hear is the ominous beeping of an EKG monitor.

So I'm in a hospital. Where? Bagram? Kabul? Maybe even...

"...Wolfe?"

That is the voice of Derek Frost. I know it is.

So I'm still in Afghanistan. And I'm alive.

"Wolfe! Wolfe, holy shit! He's awake! BEN'S AWAKE!"

Hurried footsteps. Gasps of relief and amazement. I see shapes in the darkness approach, only to be shunted back by the shape that I know is Derek Frost.

"GET THE DOC IN HERE! GET SOMEONE FUCKING IN HERE NOW!"

The shape turns to me. "Wolfe...oh, God, Benny...I'm so sorry, I fucked up...I shouldn't have let you come...what they did...I didn't..."

I want to speak, but my voice is shot. My whole body seems to have shut down. My heart beats slowly. My breathing is shallow. And yet...

Blackness. Total.

Hello, good friend. How've you been?


Then I'm awake again.

Sunlight shines through the window. My sight has returned. I can make out the distinct shapes of the IV rack to my left, coupled with the EKG monitor and a dozen other machines that look old, battered, and rusted. I am in a room of steel. It is very hot.

Back at Bagram.

And there they are, Frost and Collins. They see me awake, and they are overjoyed. Collins looks like shit and Frost looks like vomit. I'll bet both of them look better than I do.

"Toldja he'd be back 'n kickin'," Frost laughs. "How you doing, man?"

"..." Once again, my voice refuses to work. So I raise my hand and give them a sideways thumb.

"It's okay, Corporal," Collins says sheepishly. "The team here's fixed you up pretty well. It's just..."

"Well," Derek grunts. "Uh...your legs...they had to..."

I look and see why I can't feel my legs.

I don't have legs. Both have been amputated.


It is three days later.

They're telling me that I'm going home tomorrow. So're Derek and Adam.

I have no legs and I'm missing three fingers on my right hand. I'm blind in one eye, and the other has a permanent redness to it. I've got so much metal in me the TSA would rip me apart if I ever tried to fly commercially again. Plus my head hurts and I still can't speak properly. I guess I was screaming so much when the hotel's roof caved in that I burned out my vocal cords.

But I'm finally going home.

I'll get to see Julia.


The Boeing C-17A is waiting on the tarmac. It is dawn. The sky is bloody with newborn sunlight. Adam Collins has stopped me.

I'm starting to speak again, but the wheelchair is becoming a real pain in the ass, both figuratively and literally.

Adam's saying something. The roar of the Globemaster's engines drowns out his words.

But then he opens his hand.

It's Rainbow Dash's head, still caked in dried blood and fragmented from shrapnel.

He lays it in my palm and says something else. I've gone deaf.

I'm crying inside, but on the outside I've cried so much that there are no more tears for me to shed.

That will soon change.


Touchdown.

A cheer goes up inside the Boeing. I join in, my voice raspy and low. We slow to a halt on the tarmac at JFK. Frost and Collins, both dressed in casual fatigues, help me into my wheelchair. Frost looks more professional and well-rounded now that he's shaven and not covered in sand.

The doors open. A crowd is waiting at the far side of the tarmac.

In my mind's eye, I can already see them. But I yearn to feel them.

I am the last one off. Frost and Collins help me down the ramp of the C-17 and wheel me toward the crowd.

A cry of joy.

"DADDY!"

She bolts from the crowd, dressed in her pink sweatshirt and sweatpants. Her hair is longer and her face fuller, but she is still my Julia.

Suddenly, she's on me, and we are locked in embrace, father and daughter, our love pouring forth like a fountain.

Loren emerges with Michelle. She is crying, both at the sight of my broken body and at the sight of my alive body. Michelle barks and goes head over heels, tearing down the tarmac and stopping at the last second so as to not knock me over. Loren joins Julia in hugging me, and I kiss them both, my dried lips wet from my tears.

"Daddy..." Julia chokes, looking down. "You don't have legs."

"No, sweetie." I can barely speak. My heart is bursting. The sun is shining. I don't care anymore that I am half a man.

I am still a man.

Michelle is licking my face, going absolutely nuts at the return of her master. Frost and Collins wheel me out of the way of the other returning soldiers. Julia will not stop hugging me. I don't want her to. Loren is only a few feet behind, trying to collect herself.

As they wheel me toward the crowd, Julia looks up at me. "Did Rainbow Dash protect you, Daddy?"

At this, I cry even harder, so hard that Julia is confused. She thinks she upset me. I shake my head.

"You both did, Julia. You and Rainbow Dash...you both did. You saved Daddy's life, sweetie. You both did."

She is smiling, teary-eyed. The strain is too much. I lie back in my chair and feel the calming fingers of sleep. I know they will not mind if I close my eyes for a moment.

The last thing I see before I shut my eyes is the blue sky, and across it, an iridiscent rainbow, unwavering.

Comments ( 82 )

YES! I just finished reading the second chapter, and as soon as I went back to my favorites this was posted. :pinkiehappy:

EDIT: I enjoyed this chapter, although it was a bit strange, and the love being more powerful then death was a bit corny.
I think the story was better off as a one-shot, but I'm not going to complain about the other chapters as they were good, just not in the same way the initial one was.

That was umm...*speechless*

It was good. Though he lost his legs, he still came back.

Couple small errors, plus ya missed the '[' on the italics on 'can'.

FUCKING AWESOME ENDING.... Simply brilliant. I teared up when he was hugging his daughter and yah. Just amazing. You are an amazing writer, man. :twilightblush:
I feel like this was a justified ending to the story because if he were to come back in good condition, it would have felt too unrealistic and more like a Disney movie. The fact that he is injured for life but gets to live with his daughter is touching. Manly tears were definitely shed.
This is sorta what I pictured him looking like when he was saved
crotchgroin.info/galleries/64/anakin-two.jpg

Fucking hell man.... Manly tears for this...

More Manly Tears are being shed. Well done sir, well done. :moustache:

The line "He lays it in my palm and says something else. I've gone deaf." is a tad confusing and misleading

508256 If you were in that situation, messed up like Wolfe was, I'm pretty sure you;d be like that.

Literally the second I finished the second chapter, I saw this and my heart exploded. Now my eyes are on the verge of exploding.

508259 yeah i know, but what i mean is that at first i was like "WTF HE WENT DEAF TOO?" lol

i cried after the first chapter
i got close the second one
i cried once again for this one
many manly tears were shed
good show chap

ending is good. way to go

What I imagined.
"You and Rainbow Dash saved me." he said. Suddenly he felt a terrible headache and a voice scream.
"IT WASN'T THE FUCKING DOLL!"


Ok, I'm done now, good story.

Fucking poetic man. I'm a sucker for poetic fictions. :heart:

*Stands up and claps*
You did it. You've done what I had hoped for. You have written a great story delving into the psyche of how men deal with death, life and disaster, implied the existence of a higher power without saying whether or not it is true, and crafted a well-developed bittersweet ending - the only ending this story deserves.

You sir are a great writer. You have talent. I seriously mean it. You should pursue that career path if you haven't. The world will be that much richer if you do become a professional writer.

I await for future stories from you Baroque. You magnificent bastard.

Amazing. This is the first story to bring me near tears since My Little Dashie, and I read that back when I first joined the site. I'm glad you decided to continue this, and you made it better than ever.

508259
4.bp.blogspot.com/-yVy9kNKQ3r0/Tn4hyAGCHNI/AAAAAAAAAKw/1AlSB5jxumA/s1600/manly%2Btears%2Bdiscord3.png

... Almost.

But seriously, great wrap-up to the story. I would like to see more of this entity in other stories, keeping balance and such, appearing to main characters and guiding them, stuff like that.

This song fits the story pretty well, in my opinion.

magnificent

:pinkiesad2: Happy tears. I don't know what to say. I''m so happy that he got to see his daughter again and that he will live a good life. The last chapter was :ajbemused::flutterrage::twilightangry2: to me, but this one made it:ajsmug::fluttershyouch::pinkiesad2:.
Good job.:scootangel:

I really love this story, but I feel the 2nd chapter change a feel of it... The going home and everything in ch 3 was amazing, but ch 2 sort of made it less... "Real" for me... In ch 1, I honestly would have believed it was real, ch 3 as well... But ch 2 just felt out of place

I will agree the whole God/Satan thing was a bit odd but the fact he survived makes me very happy and left me shedding manly tears.

Amazing work.

I am reminded of Harry Potter way too much by this.

508532 Sort of. I remember the game though. KH2 was awesome, as was the first.

This was absolutely fantastic, many many tears were shed:raritydespair: This is a master piece:pinkiehappy:

an amazing ending to an amzing fanfic
hats off to you sir

Again, wow...
*slow clap*
*unable to say anything else, for there is no need*
:eeyup:

I'll just pretend like I didn't read that. I'll just think that he died because it makes sense.

....Did he just die on the tarmac in front of his family?:rainbowhuh:
It kinda reads that way.

2nd and 3rd chapters were interesting chapters

this was interesting, i also enjoy Simon & Garfunkel

Oh god, so many feels :fluttercry: beautiful story, just, just beautiful. :raritycry:

Dig

I never expected this. But it was amazing!

"I'm surprised how long you have maintained this fallacy. There is no Rainbow Dash, Ben Wolfe. The ponies of Equestria are fictional. They always have been. They always will be." I'll admit, I winced just... a little at this :ajsleepy:

This, my friend, was powerful. In every sense of the word.
Freaking brilliant man :pinkiesad2:
-Glassed

A catch in my throat, choke,
Torn into pieces, I won't. No.

I don't want to be this but
I won't let this build up inside of me.

She isn't real.
I can't make her real.
She isn't real.
I can't make her real.

Friggin' BEAUTIFUL! :heart:

You know, at this point I think it's ok to remove the "Based on a true story" part :twilightsheepish:

540383 Meh...you do what you gotta do. Chapter 1 is based on a true story. Chapters 2 and 3 are true stories that I made up.

540400 Truly made up stories :rainbowlaugh: Heh, gotcha :raritywink:

Manly timelord tears were shed today


Sincerely the Doctor

I overlooked this.
I actually overlooked this.
Big, big, big shame on me...
Good story. Very good story.

Many manly tears were shed. Here, take my feels. Take all of them.:fluttercry:

I could lie and say I cried manly tears. But I'm not going to. They were tears and only about 50% manly. This story is only to true. I just wish that love really could make you invincible. Love would be so much better then. But death is an important part of life. So for life to persist there hasto be death.
But as I've heard before: "the good die young"
And it's all to true some times.
The ones that die are the ones that should still be alive.

542851 Death is a part of life. It always has been. I say this is based on a true story but it's not. It's based on several true stories. It's based on the story of each and every man and woman who risk their lives to make our country safe. This story is a collage of every soldier's experience in war.

The good die young, but that only means that they will reach heaven sooner.

542894 and that's one of the reasons I like this story. It shows people what could, and does, happen to the men and women of this, and every, country.
But I also shows that while our finest souldiers are getting shot and blown up, there are family's at home that do get to see their loves ones again.
All I have to say is:
I feel sorry for the family's that lost loves ones to a war. But war is important in it's own way. I just wish that people could see that. Get rid of war they say. no. As much as I hate that people die every day, it has to happen. Plain as that.

543249

Not a truer statement than that good sir. :twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

But don't worry, some ultra-liberal, conspiracy theorist f**kstick will probably argue with you. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

This story was excellent! I loved it man! Good work!

:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Silver out!

As they wheel me toward the crowd, Julia looks up at me. "Did Rainbow Dash protect you, Daddy?"

At this, I cry even harder, so hard that Julia is confused. She thinks she upset me. I shake my head.

I almost exploded with emotion at this line. I didn't even realize this fic was becoming so emotional to me until that line. :rainbowhuh:

I've never felt the need to post this gif before in all my years of reading fics and whatnot, but you 110% have earned it.

suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17611378/images/1327107604040.gif

I tip my hat to you sir, fantastic.

I don't care about manly tears.
I cried at the end i must say, i already lived in this situation of war, and the love after returning home will never be fogoten

i40.tinypic.com/15yqyq.gif

No other words need to be said... I've put the last 2 gd chapters of this story off for nearly two months. WHY? I don't know, but you made me cry.

This is literally the best fic about humans I read! It's so awesome I can't even find words how to express it.

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