I like to write, so I guess I should share some of it with the world
Magic, Kindness, Generosity, Laughter, Honesty, Loyalty. They're all gone, left. Rainbow Dash was the only one who really wanted for them to stay. Rainbow Dash blamed herself for it, but she knew it wasn't her fault. "Why wold this be happening?" Dash might never know. She was scared, and still is. Now she just sits by the old pond a few miles out of town thinking. She doesn't look back, she doesn't want to see a burning town.
Page generated in 0.079 seconds
Total duration
668 users online
648,674 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well... You have a good idea here, from my understanding. But there's a few issues that detract from enjoying the story: Mainly the pacing, and the way much of the dialogue and actual story progression feels very clunky. For example:
a slightly better way to phrase that might be something along the lines of:
(just so you know, that's not how I'd phrase it, just in case you were thinking that)
We didn't happen to pop into the mind of Rainbow Dash one day and start on a sudden downward spiral, I assume? If so, you may wish to expound a tad on background, mundane details, descriptions, etc... The best advice I can really give? Read your work aloud, as it's written, and see if it sounds acceptable to your ear and your eye
3779857 Thank you. Yes I know I'm not that grate in chapter 1, but that will change with the coming chapter. This is my first ever fanfic so I do expect some flaws. Overall though, I will take your advise and make sure to improve somethings once the story is done. Thank you.
3780631 Anytime
I really, really liked it. Can't wait for more...
For your first fanfic, this was pretty awesome. ;)
3897815 Thank you
That means a lot 
...
3902288 So I assume you thought the ending was sad. Right?
3904037 indeed
I really enjoyed the fanfic, the only downside was that you rushed it too much. It is not about the destination in a story, its about the journey. Give us all the details of your stories as your write them, just because it makes sense to you does not mean we can make sense of it as well. For your future stories, I reccommend an editor and for you to take things slow.
4081055 Yes, I know. It was my first fan fic and I knew there would be some flaws. As of now, I'm working on a new story and it is still a work in process, it won't be done for some time now. Thank you for the advice and taking the time to read it.
4084766 I look forward to reading it then, do us proud!
Okay... now I'm lost. If Applejack is dead now then why is there killing? And why is this happening?
Beautiful. Inspiring. I think somewhere throughout this story I thought of another story idea. If you write any more books, I'll be reading them.