• Published 6th Jan 2014
  • 2,605 Views, 28 Comments

Dying Lights - PandoraChild



The Hearth's Warming Eve lights are always beautiful to everypony in Equestria. But somehow they are even more beautiful to a select pegasus, grasping onto reality with every once of her strength. [Prologue to Missed Calls]

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Dying Lights

DYING LIGHTS

THE PROLOGUE TO MISSED CALLS

By PandoraBoxable


The lights were beautiful tonight, Fluttershy thought, as she lay on the scorched ground of the Cloudsdale weather factory. She couldn’t feel her body, but that was okay. She had the lights to keep her company. And the voices, good Celestia the voices. They were muffled, yet… comforting. Fluttershy smiled and blinked slowly, the faces coming into focus but becoming blurry just as quickly. She frowned and tried to move her wings. Feeling something on her barrel, she decided to look down, but found she couldn’t move her neck. So she let her mind wander.

It just so happened that her brain wanted to remember the events leading up to her condition. She drifted back into her memories, letting the sweet embrace of their feelings come over her mind, setting her consciousness at ease.

She had been at Rainbow’s home, flying high over Ponyville, Tank buzzing quietly about the room. She had said something… something Rainbow didn’t like. Rainbow had said something Fluttershy didn’t like. She had stood up and walked to the kitchen with Rainbow following behind, animatedly talking to her. She couldn’t remember the words, but remembered it was something important.

Rainbow had pushed something off the counter, sending Tank spinning slightly, his eyes glazed over. Fluttershy had nearly yelled, yet Rainbow had stood in a quiet state of shock, unmoving. Fluttershy tried to comfort her, but her friend had brushed her off. Fluttershy had left, her wings flapping lightly in the breeze, tears streaming down her eyes. She flew, choosing a direction and following it lazily, not a single destination in mind.

She flew to Cloudsdale.

Her memories were interrupted by another force on her barrel, causing her mind to spasm and her breathing to increase. Something was shoved in her mouth and she closed her eyes, coughing. Something hit her in the face, her eyes shooting open, a face above hers yelling something. Something she couldn’t understand. So she drifted back into her memories.

She had arrived at the main street, all the shops closed down for Hearth’s Warming Eve. She was no longer crying, but her eyes were a deep, bloodshot red, the veins evident to the occasional passerby. A pony had flown up to her, a pony with a mint green coat and golden mane. They had gone and sat and talked together, about what Fluttershy couldn’t recollect.

The mare had brought her down to the weather factory to give her a tour… or something… she still couldn’t remember. They had trotted around on the squishy clouds, looking at all the machines. It had made her feel better. Much better. Happy to be around this other mare, who she knew she recognized from somewhere before.

Her thoughts were interrupted yet again by more faces crowding around hers, one of them pulling back and screaming for something else to be brought. Compressions were being performed on her legs, however Fluttershy was too comatose to reply to any of the questions that were being thrown her way, much less understand them. It must have been quite the accident.

She wandered through her thoughts again, looking back on her memories with Rainbow, all the fun times they had together, how they had taken care of her animals together, clearing the skies together, her friend’s face, her beautiful mane, the way she held herself when she walked, the way her voice slipped up at the end of sentences, the way she kissed her.

A tear pushed out of her eye, running down her cheek. Something was pressed against her face, wiping it off. A hushed voice spoke in her ear.

Fluttershy’s head was turned and she saw a green, gold, and red figure laying beside her with a couple blurs sitting on top. She wondered who it had been, even though it looked like the mare who had been with her just minutes earlier. She wondered if she was okay.

She closed her eyes and remembered again, the same mint green mare… somewhere. Once before, with all of her friends. She had been… unhappy. Scared, even.

But now, she only felt sorrow. Sorrow and regret. But mostly sorrow. The figure atop the mare was doing something repeatedly, sometimes leaning down to about her head level and coming back up, but she wouldn’t stir.

Fluttershy closed her eyes and remembered once again, remembering her friends. Twilight’s bookish tendencies, her adorable concentration face, her amazing amount of support for her friends. Rarity and her fashion parlor, making dresses and pushing those silly red spectacles back up to the bridge of her snout, all of their spa trips together. Pinkie Pie, with her silly randomness and her cutie hair. And that grin, the grin that could make the hardest stallion’s heart melt into pieces. Applejack, with her wagon strapped to her barrel, tugging a load of apples through the fields, her smile whenever Fluttershy visited, her determination to help her family to whatever end it may lead.

And Rainbow, with her incredible mane and incredible smile and incredible happiness and joy and loyalty and honor. Fluttershy focused on that picture she had painted, with all of her friends standing happily by her side on the empty streets of Ponyville, the shops closed for the day, the stars out for the night, the lightning bugs flashing away their mating calls. Fluttershy sighed and giggled slightly, feeling yet another force on her face. She opened her eyes to find the blur in much greater focus, a nurse uniform adorning her body. She mouthed two simple words, simple enough for even Fluttershy - in her degraded state - to understand.

“I’m sorry.”

The forces on her body weakened and stopped altogether. It became hard to breathe. But Fluttershy didn’t care. She had her friends by her side, even if they weren’t there in body, they were there for her in spirit. And she knew they loved her.

The lights were beautiful tonight, Fluttershy thought, those amazing, twinkly Hearth’s Warming Eve lights that shone like beacons in the dark, giving the pegasus one last grasp on reality as she slowly faded out of consciousness, the happy grin still adorning her countenance.

Author's Note:

*sniff*

Read Missed Calls for the aftermath.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/153459/missed-calls

I'm so, so sorry.

Comments ( 28 )

Did she just bucking die in the Rainbow Factory?!

Damn, that's heavy :ajsleepy:

I... Wow. Having read Missed Calls I'm actually not sure I want to read this. Not sure I could take that much more sadness for a second time. :raritydespair:

Ow.....I need a minute.

Hm... I honestly didn't enjoy this nearly as much as Missed Calls. There are many things I could chalk this up to, but for me I think the biggest is the fact that you leave less up to the reader here. There's so much less for us to imagine for ourselves, and the writing is more direct.

The forces on her body weakened and stopped altogether. It became hard to breathe. But Fluttershy didn’t care. She had her friends by her side, even if they weren’t there in body, they were there for her in spirit. And she knew they loved her.

This is what I mean when I say the writing is more direct. That part I have underlined could be removed completely. I could tell it wasn't 100% literal before I read that, and having that extra little bit in there just makes it feel redundant.

Fluttershy’s head was turned and she saw a green, gold, and red figure laying beside her with a couple blurs sitting on top. She wondered who it had been, even though it looked like the mare who had been with her just minutes earlier.

Aargh! there it is again! "Green, gold and red figure" is all the hint we need to figure out it was the mare Fluttershy had been with moments before. It means so much more when you show us who it is rather than telling us. Ya get what I mean?

These are just a few examples. There are plenty of times in this story where you do a wonderful job of "showing" us things, and then you turn around and "tell" us what you meant. Show, don't tell, not show and tell! :twilightangry2:

I also feel the hinted romantic relationship between Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash removes not only from this story, but it removes a little bit from Missed Calls itself. Romance is too black and white of a reason for Rainbow Dash to get so horrifically depressed over the loss of Fluttershy. I don't like black and white. no one likes black and white. We want grey, and Missed Calls had many, many layers of grey.

This wasn't by any means bad; I've read far, far worse. It could simply stand for a bit more depth, I think. :twilightsmile:

3750840

True. By the way... did anyone actually figure out who Fluttershy was with?

3751118 F. Scott Fitzgerald in pony form (heheh... cuz gold and green... I'm probably the only person who gets that...)?

3751140

Nope.

Lightning. Dust.

3751147

Yep. She was another one of the victims of the explosion. Plot twist - I had written nearly 6,000 words for a prequel in which Lightning Dust comes back to Ponyville to visit for Hearth's Warming with Fluttershy, and gets thrown out by Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy takes her back and THEN this happens.

But I scrapped that, much too long for a prequel, plus it wasn't the best. Rainbow still thinks she was the sole pony to blame though, which makes for the same kind of ending and fits smoothly into her helplessness in Missed Calls, and the fact that her friends don't seem to be as effected (or the grief process is already over).

Urgh. Did she die? I can't tell. What did rainbow have that she didn't like? I don't know. Please author, explain a little better.

P.S. If the story was written this way on purpose then my apologies. I've never been the best at interpreting stories.:twilightsmile:

3762465

It was written this way on purpose, and I totally get where you're coming from. :pinkiehappy:

In my stories, I try and make it seem like the characters know more than the reader does (something I take massive pride in), other than the other way around (in most stories). In this case, Fluttershy knew:
1: She had major brain trauma from the Weather Factory Explosion.
2: Lightning Dust had been with her and also killed, but due to her brain damage she couldn't remember details (e.g. how they got there, what her name was, where she had seen her before, etc.).
3: Rainbow and Fluttershy had an argument about something (relationship problems? I leave that up to the reader), but were obviously in a relationship.
4: She knew the ponies around her were trying to keep her alive, yet she did not know for how long, or how long she was out.
5: Yes. Fluttershy is dead. The six oneshots I'm making for the "FlutterDie-Verse" are going in chronological order. SPOILERS: Fluttershy-Rainbow Dash-Rarity-Twilight Sparkle-Pinkie Pie-Applejack.

3762614 I see. I actually really appreciate you for writing I'm this style.
It will be nice to read a story that's different for a change so I will look forward to your new stories. Consider yourself followed by me.

P.s. Love the team rocket reference in your avatar :twilightsmile:

Even though I knew what was going to happen it still hurts!:raritydespair:

It feels as though someone just punched me in the stomach and pulled out my heart and ran over it with a tank. I'm just going to go now and go burst into tears and hide in a corner for the rest of the day. :fluttercry:

another good story. it wasn't quite as sad as the first since we know how its going to end but still good. makes the first one have more feels to it knowing they had a argument before the accident and you know Dash would never forgive herself for that being there last words. too bad it still doesn't explain how the accident actually happened but oh well. keep up the goodwork

Another good story. So sad and good.

Hoo boy. Lotta feels. Having just read this Fics sequel (which Is odd to say) I knew what to expect. Still hit me pretty hard though. But I do feel a little silly for thinking this took place as a sort of alternate Tanks for the memories, in which rainbow tinkering made it explode, thus being directly responsible for her death. Then I looked at the publish date. Whoops. Ah well. You got a follow, a fav, and a thumb.

6142983
Thank you! Yeah, it's a fairly old story d:

Wow. Now everything in missed calls is evan more depressing sense there last moment together ended negativly. I see y rainbow broke. Well done:fluttercry:

Why would you write this? Why did I read this?!?

Even though it's unlikely to happen (for several reasons), I kind of want there to be an emotional alternate ending/sequel where Fluttershy is saved

10524147
If you'd like to write one as a fan add-on I'd be happy to add it as an extra chapter :)

10524886
I would, if I had any idea how to flesh it out.

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