Chapter Two: "Imposkabibble" AKA "Lesbians are neato!"
Chapter 2: "Imposkabibble" AKA "Lesbians are neato!"
Runway hops over the side of my couch and flashes me that bajillion-bit smile. “Right. ON!” she repeats, louder this time. She rushed out the door, and trots off for a bit.
Now, here’s how my mind -rational, logical, and scientifically driven- works: my sister asks to hang out for a bit, cause she has time off. That’s cool. I can deal with hanging out. She rushes out the door as soon as I say yes. I can also understand that, knowing my sister. She probably ran off to do... something, assuming she can come back later whenever she wants and chill. Mildly annoying, but to be expected. She leaves the door wide open.
I see nothing’s changed.
What I do not expect, however, is to meet a rather sturdy obstruction when I try to close said door. Namely, my sister’s remarkably unfair and shapely hind end. I pull the door back open and ask, “Um... hello, Runway’s ASS. Anything I can do for you?!”
I hear her chuckle past the doorway, and I glance over her shoulder to see the other thing I did not expect: a whole crapton of luggage. “Come on, sis, give a girl a hoof here! You’re big and strong!”
“...what in the name of Captain Spitfire’s sweatstained flightsuits are you doing?!”
She stops, and turns around to look at me. “I’m hauling luggage, ha-dur. You said I could hang out!” She says this with a bright, innocent smile that’s all lies. Lies and treachery, I say!
I put a hoof to my temple, as I can feel a migraine coming on. “Sis, i meant like lunch and stuff. Not-”
“Ooh! Lunch! I’m totally starving! What kind of restaurants do they have in Cloudsdale?!” she looks around my house as if expecting the furniture to answer my question.
“SIS. Listen. I did not mean that you can spend all those weeks you have off crashing at my place. I meant like just hanging out once in a while while you have a vacation,” I explain. As calmly as I can.
She gives me big ol’ puppy dog eyes. “Oh, come ooooooon. Please?! I know you’ll love it! I’ve got a bunch of stuff in here for you! Like, new dresses and all kinds of free crap the agency gives me!”
The other hoof reaches for the other temple as my headache grows worse. “N, I... I’m not sure if I want to know how you get all this free stuff...” I mumble.
Apparently loud enough. “Well, I don’t put out for it, if that’s what you mean,” she says with a sly grin. “Besides, my manager’s a chick. EW.”
My eyes snap wide open at that. “Excuse me?! What do you mean, ew?!”
She looks at me like I’m crazy, and then her eyes go wide, but for different reasons. “Oh, no, totally not like that! I so didn’t mean... what I was saying is I’ve tried sleeping with girls! They taste... weird. It’s gross.”
...I have to process that sentence for a moment, a silence she gladly fills. “But no, I totally don’t care that you’re a lesbian! Just cause mom threw you out for- oh shit I shouldn’t have said... uh... Lesbians are neato!” she punctuates, holding up a hoof in what I can only assume is the hoof-bump pose. She waves it in front of my face for a bit. “Eh? Eh? Lesbiiiiannnns?”
I sigh, and feel some of my sanity slipping away as I do, lifting up a hoof to tap hers. “Fine. Ok. Woo, lesbians. Now, about all that stuff...” I ad, glaring at the large pile of luggage.”
“I know, right?! Half of it’s not even mine! I brought you SOOO MUUUUUUCH STUUUUUUUFFFF,” she exclaims, her eyes bugging out of their skull at me. “I mean, can you imagine me having to throw away all this free stuff just because I don’t have a place to put it?”
I know what she’s doing. I know it. But... free stuff. Free clothes. Perfume. Accessories.
I may be more of a girly-girl than I let on. “Fine,” I grumble. “But I don’t have to be happy about it,” I grumble.
She barrels into me in a big hug. “Ohhhhh, yes you do. You love me!”
I feel the hint of a treacherous smile creep over my lips. “Ok, fine. I love you.”
--------------
“I hate you. I hate you with the glory of a thousand burning suns,” I grumble, my head firmly glued to the table beneath it. A lone hoof dangles at my side as the other tightly grips a bottle of cider, keeping it firmly in place on the flat wood surface.
How I let my sister convince me to go out drinking right after work I will never understand.
I’d backtrack, but that requires brain cells. So let me give you the shorthoof: sister moves in for a couple of weeks. I go to work. I come home. Sister reminds me it’s Friday and yanks me out the door before I even have my weather factory uniform off. We hit a bar.
Seven ciders and two shots of Pheonixball Whiskey later, and here we are.
I hear a hiccup from the other side of the table. “Imposkabibble. You loooooove me. It’s like... it’s like, looking in a mirror, right? And the mirror is like, totally sexy? And it... has really cool clothes? And talks... ok, not like a mirror. Ok, it’s like having two apples on the table...”
As she drunkenly rambles, I stare about the room. Bunch of really pretty mares. But I’m... so drunk. I probably couldn’t get a bar stool to take me home.
“...and that’s why incest is so damn sexy.”
My ears perk up, and my head rolls lazily to allow me a good look at my sister, my supermodel sister, my looks-exactly-like-me-and-smokin-hot sister. “What?”
“Incest is awesome, right? Cause you like, know each other. There’s a bond. And you don’t need to worry about doin’ anything freaky cause they probably already know that kind of stuff cause you talk, you know?”
“But we don’t talk.”
“We should talk.”
“We are talking.”
She stares at me for a second. “What were we talking about?”
I pause, trying to remember. Something about girls and sex. Probably lesbians. I raise my glass in a weak attempt at a toast. “Lesbians!” I cheer moderately, half my voice gone.
“Lesbians!” she cheers back, with a bit more energy. I hear and feel glass tink bottle, and take the last few sips of my cider. Just then, a big manly voice I don’t recognize says, “Ok, you two have had enough.”
----------
I really should do something about that window right above my bed. This sunlight in my eye thing is getting really freakin’ annoying. I grumble something under my breath, and roll around a bit, trying to hide from the sunlight. It is Saturday, after all.
Then I feel somepony else grumble and move. ‘Oh. Wait. Did I come home with somepony? I must have. I mean, it reeks in here like mating season.’ I feel a hoof wrap around my torso, and pull me closer. A grumbly, husky voice says, “Mmm, just a few more seconds.”
Eh, what the hell. I toss a blanket over my eyes, and go back to sleep.
---------
The first thing I’m aware of is that it’s really kind of cold out. Like, morning cold. I still feel the sunshine on my face, so I can’t have been asleep that long, I don’t think. But... something’s missing.
Oh, right. The blanket. Wait, why’s the blanket gone? I sit up, and feel around for it, not really opening my eyes. My head pounds with the telltale signs of a hangover, and I just want to hide underneath my comforter until it goes away. I smile as my hoof finds purchase on the corner of the blanket, only to frown again as the corner pulls itself away.
“Mmm... blanket. Come back. Momma loves you,” I croon, throwing myself down across my bed in a lazy attempt to catch it. I notice my side brush against a hoof for a second, before the hoof pulls away, too. My thought process stalls in it’s hung-over glory before I remember something about bringing a girl home or whatever. I peel an eye open, and glance up and the direction the hoof came from.
My gaze travels up a large mound of comforters. Up a trim, green neck. And into bright yellow eyes. “...um...”
“No,” my sister says shortly.
“No?” I ask, my head still fuzzy.
“No. No no no no no we didn’t. Did we? We can’t have. No way.”
She’s talking too fast for poor undrunk me to get it. So I think back to last night, and snippets of conversation come back to me.
(“Incest is awesome, right?”“Lesbians!” “...and that’s why incest is so damn sexy.” “Cause you like, know each other. There’s a bond.”)
And I sit bolt upright in bed. Wide wake, I am. “No.”
“Right?!” she all but screams at me. I feel my head twinge in pain but I’m ignoring it.
“No. No no no NO NO NO. We did not...” I trail off, as my gaze finishes it’s travels up the curled-up form of my sister. and I see something in her hair. I reach a shaking hoof over to her, and she flinches away. “Hold still!” I bark, and she does. Grabbing the curious item, I pull it out of her mane, and hold it up in front of us.
“No way...” she says, almost in awe. “That can’t be...”
“I... I think it is...” I answer, in a tone of slight amazement. Before us, dangling innocently from my hoof, is a pair of panties.
A pair of my panties.
We look at the undergarment, then at each other. In unison, we yell, “THIS. NEVER. HAPPENED.”
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Incest is Wincest! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png
When I saw that this updated, I planned on reading this chapter later. Then I saw the title.....I don't regret my decision.
3751480
Seconded!
See, Lightning deserves sooo much more 'she's just a normal pony' stories like this. Even from little snippets like
to... well the entire second half of the chapter, makes her that much more likeable.
For some reason, I was expecting Cloud Kicker to appear from under the bed saying "Ooohhh...Can´t we bang one last time?"
This probably needs a sex tag. Also, is the incest thing a one-off gag, or are they going to keep doing it?
Yes! Just what I wanted!
3751838 Spoilers. But don't expect anything too weird.
HAHAHAHAH!
That was GLORIOUS.
~Skeeter The Lurker
emotibot.net/pix/2051.jpeg
That was nice. Now the question is whether or not I should follow this. In other news, they need to separate the favorite button into a favorite and a watch button.
3751838
What are you talking about? This chapter very clearly ends right after they get tossed out of the bar.
Very clearly.
Will there be romance or will it just be comedy and slice of life?
3756799 Just a comedy and slice of life. I'm already working on a romance story.
What an interesting idea!
Wow, that does look a bit like LD.
Eww, this one got real gross real quick.
Not sure what to think of this. It went from amusing character-interaction to incest jokes pretty damn quick. We'll see where it goes from here, but if this continues, I doubt I'll continue reading.
On the bright side:
This really made me laugh, as did a couple other parts of the dialogue. I just hope you don't rely on sex jokes to make a comedy. You've got more ability than that.
“...and that’s why incest is so damn sexy.”
funnily enough i will say this in the middle of conversation whenever i think no one is listening
And thus we sweep in and strike their weak point and that is why Incest is so damn sexy
Luna: Huh?!
Like I said, we strike trheir weak point from the side and we have the advantage!
Luna: what waqs that about incest?
Well, I read the occasional incdest hentai whenever I'm bore and it's summer but... only then
Luna: We... need to talk about your... attitude, good plan by the way
Thanks!