Journeyman's Journal

by Journeyman

MLM: AtE Alternate Scene: Down in the Depths

Author's Note:

This time we have a deleted scene from Minecraft, and not one I've posted in my blogs before. Speaking of that one, I should move those over to this.

This is from my Minecraft story At the End, Chapter 9. This chapter kicks off the second arc, as machinations are finally set in motion through the actions of the mysterious Voice, a creature named later in the story as Brimstone. Those further on in the story know who this is. The reason why I cut it from the original draft was easy: it was too evil and petty. Needlessly so. Don't get me wrong: what happens in chapter 9 was far more cruel, but the Voice at least had a proper reason for doing what it did. It was reprehensible, but there was an underlying logic to it.

This just seemed... mean. Needlessly narcissistic to the point of comical. After I had written the entire chapter, I axed the entire thing in order to rewrite it. This was way back when I was capable of pumping out chapters once a week. Those were the days...

This was the first draft of the scene, after the "deal" had been made. Readers of my work may recognize a couple lines. I indeed go through several drafts of stuff, and if something doesn't work out, I am a practitioner of cannibalizing my own work. So here is the original, very poor beginning of Brimstone.

Jetstream’s mind had locked up; his brain could not believe or process any of what he just heard.

“I’m glad you agree to my terms. Afterwards, you are free to say what you wish to her, suspicions or otherwise.”

‘No.... That thing will kill them all...’

“I’m afraid I must still inform others above as to this gateway’s location, but I think you are capable of doing what we agreed on without detection. Endermen are quite skilled in that art.”

‘You’re just going to sit by and watch!?’

“I bid you farewell.”

BAMF!

The particles vanished.

‘HUNDREDS OF PONIES ARE GOING TO DIE!’

Picking up the now empty saddlebag, his body ran, not cantered, back to the ravine. “Oh dear, time has gotten away from me.”

‘What else is there for you to do?’ Scenarios flew across Jetstream’s mind, all of them with streets full of dead ponies. It disgusted him. Who or what could willingly do such a thing?

His body removed the saddlebag and rain poncho and tossed them into the abyss. Jetstream counted the seconds. ‘1... 2... 3... 4...’

Thump!

Four seconds at terminal velocity. That would be an unpleasant drop. For a moment, his heart jumped into his throat at the thought. Was his puppeteer going to force him over the edge? It would take days to find his body... Jetstream winced internally, trying and failing to mentally prepare for what was about to come.

His body took another step.

‘No! Don’t!’

Clip-clop

‘Please stop!’

Clip-clop

He was staring straight into the gaping maw of darkness itself. All it would take was to lean a little further...

‘For the love of Celestia, I beg of you, don’t so it!’

That time, his body stopped. He was staring down into the darkness with an expression on his face he didn’t recognize. He was smiling, but it was the curve of his lips and the narrowed eyes suggested something else. Sadness? Anger?

“I let my hosts see what I do out of courtesy,” the Voice said and Jetstream jumped internally. It was the first time the Voice addressed him directly.

“There are those that view other species as something lower than themselves.” His body stepped away from the cliff face and started walking down the tunnel once more. Something squished under his hoof, but without being able to move his head, he couldn’t check. His body just kept on walking.

“I never understood that impulse. Take for instance you and me. Are you different? Yes. Weaker, yes. Primitive, yes. But that does not blind me to your strengths. Your race has an admirable fortitude when banded together, and I respect that. Discord, Nightmare Moon, they are creatures that could have crushed all opposition if it weren’t for those with a firm will and a stout heart. Even if I believe I am far beyond a creature, I will grant it access to my deeds.”

Jetstream wasn’t sure how to respond to the Voice. Despite the condescending undertones, the Voice was paying him a compliment.

‘T-t-thank you.’

His body snorted. “Don’t let it go to your head. One positive trait does not negate your other traits, especially your race’s blind faith that you can overcome any obstacle there is to encounter, that you may band together after any threat. It’s a child’s irrational belief that all harm will pass without scars. Your kind should not hold such a misguided faith.”

Jetstream would have bristled in irritation at the comment, ‘You--’

“I stepped on a centipede ten seconds ago and you never noticed.”

‘It was an accident. It happens.’

“Not to me. I crushed an innocent creature on purpose to put things into perspective for you. A being as grand, complex, and terrible as I can do glorious things. I can create life and cheat death. I can do so many things far beyond your meager understanding. The ideas and constructs floating around in my—your—head at this very moment surpass even the brightest of minds your world has to offer. Despite my greatness, I am a merciful and kind being. I do not look down on those lesser than me.

“But that does not negate the fact your hypocrisy disgusts me. As accomplished as your race may be, you still do not understand how small you really are. To me, you are no more great than that little insect I crushed.”

Jetstream said nothing for the longest time. They, or he should say the Voice, was coming dangerously close to the surface. Once there... there was no telling what it would do with his body.

Jetstream’s mind returned to the earlier conversation between the Voice and the... Endermen, was it? His mind played through the horrors the Voice listed off so casually, atrocities Equestria would endure after sending the Endermen home.

‘If you know so much, why are sitting back and not doing anything? Tell Celestia why that gate is so large. You know everything! You can stop this! You can save hundreds, if not thousands, of lives!’ Jetstream would have been hyperventilating at this point. In just a few short months, Equestria and the crown would never be the same. Her splendor, wasted. Her glory, tarnished. ‘Why --’

“Stop sniveling.”

It wasn’t a request. It wasn’t even a command given to the Sergeant. The Voice’s tone simply stated a fact: This will not continue in my attendance.

“I do not appreciate begging in my presence. It is most unbecoming.”

‘I’m sorry.’ Jetstream blanched as he thought that. He had actually apologized to his puppeteer, and he meant it. In just a few minutes time, the Voice had commandeered his obedience. It was... very unsettling to say the least.

“Do you know why I left the creature from before alone?”

Jetstream said nothing, so the Voice took initiative and continued, “He has heart. I terrified him. Petrified him to his very soul. But you saw what he did after he realized he had nowhere else to turn.” Jetstream felt his body smile and raise his head proudly. “I’ve done nothing to harm your spirit, and already you bend to my will. He fought back. Unsuccessfully, but still, he had more of a spine than you.”

Jetstream felt his body smile wider and wider. There was very nearly a skip in his step with whatever delight the Voice found in his words. But despite the Voice’s calm and even tone, it still carried the undertones of suppressed fury. “Decadent, degenerate, and completely self-absorbed. You creatures care nothing for those around you, for the spirits that you cannot hope to comprehend. Through your pouting and prattling, did the lives of the Gryphon Kingdoms come to mind? Cervidas? Zebrica? What of the monsters that roam this land? Do they not deserve a chance because you deem them a threat to your existence?”

The Voice did not shout its word or alter its inflections in the slightest. Jetstream would have prefered it to start shouting; its calm, collected speech proved far more terrifying. “There are diamonds in the rough when it comes to your kind, but you do not realize what else is out there. Do you honestly believe that all is well? Do you believe that this world truly belongs to you and none other? You know nothing of what was lost.”

Jetstream was at a loss for words. The Voice did not appear to want to harm him, but its self-assured command, itsindomitable authority and presence, suppressed any argument Jetstream might have conjured. He would have been shaking like a foal experiences his first thunderstorm if it was possible. There was something in the Voice’s words that silenced him so thoroughly that Jetstream would have greatly respected the Voice’s fortitude in another set of circumstances.

“Perhaps... something more intimate is in order. Actions do speak louder than words, after all, and I’ve done nothing but talk.” The Voice halted next to a sapphire protruding out of one of the cavern walls. With the light of Ms. Rarity’s crown, the gemstone radiated a palm glow that scattered light in all directions. Jetstream could see his own visage through the gem’s many facets. His face was contorted into a cruel smile that gleamed in amusement. Jetstream gave a mental whimper, instantly regretting what was about to come.

“You are nothing. Become nothing.”

Pain. Jetstream felt only pain. It was… something akin to a shriek, an endless scream wallowing in ecstatic laughter. A blast of consciousness and understanding beyond anything he had ever felt. It was not directed at him, but it crushed his soul and will as if all of his mental barriers were worthless, dust in the wind. He could feel the scream, feel it as it filtered through the universe and consumed everything in its rapture and chaos. Such joy that scream gave. Such rapture. Such madness. It passed through Jetstream, through the very universe itself. Through everything.

Jetstream knew that ponies died. He knew that fearing death was something natural, a means of self-preservation and survival. But why did that instinct need protecting? Why was life so precious that lives would lash out like a cornered rat to protect it? This... thing he just felt was something beyond what he had ever known. Such puny matters like life, power, and beauty were nothing to it.

Life... hope... existence... how little those things mattered in the end. How pathetic they were in the grand scheme of things. Jetstream could tell that the Voice was right. Something as simple as a pony seemed so fragile, its life so brittle and delicate that it would vanish under the slightest breeze or caress. How little life mattered.

Jetstream couldn’t breathe, even if he retained control. Something was upon him, around him, behind him, inside him. There was nothing to see or feel. Only...

Only the sensation that he was being watched.

And then he felt it.

There was something, something akin to a presence with him. He was being watched and he could feel the eyes on him, even though he could not see them. There was intelligence to the presence, a complexity more grand and terrible than anything he could have possibly imagined. Jetstream recognized it and it recognized him back, but it was not the way one pony greeted another in the street or a husband returning home to his wife. It was the way a stallion examined a small creature like a ladybug or locus, only Jetstream was the insect, insignificant under something infinitely more vast and unfathomably more perceptive.

It was suffocation, a shower in power and force of will beyond the scale of his existence. He could feel it. He could SEE it. Jetstream panicked; he had to run away. If only he could run. His mind seemed separated from his body, yet he scrambled for light, for the warmth of day...

Jetstream gasped and wilted, his mind beaten to a pulp by the ordeal. He was panting, shaking at the ordeal. To be in the same universe had just crushed his will to live. What kind of monster is capable of such overwhelming power?

‘...what are you?’

“Your savior. Your reckoning.”

Comments

[Reader Review]

Brimstone has so much swagger it makes lesser creatures have an existential crisis on the spot.
Well I for one welcome our new Swag overlord.

[Kadigan]

a creature named later in the story as Brimstone.

... and then you go and put the link to the alternate version however long before that happens...