Ch.3 Government Sanctioned Hits
Twilight waited for the sun to fully set and then some more. Once she was fully convinced that her friends were fast asleep she slowly lifted the window open with her hoof, focusing her magic on a sound canceling spell, just in case.
Twilight slinked through the window, carefully stepping on the floor, feeling for the creaky floorboards with her hoof. As she stepped from shadow to shadow, she flicked a hoof full of sleep powder she had confiscated from Spike towards the birdhouse. She used her magic to guide it like a homing missile til it stuck with a wet thump. A cascade of sparkles rained down on to the floor below it in a silent firework show for one.
She slowly pried the lid open, a bit of leftover sleep magic stirring up into the air as light dust into her face. Twilight scrunched up her face and held her nose as she almost sneezed, tears springing up and running down her face. She spent a long time twitching, facing away from the birdhouse.
After a few moments the sneezes subsided enough for her to function. She wiped the snot off her face, and turned back to her prize. A dozen measurement and probing instruments floated out of her bag and hung in the air around her head, ready to do the deed. She peered into the birdhouse and studied the sleeping fairies the a clinical eye, notes already being joted down without her even glancing at the notepad.
She carefully lifted the first one’s leg from around the other and levitated it out and onto the porch of the birdhouse. She started using her tape measure to start taking measurements of the fairy’s various limbs, still carefully noting everything she saw.
“Sister, that tickles.” She mumbled.
Twilight froze, tape measure stretched the length of her wing, worried that she had awoken her research subject. But the fairy nodded off again quickly, snoring slightly as it stretched like a cat, Twilight sighed and resumed her measurements, more carefully this time after she sprinkled more sleep powder on the fairy’s face.
“Leafie, I’m cold.” The fairy inside the box cried, reaching for her sister, her hooves clopping against the insides of the birdhouse.
Twilight used her magic to tuck it further into the blanket, tight enough that it was hard for it to move around again before she started probing the one she had in her magical grasp.
“Sister, please don’t leave me.” The other one begged, rolling out of the blanket.
Twilight stopped, and set her long hooked probe that she was using to count ribs down next to her current subject. She leaned in over the birdhouse and studied the other fairy as it reached and felt around the birdhouse in a near panic. Curious, she lowered her hoof into the house.
The fairy instantly latched onto her hoof, nuzzling it lovingly.
“Leafie, I wub you.” She muttered into Twilight’s hoof.
Twilight glanced at the other fairy, who was on her back, snoring as her hooves twitched in the air. She wondered about the relationship between the two, thinking back to her biological textbooks and wrote a quick note to herself in the notepad.
“Best sister ever.” The clutching her hoof declared before she hugged Twilight’s hoof harder and started to drool.
Twilight stood stunned. Staring at the Fairy hugging her hoof.
What was I doing? She scolded herself, These are ponies just like me and my brother? What kind of monster was I to think of them as only test subjects?
Twilight yanked her hoof out of the house, she used her magic to grab the other one and dumped her gently into her sister’s arms as she backed away. She let go of the lid, which snapped shut puffing sleep powder in Twilight’s face again and she also dropped all of her instruments with a slight clatter.
I was going to imprison them for nothing other than my curiosity! She screamed at herself as she yawned, And I was going to stuff their bodies afterwards!
Twilight yawned again as she tried to stand up, only to find herself to fall flat on her face. Her legs refused to move and were numb. Twilight’s eyes shot open in horror as she realized what was happening.
The powder! She panicked, I can’t sleep here, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy will find me here in the mor-
“Good morning Twilight.” Rainbow Dash said coldly, splashing water on Twilight’s face.
“Gah! I’m innocent, I did nothing I swear it!” She sputtered, spitting water out of her mouth and sitting up in a flash.
“Then explain this!” Rainbow Dash said, holding up a particularly vicious looking probe.
“And this please.” Fluttershy said, holding up a dark purple velvet bag full of sleep powder.
“I’m the princess of the teeth, I was collecting a tooth from under your pillow and fell asleep.” Twilight sputtered out quickly, panicking as Rainbow Dash glared at her.
“Twilight, please don’t lie.” Fluttershy said sadly, dumping the powder into the trash.
“I’m sorry! I came here to study the fairies.” She said, hanging her head in shame.
“Study me! Do I look like a freakin lab rat?” Leaf Hoarder demanded, landing on Twilight’s nose at about mach five.
“No, that’s why I stopped, I realized you were just like me or any other pony. I couldn’t do that to you. I’m sorry!” She sobbed, collapsing on the ground.
“You’ll be sorry once I’m done with you!” Leaf Hoarder screamed, whipping her sword out of nowhere only for it to be yanked from her grasp by Fluttershy.
“Seriously, how many of those do you have?” Rainbow Dash questioned.
“Enough to do this!” She yelled, pulling another out, only for Fluttershy to take it also.
“Don’t stab Twilight in the face please.” Fluttershy asked of her, hiding behind her mane.
“Then I’ll cut off her mane and shave her face!” Leaf screamed, going to pull a sword but to come up empty-hoofed.
“Fine, you win this round purple.” She huffed, diving off of Twilight’s nose and zipping up and around into the birdhouse.
“That escalated quickly.” Twilight said shakily.
“She does that, but you deserved it, what were you thinking? Maybe there was a reason we didn’t tell you about them.”
“Please don’t say things like that Rainbow Dash, she is still our friend.” Fluttershy said.
“Oh come on, you know if Pinkie or Rarity were here they would be saying the same thing.”
“Wait, you told Rarity and Pinkie Pie? Who else knows?” Twilight asked.
“Hopefully just them, I wouldn’t be surprised if Pinkie Pie wasn't already preparing a par-”
*SLAM*
“PARTY! Yes, I am! Though, since I can’t have a party with all my pony friends in town, I baked a cupcake representing everypony!” Pinkie yelled as she rolled a card that was sagging under the weight of so many cupcake stacked on it.
The tension in the room was as thick as tar as Twilight and Rainbow Dash stared at Pinkie Pie, who looked very tired but was still bouncing with her boundless energy as she rambled off traits of ponies and cupcakes.
“Wait, when did you tell Twilight.” Pinkie paused, holding a purple sparkly cupcake that had Twilight’s cutie mark on it.
“Uh...” Twilight started, blushing bright red.
“It’s a long story Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow Dash said, holding her face with her hoof, “And where did Fluttershy go?”
Looking around it was easy to spot a pink tail sprouting from under her couch. Pinkie Pie bounced over and slid under the couch in a single move and Fluttershy was shoved out the side, her eyes wide enough that it seemed like they were going to pop out of her head.
“What were you doing under here Fluttershy? The par-tay is out here!” Pinkie sang, somehow appearing in the pile of cupcakes without being seen leaving from under the couch.
“Is she always this insane?” Leaf horder asked, her head poking out of the window.
“Yes, have a cupcake!” Pinkie cried, plucking her out of the window and flinging her into the pile.
“HEY!” She sputtered, popping out of one, flinging crumbs everywhere.
“And I brought a guest too!” Pinkie yelled, lifting the cloth draped around the base of one of the carts revealing a tied up mare who was wearing a nurse’s hat.
“Pinkie, please tell me you didn’t ponynap that nurse.” Twilight asked, her voice monotone as she stared with horror at the very angry looking nurse.
“Mrrfff.” The nurse grumbled through the gag in her mouth, shaking her tied up hooves violently.
“”Pinkie, can you please let her go, if that’s okay....” Fluttershy said, hiding behind both Rainbow Dash and her mane.
“Well duh, that’s the plan.” Pinkie said, yanking on a rope, freeing the nurse.
She shot out from under the cart like a cannon ball and was halfway through the door before she ran into a purple magic wall.
“First she pony naps me, then la-dee-da I find out it’s a government sanctioned hit!” She screamed, hurling a cupcake at Twilight.
“I just found out about this myself,” Twilight said sourly, wiping the cupcake off her face, “And besides, the Princesses haven’t done anything like that for more than a century.”
“Hey, don’t leave the party yet, this little pony needs your help.” Pinkie said, holding a tiny bed to her face.
The nurse went cross-eyed as she looked at the fairy thrust in her face.
“You got to be joking. You ponynapped me to show me a doll. And ponies think I’m unstable.” She said.
“You silly, she’s not a doll, she’s a fairy.”
“And my sister! Get away from her you creeper!” Leaf screamed, leaping from her cupcake towards the nurse, running into Rainbow Dash’s outstretched wing.
“Ignore her, she’s a bit of a cranky pony.” Rainbow Dash said, holding Leaf still and carefully avoiding being stabbed by yet another sword.
“Was that a...” The nurse sputtered, mouth hanging open, pointing at Leaf Hoarder.
“A Fairy, yes.” Twilight said.
“And so is...” The poor nurse continued sputtering, pointing at the sleeping fairy between her eyes.
“She is a fairy too.” Fluttershy whispered, hiding behind Rainbow Dash.
“Oh Celestia.” The nurse said before she face planted the floor, furniture all across the room bounced a few inches into the air.
“Pinkie, didn’t we have a talk about ponynapping ponies?” Twilight asked, turning on her friend.
“Yes, that’s why I borrowed her, I left an IOU.”
“Pinkie....” Twilight started, but was stopped by Rainbow Dash holding a hoof up and shaking her head.
“Fluttershy dear, are you home?” Rarity asked as she walked through the front door.
“Oh, did I miss something?” She asked, looking with disdain at the piles of cupcakes lining the room messily.
“Pinkie ponynapped a nurse who is now working with Lily in the kitchen.” Twilight explained without looking up from her book.
Rarity stood at the doorway, staring at Twilight, who ignored her and kept on reading her book. Leaf Hoarder was pacing back and forth on the arm of the couch next to Twilight, biting her lip and muttering something.
“Yes, Twilight knows about the fairies.” Rainbow Dash explained from her spot at the card table, where she, Fluttershy, and Pinkie were playing a card game.
“Oh, okay, so how are things going with Lily then?” Rarity asked, stepping around the cupcakes littering the floor.
“I don’t know, she won’t let me into the room!” Leaf cried, flopping onto the arm of the couch, flailing her hooves in the air.
“Don’t worry dear, I’m sure there is a reason she’s keeping you out. Oh, and by the way.” Rarity paused to pick up the largest cupcake she could find.
“Revenge is sweet!” She snarled, smashing the cupcake down on Leaf, splattering crumbs all over Twilight and her book.
“Hey, this is a first edition! Celestia herself gave this to me.” She protested, holding her book up and away from the mess as it exploded.
“Hey, what was that for?” Demanded Leaf, digging her way out of the cupcake.
“This!” Rarity yelled, pointing at her face.
Twilight and Leaf leaned in, squinting to see better.
“You got me, I see nothing.” Leaf said.
“You scarred my perfect beauty! You scratched me!” She said, pointing at a barely visible pink line on her face.
“Rarity, I think you are over-reacting a bit. I can barely see that.” Rainbow Dash said, throwing her cards down as Pinkie pulled the pile of cookies in the center of the table towards herself, adding to her already impressive pile.
“No my dear, I think I have reacted just as much as a lady should in a situation such as this.” Rarity said, trotting over to the armchair and sitting in it.
“I hope you know this means war.” Leaf said, eating her way out of the remnants of the cupcake.
“Mrs. Leaf, your sister is awake and wants to see you.” The nurse called from the kitchen.
The cupcake practically exploded, covering a protesting Twilight as she used her magic to protect her book with even more crumbs as Leaf Hoarder shot into the kitchen.
The nurse walked out of the kitchen, tossing a medical mask into the trash as she walked by it. She walked over to an empty chair and plopped into it very un-lady like, gaining a gasp from Rarity, who was about to protest when the Nurse spoke up.
“That is one of the worst cases of pneumonia I’ve seen in all of my years as a nurse. I am just hoping there will be no serious lung scarring. And while I do not agree with how you arranged this house call, it was a good thing you did.”
“So is there anything we can do?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Nothing at the moment, besides not dunking her in anymore rivers and trying to drown her.” The nurse said, giving Rainbow Dash an evil glare.
“Sorry, I promise I won’t do it again Mrs....”
“Joy. I’m the same nurse who’s helped you numerous times Miss Dash.” Nurse Redheart sighed, smacking herself in the face with her hoof.
“Heh, sorry.” Rainbow Dash muttered, rubbing the back of her head.
“You seem to be taking your first fairy patient very well.” Twilight said, quickly diverting the conversation before Rainbow Dash was embarrassed more.
“Well my grandmother always told me stories of trolls, humans and other mythical creatures, so seeing one that is exactly like a normal pony just smaller isn’t that much of a mind blower. And besides, as far a patients go she has been one of the few to actually be appreciative of what I’ve done.” Joy huffed.
“Oh, come on now Mrs. Joy, surely it’s not that bad.” Twilight said.
“I still have a bruise from when Rainbow Dash hit me with a book.” She deadpanned.
“Rainbow, how many times do I have to tell you books aren’t weapons.” Twilight said, glaring at Rainbow Dash.
“Oh, hey, look at the time, I’ll go check on the fairies.” Rainbow Dash said, zipping off into the kitchen.
“Anypony want to take a bet on how long before she gets stabbed in the face?” Pinkie asked innocently pulling out a notebook from somewhere.
“So is everything going okay in here?” Rainbow Dash asked, flying towards the table.
“Hi *Cough* so you’re the pony who pull- *Cough* pulled me from my sinking house.” Lily said, waving weakly.
“She’s also the one who sank our house!” Leaf Hoarder yelled, bouncing around like a boxer ready to fight.
“Calm down Leafie, she *Cough* didn’t know my house *Cough* was the log, I’m sure she had perfectly good reason.”
“Heh, Leafie.” Rainbow snorted.
“HEY! Only my sister is allowed to call me that!” Leaf Hoarder yelled, hoping in anger.
“Leafie, sit.” Lily coughed sternly.
Leaf Hoarder froze mid air and plopped down next to her sister’s impromptu bed, scowling at Rainbow Dash. Her wings were buzzing with barely contained energy.
“So, no hard feelings then?” Rainbow Dash asked, holding a hoof to the back of her head.
“Not as long as you build me a new house.” Lily said, her smile never slipping.
“Umm, what?”
“You *Cough* heard me correctly. I refuse to go live with my sister, her house is a horrible mess. Wall to wall with nothing but junk”
“Hey, that’s my collection you’re talking about!” Leaf protested.
“And seeing how you’re *Cough* huge and I’m sick, it all works out.” She said, her smile growing ever larger.
“Umm, I’m a weather pegasus, not a construction pony. I won’t be able to build something you would like living in.”
“Don’t worry, I have faith in you.” She said.
“Rainbow Dash, do not bother my patients too much or I will have to pluck your feathers.” Nurse Joy yelled from the living room.
“Umm.. I better go now, after Pinkie Pie ponynapped her, I wouldn’t put it past her to pluck all of them out.” Rainbow Dash said nervously, shifting from hoof to hoof.
The two fairies watched Rainbow Dash leave before turning to each other.
“Did she just say she *Cough cough* took the nurse captive?” Lily asked fearfully, looking wide-eyed at her sister, clutching her sister’s hoof tightly.
“I told you we need to escape. They’re going to experiment on us! Why else would a princess be here? There are only two of them and I’m sure they have more pressing manners like raising the moon and sun then to just ‘entertain’ houseguests.” Leaf whispered at her sister, pointing at the door with a shaking hoof.
“I’m sure you’re over-reacting a bit *Cough*. Why else would they help me?”
“Because they don’t want sick specimens. Look at that yellow one, her cutie mark is three butterflies! She probably got it by pinning those poor creatures to some board as a part of her collection!” Leaf sputtered, waving her hooves in the air.
“Calm down, they’ll hear you.” Lily whispered, pointing at the door with one hoof and making shushing motions with her other hoof.
“We need to leave, and quick!” Leaf said, zipping off to start grabbing supplies.
“I can’t *Cough* leave! I’m too sick to be moving around, and winter is coming, I cannot be homeless li-*Cough* like this.” Lily cried, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll be here to protect you!” Leaf announced heroically, her voice cracking.
“Leafie, they’re just going to trap us like what happened to our parents.” Lily cried, tears streaming down her face as she grabbed her sister and pulled her into a hug.
“Lily, that won’t happen. I will not let it happen. Not again.” Leaf said, hugging her sister back, her brave face slipping completely as she also broke down.
“I miss them so much.” Lily sobbed before breaking into a coughing fit, laying down and curling into a ball.
“Don’t worry Lily, I’ll never let anything happen.” Leaf vowed, covering her sister with her blanket and leaning against the side of her bed.
“Well that explains a few things.” Nurse Joy whispered to herself, having just witnessed the whole scene from the small crack in the door.
“Nurse, is everything okay?” Twilight asked.
“Umm, yeah. I’m fine.” Joy said, closing the kitchen door slowly and walking back to the couch.
“I thought you were going to go check on them?” Pinkie asked as she put down a king, a uno reverse card, and a set of dize.
“They’ll be fine, and if anything happens I’m sure Leaf will tell us.”
“Pinkie, I’m sorry, but that’s not a real hand.” Fluttershy said, pointing at the cards she had put down.
“Yay, I win, now I can go check on the fairies! Maybe they’re ready for those cupcakes.” Pinkie yelled, bouncing out of her seat and towards the door.
“Stop!” Joy yelled, grabbing her by the tail.
“Why? Are they allergic to my frosting?”
“No... Umm.... Cupcakes aren’t healthy, what she really needs is a potion from Zecora, tell her I need my usual.” Joy said, struggling with her words.
“Cupcakes are healthy you silly filly” Pinkie protested angrily.
Nurse Joy tried containing herself, her eyebrows twitched in anger, the sides of her mouth turned downwards as her jaw clenched. Twilight, noticing this, stuffed a cupcake in Pinkie’s mouth and turned her towards the door quickly.
“Okay, we’ll have to leave now if we want to get back before it gets too dark.” She said.
“And while you’re there you might want to see if she knows anything about fairies, I’m sure she has at least heard stories about them.” Fluttershy said, nudging Rainbow Dash towards Joy.
“And heck, I should probably take Nurse Joy home, I’m sure her family is worried about her.”
“No need.” Joy spat out quickly, “The only thing I have back home are my cats, and they only care about me when it’s time to be fed.”
“That’s how I know you, you’re the one who has the super-whooper cutie Snookems and the beautiful widdle Mr. Wiffles.” Fluttershy said, grabbing either side of Joy’s face and squeezing her face together.
“Wet go o my fwace.” Joy said, trying to pull back.
“Sorry.” Fluttershy said, shrinking back to her usual demeanor behind Rainbow Dash.
“And I thought you knew, I’ve been bringing my cats to you for years, I even adopted them from you.” Joy said.
“Yeah, she has that problem a lot actually. She remembers the pets and not the ponies who adopted them. I’m sure if it wasn't for the fact she buys supplies in town, she would never leave her house.” Rainbow Dash
“Great, she just remembers me as that crazy cat la.....” Joy stopped herself as she realized what she was about to call herself, Rainbow Dash biting her lip, trying not to laugh.
“Pinkie, we need to go if we are going to get back before dark.” Twilight said.
“Twilight dear, do you need a sane pony to go with you?” Rarity asked.
“What fun if there in being sane?” Pinkie asked, twisting her head at a crazy angle.
Twilight looked at Pinkie for a moment, you could hear the gears in Twilight’s head grind to a stop as her eye twitched.
“Pinkie dear, what have we told you about quoting Discord.” Rarity said as she trotted over.
“Yes, but it’s funny to break Twilight, cause that’s when I can do this!” Pinkie yelled as she picked up Twilight, who was frozen in her stance, and ran out the door with her.
“Pinkie, come back, you know Twilight hates it when you move her!” Rarity yelled as she ran after the pink blur that was rapidly disappearing.
“Should we be worried that in one week that one pony has kidnapped both a nurse and a princess?” Joy asked.
“I would be worried if she started locking ponies in her basement.” Rainbow Dash said, shuddering.
“Why would she do-”
At that moment, there was a mighty crash in the kitchen, followed shortly by battle cry and more crashing. All three ponies froze, staring at the door, before they all leapt into action.
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Well at least Twi realised how batshit crazy she was being
It's angle bunny I know it
Great story so far
3812048
oh god, I laughed a bit too hard at that
Oh Twilight...
Nurse Joy?
I see what you did there.
3831960
I am a fan of the older episode, watched a but too much of it as a kid too (as in alot)
Truthfully I forgot what the nurses actual name was and went with the first one that popped into my head, and as I wrote the character out and did more with her it seemed less and less like the canon character so I stuck with the name and the OC (kinda also the reason she looks exactly the same, kinda like the Joy's in the show.....)
3832086
As a huge Pokemon fan, I appreciate how you did that (whether intentional or not!).
Nurse Joy...XD Pokemon reference. Also, Pinkie seems like a crazed sociopath in this story XD
So is it Redheart or Joy?