zsewqthewolf
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I think you spilled a bucket of vowels on those k's, might wanna take a wet cloth to it or something before it dries.
3832119 Ikaika is a real name and how it should be say in english.
But how you liking the fic and tell what you think of it so far?
3832149
It may be real, but it would be very out of place in the US, especially post-apocalyptic.
As in, I've never seen or heard a name like that.
The intro wasn't bad, though your timeline is a bit too near-future. There were a number of grammar problems that lead me to believe English is your second language.
Then I got to chapter one and shed a tear for the state of literature in our world today- it's in first person. This had similar grammar issues and odd word choices, but was otherwise readable.
The detail gone into with the weapons is excessive, and highly improbable. For example, the M4A1 is actually a very rare weapon that is usually the result of putting an M16A1 lower receiver on an M4 carbine, and with weapon laws in place, that means it's extremely unlikely to show up. Then there's how far this takes place in the future, with the entire AR series looking to be replaced in the next few years, any M4s will be very old weapons, combined with their unreliable systems, they would be better for decorations than weapons.
Then of course, there's the AKs, which would actually survive, but would be the civilian models only.
So, currently, I'm not seeing much going for this fic other than it being set in post-apocalyptia, and that went away fast in a very ridiculous way. Sorry to say, but I don't have very high hopes for this being anything besides another "died and went to Equestria, let's go bang the mane 6 and be OP" fic. I hope I'm wrong.
3832208 and yes you be very wrond on the bring the mane sex, i mean my god if your into that there's about 6k on this site alone, am going for something more orgilne on this site than that really
Also in the Wasteland there are no more weapon laws and now people that have skills to make weapons full atuo can now with out any papre work.
His in this kind of wasteland heres the map of it
th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/287/9/8/wasteland_map_by_tylero79-d6e1yqh.png
Also Remeber alot of people died in the war so people are going to loot and find things, Also really it's not that hard to find a full auto AK weapon if you know where to look
3832228
That'd mean looting down into Mexico, where people will be using those weapons to keep their weapons...
If people can make weapons, they sure won't be making AR platform weapons. There isn't any good reason to make a weapon that's only good for the target range, and jams when it's needed. To produce ARs, you'd have to have a full modern manufacturing shop with advanced machine tools and plastic molding.
To produce AKs, you just need a rusty shovel.
3832246 There making there own line of weapons heres one AR made out of metal and the the back gaord of it
I do not own them but it give you an idea what weapons am talking about
Carolina M16M2 Assault Rifle
fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/256/0/c/carolina_m16m2_assault_rifle_by_tylero79-d6m4qas.jpg
Essentially an M16 modified by replacing the plastic parts with wood and metal, the M16M2 is the standard issue service rifle for the Coastal Republic and the Inland Republic. Most of the M16M2's used by the two Carolina nations are chambered for the .223 Carolina, a 7.62x39mm AK round necked down to the 5.56x45mm NATO round. The .223 Carolina round was introduced due to requests for a higher powered round that could also be used with 5.56mm caliber barrels. Many M16M2's are used by the CR and IR, but shortages are common, and many units are equipped with old M16's and M4's along with locally built AK's and Wastelands Assault Rifles. Many copies in the .223 Carolina round have been produced by the Delmarva Republic for use in its war with the Northeast Empire. The Ohio Consortium also produces a great deal of M16M2's, but does not officially use them. The Consortium instead trades them for supplies and for the Coastal Republic in exchange for support from the Coastal Special Forces in its war with the Northeast Empire. Due to the .223 Carolina's size, a typical M16 STAGNAG mag can hold 24 rounds.
The most common weapon for the comman man is this weapon right here
Wasteland Assault Rifle
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/232/6/4/wasteland_assault_rifle_by_tylero79-d6j1qdk.jpg
A cheap and simple weapon created out of scrap and salvaged parts. Created in the rather isolated Carolina Wastes, the assault rifle has spread throughout the wastelands. Chambered for either the 7.62x39mm rounds of the AK-47, or the more common 5.56x45mm NATO of the M-16 and M-4, along with any other rounds the user choices to chamber it in. The assault rifle was not made to be a quality weapon, it was made to be easy to make and arm whole settlements quickly by unskilled gunsmiths. As such, the quality and durability can vary greatly from weapon to weapon.
3832246 Also come back next mothe or 2 or 1 week and i get the ch 2 ready and up
3832264
It may have wood, but it's still an overcomplicated, hard to build firearm that wasn't meant for combat. I cannot see them being used in the wastes :/
3832282 try telling Old US army man they was that weapon and are the very few that are making for them.
Like i say weapons in the waste is have no more laws for all we know one guy have made one weapon where it fire full auto with a belt feeder 12 ga LMG
3832282 update
Before he could find some shelter, one of the lightnings struck
Not even into the prologue and there's already errors everywhere. I'll pass.
4151070 hey am just started out ok, sooner maybe one yr of hard work can turn me around.
Like the old saying goes "Rome was not build in a day."
3832291 Just by reading the comments, and seeing your pure, unadulterated grammar dissuades me from this story. Also, a firearm chambered for both 5.56 and 7.62 rounds measuring both AK and NATO would require a lot of extra parts, seeing as how much longer NATO rounds are. The reciever would need to expanded with a retractable everything in order to hold the two different types of magazine. STANAG and AK magazines are different from eachother in size, shape, and overall size. This data alone renders the point you wasted time trying to make invalid, as I've spent quite a large amount of time experimenting and modifying my AKS-74 to exactly how I want it.
Regardless of how your world makes their standard weapons, they are simply too unethical for real combat, and would realistically fall apart in a matter of hours due to the shoddy-at-best conditions they were built in. Not to mention the many more varieties of weaponry to be found in wastes you have described in the comments and description of the story, and that a shotgun or AR15 platform rifle would be far more common than an M16 or M4A1. Kalashnikov weapons are also among the rarities in America, seeing as how expensive they are commercially thanks to Congress attempting to limit the kinds of arms civilians possess, and the AK series is factually designed for shitty conditions. Some Navy SEALs is pretty accurate in his argument, and I agree that AK's are easier and quicker to produce than M4's/M16's, considering how simple they are comparatively, as well as from experience.
Also, my first language is Russian (due to living in such a household, even though I was born in the US of A,) and that's saying a lot about my English. You may want to relearn the language if your syntax is this bad IRL, no offense intended, as I struggled to finish the parts of your comments that weren't copypasta'd.
4151772
No need.
See if I take the time to type and look things over all the time than i'll never get anything done at all, If anything most of my time is trying to make sure i spell a word right rater on the grammar is right.
Also on the weapons part AKs or more common now than ever in different parts of wasteland region they are build in.
The ak his using is one build in the CA wasteland. they build them out of old solve. The most common than the ak is the open bolt SMG guns like the sten or the laty guns.
The m4 was there becasue like most bandit they most likely just kill someone that looted off a guy that find it in an old military base.
But ya AR or the most common gun in the U S of A yes, but remember its the wasteland now and now that guns or needed more than ever gunsmiths no longer have to follow laws made by an old government that is dead now.
Don't worry duo in the next update of this story all be mostly exple of his world
4151892 Something you need to take in mind is who is going to take time out of survival, only to learn to be a gun smith? It is, after all, a wasteland where people struggle to survive everyday. Take the STALKER game series, for example. A lot of the characters in the games according to their backstories have been there for years, and not a single one took the time to build a new gun from scratch, especially the few people who knew how to. The only resources available were only obtainable at the Cordon, so none of the smiths bothered. The only reason they have guns at all is because of smugglers and scavengers.
Another thing is how this dystopia gets the molds and machinery for the many, individual parts that make up the weapons. If it had been bombed, then weapon stockpiles would have been second to go, next to command centers, and that means weapon schematics and the items necessary for the construction of these parts would have been destroyed too, as they keep diagrams of everything in armory archives, as well as in the shops they produce the weapon, which would be the third places bombed.
4152896 we have anti nuke weapons now, if they nukes was shot from space then theirs noting you can do about it.
Like i say all will be eplen in the next update.
plus tell me anyone can download or read a book on gun parts. anyone can build a gun, but it take an artist to build a great weapon. If you look at the metro last light game you see they made make seft weapons and what 20 yrs after the bombs fall there kinda have rebuild there own way of life in a way.
You see weapons that look like shit but remember everyone want a gun and making them to sell for very cheap or that can be loot off for parts can be made.
I mean anyone can make a zip gun. but like a say before it take an artist to make a weapon that you want to have and know it would always save your back.
4157231 Yes, I know we have anti-nuke weaponry, because I've had to study them while going into artillery. The actual hit/miss ratio is entirely dependent on luck and the person aiming the weapon. As for Metro: LL, I'm still in the middle of playing Metro: 2033, and you need to remember that there are quite a few scientific inaccuracies, not including the monsters you fight in the game. I'd say them now, but then I would go into a rant that wouldn't end quickly enough, so I'll save you the trouble.
4157335 hey here a rant of one guy about the basted gun. so ya don't blame the people that made the game guns not real like. i mean here was his rent on it. btw copy and pass and side not just give this fic time to exple it self
Problem 1: The Bastard has an ejection port behind its ammunition clip, which to my knowledge isn't used on any real-life firearm that can fire in fully-automatic like the Bastard can. Also, its ammunition clip has no room for removing the casings, since they are held in place by the small triangular bits of metal at the rear of the clip.
Solution: Get rid of casing ejection altogether. Don't animate the sparks coming out of the weapon's right side, and leave the spent casings in the Bastard's clip when it moves to the right. Don't worry, you can still tell how much ammunition you have left just by seeing how much of the clip is still on the left side of the gun, or you can tell how much you've already fired by seeing how many casings in the clip have small marks in the middle from the firing pin (you can see something similar if you take a revolver with iron sights and fire all six shots in this game--when you use your iron sights you'll see the exposed casing has a hole in the middle from the firing pin). This would serve three purposes--solving the problem of the awkardly-placed ejection port and the clip's design, and emphasizing the scratch-built nature of the gun, and finally allowing a Bastard's user to retain the spent casings for recycling, which would be important in the resource-starved Metro.
Sadly it looks like this problem won't be solved for Metro: Last Light since the gameplay videos already show the Bastard ejecting spent casings.
Problem 2: The Bastard has a skeleton stock that on most real life firearms can be pushed forward to allow the weapon to become more compact for storage, but this isn't shown ingame.
Solution: Either change the model slightly so the stock can be pushed forward (for storage or carrying on your person) or pulled out (for when you need to use the weapon), or make it something solid like a piece of wood or just a bent piece of metal, which wouldn't be retractable.
Problem 3: The Bastard's iron sights wouldn't work well in real life. The rear sight's (the square bit nearest the player's eye when you aim down the iron sight) notch is too wide, and doesn't have any markings to let you know when the gun is level (in other words, it doesn't have anything to tell the user when the gun is exactly in the target's direction).
Solution: If you've played the STALKER games and use the AK-74's iron sight there, you'll see that the rear sight has a very narrow notch so you can tell just when the gun is aimed right when you see the centre of the front sight through that notch. For the same reason the rear sight of the Bastard should have a narrower notch to improve precision, and perhaps some glowing green markings (such as that found on the iron sights of the Kalash) could be put on the Bastard's iron sights, to allow for easier aiming in the dark.
From what I've seen of the Metro: Last Light trailers, the Bastard there has a new front sight, so this problem might be fixed there.
Problem 4: The Bastard's cooling jacket never needs to be refilled. The steam that comes out of the nozzle when the Bastard overheats has to come from somewhere and can't just keep pouring out indefinitely without refilling.
Solution: Change the overheat animation so that Artyom has to refill the cooling jacket by pouring a small flask of some liquid down the nozzle. The liquid could come from a variety of places; from reservoirs inside stations, from melted snow, or even Artyom's own urine.
Problem 5: The Bastard has way too much recoil (represented ingame by how large the crosshair gets when you fire long bursts) for its caliber. You can see youtube vids where some people manage to fire 5.45x39mm firearms one handed without much trouble, so there's really too much. The silenced version has the exact same recoil as the normal version, which is not realistic since the silencer slows down the gases caused by firing and thus cuts down on recoil.
Solution: Tone down the crosshair bloom (which represents recoil in this game) when firing in long bursts, or make the changes I suggested on the MGR talk page. Reduce the crosshair bloom further when using the suppressed version.
Problem 6: The Bastard doesn't overheat at different rates depending on the ambient temperature of the level, or whether or not it uses a silencer. In real life, a silencer (properly called a suppressor) causes a gun to heat up faster than it would otherwise. You can see this effect in real life by watching a video taken with an infrared camera of an assault rifle being fired with and without a suppressor--the version with a suppressor gets brighter (which means hotter) much more quickly in the infrared camera's view.
Solution: When you're fighting on the frozen surface of ruined Moscow, the Bastard overheats more slowly than it would in the Metro tunnels. A silenced Bastard, however, will overheat more quickly in all environments than the normal version will, but still does so more slowly on the frozen surface.
4157381 That's actually one of the inaccuracies I would have pointed out. This guy knows what he's talking about. Also, I still haven't read your fic yet, simply because I'm scared of what I'm gonna read. Also because if the holistic score I give it is bad enough, I'll give the story a downvote, so I'm going to save the trouble of it, and leave this story be, both for the sake of my sanity, and for your feelings. Feelings because I know how it feels to have people dislike a fic that you've spent a lot of time on.
4158440 i would have not made if people can tell me what i would have done to make it better.
But all they lave behide is bad stuff and never tell me what's bad about it
4159638 I am not the kind of person who would downvote without reason, as I would leave the reasoning in the comments. I am only worried about what I would find that would lead to a downvote.
4161404 so far this story is a tie right now.
4161404 hey what about this when the story is done and all the grammar is fix than you could read it.
than you could give it an upvote or a downvote how about that?
4161420 That sounds like a plan, comrade. Send me a PM when it's finished.
4161486 ok.
more?
5207239 there be more on its way until my editer is done
5207239 and can you tell me what you like about it
5207239 here you go
5207382 What I like about your story, is the plot of the story.
Sorry it took me so long to answer your question.
5234995 you may have to give it a like becasue its losing lol
5234995 what you like about the plot i want to know =)
5235026 I already gave it a like and a favorite.
Awesome chapters you are doing a amazing job i can't wait to see the next one
5236647 what you think of them and anyway i can inpvoe plz let me know and don't worry more or on there way
5236647
5235104
Am sorry for the long wait but in one or two days the next ch will be up or i will kick myself in the balls
5930252 Ok.
Thanks for letting me know.
5930344 but to hold you over read the blog post of the wasteland lore
5930351 Ok.
The first part repeats, is this intentional?
5933223 oh damn
5933223 let me fix that
5933223 thx for telling me
Good chapter, can't wait to read more.
5936342 I try my best to make more
You should proofread and revise this chapter, IMO. There is a lot of grammical and spelling errors.
5989622 am already having someone at it right now
weknowmemes.com/generator/uploads/generated/g1360764826462499964.jpg
I think this would be a better introduction: