In the Name of Sanity

by Featherheart

Ditzy

In River's marriage, silence was the enemy. Not THE Silence, but rather the Doctor's silence. Those long stretches of quiet that the Doctor had when weighing his options, when trying to even start to formulate a plan, when realizing that a sacrifice must be made… those were the scary moments that made River doubt herself and her relationship. Because she never knew what would happen at the end of these silences. He could suddenly go into a rage or just as likely laugh at his own "thickness."

"The penny drops…" River muttered to herself, her eyes gazing at the stained glass. She had elected to stay in the throne room with Ditzy while the Doctor and Celestia had gone off to discuss of the symbiant's history and knowledge of how this universe worked. When the Doctor had returned alone, he had been brooding, silent. River glanced over at him as he stared at a single floor tile. He had been standing like that for a half hour.

"I've never seen him this upset," said a quiet voice behind River. Ditzy was standing there, her eyes focused on the same piece of stained glass, as though she was trying not to look at the Doctor. River felt a pang of compassion for the pony… she had been doing the exact same.

"He's not upset… he's just in a mood." River shook her head and stared back up at the window. Six ponies shone down on her… they seemed familiar. "He's thinking. A Time Lord's mind sees so much…"

"…but never enough," finished the pegasus. River smiled at her. "He says that a lot."

River cast another look at the Doctor. "That he does. And he means it." She looked back at Ditzy. "I don't see half as much as he does… but sometimes I am overwhelmed. I can see so many possibilities; it kills me to have to choose just one, especially when there's so much to lose…" She trailed off. Ditzy watched her intently, waiting for her to continue. River shook her mane again. "No matter, dear." She knew talking about sacrifice was touchy around any companion: they all automatically assumed that they would be the first to go. River knew better. The Doctor would do anything to protect those he loved. He would much rather die himself than see anyone else get hurt. It killed River to see his dedication, and to know that she felt exactly the same for him.

"So, Miss Doo, tell me about yourself." River had decided that changing the subject would be best. It kept her mind from wandering too far into the dark corners of her soul.

Ditzy blushed. "It's nothing special; nothing like being from another universe. I grew up in Ponyville, lived there my whole life." The two ponies moved to another window to observe; the Doctor stayed rooted in place, seemingly oblivious. Ditzy's eyes focused on the monstrous dragon creature in the pane. "I've never really fit in, though. I think that's why the Doctor let me join him." She looked at River. "No one would miss me."

"Now, I'm sure that's not true. Why, I heard that you deliver mail for the citizens of Ponyville!" River threw herself into comforting the pegasus, at least then she didn't have to think of her own anxieties.

"Honestly, most ponies prefer to use dragon mail, or at least some other pegasus. They don't trust me because of…" She closed her eyes and sighed. River could imagine why. When Ditzy opened her eyes again, they scattered off into their two separate directions.

"Ditzy, you seem fine to –"

"I'm not fine!" Ditzy's voice suddenly cut over River who backed away slightly, shocked. The pegasus stared down at a spot on the ground, not unlike the Doctor.

After a beat, Ditzy sighed and looked back up at River. "I'm sorry." She shuffled her hooves awkwardly, glancing back down. "I've always been different. I was the last in my class to get my cutie mark. I couldn't fly until long after that, and even then it was awfully. I was the last in the class. Math made no sense, and words just jumbled up because of my eyes." She paused, and River moved in a tiny bit closer. She could sense that the pony needed comfort.

"When I was seven, my parents took me to Canterlot. I was so excited. I thought I was going to meet the princess." Ditzy shook her head, her eyes welling up. "When we first got into town, my parents were great. They got me muffins and hot chocolate, mom even took me to try on dresses. I was so happy. So stupid.

"After lunch we walked off to a nice, friendly looking clinic. The nurse just nodded at my parents when they came in. Nothing was said. But she looked so sad. My parents were sad, too. I had no idea why. The nurse took me around back. She gave me some tests, physical and mental. She was still silent.

"After about an hour of tests, an older colt walked in. The nurse whispered something to him, and he asked her if she was sure. She nodded, and he looked at me. 'She looks stupid,' he said. Right then I realized what was happening." Ditzy was crying openly, and River grabbed her shoulder and threw her into a hug. The pegasus wept on her shoulder, and River rubbed her back. She might not have much maternal instinct, but years with the Doctor had taught River how to console the brokenhearted.

"It was a lobotomy clinic, wasn't it?" The Doctor was behind River, gazing sadly at the two mares. River pulled away from the hug, the pieces of Ditzy's life fitting together.

Ditzy nodded slowly at the Doctor. He stood before her, a stern look on his face. She shuddered slightly, unable to hold his gaze.

"Ditzella Doo." Her eyes returned to him, as did River's. The Doctor knelt before Ditzy.

"Don't you ever, ever in a million years forget that you are brilliant." He grabbed her and held her tight. "You are the most brilliant companion I've ever had. If others don't see that, then they are the stupid ones." He pulled away, smiling at her. She slowly returned it, obviously comforted by his words. River couldn't help but smile at the exchange. Her Doctor. The man who could start a war with a word, here on his knees comforting a crying pony.

"Now!" The Doctor clapped his hooves together. "Let's get on. We have a princess to rescue!"

River's mind was still slightly distracted by Ditzy's story, but she knew enough to see the lie in the Doctor's smile.

And inside she feared that this adventure would be her last.