A year after Spike runs away from his home with Twilight in Ponyville, Spike mysteriously sends a letter to his friends to come rescue him. Twilight, Rarity, and Spike all must discover what they truly mean to each other, while Spike is conflicted with overpowering emotions and urges of greed and anger that come from being a dragon.
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Dat synopsis turns me away from the story. Don't just tell me what's going to happen! May give it a read if I haz time. Just dropped by to comment on the summary. Sorry if I'm being so critical
383683 I'm just trying to help out. It basically just lays it all on the table, plain as day. An interesting synopsis attracts readers.
Love and Tolerate guys
383705 The story concept is interesting, the way it is said isn't, of course this is all merely my opinion.
The way I see it, the summary is written like this:
A year after Spike runs away from his home with Twilight in Ponyville, Spike mysteriously sends a letter to his friends to come rescue him. The story mainly revolves around Twilight, Rarity, and Spike all trying to discover what they truly mean to each other. Spike is also conflicted with overpowering emotions and urges for greed and anger that come from being a dragon.
but if I was the author I'd write it like this:
A year after Spike runs away from his home with Twilight in Ponyville, Spike mysteriously sends a letter to his friends to come rescue him. Rarity, Twilight, and Spike journey to find the true meaning of their friendship, but the greed and anger of being a dragon won't allow Spike an easy path.
or something like that.
Whatever, this is all merely speculation.
I'm too tired to think of stuff right now
383719
That does in fact sound much better, and I thank you that your trying to help.
This pleases me.
Base to Black Star out.
Can't wait for the next Chapter
Spike looked around him to see a slope, with Rarity
from what he could tell she didn't want him to either.
some other helpful pointers your dialogue is hard to read becuase you skipped who was talking about 80% of the time and also it reads like a wall of text which trust me is displeasing to the eyes and, even in the good story that this promises to be, it makes it hard to read so more space between paragraphs would be super awsome
and lastly you over used Spike's name read the last 2 paragraphs out loud and you should see what i mean pretty easily.
I won't get into grammar cause its not really my cup of tea, as it were.
Still love where the storys going spend an hour cleaning this chapter up and it'll be as asteticaly pleaseing and smooth as it is emotionaly.
Spike just can't catch a break, o well at least Twilight can teleport.
.
On a more useful note "Her throat was and tongue were dry" should be Her throat and tongue were dry
Cant tell if SpikexRarity or SpikexTwilight... Hope its Spilight, fear its Sparity... Oh well, I'll find out soon enough. Fun to read in any case. Lets see where you take this
Oh wait, what the fuck am I saying? It's fucking obvious
I need the next chapter now!
Damn... No new chapter in about 6-7 weeks. I really loved reading this story too.
669110
Don't give up on me yet! New (and final) chapter will be out in a few days. It is pretty long and I have just been too busy (lazy) to get around to it.
Ears began to form in Spike's eyes. Should be Tears, It made me laugh at an inappropriate part of the story.
The ending seems a tad... abrupt. You neglected to mention how Rarity reacted when she realized she reached him. I was really looking forward to that part as I read and now, I feel cheated. Same with the epilogue nothing on what was happening with Spike and Rarity. It was a strong point through out the story, but it feels unfinished as it is.
It feels a tad rushed but i enjoyed the story nonetheless.
752740 HAHA didn't notice that thanks. I know it's a bit abrupt, but I had another ending that I didn't really like and figured this would be better. (Not to mention I wanted to be done so I can move onto other things) Either way thanks for reading
YES NEW CHAPTER!!!
yea this story felt very rushed to me, one second im like "Ok", and next I'm going, "Wait, what?"
“Spike!” Is all she could manage to say. She wouldn't let go of hi, ever again.
your missing the m on him also.
752740
- Then, continue.
Too rushed, too short.