• Published 25th Mar 2012
  • 13,039 Views, 295 Comments

Unplanned Parenthood - Wintergreen Diaries



Twilight confronts the rigors of pregnancy with mixed emotions... and magic.

  • ...
25
 295
 13,039

Twilight-licious

Chapter 2: Twilight-licious

The last light in the library was snuffed out as the clock struck midnight, and Cerulean helped a very groggy Twilight up the steps. In truth he was every bit as exhausted, due to an increasing amount of shifting from the pregnant mare that eased herself into bed. She hadn’t grown that much larger in the last month, but it was still visible, and she had become quite sensitive about the subject. Every subject, in fact, as the chemicals linked to being with foal produced their usual side effects of mania, dementia, and all around emotional instability.

She rolled onto her side and lay waiting, expecting Cerulean to lay down beside her, but after thirty seconds went by she looked over her shoulder to see nopony there. An anger not her own flared as she saw him laying on the couch, digging deeper into the cushions and sighing gratefully at the lack of another body to keep him awake.

“You could have at least told me you were upset,” she stated, the frustration sharpening her words into painful barbs. Cerulean sighed, knowing that whatever he said it would likely end the same, but he swallowed his despondency and answered her as calmly as possible.

“Twilight, I’m not upset, it’s just... you can’t seem to sit still, and your pillows take up a lot of space. I just wanted to see if I could get a good night’s sleep.” As per his expectations, Twilight growled and countered with an unrelated accusation.

“Well, excuse me for being pregnant! I’m sorry I’m too fat, hogging the bed!”

“Twilight, that’s not what I...” he started before he was lifted and tossed into her laboratory, the door closing over him and locking. “Come on, Twilight, this is a little overboard, don’t you think?” he called out, receiving no response. He heaved a sigh before realizing that this setup may actually work for the better. He used his horn to light his way down the steps and found a clear space to lie down, and as he was about to make an attempt at sleep a small screen caught his eye. It was a television and video player, archaic but with a few button presses it came to life. He rummaged around through some boxes and found a bunch of video tapes, but most of them sounded like boring documentaries. A single tape, buried at the bottom of the box, had no label, and figuring it was his best option, inserted it into the player and waited for the static to clear.

“Oh dear Celestia, what have I found?” he murmured as a teenage Twilight fussed over the camera, making sure it was working properly before slowly walking into view, singing as she did so.

“I’m the T to the W-I, L-I-G-H-T, and ain’t no other pony troll it down like me,” she said, pausing and fluttering her eyes at the camera. “I’m Twilight-licious.” Deep bass beats blasted from the television, and Cerulean roared with laughter as he watched teenage Twilight begin to shake her flank like the best of them. He had just started to recover when she yanked a pole into view and, fixing it to the ground via magic, began to twirl, batting her eyes and licking the shaft. Cerulean’s jaw dropped as his perception of the ever studious Twilight was blown to pieces, this side of her past likely buried as deeply as the video had been. He knew he would never be forgiven, but he had to show somepony, and he knew just who would share his “appreciation.” Rewinding the tape and ejecting it, he trotted up to the door and teleported to the other side, landing with a dull thump as he overcompensated. He waited a moment to make sure nopony had awoken before letting himself out and making straight for Cloudsdale.


A frantic knocking at the door roused Rainbow Dash from her fitful slumber, and she immediately pulled a pillow over her head to block out the noise.

“Who the buck would come by this late at night?..” she muttered to herself, hoping that whoever it was would hurry up and leave.

“Rainbow Dash, c’mon, wake up! You’ve got to see this!” Her eyes pried themselves open as she recognized the voice, dragging herself to the door and muttering to Tank who had sleepily poked his head out of his shell.

“Cerulean, it’s past one in the morning. You better have a good reason for waking me,” she warned.

“Twilight used to pole dance.” Rainbow Dash blinked a few times then slowly started to close the door, annoyed that Cerulean had chosen her doorstep to have a mental breakdown. His hoof reached out and caught it, holding it open. “I’m not messing with you, I can prove it! Do you have a vcr?”

“I can’t believe I’m actually listening to you. There’s no way someone like Twilight would ever do that. What’s this really about?” Cerulean motioned her to be silent, snickering softly.

“Again, do you have a vcr?” he asked, holding up the unmarked tape. Rainbow Dash’s curiosity was immediately piqued just as Cerulean’s had been, and she immediately led him into her room, where a small tv was crammed into her closet. She hoisted it out and agitated some cloud, jamming the socket into the wall and doing the same with the tape player. “Ok, Rainbow Dash, you ready to see Twilight like you’ve never seen her before?”

“I’m not saying I believe you, but go ahead and put it in.” Cerulean was snickering before he had even finished pressing play, and he sat back on the bed as Rainbow Dash lost it. After a full fifteen minutes, plus another five just to breathe, they collected themselves off the floor with much difficulty.

“That... was awesome! Where did you find this? No, don’t tell me, it doesn’t matter. This was so worth waking up for! I can’t wait to tease her about this! Have you shown anypony else?”

“Nah, I didn’t think I should. Rarity would be horrified, as would Applejack. I don’t know that Pinkie Pie would even understand and Fluttershy, well...” He dropped silent as the corners of their mouths slowly curled into a devious, mutual grin. They couldn’t not show it to Fluttershy, her tender sweetness the polar opposite of the lewd conduct her mild mannered bookworm of a friend had displayed in her younger years. “Race you to the cottage?” And with that, they streaked across the evening sky, on a mission to corrupt the innocent.


Angel woke as the door creaked open, and he immediately scampered over to investigate. He folded his tiny arms across his chest and stared, waiting for a reasonable explanation for their intrusion.

“Is that another of her pets?” Cerulean asked, cocking his head to the side. He had seen plenty of animals around on their way in, but he could immediately tell that Angel was different.

“Yeah, that one’s her favorite, lemme see if I can talk to him,” she replied, trotting over and grinning at the unamused bunny. “Hey there Angel, listen up. I wanna have some fun with Fluttershy, is there any way you could tie her up?” The bunny sat shocked for a moment before nodding, immediately setting about his work, pulling a chair over and motioning for Cerulean to lift her out of bed. He felt rather bad, taking advantage of the peaceful mare, thinking that tying her up was going a bit far, but probably necessary if she was to view the whole tape. She mumbled sleepily as he set her down in the chair with is magic but did not awaken, and Angel immediately began tying the ropes.

“Ok Angel, step two. Does Fluttershy have a television and a tape deck?” Cerulean asked. Angel led them over to a small side room that had just enough space for all three ponies, with a couple of old romance movies stacked in the corner. Rainbow Dash sifted through the titles and made a face, clearly disapproving of her friends taste in media. Cerulean magicked her over to the tv, while he and Rainbow Dash drew up beside her. Angel jumped up on her lap and prodded her awake, and she slowly opened her eyes, yawning sleepily and completely unaware of her altered surroundings.

“Oh, hey Angel bunny, did you need something? Are you hungry?” Angel stretched out his arms, pointing to either side where her antagonists sat grinning widely. She also noticed around this time that she was bound, and while she felt no cause for alarm on account of her being surrounded by well meaning friends, it did strike her as odd that they would tie her up. “Oh, hello Rainbow Dash, Cerulean. Um, if you don’t mind me asking, why am I tied up?”

“We just wanted to show you a movie. You like movies, right?” Cerulean said, motioning to her stack of tapes in the corner.

“Oh, yes, very much so. Is it a romance? I love a good, heartwarming story.”

“It’s a little more than warm, Fluttershy. Beyond steamy,” Rainbow Dash snickered as she stuck the tape in, Angel turning so he could watch as well. Cerulean suddenly had the urge to grab the tape and bolt, but it was too little too late. The playback began, and two minds exploded at once at the sound of “Twilight-licious.” Cerulean grew increasingly concerned that he had done irrevocable damage to the mare as she sat petrified by the sight, eyes bulging and jaw twitching slightly with each unsuccessful attempt to scream. As the video ended, Angel wandered away with a thoughtful expression while Rainbow Dash cackled, slowly untying Fluttershy, who continued to stare at the screen. Cerulean leaned in front of her, staring worriedly at the speechless pegasus.

“...Fluttershy? Are you ok?” No response. “Better question, are you going to be ok?” Still nothing. “Rainbow Dash, I think we broke her.”

“Nah, she’ll be fine in the morning, you’ll see. C’mon, let’s get some sleep,” Rainbow replied, forgetting the tape and letting herself out.

“As much fun as that was, if Twilight ever finds out about this I’m...” he stopped mid sentence as the thought came to completion. “I... am so dead... if word of this gets out,” he whispered. “Rainbow Dash, what am I gonna do? I didn’t plan ahead at all! If my sleeping on the couch got me thrown into the laboratory, do you have any idea what will happen if she finds out I watched this, let alone showed another pony?”

“Uh, she’ll be pretty mad, won’t she?” Rainbow Dash ventured, wincing as Cerulean’s voice rose to a frantic shout.

“Ponyville will cease to exist!” he wailed, stomping a hoof in the December snow. “I’m so bucked, I’m so bucked!”

“Cerulean, take it easy. I won’t say anything, most likely.”

“Most likely? Most likely?!? This is a matter of life and death, Rainbow Dash!” he hollered, fortunately far enough away from town not to wake anypony, though many of the animals stirred as the sound echoed through the glade. He whirled as Rainbow Dash began chuckling softly to herself, shooting him an apologetic glance as he approached.

“I’m sorry, Cerulean, but you sound exactly like Twilight when she’s freaking out. You two are perfect.”

“You’re right, you’re right... I need to calm down, I’m the rational one. Yes, level headed, down to earth, grounded...”

“...Twilight-licious,” Rainbow Dash inserted, unable to restrain herself.

“Yes exactly, I am Twilight-licious, and all the rest. Wait, what?” he stopped, glaring at her as she bit down on a hoof to try to control her mirth as she shook from the strain. “That’s not funny, Rainbow Dash! If that slips out I’ll... I’ll be!”

“Well, it was fun while it lasted, Cerulean. Best of luck, I gotta get some shut eye. See ya tomorrow, maybe!” she called out cheerfully as she took off into the sky. Cerulean trudged sullenly back to the library, arriving at around three am and sidling in beside Twilight, who had finally settled for the night. He took a moment to savor his last moments alive as he closed his eyes, wishing his child well and silently apologizing for not being around to be a good father.


As her mind slowly booted up, Twilight noticed Cerulean’s comforting hooves around her and smiled. She knew she had overreacted, and it took her awhile to get to bed without him there. Twilight couldn’t even say for sure why she had gotten so angry, as his reasoning was sound and held no insult. Rolling over with a groan, she shook him awake and he spooked, falling out of bed with a thud.

“Cerulean, wait, calm down! I just wanted to apologize for yesterday.” He popped his head over the bed, certain that his retribution was imminent. “I know you weren’t being mean yesterday, and I feel really bad for the way I treated you... can you forgive me?” Ok, stay calm, she doesn’t know yet. All he needed to do was never think about what he saw ever again. But how could he do that? He couldn’t get her swaying flank out of his head, and if he couldn’t... “Cerulean?..” she ventured, worried that he hadn’t responded.

“Of course I forgive you, Twilightli...” he stopped, shaking his head as Twilight stared, confused. “Yes, Twilight, I forgive you.” Why the added emphasis on her name?..

“Cerulean, are you ok?” she asked, pulling herself into a sitting position. Cerulean was hyper some mornings, yes, but this was different. He seemed nervous, jittery, something that was the opposite of his usual laid back, happy-go-lucky attitude.

“Yes, fine, dandy, why?”

“You’re acting a little Twilight-licious.”

“What?!?” he shouted, backing away fearfully and cowering. After a few seconds he noticed that Twilight hadn’t moved, and shook his head vigorously. “Wait, what did you just say?”

“Suspicious, you’re acting suspicious. Did you get into Pinkie Pie’s stash or something?”

“Nope, no way, uh uh, wouldn’t dream of it! Now you wait here while I get you some breakfast,” he fired, the speed of his speech approaching Pinkie status and worrying her a good deal more. As soon as he was out of sight, he unlocked the laboratory and hastily began repacking the tapes. He had just loaded the last one when he came to a terrifying conclusion; he had left the tape at Fluttershy’s house. He slammed the door to the lab shut and raced to the kitchen, hastily throwing any fruit he could find onto a tray and scrambling to get to Twilight, who was growing more unnerved by the second.

“Cerulean, I’m really starting to worry about you. Are you sure you’re not sick or something? Maybe you really do need more sleep,” she said sheepishly, casting an apologetic glance at him. She suddenly found herself lip-locked as he planted her with a wet one, and yanked back, staring at her with wild eyes.

“Whatever happens, know that I love you.” And without a further word, he dashed downstairs and out the door, making straight for Fluttershy’s cottage. Unbeknown to the unfortunate stallion, Rainbow Dash sat watching from a cloud, three copies of the tape in her hooves.

“Now, the real fun begins,” she whispered to herself, flying down and tapping the third story window, rousing Spike from his dreams and regarding Rainbow Dash with utter confusion. She pointed down to the ground and he vaguely understood that she’d like to see him below. She made a scribbling motion and he nodded, grabbing some parchments and a quill and racing around to the back of the house.

“Rainbow Dash, what is so important that you’d need to write a letter this early in the morning?”

“Oh, remember how I really ticked Luna off with my cupcake gag? I want to send her an apology in the form of a gift. I have one for Princess Celestia, too. I also need you to take a letter, ready?” she explained, her voice held low. Spike would have resisted but she would have badgered him into agreeing anyways, so with a sigh he wrote out the short letter and, wrapping it around the video, sent it to Luna. She dictated the second letter and it was soon on it’s way to the solar princess, and he regarded the last tape with suspicion.

“So who is the last one for?”

“Oh, this one is for personal use. I figure anytime I have a bad day, this will make me feel better. Thanks for the help, Spike. You’ve been a great accomplice, as usual.”

“I’m not gonna get in trouble for this, am I? Twilight’s been bad enough lately, she doesn’t need any pushes towards the crazy scale.”

“Most likely not, you can just blame Cerulean. He’s the mastermind behind this anyways.”

“Mastermind? Accomplice? Must be some apology,” Spike muttered, shrugging as he accepted that whatever came of this would come, worry or not.

“Oh, you have no idea!” she laughed as she flew away to begin weather duty. She would push herself extra hard today, finish as soon as possible, and find a high cloud to serve as a vantage point to watch the chaos unfold.


As his wings crumbled and added to the snow that blanketed the town, he heard Fluttershy’s voice coming from the other side, which given her quiet demeanour struck him as very odd indeed. He cracked open the door and watched with confusion as Fluttershy happily hummed to herself, setting down a portable stereo and sticking in an eight track tape. Her cheery expression turned sultry as she whipped her hair back, her eyes glinting with desire. Every gear in Cerulean’s mind ground to a screeching halt as a heavy techno beat started playing to match her singing.

“F, L, U-T-T, E-R-S-H-Y, one glance, at my flank, and I know you’re gonna die. I’m Flutter-licious!” There, before him, the sweetest, most innocent pony he knew began to sway her hind quarters as Twilight had done in her video, gyrating against an imaginary pole and uttering softer words that Cerulean couldn’t quite make out. It didn’t matter though. In one night, with one motion, Cerulean was forced to confront the consequences of his actions.

“Celestia, Luna, have mercy... I’ve created a monster.”