*WRITTEN BEFORE SEASON 4*
After Pinkie Pie discovers her true meaning in the world, she decides to leave the rock farm in search of a better life. However, Pinkie does not only cause distraught for herself from her sudden departure; Inkie and Blinkie must also cope with their misery after saying farewell to the only pony they knew that could make them smile. Sometimes saying goodbye to the life you're leaving behind is harder than beginning a new one...
A sad coming of age/saying goodbye story.
Set shortly after Pinkie Pie got her cutie mark.
Cover art by: Soulspade
Chapters (1)
Inky and Blinky (Inkie and Blinkie?) are sorely under represented on fimfiction. Good job!
inkie? blinkie? why the hell would they name them off of the freaking PAC- MAN ghosts
good story by the way
3725791 blame the fandom... XD
3725789
They aren't. It's the fanon name because Pinkamena Diane Pie is generally nicknamed in canon as Pinkie. Which means if there's a brother, it would likely be fanon named Clyde.
3727481 That mistake... always gets me
from now on I'm control f-ing my work for that!
Yeah, thanks for pointing that out, and thanks for enjoying!
3727370 Actually, their father is Clyde
3727522
Close enough.
Your descriptions are simply descriptions of what happened. Your writing doesn't breathe and quiver and spit and be alive.
3729854 Thank you for your advice, I'll try to energize the words instead of force them next time.
Much appreciated
3730382
Your concept isn't bad-- your execution could simply use a bit of polish. But write on.
I haven't cried in a fic for a very long time, not since I've read Bittersweet some months ago. This story bright tears to my eyes, not the most I've ever had for a fic, but my eyes were watering up. I felt the deep connection between the girls and it touched me because I have a sister who I never wanna lose. I wouldn't label it tragedy, more just sad.
Rating: 9/10
3732837 Thank you
However, I myself didn't find this to be a tearjerker but rather than a very-sad-makes-your-heart-hurt story. But yeah, I've tried other sad stories, like Roses Have Thorns and I think it was better than this, I just didn't get the feel in this one! But thank you for the praise
Alright, just finished the story and I have to say, I really like it. The emotions in this piece are tangible and relatable. Having a sibling move out can be pretty devastating at first. I really love your writing style, and though it's not without its problems, it's still very good. I'm surprised this story didn't get more attention, honestly. Even so, I have some suggestions for you to think about as well as some quick fixes I noted as I went along.
This isn't a word--remember, it's actually "learned".
I'm not entirely sure what's happening here. Maybe re-word this portion?
It's okay for a character to stutter every few sentences for effect, but try not to do it too often, like in Pinkie's little speech. It doesn't feel as realistic that way, and it starts to feel over-done. I'd also like to recommend taking out the italics for the last sentence of the story--it would have more of an emotional effect without it. Because the sentences are shortened and each are on their own line the reader can figure out that there's supposed to be an emphasis, but italics are over-doing it. It feels almost cheesy.
As a last note, which is specific to online fanfiction writing, might I suggest you space out each paragraph? This is perfectly fine in a published book, but when it's on a computer (or phone) screen it can feel a bit cramped and not be as comfortable to read. Personally, it can be a bit of an eye strain to read.
Other than all that, I think this is a wonderful story and you did a good job in writing it. This is far better than some other stories I've read with hundreds of likes. So, have a like, favorite, and even a watch on my part. You seem pretty cool, so I think you deserve it.
Best of luck and keep writing!
3747949 Thanks! I'll go and address those problems right now
3747949 Learnt's an accepted way of writing learned over here in the UK, or at least I'm sure it is...
Out of the window, flew away my feels. Because my feels are too much to hold in my mortal body.
Very emotional
I can see how much the Pie sisters care for each other ;o;