• Published 17th Feb 2014
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More About Time - SilverStar7



Twilight has discovered more unfinished Star Swirl spells. When she uses a time spell to start fixing past mistakes, how will it affect her future?

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Chapter 12: Wandering by Moonlight

“You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past.” - Chuck Palahniuk

When Twilight awoke, the sun had not yet risen outside. This was not a product of restlessness. Far from it, since Luna's intervention her sleep had been quite pleasant. Instead it was a result of her going to bed early and the feelings of resolution she now held about going to speak with the Princess. Twilight sighed and pulled herself upright. Rarity's bed was quite luxurious, but she missed her own bed in the library of Ponyville. Is it even there anymore?

Celestia had more recently revealed to Twilight that the tree had never been lived in before. Prior to Twilight's arrival in Ponyville, the upper room was simply an archive space. The normal proprietor of the library simply worked there during the day. The kitchen, bedroom, and other living places were created for Twilight's arrival. It was obvious, then, that the Princess had known all along Twilight would be living there. It was as if she had planned everything out from the beginning.

Where did the plan go wrong? How did I mess it up? Twilight shook her head. Now was not the time to get lost in self-pity again. She needed to speak to Luna. As she walked toward the door, Twilight heard a low roar followed by a whistle. She stopped and listened. The noise repeated. And then again. She smiled as she realized what the sound was. Rainbow Dash had fallen asleep in the hall outside her room. Twilight could hardly blame her, the mare had been up for at least 24 hours. It was about time she got some sleep.

Instead of risking waking her friend, Twilight decided to teleport into the street below Rarity's boutique. The roads were flecked with the occasional pony, but Twilight didn't see anypony she knew as she made her way to Canterlot Castle alone. A part of her didn't like the idea of leaving Rainbow and Rarity behind, but another part simply wanted to get this meeting over with. She would have to admit everything to Luna now. All the things she had done, or more precisely, the things she had undone.

Of course, having seen her dream, Luna probably already had a fairly good idea of what had happened. If not exact details, she at least knew that Twilight was guilty of causing Celestia's death. Yes, this was better done alone. She'd hate to have her friends watch her be thrown into exile.

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Fate, however, did not want to give Twilight any breaks. Shortly after walking past the guards into the main hall of the Castle, Twilight ran into Soarin' who was accompanied by a small dragon. "Twilight!" the two shouted in unison, running to meet their friend.

"I've been so worried since you ran off yesterday!" shouted Spike, jumping up and hugging Twilight around her neck. "What happened?"

"Where's Dash?" asked Soarin'.

Explaining all of that was the last thing Twilight wanted to do, especially when it might be the last thing she ever did as a free mare. "I don't have time now," Twilight said. "I need to go speak to the Princess."

"Why?" asked Spike. "Is everything okay? What's going on?"

Soarin' simply gave a salute and began to lead Twilight to the throne room.

"We can talk later, Spike," said Twilight, who removed the dragon from her throat.

The throne room doors were gold. Guards stood on either side. The hall's carpet was the same shade of crimson red. It was just like yesterday, only this time Twilight would not be surprised by who was inside the room.

"After you?" asked Soarin', gesturing toward the doors.

Twilight sighed. "Not now, guys. The Princess only asked to see me."

Spike, however, prepared to enter. "Well, if the Princess needs to talk to you, she can talk to me too!" A gray-blue hoof was the only thing that held him back and Spike turned to look up at Soarin'. The stallion shook his head.

Twilight knelt down and touched her forehead to Spike's, giving him a hug. "This is something I need to tell her myself, Spike."

The dragon slouched and hung his head, but allowed Twilight to enter the throne room alone. Soarin' gave her a nod. Twilight wondered if she would ever see them again without chains around her hoofs.

<> <> <>

"Good morning, Princess Luna." Twilight gave a bow before her Princess' throne.

"Twilight Sparkle," Luna said. "Thank you for coming to me on such short notice. Did you sleep well?"

"Thanks to you." Twilight took a breath. Was she just supposed to start in on her story? Or was Luna going to ask? The two simply looked at one another for a few moments. The look from Luna was different from the look Twilight had grown to expect from Celestia. She didn't feel as if her soul was being peered into, or as if some type of deep calculation was being performed to deduce her true intentions. Instead, it was as if Luna was listening to the silence that Twilight generated.

While the experience was different, the effect was similar. Twilight began to speak. "I suppose you're wondering why I had that dream last night."

Luna shook her head. "That is not what I wonder. I know why ponies have nightmares. What I wonder is why you didn't tell me. I have kept out of your dreams these past months out of respect for your privacy; even when I felt you had nightmares in the past I would not look. Yet last night I felt a particularly disturbing nightmare being produced. That, accompanied by your outburst yesterday, made me certain that something was very wrong."

Twilight hung her head. "So you know..."

"That you blame yourself for Celestia's death?" Luna asked. "Yes, now I know. I might have suspected as much, but you never said this to me before. Why have you kept this to yourself for so long? Why did you not trust me?"

Looking back to Luna, Twilight's mane shook as she denied this, "No! I did kill Celestia!" she insisted. "If I didn't go back and change things, Celestia would still be alive. That makes me as good as guilty."

Luna's brow knit together as she frowned. "'Change things?'"

For the fifth time in as many days, Twilight explained the entire story of her time travels to somepony else. From finding the spells to her failure to return to the past the previous night. Luna listened without much expression. Twilight watched her face for hints of rage or malice, but found only slight nods and a gradually growing look of concern. Upon completing her tale, Twilight fell prostrate and declared "I'm at your mercy" before going silent.

Standing up at her throne, Luna looked down at her student, her subject. "Twilight Sparkle," Luna spoke. "With all these things you say you've done, what would you have me do?"

"Whatever you see fit," Twilight said. "Stop training me, throw me in the dungeons, banish me to the moon. I deserve any of that, maybe all of that." She looked up into Luna's eyes. "Before that, though, I want you to use Star Swirl's spell."

"Why?"

"I would do it," Twilight pleaded with the Princess. "But the spell needs alicorn magic. You're an alicorn. You can go back and save Celestia. Prevent all these terrible things from happening."

"Twilight," Luna shook her head and sighed. "Yes, Celestia is dead. It is neither your fault nor--"

"She doesn't have to stay dead!"

"Twilight!" Luna's tone was firm, bordering dangerously close to harsh. "This is no longer acceptable. It is one thing to suffer denial, but to actively pursue wild fantasies of changing your circumstances is another. I have ventured down this road, Twilight Sparkle. You must not follow it to the end."

Of the all possible reactions, this was not one Twilight expected. She doesn't believe me... What could Twilight say now? How could she convince Luna that her story was real?

But before Twilight could respond, Luna spoke again.

"I have told nopony else what truly happened on the night I was found." The Princess closed her eyes and slowly breathed. "But if understanding the true nature of my loss is all that will make you see the truth, then so be it." Luna seemed to be building a will to speak. And when she did talk, her mouth formed a lethargic, monotonous speech.

"Just as the plunderseeds were draining the Tree of its magic and life, so too were they draining us. Any magic we used in an attempt to free ourselves only weakened us. We were doomed to wither away beneath the Tree of Harmony. For three days we rested there, attempting to preserve our strength. It was all we could do, but it was a fearfully temporary solution.

"It was on the night of the third day that I heard Celestia call out to me. I do not know if it was her actual speech, or if she had found some other means to communicate. She said that we could not both survive this. She said that we needed more time for you to find the Tree. She said that there was only one way out. And that she was going to take it for both of us." Luna began to breath slowly again. For nearly one minute she was silent, simply consuming and expelling air to gain strength for what she wanted to say.

She continued, "Ponies speak of the brilliance of Star Swirl the Bearded. Celestia was perhaps even more brilliant. She found a different way to use her magic. A way that most ponies would never conceive of." Luna's face was set in stone. She looked lifeless but for the water resting on the brim of her eyes. "She used the vines as a conduit. They absorbed her magic, and, with some guidance on her part, delivered her magic and life into me."

Twilight couldn't help but gasp at the horrifying, loving genius of Celestia's final act. It was borne of an uncommon necessity: a need to be selfless. Celestia's need to save her sister. Twilight wanted to say something, offer some consolation. All she could come up with was, "Words can't describe how sorry I am for you, Luna. You should never have had to go through that."

"That is where you are wrong," Luna said. "I did need to go through that. It was inevitable and destined that this pain rest upon my shoulders for all time. It is the only fitting punishment..." Luna turned and looked over at the stained glass window which showed herself being transformed by the Elements.

Punishment? Certainly Luna couldn't mean what Twilight thought she did.

A tear fell from each of Luna's eyes and new ones quickly took their place, resting above her cheeks. "I felt her die, Twilight. I felt the flow of magic end. With every breath I took from that moment on, I could feel Celestia inside of me. It was her life that made my heart beat. Her life that allowed my lungs to take in air. I still feel it today. Even after all this time.

"This feeling is a dreadful comfort. A constant reminder of both my sister's love and my sister's death. I must live with it every moment of every day. To speak of any other past denies everything that I know in my very bones to be true."

These revelations rocked Twilight to her core. She could not imagine the pain that Luna was experiencing now--the pain that she had been experiencing for months. But she had come here with a purpose. If Luna uses this spell, then all of this will go back to normal. She'll have her sister back. "I don't mean to deny what you feel, Princess," Twilight began. "And I can't hope to understand your loss. But that's why I want to fix this. I want to make things right. This spell can do that if--"

Reverting to her Royal Canterlot Voice, Luna shouted. "We are through exploring useless roads to save our sister!" Then, after two breaths, she growled her next sentences at Twilight. "Do you think I have never considered such things? That I never explored deep into the Canterlot archives late into the night in the hopes of finding some way to undo what Discord did? If such a spell existed, I would have found it. There is no such spell!"

"But I can prove that it's real!" Twilight insisted. Star Swirl's spells may not have been found in this timeline, but they were certainly still in their hidden compartment. Upon looking at the time spell herself, Luna would have to accept her story.

Luna let out a snort. "Alright then, prove it to me."

Twilight made her request. "Come with me to your old castle in the Everfree. I can show you Star Swirl's spells myself."

Luna shook her head. "No, Twilight. I will not go there."

It was hopeless. That's my only real evidence. What else can I say? After a few moments of thought, Twilight was simply honest. "The problem is," admitted Twilight. "I don't think I can convince you without those. I don't have any proof except those spells. If we don't go to the Castle, you'll just have to trust me."

"Alright. Let us assume," from Luna's tone Twilight could tell even toying with this assumption would be a stretch for the Princess, "that you are correct. That you have changed the past and that I could use the same magic to go back in time to save my sister. Tell me, Twilight: where would I go? The plunderseeds captured me as easily as Celestia and left me powerless to help her then. Returning to the night of her death would only force me to relive a terrible memory."

"You could go and talk to me," Twilight said. "Tell me what I need to do to become an alicorn. That way I'd be able to save Celestia when the time came."

Luna considered this for a moment, but shook her head again. "How can I be sure that I would find you in the past? And even if I did, you said you only made small changes. Yet you also say your changes had these disastrous results. A Princess leaving Canterlot for a full day could make quite an impact on the timeline. We may be trading one destroyed future for another."

Twilight had not considered that possibility. Her situation was even more broken than she'd realized.

"Furthermore," continued Luna. "What would you have me say to you? What could I say that would both motivate you and convince you that I had really come as a messenger from your future?"

Again, Twilight felt regret mounting as she thought back on her failures. "Tell me to study magic more," she said. "I already understand the value of working hard for what you believe in. Just tell me I need to devote more time to reading. I'm sure I'd listen to you. You're a princess, and I've always respected you."

One of Luna's eyebrows rose. "And you believe this will correct the future?"

"Well, if I'd been a better student. If I'd just studied magic more..." Twilight didn't finish her thoughts out loud, but she still had them. Then Celestia would have given me the spell, and I would have been able to save her. Twilight could not let the present remain this way. "Please, Luna," she said. She begged. "Just follow me to the castle. I can show you Star Swirl's spell and you can read it for yourself."

Luna sighed, shaking her head. "Twilight, when I sent you to the castle after Celestia's death you told me yourself there was nothing there. Why now--?"

"Please." Twilight fell to the floor, bowing before the Princess. "Please."

It took a moment for Luna to respond, but she eventually said, "Alright, Twilight. I will go with you to the old castle. If you can show me these spells, I will consider your proposal."

<> <> <>

Leaving the room, Luna set out to make arrangements for the pair to leave. Twilight talked with Soarin' and Spike. In the end, she told them everything. Soarin' took in all of the information without hesitation. Spike actually handled things better than Twilight could have hoped. He seemed more determined to help than mortified to have his own history rewritten.

Twilight asked them why they took the news so easily. Soarin' explained that Dash had mentioned something big had happened. She hadn't mentioned specifics, but he knew that it must be important. Spike simply said that he would never doubt Twilight. She wasn't so sure she deserved such confidence.

<> <> <>

After acquiring a large chariot and a complement of guards, Luna, Twilight, Soarin' and Spike set out toward the Everfree Forest. It was still early, and Luna rose the sun on their way out of Canterlot. It continued to rise into the sky as they were flown out toward the abandoned castle.

The Castle of the Two Sisters had rested mostly undisturbed for almost 1000 years. Considering the harsh conditions of the Forest, it was a miracle that any of the walls were left standing. Twilight had been surprised to find whole rooms of furniture and libraries of books during her more recent visits. Perhaps the nearby Tree of Harmony had provided it some form of protection? Or maybe the Elements resting inside were responsible. Whatever the reason, the mare had been able to walk through its halls on many occasions. This, however, would not be one such occasion.

The building was now well and truly a ruin. Not a single roof rested atop the walls any longer. Gone were the tall towers and broad battlements. What still stood was a sad shadow of the former structure. A wreck deteriorating beyond disrepair.

"Where is it?" asked Luna over the dull roar of the wind. Twilight pointed toward the room, or what was left of it. She was still in shock as the team of pegasi lowered them down into the last vestiges of the library.

Jumping out of the chariot, with Spike following close behind, Twilight asked, "What happened to this place?"

"I asked you to examine it, did I not?" Luna stepped down from her chariot. "This is just as your report described. It is 'ruined beyond recognition' and a 'hazardous place to enter' given how weakened the remaining walls are. In your own words: 'There is nothing salvageable.'"

Of course, Twilight had no memory of writing those words. But she was sure that some version of herself did. It was exactly how she saw the situation. The library was no longer a treasure trove of knowledge. Instead, her eyes met wreckage, dust, and rot. Twilight shook her head. "This can't be. I got the spell from behind a shelf in this room."

"There are no shelves," Luna stated plainly. "Shelves have not stood here since the vines overran this place months ago."

The unicorn could not accept that. "I know it's here," said Twilight, rushing over to the former location of the bookshelf. "Right here! There was a secret compartment at the end of the shelf." Her horn began to glow as she shoved boulders and debris out of the way. She shouted over to the others, "Come on, help me!"

Spike quickly followed and began to move rocks out of the way. The Royal Guard, including Soarin', moved forward, but Luna held out an arm and shook her head. The Guard stopped and instead she stepped forward herself. "Twilight," she said.

Twilight didn't look up, but continued to move wreckage and rocks. "I know it's right here."

"Twilight," Luna touched Twilight's shoulder, but she pushed the hoof away. Spike had already stopped.

"If we can just dig up the bookshelf, or even just the compartment behind it, I know--"

"Twilight!" Luna barked.

The purple unicorn looked up to the alicorn.

"Enough," Luna said. "We have come here. We have seen this castle and this library. I will not have us risk our lives digging about in these ruins, just as I must not risk using strange magic in a futile attempt to rewrite history."

"But Princess--"

"No, Twilight." Finality filled the statement.

Looking to the ground, Twilight shook her head. I know I'm telling the truth. Why won't she just trust me? Then she said, softly, but still loudly enough for Luna to hear: "Celestia would have believed me..."

The Princess' eyes narrowed. "How dare you?" She walked toward Twilight, looking down and taking full advantage of the pairs' height difference to command attention. "I did not wish to come to this place. Yet still, I followed you. This castle holds three of my most terrible memories. The night I became Nightmare Moon, the night I attempted to imprison my sister and destroyed the Elements of Harmony, and just below this castle sits the Tree of Harmony where I was held and forced to experience my sister's death. The fact that I entered this building at all should show the faith I had in you. But this is enough. There is no bookcase. There are no spells."

"But they're here! I know they are! Spike found them! I used them. If you would just let me teach you--"

"No!" Luna repeated her refusal. "I have had to deal with this pain for long enough. I am trying to move on. You must as well." She turned away from Twilight. "Guards!" she commanded. "We're leaving." Her guardponies nodded and hooked themselves to the chariot again. Soarin' simply stood at attention.

Twilight let out a sigh. What now?

"And Twilight," said Luna as she entered her chariot. "Perhaps it would be best if you remained in Ponyville for a few days. Some time away from the castle and with your friends would do you some good."

Twilight tried to keep Luna from leaving. "What about Rainbow Dash and Rarity? They're still in Canterlot."

"I will tell them where you are. I am sure they can join you by tomorrow."

"But if I don't have the Elements of Harmony, how can I even make Star Swirl's spell work?" Twilight asked.

"I do not know," admitted Luna. "That is something still to be explored. When it becomes necessary, I am sure you will find a way. For now, you should return to Ponyville and get some rest." The Princess gave a nod to her guards and the chariot began to take off. It moved up, past the ruined spires, and soon was lost over the canopy of the Everfree Forest.

Soarin' cantered over to Twilight and Spike. "I'm sorry," he said.

Twilight looked up at him. "Do you believe me?" she asked.

The first response from Soarin' was a sigh. Next, he said, "Well, I know Dash believes you, and I trust her. So, yeah. I believe you." He bit his lip, and Twilight noticed.

"What is it?" She wanted him to be honest with her. She needed someone to either support her saneness or confirm her madness.

"It's just... don't you see why ponies would have a hard time believing this?" Soarin' walked over to the remains of one of the library's tables. "I mean, look at this. This has been smashed for months now. Anypony can tell that from the moss and the decay. Clearly it's been exposed to the elements since those vines overran the castle. But you're telling me that yesterday this table was whole. You're saying that you could walk around this library to find books and scrolls, when all I can find are piles of ruin. Don't you see why it's hard for the Princess to accept your story?"

Twilight looked down at Spike, who was looking at the cracked floor. Then she looked around herself. In a strange way, everything in this library was evidence counter to her experience. Everypony in all of Equestria understood history differently from her. And wasn't that basically the definition of insanity? Believing something that nopony else did? Believing something even when all the evidence says it isn't true? Could I... could I really be going crazy? Is this all really just some fantasy? That morning Twilight would never have considered that possibility. Now it was hard for her to refute it.

"Do you think Luna might be right?" Twilight asked aloud. "Do you think I might really have made up the whole situation just to deal with losing Celestia?"

Looking back up, Spike shook his head. "Of course not!"

Soarin' walked over to Twilight and put a hoof on her shoulder. "No. I've seen you deal with the loss of Celestia over these past few months. It hurt you a lot. And you definitely needed the support of your friends to get through it. But you never failed to accept it. Something is different about you today, but I don't think it's because you're losing your mind."

"Thanks," Twilight was very grateful to have the confidence of her assistant and guard. She just wished she had as much confidence in herself.

Soarin' then leaned in and gave her a hug. This Twilight had not been expecting. She hesitated for a moment before she hugged him back. Twilight still hadn't adjusted to the stallion not being a member of the Wonderbolts. It was strange to have somepony she saw as a celebrity hugging her like an old friend. But I guess from his perspective we've been friends for months now.

The two broke apart and Twilight motioned for Spike to hop on her back as the trio began to head toward Ponyville. The walk was not all that far, and the sun was still barely on the horizon, but even Twilight had to admit that there was nothing for them here. There was, as she had apparently said, "nothing salvageable."

"And, hey, you can look at it like this," Spike said with a weak smile as they set out. "You've told me that if you think you might be crazy, it means you aren't."

It really didn't help. Twilight would have preferred it if the whole situation were some sort of crazy delusion.

Author's Note:

Breaking 50,000 words...

That. That makes this novel-length...

:rainbowderp: