• Published 17th Feb 2014
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More About Time - SilverStar7



Twilight has discovered more unfinished Star Swirl spells. When she uses a time spell to start fixing past mistakes, how will it affect her future?

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Chapter 10: Languishing at Sundown

“Regret is not a proactive feeling. It is situated in disappointment, sorrow, even remorse. It merely wishes things were different without an act to cause a difference.” - Monica Johnson

It should never have been allowed to happen. She needed to be more careful. She could have been more careful. And worst of all, she had known that fact before she went back in time. How many times had Twilight tried to preserve the timeline in her trips? Yet still, she was careless this time. She thought saving Spike was straightforward and safe. Her years of scientific training had taught her that she needed to observe a system before she could understand it. The timeline she had found herself in was foreign to her, and Twilight should have done her due diligence of looking before she started leaping.

Twilight didn't want to admit what had happened, but she could not deny it. Saving Spike's tail had destroyed everything. She never found Star Swirl's spells. She no longer lived in Ponyville. She wasn't an alicorn. And Princess Celestia--her teacher, her friend--had somehow not survived this trip into the past. This change had set about a string of events that unhinged her future.

How could setting something right destroy everything? What was the causal link? How could her past form this version of the future?

Looking at it now, her actions seemed so foalish. Her life was like a house of cards, and she had just been a filly playing with it. Moving cards and prodding to see if she could make it look nicer, not realizing how fragile the whole thing was. So naive. So excited about the good things she was doing. She had ignored the instability being created. Just when Twilight thought she could safely add another card, the whole thing came crashing down.

Now Twilight found herself in the throne room of Canterlot Castle, cowering before an angered Princess Luna. Twilight's eyes went to the carpet beneath her hoofs. "Celestia's... memory..." her mouth dropped the words onto the floor in a raspy puff. She thought there would be more. What was it that she even wanted to say? What could one say when they discovered that a flesh and blood friend was now as far away as memories?

Luna lorded over Twilight from upon her throne. The Princess of the Night was upset, yet she spoke in a normal tone. Luna asked, "What do you have to say for yourself, Twilight?" The lack of shouting was haunting, somehow more alarming to Twilight's ears than the screech of the Royal Canterlot Voice.

She thinks I'm disrespecting Celestia. "I..." Twilight began, weakly. She wanted to say "I'm sorry," but she could not find the words. I need to apologize. That thought was futile. Instead, tears fell from the unicorn's eyes as she begged. "Luna, please." Twilight's lungs rattled as she fought to claim enough air for speech. "Please. Tell me that Celestia isn't gone." It was a hopeless plea, but the only one she could muster.

The Princess closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I see." When Luna opened her eyes, her expression had softened to a look of pity. "I was wondering when you would enter this phase of grief."

Luna stepped down from her throne and walked over to Twilight. "You have behaved stoically in the face of this loss, but that could not last. You can pour yourself into your work. You can try to carry on as normal. But grief will always find you. And today it has found you in the form of denial." Luna lifted Twilight's chin to look her in the eyes. "I understand that this is hard to hear, but Celestia is gone. Even I sometimes find myself in denial of the truth. You must begin to work through this grief, for your own sake, and for the sake of Equestria."

"The sake of Equestria?"

Luna nodded. "Equestria needs another princess."

Twilight's mind fought to gather any information it could, anything that could make sense of this horrifying reality she found herself in. That's why I'm in Canterlot. I came to finish my training and become a princess. Yet her remorse was so great that it did not allow her to think productively for long. "This is my fault," she said. "I could have prevented this if I'd just--" Twilight's muzzle clamped shut violently and involuntarily. Why was it so hard to speak words? Was her pain truly that deep?

"It is impossible to know what the past would be like were things done differently," stated Luna. "You must not blame yourself for Discord's sins."

Twilight wondered what Discord had to do with it, but she couldn't ask Luna. She fought to speak; tears brimmed in her eyes; her muscles seized up. Had saving Spike somehow changed his reform? Had he begun another reign of chaos after he was freed?

"It was he who planted the plunderseeds centuries ago," she said. "Not you. Not I. There was no way to foresee this. We could not prevent it. This was destined for a thousand years. The outcome was inevitable."

Twilight shook her head. It wasn't inevitable. She knew that for a fact. She remembered saving the Princesses from those vines. She remembered going with her friends into the Everfree and surrendering the Elements of Harmony. She remembered Zecora's potion that showed her the history of the Elements leading them there.

Now none of that had happened. It was all an idle fantasy for all this world cared. It might as well have been a dream.

Hopelessness crashed down around Twilight's shoulders and she could no longer remain standing in front of the Princess. Tears burst forth from behind the dam of her eyes as she fell. She wept for her lost teacher and her lost life.

Luna sat down beside Twilight and hugged her with a wing. Twilight was gratefully for the gesture. Knowing that Luna cared did help. "I know it hurts," the Princess said. "It is okay to hurt. Let it out."

The tears would continue for some time, and Twilight thought of little besides her grief and regrets.

<> <> <>

When Twilight finally left the throne room, she simply walked past Rainbow Dash without acknowledging her. This was not to show any disrespect; Twilight had honestly forgotten that her friend was there. Her muzzle was still stained from her tears and her walk reminded her pegasus friend of a zombie. It would be a fair comparison. Being a member of the walking dead was about as good as Twilight felt.

"Twilight," said Rainbow Dash, following close behind on hoof. "What happened in there? Did you tell Princess Luna about the time travel?"

Twilight shook her head.

"Why not?" Rainbow Dash touched her friend's shoulder, but Twilight pulled away.

"Not now, Rainbow," Twilight continued to walk. "I can't talk to anypony right now. I need to be alone." Rainbow Dash continued to follow her friend, but she did back off slightly and she said nothing else. Twilight wasn't sure if she liked Rainbow being so easily silenced. It didn't seem like the friend she remembered. Any number of variables could have made her behave differently. It could have been her training or Celestia's passing or something else insane that I messed up without realizing it. Yet Twilight was sure that she did like Rainbow's company. She said she wanted to be alone, but she knew she needed a friend.

After wandering the halls of the castle for some time, Twilight ended up in the hall outside of Celestia's chambers. She remembered going into that room and talking with Celestia like it was yesterday. Of course, that was actually true for her. Was it really only yesterday? How could Celestia be gone for months when Twilight had spoken to her yesterday? Applejack was right. Changing time isn't natural.

"I talked to her just yesterday," Twilight said aloud to Rainbow Dash.

It took a minute, but Dash registered what Twilight was saying. The pegasus sighed. "Did you go and see her after saving Spike?" asked Rainbow Dash.

Twilight snorted out a quick laugh. She thinks I mean last night. She thinks I went to go see my late teacher in the past. She doesn't realize that Celestia is supposed to be alive. "No, Rainbow," Twilight stated bluntly. "I mean yesterday. Saving Spike took her away. The timeline wasn't supposed to be like this."

"What?!" Dash walked closer to Twilight until the two were muzzle to muzzle. "Let me get this straight: before you went to the past Celestia was still alive?"

Twilight nodded.

"But how? How did saving Spike make the plunderseeds grow?" Then Dash gasped. "Oh no! Was it the magic you used to save him? Did you accidentally activate them in the forest?"

"No, Dash. It's because I'm not an alicorn. The plunderseeds were supposed to start growing anyway because the Tree of Harmony has gotten weaker. But we found out about all that sooner thanks to Zecora. She gave me a flask of potion that showed me the past. The problem is: it required alicorn magic."

Dash's face filled with recognition. "That's what Zecora meant! She told us she had a potion that might help us if we could only have a Princesses take it. I got all mad at her about how stupid it was to need to find someone lost to use a potion to find them. But it just needed an alicorn to work."

"That's why all this is my fault." Twilight declared. That was it. That was the problem. If Twilight wasn't an alicorn, it would have taken days to find out about the Tree of Harmony and how to save it. Why didn't Celestia give me the alicorn spell? We would have saved her. But something about what Twilight did convinced Celestia to postpone her ascension. Or, perhaps, what Twilight didn't do. Did I not finish those books on time? Did a lack of study really destroy all of this?

"Twilight, this isn't your fault," said Rainbow Dash. "It was an accident."

"So whose fault is it then? Owlicious' fault?" Rainbow looked confused by the name, as Twilight knew she would. "Oh, that's right: I got rid of him too! He was my pet owl, but I apparently traded him for becoming an author, so I guess he wouldn't have had anything to do with Celestia.

"Or maybe it's your fault? I bet it happened because you're a Wonderbolt now!" Rainbow Dash was taken aback by that revelation. "That's right!" shouted Twilight. "You're not supposed to be a Wonderbolt. I changed that too! You're supposed to be stuck in Ponyville. You know what the world says you're supposed to be? A pathetic weather mare. Self-proclaimed top athlete of a town without a single shred of athletic talent. A pegasus with her head in the clouds, filled with pointless dreams of grandeur destined to go unfulfilled for Celestia knows how long! And--" Twilight cringed at her own mention of Celestia's name, cutting off her rant. She was silent for a brief time, and when Rainbow raised a hoof toward Twilight, the unicorn turned away. "I'm sorry," she said as her horn flared and Twilight teleported from the hall leaving Rainbow Dash alone and deeply concerned for her friend.

<> <> <>

Twilight found herself standing in the gated garden of the palace. She had not specifically chosen this location--a dangerous thing to neglect when teleporting--but she was glad to be anywhere other than the inside of the castle walls. She wasn't sure why she wanted to leave. There was no logical reason for her to abandon a caring friend without warning. But Twilight just wanted to be away.

Away from what? Everything. Away from the castle. Away from the guards. Away from anything that would remind her of Celestia or time travel or any of the terrible things she had discovered in the last few hours.

Finding a patch of grass to rest on, Twilight watched as blue jays, red jays, green jays, and even pink jays flew around the plants. The sun had just risen above the roof of the nearby ballroom and the shadows cast by its light danced through the leaves and needles of the trees and shrubs. It was a truly beautiful place. At least I didn't mess this up, Twilight thought. It was the only positive thought she could have about her life at the moment.

At first, Twilight tried to be productive. She tried to think about what had caused this catastrophe. It seemed reasonable to her that a lack of magical study had destroyed the past this time. Saving Spike obviously could have had that problem; Twilight had been worried about that in the past. The hours spent in the Everfree would have delayed her during an important weekend of reading. Beyond that, the other changes may have had the same problem; each change putting her further and further behind. Fixing that would not be easy. Twilight would need to...

The unicorn looked to her back. She touched her mane where a crown had once rested. I'm not an alicorn, she noted. The time spell... requires alicorn magic... How could she cast it if she was now simply a unicorn? Canterlot's best magic users--even Star Swirl the Bearded himself!--had determined that only an alicorn could use the time spell. Twilight had thought this change was bad. Now she realized it might even be permanent.

Twilight didn't want to think about those things anymore. Her brain resisted the thoughts because they were too much to handle. She didn't want to consider the past or the future. She didn't even want to think about the present. She just wanted the world to stop.

So for a long while, Twilight sat in the gardens. She didn't think much and when she did think she kept her thoughts on pointless matters relating to what she happened to notice in the garden. For how long do lilies bloom? What are the distinctions between beavers and muskrats? She thought she might doze off once or twice, but that didn't happen either.

Twilight was simply in limbo, as if she was waiting for something to happen that would change her circumstances. She knew that nothing could help her. At least, nothing that she would find out here. She would need to return to her problems eventually. Yet when she did, what could she do? Why do trees have bark? she pondered, moving her thoughts back to useless things. To safe things.

After a time, Twilight began to wonder when somepony would find her. She imagined ponies would be out searching, or at least Rainbow Dash would. That pony could cover miles in a matter of minutes during a search. However, the sun did seem to have moved a lot during her time outside. That was when a horrifying thought gripped Twilight and would not let go. What if Dash isn't looking? she thought. I was so mean to her. What if she doesn't care that I'm missing? What if she wants me gone? Twilight tried to move away from those thoughts, but nothing else could hold her attention. The mare stood up and began to pace. Maybe I should go back inside to see if I can find her? Or should I stay out here? Aren't you supposed to wait and stay in one place if you're lost? But that's if ponies are looking for you.

Thankfully, a familiar male voice rose from just beyond the nearby hedges. "Twilight?" The stallion fluttered over the shrubbery to land next to her. "Is everything alright?"

Twilight shook her head. "Everything is not alright, Soarin'. I literally ruined everything. I can't fix it, but I blamed Rainbow Dash!"

"So you teleported out here." It was not a question. Soarin' clearly understood the situation to a rudimentary degree. Twilight wondered if he was searching for her. Or maybe this was not the first time she had escaped her guards and he had simply stumbled upon her. "What happened?"

"We were by Celestia's cham--" Twilight sputtered and coughed, a few tears falling as she tried to finish her statement. Thankfully, her half-word was enough for Soarin'.

"I see," the stallion put his leg around Twilight's shoulder and gently led her toward the castle doors. "Let's get you back. Dash is really worried about you."

<> <> <>

Once inside, Soarin' led Twilight to her room. Rainbow Dash was waiting by the door. "Twilight!" said Rainbow, flying over to Soarin' and her friend. "I'm glad you're okay. She is okay, right?"

Soarin' nodded. "Just shaken up. Let's get her inside." Rainbow held open the door to Twilight's room and the three ponies entered together. Spike was no longer in his bed. Twilight hoped he hadn't heard that she'd run off. She could only imagine how nervous her dragon would be upon hearing something like that.

The first thing Twilight said upon entering the room was, "I was worried you might not come looking for me."

"Why would you think that?" asked Soarin'.

"I was afraid Dash was too mad at me because of what I said..."

Rainbow Dash shook her head. "Not a chance, Twilight. We're friends! There's nothing you could ever say to me that would change that."

A spark of joy ignited in Twilight's chest upon hearing those words, but the flame died quite rapidly. In her time alone, Twilight had decided she couldn't vent her emotions through angry yells. However, she still had plenty of emotions to get out. All that meant was that she began to cry. "I'm sorry, Rainbow." Twilight dropped to the ground and curled up, hugging her hind legs with her fore legs. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She continued to repeat the phrase as she cried and rocked slightly.

Rainbow Dash brought herself down to her friend's level and wrapped a leg and wing around Twilight in a tight hug. "Come here," she said. "It's okay." Dash gave a nod to Soarin' that told the stallion he should leave the two alone. He obliged and Rainbow gently stroked Twilight's mane as she let out her emotions.

The first coherent thing Twilight was able to speak was a question. "Why is she gone Rainbow?" she cried. "Why is this happening to me?"

"I don't know." It was all Rainbow Dash could say. She wished that she had more to add, something more comforting, yet nothing came to mind except for the common axiom her friends had come to expect from her in all situations. "But I'll be right here with you through all of this."

"What do I do?" asked the teary-eyed Twilight. "What can I do when I ruined everything?"

"We'll figure it out," said Dash. "Together. You, me, Soarin', and Rarity. We can even go get the rest of our friends in Ponyville. We'll get through this just like we've gotten through everything else."

The bit of revelation lodged in Rainbow's affirmation was not lost to Twilight. "Rarity's here?" she asked. "In Canterlot?"

"Yep. She's just a few streets over. You wanna go see her?"

Twilight sniffed and gave a nod.

"Alright," said Rainbow. "We can go see Rarity when you're ready."

Twilight was glad that Rainbow had added "when you're ready" because Twilight wasn't sure when that would be. It's not fair, she thought. The spell says it will make your life a dream. How is this a dream? It was certainly the worst dream Twilight had ever had.

Then again, Twilight supposed, even nightmares are technically dreams...

Author's Note:

More chapter splitting has occurred. This chapter was looking like it might hit 7000 words, so I have cut it in twain as I do with chapters that long. This means the next chapter should be out soon - although I have to find another quote now. :derpyderp2: Apparently I'm releasing these in two chapter spurts.

I can't make any promises on when the story will be finished, but I want to get it done before the year is out. That will mean spending some extra time on writing over the holidays, but maybe I can give a nice Hearth's Warming Eve present to you all. :twilightsmile: