The Letter
Dear Miss Dash,
Congratulations on your success in the WonderBolt Academy training week. You proved yourself a talented jet pilot and you own the correct qualities we look for in our fliers. We at the academy believe you have the potential to become a WonderBolt one day in the near future, and therefore, we are formally inviting you to our second level training course which may be more suited to your particular skill set.
It will consist of six months of intense training as well as all the preparations that every member of our team are taught at our second level training grounds. Details of which will be given directly unto you by the person whom signed the bottom of this letter. If you succeed on this course and continue to impress us, we will be willing to grant you a potential spot on our elite team of fliers. At which point you will be a fully pledged WonderBolt.
Unfortunately, there will be no contact outside of the academy allowed due to the strict rule of secrecy and protection of all the trainees within our training course(Anonymity Clause Sec 12-11J). We will be sending a chauffeur in three days time who will accompany you to the training grounds where, for the next six months, you will be property of the WonderBolt flight academy. It is with utmost importance that you understand there will be absolutely no contact what so ever, failure to comply will result in immediate expulsion. Attached to this letter is a form containing all the details we will require including any medical needs and body measurements that are applicable. We look forward to seeing you and what you will do with your future training.
Sincerely,
Captain Spitfire,
WonderBolt Captain and Head of Training and Development
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are the chapters going to become longer, or are they going to stay the more or less the same length as the first?
3719026 oh, yeah they'll definitely become longer! I'm for at least 5000 words a chapter, the first two are sort of introductions
both the story and my writing will get better *pinkie promise*
3719087 to be honest, this story is fairly good! i'll admit, i felt the beginning could have been drawn out a bit more, but that's the only thing i saw wrong with it, and that's just me being picky. also, i love your profile pic!
3719102
You think it's good? THANK YOU! And yeah, I totally agree about it having to be stretched out more and it actually was but then I got my friend to proof- read it and she said there was too much detail and that I need to chop down. Pfft! Just goes to show what she knows!! 
she's amazing really :) Thank you for the advice, i'll take it on board!
3719148 well i guess it would depend on what the details were focused on. if it was all unnecessary details, then i can see chopping them off. but if the details were focused on something important, like what's going through rainbows head (or whoever was the main focus of the chapter), or maybe the scenery (if it plays an important role in the events of the story). anyway, the right amount of detail is extremely important, just so long as it is focused on the right things. if you spend a whole paragraph or more describing the scenery, and the characters only spend a minute wherever it is you described, and they don't even really interact with the environment, then that's to much detail. but if you focus on why they only spend a minute in the environment, or maybe on the characters thoughts and feelings, then your golden. to be honest, it's really all trial and error. although having the right editor helps immensely. also, reading the more popular stories, like 'Lines and Webs' (so as to gain some insight into what the majority of people consider good writing) is also a big help.
3719278 You make a valid point :) I have been reading some other fics and taking tips from them and still am now; as I said hopefully my writing will improve as I get more into the story. I haven't really planned the story, i'm just sort of going with the flow and seeing what happens but thank you )very much for your advice and I will take it into account :)
3719409
it shows. it really does. usually, you see run on sentences, lack of detail, out of character actions, and a load of other issues from a writers first few stories. yours, on the other hand, is only kind of lacking detail. other than that, i felt it was a good read.
3719427 Bro, I totally just edited the crap out of my first chapter! I added more detail including character thoughts and some atmospheric description :) let me know what you think! But for now... I think I will get a good hours sleep before I have to get up... I have literally been up all night just writing and writing and writing... it's 7:30 in the morning where I am and i'm just...just...
3719594 have sweet dreams!
3719594 ok, i read the fic, and even though you'r in bed by now, i'm gonna give my constructive criticism anyway. also, i hope you slept well.
ok, so this is definitely an improvement, but there is a lot of unnecessary details and misuse of punctuation in here. now, i'm not usually one to offer to edit something, but i think it'd be easier to show you what i'm talking about if i did. not because i don't think you did a bad job, it's quite the contrary. you did a very good job at the points that i felt were important. but there are some points where i felt there was room for improvement. so, if you would like, you can send me a copy of the story over google doc., and i can send you back a copy of the edited version. if you like my version better, you can use it. if not, then you'r more than welcome to delete it, and i'll stick to just giving constructive criticism.
3719685 oh my gosh you would actually do that? Thank you so much! Yeah i'll send you a copy for you to see, thank you!
3719791 wow, i thought you'd be in bed by now. and yes, i would do that for you. and if you'r pleased with my work, i'll do the other chapters as well. and if you aren't, then i'll try and direct to you a more well established editor if i can.
3719802 yeah, I briefly stayed awake just for you ;) but I've had a couple of hours now and some cereal so I AM GOOD!
and that would be amazing! of, course, you will be credited for it :D So when will you be happy to do it?
3720346 after I get some sleep. while you went and laid down for a bit, i, being of unsound mind and full of stupidity, decided to go play a freaking video game! so, you can send me a copy of the current story at josephTwhitfield@hotmail.com (spelled exactly how i wrote it) and i will look it over when i wake up. whenever that may be. or we could do google doc, but i don't really know how to do that. also, i'm glad you slept well. or at least, i assume you did.
3720350 haha! hey, what else is one to do when having a stupid burst?
Anyway, I sent you an email over Hotmail so I guess we'll pick up contact from there! :)
3721055 We don't see that much interaction in the show between Big Mac and AJ but I really like the idea of the protective big brother and it's just.... I love it ;) i'm glad you like it!
Oh my goodness!!! Its such a cliffhanger!!!!
3723084
keeps the story interesting I think 
3723386 yes, yes it does
3727233