New writer, trying to write
Twilight's spell didn't seem to work properly and now Fluttershy is having cravings for apples again. She is also slowly turning into a vampire fruit bat again. Why is Twilight and AJ also craving apples now?
Written for the EQD Writer Training Grounds.
First fic so critique is much appreciated!
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That sound more like the prologue of a new story than a one-shot. Beside that, it IS good.
3715236 Yeah, I think that was my biggest problem. I always have trouble fitting an actual story into a word limit. Guess I just need more practice. Thanks!
I don't mean to be critical or deny your right to write any plot you wish, but in the episode the "stranger interaction" was caused by Fluttershy's Stare, not by the bats.
3715648 Ehh, I thought it would be interesting if it had somehow affected the rest of them too.
Uhm.. forgot the rest of the sentence there.
3715857 Ooops, copy and paste fail, thanks, should be fixed now
Although this trope is way overdone because of EqD's training ground thingy, this was still well written. You've earned a fave/follow/upvote from me.
3716069 Thanks!
Nice! I need an ending though...
I would definitely consider continuing this
3719121 I might end up rewriting it because of my epic failure to actually neatly wrap up the story
3750079 I might consider extending it, I just can't really think of where else to take this
3754089 I agree completely. Not about the epic failure. I just didn´t get the right ending.
Don't. Just don't do that. "Twilight!" will just do. When you put everything in caps, it sounds like she's going to die if she didn't respond. It's very cringing reading that every time since it breaks their character usually.
For the most part, you were able capture the personalities of the mane 6. Though I found the plot a little uninteresting, I thought your writing was good.
That would be so funny if it did happen. Who am I kind? LOL!
For a first piece, not bad. It's rather short, but no one expects the first story you ever write to be a novel. In the long run, look into making the story flow better. While readable, many parts are choppy and awkward. Finally, the ending is "meh" at best. Making a good ending is one of the absolute hardest parts of writing, so your first story's ending being "meh" is perfectly fine, and entirely expected. Otherwise, a decent start.
6373044 Thanks! I think general flow of a story has always been a slightly difficult part for me and certainly something I'm trying to improve.
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But it feels like it needs more.