Gone in the Night

Writer's Training Grounds Entries104 stories ·10 members

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Rainbow Dash tries to deal with fluttershy's sudden transformation into a vampire pony that no longer cares about her friends, but instead only lusts for apples. At the same time she has to juggle consoling twilight and keeping her feelings in check.

Also this is my first attempt at writing a fan fiction of any kind, so while criticism is welcomed I just hope you guys aren't to harsh.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 8 )

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Rainbow87dash

Rainbow87dash #1 · Jan 1st, 2014 · 1 · ·

"Thank you spike the muffins where amazing!"

Were

leave a friend hangen."

Hanging

After a long day of studying up on all sorts of spells that could maybe be used to counteract the spell here that was accidentally cast on Fluttershy with no real results here we returned to the kitchen to have lunch.

Jesus, put a comma in there!

here = place the comma there

SevenSwiftScribes

SevenSwiftScribes #2 · Jan 1st, 2014 · · ·

Thanks I guess. If the grammar is of its because this was kind of rushed, and the "hangen" part was done on purpose.

SevenSwiftScribes

SevenSwiftScribes #3 · Jan 1st, 2014 · · ·

If the grammar is off I meant

SevenSwiftScribes

SevenSwiftScribes #4 · Jan 2nd, 2014 · · ·

Wow...dash pretty much sums up how I feel after all those dislikes

Thorlain

Thorlain #5 · Jan 4th, 2014 · · ·

For your first fic on the site, not bad, yes there are issues with the story in pacing and some of the structuring but those are things you will learn as you continue writing more stories and find your own flow that you are happy with,

Personally I liked the idea behind the fic and the way it was executed wasnt too bad, felt rushed yes but as I stated before practice will help, as for Grammer, it wasnt too bad I have read alot worse but also maybe if you are able to find a editor and/or a pre reader who is able to comment and go through with you the issues they have with the chapters that you might have missed might also help you along with your writting,

It is also good to see you are participating in the writer training ground events which should also help you gain experience

I wish you all the best of luck and keep up the work, can't wait for the next chapter ^.^

SevenSwiftScribes

SevenSwiftScribes #6 · Jan 4th, 2014 · · ·

Thanks! I mean I wouldn't mind the dislikes that much if more people would share the problems they find.

not the real VAV

not the real VAV #7 · Apr 6th, 2014 · · ·

Wow! Someone was thinking what I was thinking! I was kind of surprised that no one really picked up on how Dash was more concerned about CIDER than HER BEST FRIEND SINCE FILLYHOOD!

Indeliblink