When Alliance space is attacked by the first wave of the Reaper invasion Lieutenant Commander Michael Anderson manages to survive the destruction of his ship after attempting to escape the onslaught by fleeing through an unmapped mass relay. Now, alone and stranded on a unknown planet he will discover that sometimes the right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Sweet. favorite and track for sure.
Keep up epic work
Interesting, will track, hopefully doesn't end up like Haylo.
334003 Like this very much, thats another story to track now.
I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favourite crossover on the citadel, tracking
The writing is impressive
, I really wonder what your going to do with this sexy mama.
Definitely has great potential.
One bucking strange letter indeed, Twilight.
Always happy to help - I suck at writing decent stuff myself, so I want to be able to help the community in some way...
Great chapter, interested to see where it goes next.
ImmortalScientist
... how is it that the badass who, you know, went through literal hell fighting slavers, krogans and living nightmares end up being beaten by a bunch of ponies? The first word in his head when seeing a living thing glowing is "biotic".
I'm sorry, but a battle hardened N7 marine would have never lost.
383896 mostly because he was holding back, all the way up until Rainbow knocked him out. it's not a good idea to start acting overly aggressive against an unknown sentient species if you have no idea whether or not they're gonna be hostile to you in the first place. If He wanted them dead believe me they'd be dead. Also I don't think even the reapers have a way to protect against Fluttershy's stare
384064 Still think that stare is OP and overused
383896
I totaly agree.
Every time an author use Fluttershy's stare to shut down a human, devil, monster or even the god of fu#^&#$ war, I cry a bit inside. Please, stop using it!!
Thank you :D
Taking a hostage while armed, putting a gun to that hostage's head (Ok, ok, they don't know what exactly it is. But they're smart enough to know it's a weapon of some sort), and on top of that, instigating a fight with a potential biotic, and when things go south, whipping out an omni-blade.
Omni-blade, which according to ME canon is "a disposable silicon-carbide weapon flash-forged by the tool's mini-fabricator. The transparent, nearly diamond-hard blade is created and suspended in a mass effect field safely away from the user's skin. Warning lights illuminate the field so the searing-hot blade only burns what it is intended to: the opponent."
And the gun he's using - the Carnifex. It's a hand cannon. It means that if he were to pull the trigger, Dash would almost literally fall apart like a Fallout 3 NPC.
This is "not overly aggressive" by your standards.
Do you see the problem here? He's alone on an unknown world, and the first thing he does is attacking the locals who are not showing any hostile intent. Instead of using non-lethal force, he jumps straight to the big guns.
If your OC/SI would be put in charge of first contact missions, he would achieve inter-species wars 100% of the time. I think you want to portray him as a badass, but he comes off as a horrible incompetent idiot who should stay away from the military and guns in general.
Also, you used the Flutterstare.
e: Reading what I wrote, I came off as a bit of a prat. So, I'm sorry if I offended you. In the long run I don't think that this is a bad fic, I like your writing style. But you could stand to think a bit more about your ideas.
429800 oh no I'm not offended in fact I welcome criticism
This is "not overly aggressive" by your standards. in actuality it's not, if he wanted to be overly aggressive he could've just killed the three and stashed their bodies in the forest before salvaging what he needed.
Instead of using non-lethal force, he jumps straight to the big guns.
You have to realize he has no idea what this place is or exactly what he's dealing with, the weapons were more precautions than anything else, he has no way to communicate with them and he has no idea what their intentions are. that's not being incompetent, that's just common sense. also it was never his intention to use lethal force, in fact I make point of saying that he doesn't want to kill them.
first contact missions
this isn't a first contact mission or anything even remotely resembling it. this is a soldier who just narrowly escaped death, lost a lot of comrades and is now for all intents and purposes stuck on an unknown world populated by sentient creatures that he has no way of communicating with and has no idea what they want.
also if I wanted to portray him as a badass it'd be pretty obvious, and I certainly wouldn't go about doing it in this way. (thats not to say I'm not planning on doing it later though)
as for the flutterstare, I didn't know it had such a bad connotation
otherwise I'd use a different plot device in its place.
once again I don't mind criticism as long as its not flaming or just plain stupid