• Member Since 8th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 21st, 2013


Just a brony who loves to read and a starting writer :D


What happends when fluttershy hears something crying in the Everfree forest and how will it change her life forever?

A switching first person between main character tags will be added as characters are introduced

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 14 )

Ok. I'm sorry. I couldn't finish it. The spelling mistakes and the lack of paragraphs stopped me from getting even halfway through.

'Angel' not 'angle'
'poking' not 'pocking'

Also the lack of proper commas made it a chore to read;
'The baby giggled as I fed it, its mashed carrots'

That doesn't need a comma. It makes sense without commas.

Please get a proof reader. I honestly don't know if this was a good story or not as the sentences ran together and the spelling mistakes distracted me so much. I don't mean to sound harsh as this is your first fic but a proof reader will help a whole bunch.

326631 Thanks for pointing that out ill get to fixing it soon:pinkiehappy:

COMMAS. USE COMMAS. It felt really rushed, take time, most of the time i didnt really know what was going on, and the lack of commas and periods made it even harder. And the spelling mistakes, there were proof read it, man. It went way to fast, take your time and just think about what you are writing. Good idea, bad grammar. (Please dont take this as "YOUR A SHITTY WRITER!" because i once was really bad at writing, my first fanfic sucked. lol. But yeah, i just wanna help ya man.)

327087 Thanks that really helps man:pinkiehappy: Ill make sure to fix it soon I promiss

The story is a good start! but yeah I agree with the others, paragraphs do need to be fixed up a little bit.

needs more work on it. But this story does have potential. Just check your spelling and grammar. Because it sucks, badly.

Again thanky you all for even reading this and for all of the feedback:pinkiehappy: It may seem shorter but I have finally revised it it may be shorter but I hope thats all right with you. Again thank you Lynked helping me I cant thank you enough for this I hope you enjoy the revised version of the chapter:pinkiehappy:

'“Oh, w-what’s wrong Angel bunny?” Angle looked at me with a half annoyed face as he pointed to the Everfree forest.'
you misspelt Angel. Also, it needs a capital. I think you need a comma before 'bunny' too.

'“Ooh please don’t, cry I’m almost there -EEP!”'
you put the comma in the wrong place.

'Oh silly me, I must be more careful I don’t want to scare the poor thing….much less myself. The little guy must be behind these bushes...'
needs to be 'I must be more careful if I don't want to scare the small thing (or have a comma).

'The weirdest thing though was that it didn’t have hooves or paws or anything that resembled an animal I have taken care of.'
'The weirdest thing, though, was...'

'Awwww that is the cutest thing I have ever seen.'
'Awwww, that is...'

Oh. you made some mistakes in the authors note too. it should be:

'Thank you all for all of the comments and noting my mistakes.
I have, with the help of Lynked, fully revised this so it's not a wall of text and add commas.
I hope this is way more easy to read then the original, I am so sorry for not taking time to really try harder, also I have taken out the last part because, as I said before, that was the first part of a very rough draft of the second chapter. I promise that I wont make the same mistakes again, and I do hope all of you enjoy this story.'

I'm currently editing Lynked's Moonlight Sonata, so I figured that while I wait for him to reply to a question I asked, I would fix this up fully.

581129 Ill get right on to fixing that thanks:pinkiehappy:

592966 that, by the way, was an example of cruel humour. I don't mean it in a bad way, though.

596159 No problem. I was never that great at grammar to tell the truth so its really showing in my work. I promise I'll work harder on it!:pinkiehappy:

Hope you like the new chapter I think im getting better at this :pinkiehappy:

its great you have a lot to work with keep it up

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